


‘Till your heart heals

by kimkeybumie



Category: SHINee
Genre: Break Up, Forgiveness, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-26 19:25:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 88,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14408916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimkeybumie/pseuds/kimkeybumie
Summary: Jonghyun made a huge mistake. He broke a heart, broke their group's harmony, all by himself. Despite the fact that everything is against him, he desperately wants to fix what he did... but will his members accept to help him when they're not on his side ? Will Kibum, the love of his life, forgive him despite his broken heart ?





	1. Gone

**Author's Note:**

> Completed story!
> 
> Special warning: this story was still on-going when December 18th happened. I managed to finish it and give it a proper ending without the dramatic plot-twists I had planned in a first place. However, there are two anxiety attacks scenes but they are bearable, don't worry about that. Just wanted to warn you.
> 
> Enjoy!

_**1\. Gone.** _

 

 

 

 

It was raining that night, and the moon couldn’t even be seen through the dark clouds that covered the sky. The young man got off of his car and ran on the car park, protecting his head under his umbrella. Looking upwards, he stared at the high building that he knew by heart since the day he had started working there as a trainee. S.M. Entertainment was one of the best known company in the country and he was glad to work here, despite the sometimes harsh working conditions. He had signed for it years ago and he knew about that since the beginning, so he never really complained.

 

Reaching the back door that overlooked on the huge car park, he closed his umbrella before he walked into the building. It was dark since all of the employees had returned home a while ago, but it didn’t stop him at all. He had been afraid of those corridors once but now he could cross them with his eyes closed. Without any doubt, he took his phone out of his pocket and turned the flashlight on as he walked fast to an elevator, making it go up. It stopped as a ‘ding’ rang and a robotic voice announced the sixth floor. 

 

The recording studios’ floor.

 

It was simply a really long corridor with some doors on its left and right, but only one mattered at that moment. The man walked straight on until he saw a low light line under a door. Here _he_ was. 

 

Gathering all his courage, he grasped the knob and turned it, the sudden light blinding him for a second. He entered the studio and his eyes got used quickly to the source of light, a simple desk lamp. A sad smile appeared on his lips as he saw his friend. Jonghyun was asleep, his head resting on paper sheets on his desk and his hand still holding a pencil.

 

 

“Hyung…”

 

 

Taemin got closer to the singer and put his hand on his dark hair, softly fondling it. It broke his heart to wake him up, but he had already slept too often on this chair. 

 

 

“Jonghyun hyung, wake up…” He muttered. “You can’t sleep there again…”

 

 

The brunette inhaled deeply and opened his eyes. He had dark circles around them and he looked terribly tired. He slowly raised his head and rubbed his eyes before clearing his throat.

 

 

“Why are you here ?” He asked the maknae, his voice deep and husky.

 

“It’s one in the morning, hyung.” Taemin answered. “We were worried for you.”

 

“There’s no need, I’m fine.”

 

“No you’re not. And we don’t want you to sleep there again… Onew hyung told me to come back with you or to stay in the studio too.”

 

“He threatened you ?”

 

“He was kidding, but do as if. I don’t want to sleep on the floor, hyung.”

 

“Then go home. I will see you all tomorrow morning.”

 

“You’re really stubborn, aren’t you ?” The maknae sighed. “Don’t make me say something hurtful, please.”

 

 

Jonghyun didn’t answer and sat up straight on the chair just to scribble something on an already daubed sheet. Taemin raised an eyebrow and had a look on his elder’s hand to see what he was drawing. He frowned. A key.

 

 

“Hyung, get up. We’re going home.” He said as he slowly pulled the chair away from the desk.

 

“Can’t you just leave me alone, Taemin-ah ?” Jonghyun sighed, his wet eyes looking upwards to meet his friend’s.

 

“No, I can’t. I can’t leave you here, and even less when you’re that sad.”

 

“I don’t want to go home, can’t you understand that ?” The singer grabbed his head with both hands, as if he just had a painful headache. “So you better leave this fucking room and go back to Onew before he comes and fucking kills you.” 

 

“Hyung. He’s gone.”

 

 

The maknae pursed his lips together. He didn’t want to go that far, but he had no choice. He must hit where it would hurt if he wanted his elder to react. But he regretted it as soon as he saw a tear rolling down Jonghyun’s cheek. His now red and watering eyes didn’t really looked at him, they were like… dead. 

 

 

“Jonghyun hyung…” Taemin muttered as he kneeled to put his hands on the singer’s knees. “I know it hurts you, but Key hyung is gone.”

 

“P-Please… D-Don’t say it…” The elder answered, closing his eyes as another tear escaped from one of them.

 

“I have to. I know you’re sad, and it really breaks my heart… it breaks Onew hyung’s heart, Minho hyung’s too. I’m the only one in this house who doesn’t know what the fuck happened, and that’s why I’m always the one who’s sent to you. I can’t take sides.”

 

“You wouldn’t take mine, I swear before God that you wouldn’t…”

 

“Maybe you’re right, but maybe you’re wrong.” Taemin took Jonghyun’s quivering hand in his. God, they were so cold, lifeless… “That’s the good point to have me now, hyung. I’m here for you.”

 

“I don’t want to hurt you too, so please dont put your trust in me…”

 

“Too late. I put my trust in you ten years ago. I hate to say this to you, but please understand me… Key hyung is gone, he left our house, but _you_ didn’t. And you don’t need to.”

 

“I-I can’t sleep there…”

 

 

Jonghyun suddenly broke down. Rivers of tears rolled down his cheeks, and loud sobs escaped his mouth as he lowered his head. The maknae bit his lower lip and stood up, taking the singer into a warm embrace. He put his hand on the trembling head that rested against his chest, and fondled the dark hair again. 

 

He had already seen Kim Jonghyun cry. Tears of joy, tears of pride, and even tears of sadness. But this sadness… wasn’t the same. He only saw his hyung cry because of sadness when they were on stage, and when it was time to leave after an incredible two hours show. The maknae couldn’t understand what a broken heart would make someone feel, because he luckily hadn’t lived that yet. He could only imagine…

 

 

“I’m here… I love you, hyung…” The young man said, keeping the other between his arms. “And I want you to come home with me. You don’t have to sleep in your room, just come in mine. The bed is large.”

 

“I-I…”

 

“Shh, don’t talk now. Just come with me.”

 

 

Taemin took his hyung’s hands and softly pulled them to help him to stand up. Putting his arm around the other’s shoulders, he switched the desk lamp off and left the room, closing the door behind them. Both men made the same journey that Taemin did before, but in the opposite way.

 

The rain was still pouring but thanks God, the umbrella was large enough to protect two people. After he locked the buiding's back door, Taemin lured Jonghyun to his car, opening the passenger door. As soon as the singer got in the car, the maknae ran to his own seat, quickly closing his door and turning the heater on. 

 

 

“Fuck, we’re still in August !” The youngest man swore as he put his seatbelt on. “What’s wrong with the weather to give us this shitty 8°C ?!”

 

“Do not swear like that.” Jonghyun said in his still husky voice. “You little brat.”

 

 

Taemin couldn’t help but smile as he turned the motor on, leaving the car park. Sometimes, his hyungs would talk to him like Key did, and it just amused him. But his smile died as soon as he realized that talking like that would only hurt Jonghyun more. He was about to gently scold the singer but when he turned his head to look at him, he only smiled once again.

 

Jonghyun had closed his eyes, his forehead resting against the window. He wasn’t asleep, he was just listening to the rain sound. Somehow, that comforted him. It was as if the rhythmic noise of water drops made him focus, so his breathing would return to normal. At that moment, his heart was rocked by Taemin’s soft driving and rain. He didn’t even realize that they had arrived when the maknae turned the contact off. 

 

Opening his eyes, Jonghyun rubbed his nose and got out of the car, waiting for his younger friend next to the basement’s elevator. They went up without a word until they reached the eleventh floor, and they entered the apartment they shared for years as SHINee. As soon as the door was closed, a man with fluffy, chestnut brown hair and almond shaped chocolate eyes came to meet them. 

 

Onew was only wearing his pajamas, a simple white T-shirt and dark green sweatpants. He seemed worried and angry at the same time, and both Jonghyun and Taemin knew it wasn’t a good thing.

 

 

“Thank you, Minnie.” The leader said as he gently tapped his shoulder. “Go to sleep now, it’s late.”

 

“Yes hyung. Sleep well… don’t be too harsh with him, please.” Taemin muttered as he rubbed Jonghyun’s back before leaving the hallway.

 

 

Jonghyun didn’t say anything, storing his shoes on his assigned shelf in the cupboard. He stood up and his eyes met his leader’s, a shiver running down his spine. Despite Onew was someone really soft, funny and sometimes dumb… he could be as serious as the president of South Korea himself when it came to his members’ security. He had the look. The _serious look_ that only a few people knew.

 

 

“Do you know how much I was worried ?” Onew asked, crossing his arms on his chest and frowning.

 

“You didn’t have to worry, hyung.” The singer said as he softly pushed the leader’s shoulder to go to the leaving room, quickly followed by the other male. “I was in the studio.”

 

“Of course, of course. And you didn’t think that leaving us a message could be important ?”

 

“A message ? What are you talking about, _you_ are the best person here to know what I do when I’m not home at night.”

 

“Yes, but right now, I can’t help but worry. I thought you were gone too, for God’s sake !”

 

 

Jonghyun looked deeply into his leader and friend’s eyes. He thought it was anger he saw in them, but no. It was _fear_. Onew had just been truly afraid that another one of his younger mates would have left the apartment, just like Key had done a week ago. Somehow, he felt responsible of them, and by that it meant that…

 

 

“Hyung… Don’t tell me you feel responsible for Key’s leaving…” The singer said. “Because if you do, I-”

 

“I don’t feel responsible for that, not at all. _You_ are responsible.” The leader answered. His words were hard to hear but his voice was soft and calm : he didn’t want to scold Jonghyun.

 

“I know… but you seem like-”

 

“I would feel responsible if _you_ leave. I couldn’t avoid that Key would want to go away from here, in fact I would have felt the same way. You know I couldn’t stop him, I hadn’t the right to.”

 

“I know that, thank you. He wouldn’t have listened to you anyway.”

 

“True. But we’re talking about you. I don’t want you to leave too, and if you do that despite my wish… I will feel like it’s all my fault.”

 

“But why…?”

 

“Because I failed to protect Kibum from you. I won’t fail to protect you from yourself, you have my word.”

 

 

Jonghyun nervously bit his lower lip. His friend’s words were harsh, but he deserved them. He fully deserved them and he had no right to cry by hearing them. Key had left because of him, and he was aware of that. More than that, he had taken the Almighty away from Onew, Minho and Taemin. He was guilty and that was why the leader and the rapper were resentful. He only had Taemin on his side… no, he wasn’t on any side, because Key had made his mates promise him that they wouldn’t tell what had happened to the maknae. It was his way to protect the youngest of them, like he had always done for years.

 

The leader cleared his throat. He hated to say things like that, but he couldn’t lie : Jonghyun was guilty. And he could have prevented him to do what he had done. But he hadn't. He had thought that his friend was mature enough to know that he was doing something _really_ wrong. That dumbass.

 

 

“To be honest… we’re lucky that Key left only our house.” Onew stated. “At least we’re still SHINee.”

 

“I’m sorry, you know that…” Jonghyun muttered as he lowered his head.

 

“I know. And I want to forgive you for what you’ve done. Maybe I will, before Kibum does. If he does…”

 

“He won’t.”

 

“You may be surprised. But don’t hope too much, if you want him to forgive you, you will have to do better than crying alone in a studio every single night.”

 

“Hyung…”

 

“Enough for tonight. It hurts me to talk about that, and it hurts you too. Just know that…” The leader seemed to think hard before he sighed. “Know that Minho met him today and I won’t lie to you. He’s broken. He’s sad and really angry. But he is also broken because he still loves you and he feels guilty.”

 

“Guilty ? No, it wasn’t him…!”

 

“Of course it wasn’t. But put yourself in his place. I’m still mad at you, Kim Jonghyun, but I sincerely hope you will fix the shit you’ve done. I know that you’re not a bad person, and I still don’t understand why you did that… It’s not _you_. So think about it. Stop crying, because it is an insult to him. Stop crying and fix this.”

 

“I will, I swear to you that-”

 

“Don’t swear. Enough with the promises. Don’t think that it will be easy. At least… you will have my support. Not my help, my support.”

 

“Thank you…” The singer hesitated before he hugged his friend. “Thank you so much… I didn’t want to deceive you too… I will do my best to fix it, even if it takes years.”

 

“Good.” Onew patted the younger’s back. “Now go to sleep.”

 

 

Jonghyun nodded and bowed with respect before his leader. He headed to the bathroom to quickly groom himself, then he went to Taemin’s open door. The maknae was already in his bed, but his eyes were looking at him. He silently showed the other side of the bed, and the singer closed the door before he went to lie down under the sheets. He muttered a thanks, and both of them fell asleep… Jonghyun much later than his mate.

 

 

 

________________________

 

 

 

“Yah ! I told you not to bark in the house !”

 

 

Kibum’s eyes were scowling his dogs behind his back, as he was cooking breakfast. One of the advantages of his house moving was that he had taken his lovely puppies back with him. He had been hesitant because living in a flat wasn’t that good for dogs… but he needed them. He needed their company, even if they would disobey his orders.

 

 

“I know you’re hungry, but it’s not a reason to bark that way. I won’t give it to you faster. Stay.”

 

 

As soon as they heard the order, Comme Des and Garçons sat down on the kitchen’s floor. Kibum smiled and turned his head back to his porridge. It was ready and hot : perfect for that foggy and cold morning. He turned off the hotplate and poured the pan’s content in his bowl. Then, he squatted to fill his pets’ bowls with their breakfast’s kibbles and water. 

 

 

“There, eat well my babies.”

 

 

The dogs rushed to their respective bowl and started eating as if they were starving — of course they weren't ! Kibum rolled his eyes but couldn’t help but smile. If he hadn’t them with him in this new life, he would have died already… Sitting on his armchair, in front of the window that overlooked the street, the man slowly chewed his porridge as he watched outside. 

 

It was eight in the morning so there were a lot of people down there. Mothers carrying their young children to kindergarten, teenagers heading to high school, or well-dressed men and women with their elegant umbrella in a hand and a coffee gobelet in the other… Yes, it smelled like a weekly morning. 

 

He hated it.

 

He hated mornings since he was _young-but-old-enough_ to be forced to wake up early. But it had been a week now that his mornings were worst than ever… waking up lonely, in a cold bed, without the warmth of a strong torso against his back… he couldn’t handle it for now. That’s why he had cried every morning since he had moved in this new apartment. He had slept less than five hours per night, he was tired and sad, and the lack of sleep aggravated his bad feelings. 

 

But it was for the best. He had  _had_ to move, he had  _had_ to leave his friends and his boyf… ex-boyfriend. He couldn’t have supported to live under the same roof as Kim Jonghyun a single other day. He couldn’t see, smell, feel this asshole anymore. He was already forced to meet him almost everyday for work, he wouldn’t make that _bonus_ effort to still see him during their private time. 

 

He looked down when he felt something missing, as his left thumb rubbed his ring finger. Empty. No ring. There was only a faded tan mark that looked like a ring around the thin finger. Kibum sighed as he felt a tear rolling down his cheek. He chased it right away but couldn’t avoid its wet sisters to come too. Sobs started to escape from his throat and he put away his bowl to hug his own knees, his forehead falling on it. He let himself cry all he wanted to. He had the right to cry, he had been suffering for weeks. The wound in his heart was still open, it was bleeding and it hurt to death. 

 

Kibum had cried like that once in his life, only once : when his beloved grandmother had passed away. That day, he had locked himself in his room and had cried for hours. It had felt like if a part of him had been taken away. And today, it started again. His grief wasn’t even half-complete that someone had crushed his wounded heart. And that someone, that asshole, was called Kim Jonghyun. His best friend, his boyfriend, his lover… his soulmate. The man he trusted, loved the most on this fucking planet had betrayed him. THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE BETRAY-

 

 

“What ?”

 

 

Key looked up to meet Garçons’ black eyes. The black dog sat up and begged, and his master spread out his legs to tap his knee. The pet barked again and jumped to lie down on it. The man sniffed and smiled as he rubbed the dark curly hair.

 

 

“It’s alright.” He said. “Daddy is just tired. Did you eat well ?”

 

 

Of course he wasn’t waiting for an answer but he would always ask things to his dogs. It would make him feel as if they were humans. Cute, fluffy and barking humans. At least these ones wouldn’t hurt him. 

 

A familiar ringtone resounded in the apartment and Kibum let Garçons go before he headed to his bedroom. Taking his phone on the bedside table, he smiled as he saw Minho’s picture with a phone icon to slide, and picked up. 

 

 

“Hello ?”

 

“Where the fuck are you ?” The strong voice almost shouted, making Kibum swear.

 

“Aish, the fuck you’re screaming in my ear ! Can’t you just say hello ?”

 

“I won’t say hello to someone who makes me wait like that. Do you think I’m your slave ?”

 

“What are you talking about ? It’s only eight !”

 

“It quarter to nine, you little sh-”

 

“WHAT ?!”

 

 

Minho didn’t have to finish his sentence. This annoying person had already hung up. He only waited five more minutes when the flat’s big door opened on a hurried Kibum with two leashes in his hand. The rapper waved his hand before kneeling to rub the dogs’ head.

 

 

“Hello you ! Your daddy is late again, what should I do with him ?” He said with a cute annoyed voice.

 

“I’m never late, you were just early.” Kibum retorted. 

 

“I was right on time. Did you miss the clock ?”

 

“I don’t know, it was only eight when I started cry- hum. I mean, I fell asleep, I suppose.”

 

“Key…”

 

“Shouldn’t we hurry ? I have to drop the boys before we go to work.”

 

“Oh God, there we go.”

 

 

Both men hit the road, Minho taking Comme Des’ leash to help his friend. Since Kibum had moved, the rapper had developed the habit of picking up his friend every morning. It was a way to be sure that he wouldn’t miss work just to cry during the entire day.

 

 

“How are you ?” He asked.

 

“Tired. You ?” Kibum had never been talkative on mornings, but it was worst for days.

 

“Same. I have to handle the cooking now, and it’s fucking tiring.”

 

“Poor little thing. I’ve been cooking for the four of you for nine years ! A week and you’re already dying ? Psshh, I thought you would be stronger than that.”

 

“Yes, nag me, nag me. When the kitchen will burn, you won’t whine.”

 

“If you burn the kitchen, I will burn you alive. Remember this.”

 

“I think I can handle this. But you will hurt Minnie.”

 

“Little shit, you’re playing the Minnie card.”

 

 

Minho laughed, but Kibum didn’t join. Joy and laughs had left his body, and the rapper felt powerless, and in some instances, useless. But he didn’t want to give up ; so he happily talked to his friend on their way to the S.M. building after they had dropped Kibum’s dogs to the kennel that would look after them for the day.

 

 

“Are the others already there ?” Kibum asked, turning his phone’s camera on to check his dark hair. “Geez, fucking wind.”

 

“Of course they are, we’re late, don’t forget it. It’s okay, your hair is good. We’re going to practice anyway, so it will be a mess in an hour.”

 

“Is it dance practice today ?”

 

“Yes, didn’t you look at this week’s schedule ? We have to repeat our Japanese tour.”

 

“Oh shit… the Japanese tour…”

 

“You forgot. It’s alright, we leave in nine days, so you have time to prepare.”

 

 

Kibum faked a smile as they entered the building. He had completely forgotten about their tour, despite his joy when their company had announced it. He loved their Japanese fame, and he was always extremely happy to cross the Sea of Japan almost every year. But this time… he wasn’t that happy. Their concerts were a time of complicity between them five, they would harmonize their voices, their love for their job… and their love for each other. When they were on stage, SHINee members would always play, laugh, tease each other…

 

But that year, it would be different. Different because Key had fled. He didn’t know if he could fake his joy, and even worse, fake his relationship with Jonghyun. Of course their fans didn’t know that they had been dating in real life. Both of them knew very well that a lot of Shawols were craving it ; they had even written stories about them. They could have announced about their couple, but they had decided to stay hidden for almost three years. Their love had helped them to offer a lot of fan service during their concerts, yet Key couldn’t think about doing it again. The problem was that the fans would notice that something had gone wrong, if Jonghyun and him wouldn’t show their affection on stage. 

 

But how ?

 

As Kibum entered their practice room, his eyes fell on his ex-boyfriend, who was sitting down on the bare floor, offering him his back.

 

How ?

 

He couldn’t even stand in the same room as Kim Jonghyun without dying with his heartache. He forced himself to stay still and to ignore him as much as his heart would let him…

 

How ?

 

How could he fake their affection for each other in front of thousands of people, when this man had cheated on him ?

 

 

 

 

***


	2. Faking

_**2\. Faking.** _

 

 

 

 

Jinki let a death rattle out as his body fell on the practice room’s floor. His members had forced him to dance for an hour, without a break, and his stomach was cursing him. Why did he eat that much for breakfast ? He could have been satisfied with Minho’s simple meal ! Yet he had been gourmand. And now his body was making him regret it.

 

 

“I told you not to eat that much, hyung.” Minho said, kneeling next to his leader. “You should have listened to me.”

 

“What did he eat ?” Kibum asked his friend as he took a bottle of water out of his bag.

 

“Our usual breakfast, one bowl of rice and soja seeds that I browned with sesame oil like you told me to. But-”

 

“Never again.” The leader said, spreading his arms and closing his eyes. “Eggs and mushrooms for breakfast were the worst idea I ever had.”

 

“In fact, it wasn’t that bad. But an omelette is an _entire_ breakfast, not a supplement. Drink.”

 

 

Kibum kneeled in his turn and made Jinki sit down to give him the bottle. The elder took it and slowly drank, feeling a strong relief in his whole body. He was sweaty and queasy, but he couldn’t help but laugh at the situation. His four younger mates were leaning over him, but no two had the same facial expression. 

 

Taemin was worried and looked at him with his eyebrows frowned. 

 

Minho was kind of angry since his leader hadn't listened to him : he had told him twice not to respond to his stomach's need because it _wasn’t_ a need to eat more than he should. It was simply a desire. But the rapper hadn’t the same authority than his almighty friend had, so the leader had disobeyed. Shameful.

 

Jonghyun’s look was hopeless. He was so used to his leader’s misbehaviour, and sometimes he felt… done. Lee Jinki was supposed to be twenty-seven, the oldest among them, the _leader_ for God’s sake ! Yet this man could easily pretend to be their maknae. At least, they loved him that way.

 

Only Kibum was inexpressive. He felt worried, angry and hopeless at the same time : his face couldn’t represent those three things in only one expression. So he just blinked and breathed.

 

 

“Better ?” He asked his leader. “You should have said it before, Minho, we could have started with soft choreographies.” 

 

“It’s his mistake, it wasn’t my duty to say it.” The rapper answered, frowning. “You should scold him, not me.”

 

“I feel better, thank you for your concern.” Jinki said with a bright smile. “I just want to throw up.”

 

“WHAT ?!”

 

 

As soon as he pronounced those words, the four other men jumped back in a hurry. The leader burst out laughing as his body fell back on the floor and his arms held his stomach. He laughed to death and looked up to see his members with their blank eyes… what just made him laugh harder. 

 

 

“Well. If you can laugh your head off, you can work.” Kibum said while crossing his arms. “Get up before I kick your pretty ass with _both_ my feet.”

 

 

Some people could have been shocked by the way the Almighty was talking to his elder. But he was like that, even if he was full of respect for Jinki, he allowed himself to be the way he was : arrogant. His members had never scolded him for that, nor had his leader. They were used to him and they loved the way he talked with them. Of course he would stay polite towards older people, even towards younger people. But they knew each other for too long to burden themselves with 24/7 courtesy.

 

Even Taemin, the youngest of them all, would sometimes allow himself to speak informally to his hyungs... The only difference was that both Minho and Kibum would hit the back of his head and shout “talk better to your elder !”. 

 

To avoid the rapper's kicks, Jinki calmed down his laughter and stood up. He stretched his arms and went back to his place.

 

 

“We have to practice ‘Lucifer’, do you think you can do it ?” Taemin asked his leader.

 

“I think it can wait, Taemin-ah.” Jonghyun said in their leader place. “Maybe we can have a break ?”

 

“Have a break, have a Kit-Kat.”

 

 

Four pairs of eyes turned towards Jinki. His smile died on his pink lips as he felt the room’s ambiance suddenly getting colder. Was it a bad time to make a joke ? The glance that Kibum gave him answered for him. The leader smiled brightly before he fled away from the practice room. All the other men stood there, hearing a loud “my apologies” when Onew seemed to have collided with someone in the corridor. Taemin laughed and took his jacket from the coat hanger before he left the room too, shouting after his friend to wait for him.

 

Kibum sighed in despair and walked to the mirror wall of the practice room, lifting his leg so his ankle could rest on the ramp that was fixed to the glass. Closing his eyes, he stretched his whole leg until he felt a pain under his knee. It wasn’t a bad pain, and even if it wasn’t that pleasant, he had to endure it because if he didn’t, it would be damn worse the next day. Stretching was essential, he had learned it years ago and despite his hate for that exercise, he had done it after every dance practice. 

 

He could still remember that day he hadn't felt like stretching after an intense and physical training, including a long repetition of their choreographies. The next morning, his whole body had made him suffer so much that he couldn’t have walked properly ! No. Never again.

 

Stretching was crucial. The more you stretch, the better you will feel.

 

As he put his leg back on the floor after a minute to lift the other one on the ramp, his eyes opened to look at what the mirror was reflecting. Minho was still standing, leaning against the wall. His head was lowered and his eyes were staring at the parquet. He wasn't doing anything, he could have followed Jinki and Taemin, yet Kibum knew exactly why he stayed. 

 

He didn’t want to leave him alone with Jonghyun.

 

 

“You don’t want to drink nor eat anything ?” Kibum asked his friend, looking at him through the glass.

 

“I’m fine, don’t worry.” The rapper said as he looked up at him, smiling. “You ?”

 

“I have my bottle.”

 

 

Minho smiled and his friend returned it, although it was a smaller smile. A fake smile. The rapper’s eyes fell on the other man who stayed in the room too. Jonghyun was sitting on the bench, spread legs, elbows on his knees as he held his phone between them. His thumbs were typing really fast, and Minho could have sworn that the singer was trying his best not to look at them. 

 

 

“What’s wrong with you ? You look like a child.”

 

 

The voice of the Almighty pulled the rapper out of his thoughts and he turned his head towards him.

 

 

“What ?” He asked.

 

“Your legs. They’re hopping like when a child wants to pee.”

 

“Oh. Well…”

 

“For God’s sake, are you stupid ? Go to pee ! Do you want your bladder to implode ? I won’t drive you to the hospital if it happens !”

 

 

Minho raised an eyebrow, looking deeply into his friend’s eyes. Was that a joke ? Was Kibum really telling him that he could handle the situation alone ? That he could stay in the same room as Jonghyun without anyone else ? The other man seemed to understand the rapper’s worry because he silently nodded. Without holding a sigh back, Minho nodded in return and glanced at the singer who was still on the bench but didn’t say anything. 

 

Then he left.

 

The room fell silent.

 

Kibum swallowed with difficulty and headed to the second bench without a look for his ex-boyfriend, who had looked up as soon as they got alone. Opening his Louis Vuitton bag, the raven haired man took his bottle out of it and drank several mouthfuls of fresh water.

 

At the other side of the room, the singer was feeling uncomfortable. Kibum was turning his back on him, and Jonghyun couldn’t blame him. But he had no time. If he needed to say something, it was the moment because Minho wouldn’t be gone forever. He gathered all his courage and stood up, slowly walking towards the other man.

 

He stopped behind Kibum who froze when he felt it. His body didn’t make any move, only his head turned a little bit on the singer’s side, but not enough to look at him in the eyes.

 

 

“Key…” Jonghyun muttered, his breath making his ex-boyfriend shiver. “We need to talk, really…”

 

“I don’t want to talk.” The other man turned his head back to his hands, storing his bottle in his bag. His tone was sharp but his voice was so low and sounded so broken that the brunette felt his heart hurt him.

 

“I know that, and I can understand… but we can’t stay like th- yah, listen to me.”

 

 

Jonghyun held the other’s wrist. Kibum was trying to escape without looking at him, and he couldn’t let him go. He made him turn in front of him and stared into his eyes. But all he saw as that moment was anger.

 

 

“Don’t you dare touch me.” The raven haired man told him, his voice harsher than ever.

 

“Key…”

 

“There is no ‘Key’. Let go of me.”

 

“But I really need to talk with you, I need to explain…!”

 

“There is  _nothing_ to explain !”

 

“Key, I love you, I swear to God that I love you, please don’t reject me, I just need a talk…”

 

“You love me, uh ? How can you…”

 

 

Kibum’s dignity broke up at the same time as his voice did, and he violently pulled out his wrist from Jonghyun’s grip. His contact was like a burn on his pale skin and a faint red mark started to show up. 

 

 

“I-I didn’t want to hurt you, I swear, I-” Jonghyun tried to say when he saw the mark.

 

“I will say it once, not twice.” The other said, a tear rolling down his cheek. “I don’t want to talk with you. I don’t want to hear your voice, I don’t want to see your face, I don’t want to feel your hand on me. You love me, you say ? You’re a fucking liar ! When you love someone, you don’t do that shit !”

 

“Key, please…”

 

“ _Enough_ ! I _hate_ you, I hate you for what you’ve done ! _I hate you, Kim Jonghyun !_ ”

 

 

A flow of tears were now wetting Kibum’s cheeks, his red eyes shouting their pain. The harsh words made Jonghyun jump, and his heart broke a little bit more. For the first time since his disastrous mistake, the singer was extremely conscious of the harm he had done to the one he loved. 

 

Looking at his distorted face, he could almost feel the thousands of blades that were stabbing his already painful heart. It was like he had taken Kibum’s heart out of his chest with his bare hands and even if he had realized that it was made of the purest cristal… he had smashed it against the wall without any mercy.

 

_A true diamond is unbreakable_. Yet Jonghyun had found a way to destroy _his_. He hated himself for that.

 

He didn’t make a move when his love ran away from him, watching him as he hit Minho while getting out of the room. The rapper widened his eyes when he saw his close friend’s face covered with tears, and he turned back towards his elder.

 

 

“You must be kidding me, hyung.” He said as he unconsciously clenched his hands into fists. “Tell me you’re kidding.”

 

“Minho, don’t start.” The singer sighed as he made a step towards the door.

 

“You won’t go further. I respect and love you with all my heart, but I won’t let you pass this door. You will have to go through me first.”

 

“What’s happening here ? Why did Kibum run as if the Devil himself was behind him ? And how are you talking to your elder, Minho ?”

 

 

Onew stepped in, frowning, followed by Taemin who had some clementines in the hands. They both sighed when their eyes met Jonghyun’s. They understood right away. The maknae made a move to follow his crying friend but his leader grabbed his arm, telling him not to. Kibum needed to be alone for a moment.

 

 

 

There he was, sitting on the floor of a broom closet, the door carefully locked behind him. Kibum felt weak. He had always been a model of mental strength to his seniors and juniors, and this for years. His self-confidence had always been admired, just as his _savage_ words and expressions. 

 

When he had debuted as the third member of SHINee, he had felt unloved by the public. According to him, he had been the least popular among the five members. And it had really hurt him for years, until he had found his true personality. He didn’t want to show it at first, afraid that people could hate it and make him feel more uncomfortable than before. 

 

But there had been a man. This man had talked a lot with him, and had made him accept his true _him_. He had silently helped him to trust himself and to let his identity shine when they had been on tv shows or live ceremonies. With confident looks and cheering smiles, this man had changed his life. “Key” had become more than a nickname : it had become a part of Kim Kibum’s life. Kim Kibum and Key weren’t two separate persons anymore, they were a unique one. 

 

And it had been that way thanks to Kim Jonghyun.

 

Without him, he would still feel useless and unloved. Without him, he would still be fooled by himself and would never have had enough trust to rise from his own ashes like a phoenix. Without him, he wouldn’t be the Kim Kibum he was.

 

And yet he had betrayed him.

 

It had made him feel like if both his body and soul had returned to ashes, but without the promised rebirth. He had felt his heart break as when a glass falls on the floor ; he couldn’t say if it had been real, but he had almost heard the broken glass sound that day. He had heard it every day since then.

 

_I hate you Kim Jonghyun._

 

He had said it, he knew he had said it. And it broke his heart because it wasn’t true.

 

He didn’t hate him.

 

He loved him.

 

He was deeply in love with that moron. After all the pain he had made him feel, he couldn’t help but still being in love with him. And it hurt so much.

 

 

“Hello ?” A voice spoke up as Kibum heard someone knocking on the door. “Is there someone in there ?”

 

“Fuck… Yes, wait a minute please !”

 

 

He really needed that now. Letting a sigh out, he stood up and whipped his tears away. The knocking became insistant so he caught a broom before he unlocked the door, meeting a cleaner with his blue uniform.

 

 

“Ah, I’m sorry sir !” Kibum said, using his acting skills to make his tone seem ordinary. “I was looking for a broom because we broke a glass in our practice room, but the door closed behind my back.”

 

“It’s nothing, I was afraid that someone had locked himself.” The employee answered before he frowned, noticing the young man’s red eyes. “Are you alright…?”

 

“Oh, yes ! It’s just kind of dusty in there, and I sneezed a lot of times. Long live the allergies ! Have a good day sir.”

 

 

Kibum bowed and ran away with the broom in the hand, feeling completely ridiculous. He headed to one of the restrooms in the practice rooms area, making sure that his eyes and face would turn normal again. He looked at his face reflecting in the mirror. He had to go back to his practice. It was part of his schedule and if he wasn’t going, Jinki would have to report it to their manager, who would pass the word to their supervisor. The consequences wouldn’t be that bad but it wasn’t well seen to miss a scheduled event. 

 

He took a deep breath and got out of there, slowly walking to their practice room. The music could be heard from outside : they were practicing “3, 2, 1 !” and laughters were melded into the lyrics. He loved this song. There wasn’t a specific choreography to it, the five of them would just… have fun together. And they were actually having fun… without him. He almost cried again, but pulled himself together and entered the room.

 

 

“Ah, hyung !” Taemin shouted with a bright smile in his way, before furrowing one eyebrow. “Is that… a broom ?”

 

“Long story.” The Almighty answered, putting the utensil against the wall. “Well, not that long but boring.”

 

“Alright… Come with us !”

 

“Ah, no, I don’t feel like-”

 

 

He couldn’t say anything more because a tiny hand grabbed his and pulled him. Taemin’s good mood and laughter had always been communicative, and even if it was a tiny smile… Kibum smiled. He stood reluctant at first, but as soon as the maknae replayed the song and started singing along with the other members, the broken man freed himself. 

 

Dancing had always been a perfect cure. A short-term cure, but a cure as well. His mind would close its doors to anything but rhythm and melody. It was like he had wings when he danced. And those wings could carry him high in the sky, making him forget everything.

 

_You’re shining._ Jonghyun stared at his ex-boyfriend. He followed him with his eyes, listened to his singing voice… and he smiled. He was shining. A fainted, pale shine, but his dark brown eyes were filled with a kind of freedom he had never seen before. He could still see the pain and the sadness, but they were deeply hidden behind something unspeakable.

 

He couldn’t let this stars leave Kibum’s eyes forever. He had chosen the worst time to try to speak with him earlier. But he wouldn’t give up. 

 

He was the one who had fucked up. He would be the one who would bring back his diamond to life.

 

 

 

 

 

_______________________

 

 

 

“I almost punched him in the face, yesterday, you know.”

 

 

The rapper pushed the glass door of _The Saem_ ’s building. Kibum entered first and closed his umbrella.

 

 

“I’m glad you didn’t.” He said. “I don’t want to tear both of you apart.”

 

“You won’t, don’t worry with that. But I hate when he makes you cry, even if I love him.”

 

“You sound so romantic.”

 

“Yah.”

 

 

Minho smiled and went to the reception desk, introducing them as the models for the 2pm photoshoot. _The Saem_ had worked with SHINee a few times already, but they had contacted Kibum five days ago to ask for a duo. He had had to choose his partner for it, among his members, and so he had asked his close friend to go with him. 

 

 

“Ah, yes, I see.” The woman behind the desk said, looking at her computer screen. “It’s for the new edition of our BB cream and highlighter, and you also have some shoots for our next eyebrows palette.”

 

“Eyebrows ?” Kibum repeated, seeming embarrassed. “I don’t know if I can do this one, you know that I don’t like to hide my scar…”

 

“Oh, please don’t worry about that. Our wish as _The Saem_ is to enhance natural beauty, to glorify it, not to hide it. Your scar won’t be touched, I promise.”

 

“It’s your trademark, dude.” Minho said with a laugh. “Who even is Kim Kibum without his scar ?”

 

“Would you shut up ?”

 

 

Kibum smiled when the employee blushed by hearing the rude words, but she didn’t mind a lot. She pointed a young boy out, introducing him as their guide as long as they would be in their firm. 

 

 

“Good afternoon gentlemen.” He said, bowing with respect. “I am Park Daeho and I’m pleased to escort you. May you follow me ?”

 

 

Both Minho and Kibum bowed and nodded with amazement : how serious and elegant this young boy was ! They followed him until one of the huge photography studios that had been reserved for them. Standing in a line, five people bowed before them, each one introducing himself with a name and an occupation. The idols responded to their courtesy and their work began.

 

_The Saem_ ’s photoshoots had always featured a theme of “natural”, so the clothes were light and with pale and warm colors. Both models wore a creamy white shirt with the first button opened, letting their neck and collarbones being softly noticeable. Since the shootings priced the face make up, the stockings weren’t that important : the only difference between both rappers was the length of their trousers. Minho wore simple black linen trousers on loafers, while Kibum chose a knee height camel one. Both were customized with an elegant belt, and they didn’t wear any jewel.

 

The most important part of the work was the hair. It had to be casual and relaxed, almost as if the models had just left their bed on a good morning. The hairdresser just ruffled a little bit the rappers’ hair with her hand to make it more natural than with brushes or combs. The only product she used was lacquer. Minho’s spike had been difficult to tame, so much that Kibum had had to help the woman who was a strong fighter but not as used to it as him. 

 

 

“Where did you get that spike from, seriously ?” He had asked his friend for the approximately thirtieth time.

 

“I don’t know ! But with time you learned to discipline it for me.”

 

“I just hate to see that damn streak emerge from your hair, you look like a mad guy from some silly cartoon !”

 

“And you never overdo, right ?”

 

 

Kibum winked at his friend before standing still as the make up artists started to hydrate his skin before applying their new BB cream. The idol couldn’t lie : the texture was so smooth, he felt like closing his eyes and rest as if he was in a spa. He always thought that _The Saem_ was an excellent-quality brand of cosmetics, and he himself daily used some of their products. He looked at himself in the illuminated mirror, and nodded with admiration. The finish of the cream was naturally glowing, it didn’t have a plaster effect. And the small touch of highlighter was making him shine. It was perfect, if only he could evaluate the product’s good performance after some hours… but the models had to remove the make-up after the shooting was done.

 

To enhance both men’s now perfect skin tone, the make-up artists added a light layer of blush and contouring — Kibum asked to do his, more comfortable with his own face’s angles. To finish, his eyelashes were highlighted with brown tones of eyeshadows. 

 

It was a natural and soft make up, the kind of make up that the Almighty appreciated for some months.

 

Minho didn’t really liked eyeshadow, so only his lips had been turned pink, but not a flashy pink, an orange pink that would match his skin tone perfectly, without making him too _girly_.

 

 

“Are you ready ?” The photographer asked as soon as the make up artists made a step aside.

 

“Yes sir !” Kibum answered before turning towards the artists. “You did a really great work, ladies, thank you.”

 

 

The _ladies_ chuckled and bowed to thank him before leaving the place. Minho smiled and walked to the platform, his friend following him. They were already having a sense of professionalism that illuminated the stage, ready to make their best… when the door opened on the woman from the reception desk.

 

 

“I’m sorry to interrupt but your colleague came.” She said. “I saw with our supervisor and he said that he could do the shooting too, that three is the magic number after all.”

 

“Our colleague ?” Kibum asked, frowning. “Which one ?”

 

 

The lady didn’t have time to answer as a handsome man with a familiar jawbone came in. Jonghyun.

 

 

 

 

***

 


	3. Clear the air

**_3\. Clear the air._ **

 

 

 

 

“What are you doing here ?”

 

 

Kibum couldn’t help but ask. Why the fuck was Jonghyun at this place ? How did he even know that this photoshoot existed ?

 

 

“You shouldn’t be here.” He added.

 

“I know. But I wanted to.” The singer simply said before he followed the dresser.

 

 

A long sigh got out of Minho’s mouth. But at that time, they couldn’t say anything since the supervisor had accepted Jonghyun’s presence. He looked at his friend and felt relieved when he saw that the raven haired man didn't look bad. No teary eyes, no trembles.

 

 

“Are you okay ?” He asked softly, making sure than their elder wouldn’t hear them from the changing room.

 

“Yes, I think.” Kibum muttered. “Did you tell him…?”

 

“No, no I didn’t say anything. Maybe Onew hyung… our shooting was only mentioned on his copy of our week schedule.”

 

“What ? You think that he sent him ?”

 

“No, he wouldn’t _send_ Jonghyun where you are. He’s on your side. But… he desperately wants this story to be fixed.”

 

 

Kibum sighed. He was aware that their leader was hurt by the tense atmosphere that reigned on their group for weeks. All he wanted was a reconciliation, of course. But it wasn’t that easy… 

 

 

“Maybe we can start with a solo, while Mr. Kim is getting ready ?” The photographer proposed. “It will be a time saving.”

 

“Oh, yes of course.” Minho said before turning towards his friend. “Do you want to start ?”

 

“No, you go. I have someone to talk with.” Kibum answered, making the rapper frown.

 

“You’re not serious.”

 

“I am. Don’t worry, I’m wearing professional expensive make up, I can’t cry. Go.”

 

 

The tall man kept frowning but nodded as his friend got down from the stage. Chasing his worries away, he stood in front of the photographer and became a true professional again. Kibum smiled and sat down on one of the make up table’s angle, his eyes staring at the handsome and so fucking arrogant man who got out from the changing room.

 

He was so manly in this shirt. 

 

He had chosen the same clothes than Minho, but he had rolled up his sleeves in order to let his forearms be seen. Kibum’s eyes made their way on the left one, inspecting it from the elbow to the wrist, then the hand… the bare hand. 

 

He frowned despite himself. He had seen it before, the two rings on Jonghyun’s finger : the rings they shared. The day he broke up with him, Kibum had removed his own ring and had let it fall on the floor before leaving the room, his eyes full of tears. Since then, the singer had worn both rings, as a memory… and a hope.

 

But he wasn’t wearing them at that moment. Did he decide to officially move on…?

 

 

“I still have them, don’t make that worried face.” Jonghyun said as he sat on the chair next to Kibum’s. Shit. He had noticed Kibum’s look.

 

“I’m not worried at all.” The Almighty answered without controlling the tremble of his voice.

 

“Don’t lie.”

 

 

The singer didn’t smile. He just stared at his ex-boyfriend’s eyes before turning towards the mirror. Kibum pursed his lips together and reported his look on Minho, who was doing his best with his shooting. But he couldn’t focus. Jonghyun seemed… indifferent. And it somehow hurt him. 

 

 

“I’m not the best at lying.” He said on a harsh tone — he wanted it to be harsh but didn’t really succeed — as soon as the make up artist left them.

 

“No, I am.” Jonghyun answered, making the other man frowning.

 

“You did this on purpose, admit it. You came here because you knew that I would be forced to listen to you.”

 

“What makes you say that ?”

 

“For God’s sake, I know you better than yourself. Don’t dare me now.” 

 

“I didn’t come to make you upset, Key.”

 

“Oh you didn’t ? Your mere presence here pisses me off. Spit it out.”

 

“Excuse me ?”

 

“You came here to say something, didn’t you ? So say it, I can’t go away so you won.”

 

“Don’t say that I _won_. I came to be with you, that’s all.”

 

“ _Be with me_ ?” Kibum sighed angrily. “It feels like you only want me to admit that I’m being way too hard with you. Do you hear yourself talking ?”

 

“Look at me and dare say that I’m trying to make you blame yourself. Dare, Kibum.”

 

 

Kibum swallowed with difficulty. It was the first time since weeks that Jonghyun’s voice was only for him. He wanted to slap this moron so much. But he also wanted to kiss him. Fuck, he was turning him crazy !

 

 

“So you’re just here to… be with me.” He repeated, turning his eyes towards the rapper.

 

“Yes. It’s the only way I found.” Jonghyun said as he imitated him. “I was afraid that Minho would kick my ass out of the room but… I’m still there.”

 

“Don’t be too relieved. I only have to say a word and he will do it.”

 

“It seems that you earned a bodyguard. He hates me now.”

 

“No, he doesn’t. He’s mad, just as I am. The only difference is that his heart is still intact.”

 

“So… did you just admit that you don’t hate me ?” 

 

 

Kibum turned his head, his eyes suddenly throwing blades at the singer.

 

 

“You’re fucking lucky that we’re in public. Don’t even try to insinuate-”

 

“Next solo please !”

 

 

The raven haired man brusquely stood up and went on stage. He had to work, it would calm himself down. How could this asshole just _think_ that he was able to guess his thoughts ?! Did he even think about his thoughts when he decided to cheat on him ? What a cheek ! Kibum’s irritation was so hard that he needed a time to hide it behind a professional attitude. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and when he opened them, he was an other man.

 

A sad smile crossed Jonghyun’s face as he looked at his ex-boyfriend. Of course he wouldn’t say that he loved him, nor that he hated him. It was already a miracle that Kibum had come to him to talk… indeed, he felt like if he hadn’t had the choice. And to be honest, he was right : the singer had come to make sure that the other couldn’t avoid him. He was sick of that. 

 

He wanted to be with him, that was true. Staring at him somehow filled his heart with heat,  with happiness. Kibum had always been designed for modeling, it was like a second nature for him. The way he looked at the lens, the way he moved his whole body through dozens of smooth and sexy postures… It was admirable. He was full of charms and he knew exactly what to do with it.

 

Jonghyun felt his heart pulse harder as a familiar heat overran his upper body to his pants. The Almighty was doing _the_ thing that would turn him on every single time ; he was posing with his lips half open. His pretty, thin and soft lips. Those lips he kissed countless times. Those lips he missed so much…

 

Minho turned his eyes towards his elder, not knowing what to think about him. At least he didn’t come with that annoying-little-brat attitude that Taemin got from him. The rapper smiled at this thought ; yes, Jonghyun was the one who almost taught their maknae this behavior. He didn’t do it on purpose of course, but it was like a son inheriting his father’s character traits.

 

A father… The singer had been like a second father for Taemin when they first met. The maknae was really young at that period, and Jonghyun felt like it was his duty as a hyung to protect him, to teach him how life goes in this world. Meanwhile, this young lad had had a second mother too in the person of Kibum. The latter had always been the one who made sure that the youngest of them was well-dressed, his hair good looking, his stomach always full of healthy food. He ironed his clothes, prepared lunch boxes for him when he was still a schoolboy…

 

The rapper stared at Jonghyun. Yes, Kibum and him had been a big part of Taemin’s adolescence despite they were young themselves. He had had his blood parents and his heart parents. Maybe this kind of familial situation was what made both his hyungs fall in love with each other ? Minho was sure of that. Maybe it wasn’t the main reason of their growing love, but it had been helpful.

 

 

“You’re drooling, hyung.” The tall man said with a smirk.

 

“What ? I’m not.” Jonghyun answered before turning his head towards his mate. “I thought you could only stare at me with Satan’s eyes, but here it is. You’re talking too.”

 

“Don’t be so dramatic. Gosh, you’re still the same.”

 

“Shouldn’t I ?”

 

“Well… no, stay as you are. I like it better when I catch you looking at him with love instead of pain and guilty feelings.”

 

“You know, I’m still full of pain and guilty feelings. I didn’t know that you cared.”

 

“Of course I care, hyung, don’t be stupid. Because I’m on his side doesn’t mean that I don’t feel sorrow for you. Yes, you fucked up, but I think the same thing as Onew hyung thinks.”

 

“You think I still have a chance to get him back ?”

 

“Yes, I think so. I’m sorry for almost hitting you the other day, when Key ran out of the practice room.”

 

“Don’t apologize, I would have deserved it. But I’m glad you didn’t, my face is something really useful in my work.”

 

 

Minho laughed and the singer joined him before they both looked towards Kibum, who was walking in their direction. It lasted a second, but Jonghyun saw a tiny smile on his lips, and it made his heart jolt. 

 

 

“It’s your turn.” The Almighty said to his ex-boyfriend. “Please don’t bring shame on us.”

 

“I’m the face of this group, what do you mean by _shame_ ?”

 

 

Jonghyun pouted and stood up to softly put his hand on Kibum’s shoulder.

 

 

“You did well.” He whispered, making the other man blush and look away.

 

 

The singer smiled and went on stage to pose too. Kibum sat on the left chair and looked at his still smiling friend next to him. He rolled his eyes.

 

 

“Tsk… Stop smiling, you idiot.” He said.

 

“You’re funny.” The rapper answered as he gave his friend an amazed wink.

 

“Funny ? I almost fell in his arms again and you think it’s funny ? I feel weak.”

 

“Yah, don’t say such things. You’re the strongest person I know. Anyone would have react like you did.”

 

“You mean blushing like a teenager because of three words ?”

 

“Absolutely. Key, you still love him and he still loves you, you can’t deny it. Of course you blush when he whispers compliments next to your ear. I’m sure you shivered too.”

 

“Don’t analyze me !”

 

“So you did.”

 

“Do you want your ass to get kicked out of here with both my feet ?”

 

“I’m just telling the truth ! It’s not my fault if you don’t admit it.”

 

“I meant it. I don’t think it’s funny to be that close to go back to him. Do you… do you think that I should go back to him…?”

 

“No, you shouldn’t. I mean, not now. I observed him and I can assure you that he loves you more than ever since he fucked up.”

 

“So what ?”

 

“So, I think that you should let him… marinate.”

 

“ _Marinate_ ? Please stop being in charge of food at home because it rubs off on you and it’s really weird.”

 

“I didn’t mean it like that ! Let him think, let him do the first step. If he wants you back but you don’t respond right away, he will do everything. You won’t have to worry, just to wait.”

 

“You’re telling me to let him… chase me ? He’s not a fox, and I’m not a rabbit. _I_ am the fox here.”

 

“For God’s sake, just shut up and listen to me.”

 

 

Kibum frowned because of his friend’s tone, but nodded before he looked towards Jonghyun. The singer was still posing, and all of his emotions could be _seen_ through his eyes ; he had always spread the word with his eyes during photoshoots. Joy, amusement, seriousness, cuteness, evilness… His eyes were an entire world by themselves, and the Almighty couldn’t help but shiver. He had looked deeply into those dark brown eyes countless times, when both of them were hugging, cuddling on their bed. And… he missed those moments. He missed them so bad.

 

 

“I don’t really know how to put words on my thoughts.” Minho said while his friend was looking at the other. “But I think that if Jonghyun hyung wants to get you back, he will do everything he can to succeed. So just let him do it. But maybe don’t respond his advances too early, he has a hard work to do to fix the shit he did. Do you understand me ?”

 

“I do.” Kibum said. “But I’m afraid that he drives me crazy easily. I’m weak for this man.”

 

“You have to resist, you can’t forgive adultery after two days. I know you, and I know that you somehow forgot this incident because you love him. But it’s still there, and you can’t  chase it away now. He will have to prove that he won’t do it again, and that’s the most difficult part. You have to trust him again, how can you be sure that he won’t cheat once again ?”

 

“That’s it…”

 

“So do as I said. Let him come to you but don’t let yourself fall for anything, even if it takes years to trust him again. And if you think that you could do a mistake, come to me. Even if you’ve already done the mistake, come. We will figure out what to do next.”

 

“Do you really want that much to help me ? You certainly have better things to do…”

 

“You’re my friend, you come first. So… _do we have a deal_ ?”

 

“ _Magic comes at a price, deary_.”

 

 

Both of them laughed at the reference to one of the tv series* they watched together. Minho gently tapped his friend’s shoulder, then he stood up with him to walk on stage for the group photos. The photographer explained what he was expecting from them, and the three men nodded. Jonghyun stood in the middle because he was the smallest of them — he growled when his height was once again being a disadvantage — and showed his  body in profile to the lens. Minho took place behind his elder, his body turned towards the same direction as his. As for Kibum, he went face to face with Jonghyun and his heart couldn’t help but accelerate its beating. 

 

The trio pictures weren’t that important, but when the duo ones started, Kibum felt truly embarrassed. Indeed, the photographer didn’t take any picture of Jonghyun and Minho together, because the contract told him to have the Almighty’s face on each shot. The latter had to make a duo with Jonghyun, and his feelings were… mixed up.

 

He wanted him to come closer, but when he did, he wanted the opposite. The paroxysm had been when they both turned their head towards the lens and Jonghyun put his forearm on Kibum’s shoulder while himself had his arms crossed on his chest. The photographer had let a whistle out when he had seen the result of the picture and had literally imposed to keep this one no matter what. 

 

The shooting lasted an hour more, then they took a moment to film a six-seconds long commercial of each member showing the eyebrows’ product. The makeup artists came to remove the makeup from their face and let them use the bathroom to wash their face and for Kibum to put on his own makeup. He never went outside without his face lightly covered of BB cream and his eyebrows done. Otherwise he would cover his whole head with mask, sunglasses and hat. 

 

The three men were walking towards the building’s door when a handsome man in his forties came to meet them. He bowed and manly shook their hands.

 

 

“Good afternoon, gentlemen.” He said. “My apologies for catching you this way but I wanted to propose you something.”

 

“There is nothing to apologize, sir, please proceed.” Jonghyun answered, taking the responsibility of the talk since he was the oldest among the three of them.

 

“I am Mr. Jung, the president of _The Saem_. The photographer who attended to your shooting showed me some of the pictures he took. Of course it’s an honor for our brand to have you as models. But I would like to ask for your help.”

 

“We will make every effort to help you, sir.”

 

“Thank you very much. You see, as a brand president, I have some contacts in the field of beauty products but also of clothes or accessories brands. A colleague and close friend of mine created her own brand after she worked ten years for _8seconds_. It was her dream and I would ask you if you could help her to promote her work.”

 

“You mean, by making shootings with her clothes ?” Kibum asked.

 

“Yes, that’s what I mean. You can refuse, I know that you are already busy.”

 

“Can we have a reflexion time ?” Jonghyun said. “The proposal is really interesting and as SHINee, we are always ready to help and promote new brands and products. But we need to discuss it with our members and of course, our agency.”

 

“Of course you can ! The clothes aren’t on the market for now, the first release is scheduled for the 22nd of September since it’s the first day of fall. I just forgot a detail : the brand is still small so my colleague needs only two male models. She already found two young women.”

 

“Oh. So if we have the approval of our agency to pose for your colleague, we’ll have to choose among the five of us ?”

 

“Exactly. I hope it doesn’t make you change your mind…”

 

“No it doesn’t, please don’t worry. Well, we will discuss this and contact you again.”

 

“I don’t know how to thank you. May I give you my direct line number ?”

 

“Of course.”

 

 

The president took a business card out of his suit jacket’s pocket, and wrote a number on the verso before he gave it to Jonghyun. He thanked them once again and bowed, then he left and the three men got out of the building. Kibum seemed so happy he had sparkles in his eyes.

 

 

“It’s been so long that I didn’t pose for a clothes brand !” He said, his hands softly applauding under is chin.

 

“Who said _you_ would be one of the models ?” Minho retorted.

 

“I said so, just now.”

 

“Ah, my apologies, dear leader !”

 

“Enough.” Jonghyun said, smiling. “To be honest, I think it’s legitimate to let Key be one of the models — if our agency let us do it.”

 

“Really ?” The Almighty asked, almost surprised.

 

“Yes. _The Saem_ has something with you, you’re the face they often want even if you can’t afford to accept every project they propose to you. They really like to work with you and they need help, I think that it would be great for them to choose you as the first model.”

 

“He got a point.” The rapper stated. “Furthermore, I have my drama’s filming in September so I won’t be able to accept a shooting. I want to focus on my acting.”

 

“And Taemin is going to work on his comeback soon too…” Kibum said. “Well, let’s talk about that later, we don’t have our agency’s approval for now so let’s not hope for anything.”

 

 

Both his mates nodded and they just walked without a word. 

 

 

 

__________________________

 

 

 

“What the fuck ?! Withdraw your hands or I’ll cut them myself with a rusty breadknife !”

 

 

Minho gasped and stepped backwards when Kibum shouted at him. In his guilty big hand, a piment powder jar.

 

 

“Why !” The rapper whined. “It’s better when it’s spicy !”

 

“For God’s sake, how many times did I tell each of you that it’s not good to eat spicy food for dinner ?” Kibum said, taking the jar from his friend’s hand and putting it in the cupboard.

 

“I know but this dish is fade without spices and- Yah ! Stop laughing or I will put piment right into your nostrils !”

 

“Don’t talk to him like that, you dickhead !”

 

 

Kibum caught the green potholder and threw it right on Minho’s face, only making Taemin laugh harder. The maknae was bursting of laughter, his upper body lying on the central island of the kitchen. A few hours ago, he begged his umma to come back home for dinner, and his cute pout made Kibum give up. 

 

Obviously, the latter had decided to cook all by himself, not trusting anyone in this group when it came to food. And he was right, since Minho had almost ruined the meal that took him an entire hour to make ! 

 

 

“Please don’t tell me that you put spices in every dinner you’ve made since I moved.” Kibum said, massaging the top of his nose, his eyes closed. “Please.”

 

“Not every one.” Minho answered. “But when I cook, I want it to be tasty.”

 

“And to make it tasty, you need to make it unhealthy and bad for your stomach, of course. God, why did I leave…”

 

“Will you come back ?” Taemin asked, suddenly standing up straight. 

 

“Taeminnie…”

 

 

The maknae pouted a little bit but quickly smiled to hide his disappointment. In a way, it was harder for him than for the others members to accept his hyung’s departure, because he didn’t know the crux of the matter. The only thing he knew was that Jonghyun and Kibum had broken up, and that the latter had decided to move away to live the situation better. He didn’t know the reason of the break, and it frustrated him. All he could do was to stand there, between his hyungs who knew everything, and shut his mouth. 

 

 

“Call me when dinner is ready…” He said in a low voice before leaving the kitchen.

 

“Taemin baby, don’t-” Kibum tried to call him back, sighing when he failed.

 

“Don’t stay there, go to him.” Minho said. “He needs you, even if he’s twenty-four.”

 

“I can’t tell him what happened, you know it…”

 

“Please, Key ! You’re making him suffer more than you think. He became really strong but he’s the only one here who doesn’t have the right to know. He feels pushed away.”

 

“I don’t want him to be disappointed by Jonghyun, he admires him so much, I-”

 

“I know. But he may know. He shut his mouth for weeks, have mercy.”

 

 

Kibum looked up, meeting his friend’s eyes. He felt torn, physically and mentally.

 

 

“Go. I promise I won’t put spice in the food.”

 

 

He smiled and nodded as the rapper tapped his shoulder to encourage him. He inhaled deeply and left the kitchen in his turn, walking through the apartment until the maknae’s room. The young man was lying on his back, on his bed, typing on his phone. Kibum sighed and entered, closing the door behind him before he climbed on the bed. Taemin avoided his eyes.

 

 

“Minnie, put your phone down please.” The elder said. “I think you need an explanation.”

 

“Do you think so, or did Minho hyung finally persuade you to ?” the maknae asked.

 

“You’re quite discerning, aren’t you ? Yes, I admit it. Minho convinced me that you had the right to know the truth.”

 

“Fine.”

 

 

Taemin sat up, crossing his legs, and put his phone on the bedside table before he looked at his friend. Kibum sighed once again and scratched his own hair. Where to begin…

 

 

“Before I tell you, please promise me that you won’t hate Jonghyun hyung.” He said.

 

“Hate him ? Wow, did he really do something that bad…?”

 

“Just promise me, please. It’s important for me.”

 

“I promise. Go on.”

 

“Well… you know that Jjong and I broke up at the end of July. Trust me, I’m aware that I hurt you by moving away like I did… But I needed it, it was too difficult for me to handle his presence after…”

 

“Breathe, umma, breathe… Please don’t panic, I won’t judge your choices.” The maknae took his _mother_ ’s hand in his, slowly caressing its back with his thumb.

 

“Y-Yes…” Kibum cleared his throat, chasing away the tears that were coming in the corner of his eyes. “Jonghyun… cheated on me… He cheated on me with an unknown woman he met in a pub while I was in Japan for a fashion show.”

 

“Fuck…”

 

 

Taemin bit his lip and as soon as he saw tears running down Kibum’s cheeks, he kneeled and took him into his arms, hugging him tightly. The elder cried silently, the simple memory and the fact he said it out loud making him suffer. His hand grabbed the maknae’s shirt on his back and gripped it tightly with trembling fingers.

 

 

“I’m here, I’m here…” The maknae muttered, softly caressing the other’s back. “How did you know that he did it…?”

 

“I… He forgot his phone on the coffee table when he went to work one day, and…” Kibum snorted and straightened up, wiping his tears. “And when I took it to go and give him, the screen switched on and I just saw a message from a female name that was saying… ‘When will we meet again ? I really enjoyed last time, and my bed needs your heat again, so does my body… call me, oppa.’…”

 

 

The last word broke in his throat and Kibum bursted in tears, covering his face with his hands. Taemin chased the shock away to hug him again, comforting him the best he could. But he couldn’t believe that… 

 

 

“I thought it was a joke, a troll…!” The crying man said. “But as soon as he saw me with his phone when he came back to take it… he confessed everything…”

 

“My fucking God…”

 

 

Taemin pressed Kibum against him, feeling guilty. He insisted for his friend to come back to the house he fled from, without knowing that it would be that hurting for him… Now he understood everything. And it shocked him so much that a tear rolled down his own cheek.

 

Behind the bedroom’s door, another tear ran down, falling on the floor. His back against the wood, his head lowered as hair locks covered his watering eyes, Jonghyun had heard everything.

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

* It comes from the tv show “Once upon a time”, in which Rumplestiltskin grants wishes with magic only if a price come with it.

 


	4. Warm-up

_**4\. Warm-up** _

 

 

 

  
Jonghyun zipped his training bag and put its strap on his shoulder. September had come and with it, his resolution to go back to the weights room since he had stopped any sport activity when Kibum had left him. His guilty feelings and his sadness had being so strong that he had lost his interest in bulking up. 

 

But with both Jinki and Minho’s support, he had decided to start again. Indeed, his endurance had literally dropped and it had affected his dance performances as an idol. It was time to pull himself together, for him but also for Kibum. He had to be at his best to win his ex’s love again, not only physically but also in his mind. Exercising was a perfect way to toughen both his body and soul up.

 

 

“Hyung, are you ready ?”

 

 

Minho’s voice whisper-shouted through the apartment, and the singer got out off his room. The rapper was already dressed and his bag was nonchalantly thrown on his muscular shoulder. He seemed happy to go to the weights room with his elder again, since he had gone all by himself for the entire last month.

 

 

“I almost thought that you changed your mind.” He said with a smile.

 

“Of course not.” Jonghyun answered, putting his jacket on. “I told you that it was a necessity.”

 

“Thank you September, right ?”

 

“Not only. But it’s a new month, so I had to take a new decision.”

 

“Where are you going ?”

 

 

Taemin was standing in the corridor, in front of his bedroom. His hair was messy and he was still wearing his pajamas since it was only seven in the morning. Tiredness could be seen in his way to rub his eyes with his fists.

 

 

“Oh, did we wake you ? I’m sorry Minnie.” Jonghyun said right away, approaching him.

 

“It’s nothing, don’t worry.” The maknae answered before yawning. “It’s early and we don’t have practice this morning, why are you already up ?”

 

“We’re going to exercise.” Minho said, joining them in the corridor and gently rubbing his younger friend’s hair. “I know that I usually go at the end of the afternoon but you know that Jonghyun hyung is… an early bird.”

 

 

The three of them let a small laugh out not to wake their leader up — even if the apocalypse itself couldn’t make Lee Jinki come back from his hibernation.

 

 

“May I come with you ?” Taemin asked his hyungs. “I just have to brush my teeth and to get dressed.”

 

“Didn’t you say last time that it was boring and not funny enough to spend hours over there ?” Minho said with a laugh.

 

“Ah, yes, but you were trying to take me there for three hours !”

 

“Who told you that we wouldn’t spend three hours exercising today ?” Jonghyun asked, smirking.

 

“You’re not serious, hyungs…”

 

“Ah ! Don’t start with your Jonghyun-hyung-like puppy eyes !” The rapper pretended to get annoyed. “It only works with Key.”

 

“No, it works with me too, I’m afraid.” Jonghyun confessed, the maknae letting a bright smile appear on his face. “Go and get changed quickly, you have five minutes. Don’t forget your bag.”

 

 

Taemin couldn’t help but show his enthusiasm by raising his arms before he rushed to do what his elder told him to. Minho laughed and shook his head, looking at Jonghyun ; the singer was smiling, but his smile wasn’t that real. He was afraid. He was afraid of the maknae’s reaction in regard to what Kibum had told him the day before. 

 

Indeed, the youngest among them was now aware of the story behind the difficult break, but he didn’t say anything about it to Jonghyun yet. It was enough to cause a lot of stress to the latter. Yes, it seemed like his stomach was torn by a thousand hands at once each time his eyes met Taemin’s. He could do nothing but wait.

 

Five minutes were enough for the maknae, who appeared right in time in the corridor, dressed and with his bag.

 

 

“I am ready !” He said, smiling.

 

“Good. Go with Minho to the car, I will let a note for Onew. Otherwise he will start panicking  when he sees that he’s alone in the house.”

 

 

Jonghyun walked to the kitchen and took one of the yellow Post-it bloc to write on one. Then he stuck it on the fridge, as they always did when they had a message to give to each other or a simple memo. To be honest, the singer could bet that the leader wouldn’t wake up before their return…

 

 

 

 

After an entire hour, Jonghyun turned off the treadmill and progressively slowed his steps down. His arms were gleaming because of a sweat dusting that covered them, and his white top was almost soaked. Removing his earphones, he walked down the machine and attempted to regulate his breath and heart rate. Minho had advised him to start with cardio exercises because it would have been too difficult to begin with muscle-development ones.

 

But Jonghyun hated that. He found it boring to run on a treadmill and even outside. 

 

Bo-ring.

 

 

“Are you okay, hyung ?” Taemin asked, coming next to his elder while wiping his own nape with a towel.

 

“Yes.” The singer answered, exhaling. “I’m glad it’s done. I hate running.”

 

“It’s been what, eleven years that you hate that ? You’re doing well !”

 

“Don’t make fun of your hyung. Where is Minho ?”

 

“He’s on the leg press and it seems really tough.”

 

 

Jonghyun nodded, the leg press wasn’t the easier machine in a weights room. The rapper and him were different on that point, because he was more interested in developing his upper body’s muscles while Minho preferred to take care of his legs’ muscles more. 

 

His breath started to turn back to a more peaceful rhythm and Taemin stared at him.

 

 

“Hyung…” He started to say, seeming embarrassed as he handed Jonghyun a water bottle.

 

“You want to talk about what Key said to you last night, don’t you ?” The singer asked before drinking a few mouthfuls.

 

“I… I don’t want to force you to talk, you know. I’m just feeling… lost. I don’t understand.”

 

“First, know that I feel terribly guilty and dumb as fuck. And I will accept it if you feel like… not talking to me.”

 

“Don’t talk like that hyung, please. Don’t pretend to be serious and unmoved when I looked for you several times as you were crying alone in the dark.”

 

 

Jonghyun bit his lip and went to sit down on a bench, wiping the sweat of his face and neck. This young lad knew him too well, he was feeling insecure. It was true that he had been here for him, he had even come to him at nights when he had locked himself in his studio.

 

 

“It’s unfair for you, Taemin-ah.” The elder said without looking at his friend. “I didn’t only hurt Kibum, I hurt you and also our members.”

 

“I’m not asking you to apologize to me, I’m not the one that deserves apologies. I just want to understand your gesture.”

 

“I… I don’t have any excuse for what I did…”

 

“Were you drunk ? Key hyung told me about a pub.”

 

“I wasn’t that drunk, but yes, I drank some alcohol. It helped, but being drunk doesn’t make you cheat on the person you love. It’s really not an excuse, be sure of that. Nobody can be excused because of alcohol.”

 

“So what ? What did this woman have more than he did ?”

 

“N-Nothing… She had nothing more than him…”

 

 

Taemin couldn’t help but sigh. A few years ago, he had taken part in a famous reality variety show called We Got Married. In the company of Apink Naeun, they had formed a newly married couple that had had to live together and to learn about each other in front of cameras. Even if it hadn’t been true love, the young man had discovered a new side of his personality towards women. He had learnt a lot about this woman who became a close friend of his, and he had always felt the need to be a gentleman with her, to protect her and never to hurt her in any way.

 

Kibum wasn’t a woman, that was a verified fact. But there was deep love between Jonghyun and him, and the maknae couldn’t understand how the brunette could have made the mistake. He himself couldn’t have done it even if he wasn’t Naeun’s true boyfriend ! It was revolting enough already, but knowing that his hyung did it was… there was no word to describe his feelings about it.

 

 

“I’m not going to teach you lessons, it’s clearly not my job and I think Onew hyung already did it.” Taemin softly said, putting his hand on Jonghyun’s arm. “But please, hyung, do this for me. Don’t give up.”

 

“Give up on what ?” The singer asked, looking at the platinum blond haired boy.

 

“Don’t give up on Key hyung. I don’t know what the other members told you and I don’t care at that moment. Please do everything you can for him to forgive you. You’ve made a mistake, we all do.”

 

“Not this mistake, Minnie…”

 

“Yes, you’re right, we don’t all do that and thanks God for that. Did you go to church, by the way ?”

 

“Maybe once, a day I was desperate... but what is the link with-”

 

“Good. If He forgave you, so will Key hyung.”

 

 

Jonghyun lightly smiled. Among the five of them, Taemin had always been the most pious and this since they had met each other. He had been raised in a catholic family and he even had a Christian name. He had never questioned himself about His realness and had often gone to church when his schedule gave him time to.

 

It was usual to hear him ask his elders if they had prayed before midnight on New Year's Eve, or if they had gone to church lately. And at that moment, he seemed really relieved that Jonghyun had gone to confess.

 

 

“You know, Minnie… I’m pretty sure that He is hundreds of times more merciful than Key.” Jonghyun said, smiling.

 

“There is no doubt on that !” The maknae laughed. “But know this, hyung, He forgives. So don’t stay subjected to your guilty feelings. Take yourself in hand and win Key hyung’s love again. I know you can do it, and I will help you to.”

 

“I will be facing a wall, you know that.”

 

“A terribly big wall, I’m afraid. But I think you’re quite determinate, aren’t you ? I can feel it.”

 

“You can feel a lot of things for a such young brat.”

 

“That makes me smarter than you, right ?”

 

 

Jonghyun didn’t answered. But the towel that hit the maknae on the back talked for him as Taemin bursted of laughter. In respond to the agression, he stood up and opened his bottle, pouring water on his elder’s hair. The latter was about to start a gentle fight when the loud and deep voice of their rapper mate resonated in the room.

 

 

“You’re laughing a lot for someone who wanted to exercise ! If you finished the cardio part, come to the harder one !”

 

 

The singer whined before he took his things with him, walking to Minho. Taemin laughed and followed him, being his personal coach as he encouraged him while their tall friend made him do special exercises.

 

The maknae stared at Jonghyun the entire morning. He wanted to help him, he truly wanted to. He was the kind of person that would always think that everybody needed a second chance. He was aware of the big mistake his friend had done, of the broken heart of his other friend, his umma, but…

 

He wanted to heal them. 

 

 

 

_____________________

 

 

 

A few days later, the airplane landed on the Japanese territory. The same process as always since their debuts was followed by the members : with nothing more than a bag for some of them, they walked between their manager and security guards through the corridors and hallways of the Haneda Airport. As usual, a lot of fans were already standing in organized lines behind some barriers of cords, and they waved at the boys, sending them kisses and giving them gifts if they were lucky enough.

 

A lot of photographers were also here, the entire group being known for its airport fashion. Since the weather was still mild, both Jonghyun and Minho wore sleeveless tops, putting their muscled arms in the spotlight. The singer opted for baggy pants and a cap he wore back to front meanwhile the rapper stayed simple with jeans. Jinki had chosen an ample white T-shirt with a panda logo that drove him extremely cute ; the maknae played with his young but manly facet by wearing a black and white striped T-shirt under chic black overalls. As for Kibum, he chose security and didn’t bare his arms : he chose a total black look that was in harmony with his raven hair, by wearing a shirt and elegant trousers. To bring some colors, he had a lot of jewels on like rings, ear piercings and a luxurious watch. 

 

They were shining. As they always did.

 

Leaving the airport, they walked to the white van that was parked there, waiting for them. Taemin made the fans laugh by trotting to arrive first and sit in the front — it had been nine years that the members squabbled with each other to know who would be at this place in the car. Since Minho and Onew were tired because of the really early flight, they didn’t respond to the maknae’s provocation and got in the van, in the really back where there were tinted windows. Only the middle seats remained : Jonghyun got in first and suddenly made the fans scream.

 

Kibum was still waving his hand towards the boys and girls, smiling and saying hello in Japanese, and he jumped with surprise when he heard and saw them shouting. But they weren’t looking at him but behind him. Turning over, he raised his eyebrows. Inside the car, Jonghyun was giving him a hand to help him to get in. Since their manager asked him to hurry, the raven haired man forced a smile — it wasn’t that forced — and took the manly hand to help him literally climbing the van and taking his seat.

 

The door closed and the vehicle hit the road. The atmosphere inside was heavy and only the motor’s sound could be heard, working like a lullaby on the leader and the rapper who were almost falling asleep. Taemin had put his earphones on and was looking at the road without saying a word. Kibum felt really embarrassed because of the silence, but the only person he could talk with at that moment was Jonghyun… and he didn’t want to open a door to something that could make him forget everything.

 

But his eyes fell on the book in the singer’s hands. Jonghyun never had problems with reading in a car and he did it really often. Books were one of his ways to escape the world, he had even written one the year before. Kibum had offered him a lot of them since they met… and the one he was reading was actually the one he bought him for his last birthday.

 

 

“You start it only now.” He said, quietly cursing himself for saying such a stupid thing.

 

“Hm ?” Jonghyun put his finger at the end of a sentence and raised his head to meet the other’s eyes. “I’m sorry, what ?”

 

“I was surprised. Isn’t this the book I offered you five months ago ?”

 

“Oh, yes it is. I’m reading it again, it was so interesting.”

 

“Again ? You already read it ?”

 

“Of course, I finished it two days after you gave it to me. Why ?”

 

“Nothing, forget it…”

 

 

Jonghyun couldn’t help but smile when Kibum turned his head towards the window. He couldn’t see it but he knew that the Almighty’s cheeks must be blushing right now.

 

 

“Were you worried that it could have taken me five months to read your gift ?” The singer asked, looking back to the words on the page.

 

“No, I wasn’t.” The other man said, pretending to be indifferent… but not succeeding at all. “Alright, I was.”

 

“I knew it. You can’t hide anything from me.”

 

“I suppose not.”

 

“You look good today.”

 

 

Kibum blushed harder at the free compliment. Was it like that now ? Jonghyun telling him sweet things all of sudden, giving him a hand in public ? Jonghyun wearing their rings again, reading the book he offered him again just under his eyes ? Jonghyun smiling at him but not too much, just giving him his tiny and discreet smiles he loved so much ? Even the way he looked at him made him remember… It made him remember their flirting days.

 

Quick, say something clever.

 

 

“I always look good.”

 

 

Fuck.

 

 

“Indeed, you do.”

 

 

Jonghyun smiled and closed his book. Kibum cleared his throat and left the car since it had stopped in front of their hotel. The other members followed him, and they went in with their manager. They were used to the procedure, they had always stayed in this hotel when they had flown to Japan for their concerts and tours. The only difference between their first trips and the last was that from now on, they were earning enough money to have each his room. They used to share one for two, the leader always sleeping with their manager. Somehow, Kibum felt this change as a relief, on that day : he was the one who had shared a room with Jonghyun when they were younger, but he couldn’t have been able to do it again now.

 

 

“Guys, there is a little modification for the rooms.” The manager said.

 

 

Oh no. Please no.

 

 

“There has been a water damage in the floor of your rooms.” He continued. “The water has been stopped but the floors…”

 

“Oh, yes, since it’s wood parquet…” Onew nodded.

 

“But you said there was a modification of rooms, right ? We don’t have to look for another hotel ?” Kibum asked.

 

“Yes, they still have unoccupied rooms, fortunately. The only problem, if we can call it a problem, is that you won’t be all in the same corridor, nor the same floor.”

 

“Oh. That’s all ?” Taemin said. “We can handle this !”

 

“I don’t doubt of it at all. So here are your keys. Onew and Minho, you rooms are on the fourth floor, number 401 and 407.”

 

“Ah yeah, we’re not neighbors.” Minho said, taking his key.

 

“They can’t do anything more, they’re truly sorry. But the price of the rooms stay unchanged even if they’re normally more expensive.”

 

“That’s a chance !” Taemin smiled, enjoying the most little pieces. “Where am I, hyung ?”

 

“You’re on the fifth floor, in room 523. Here is your key. You are luckier since Jonghyun is in room 522, the one opposite yours.”

 

“There is just a meter that will separate us, I like it.” Jonghyun nodded.

 

“And… what about mine ?” Kibum asked, feeling uncomfortable. “Am I alone on another floor ?”

 

“No, you’re on the fifth too, but a little bit further away. Your room is number 510. Now go in your rooms and be sure to be in the restaurant in half an hour for breakfast. I will ask someone to take your luggages up.”

 

 

The five men nodded and walked together to the elevator. When the machine stopped at the fourth floor, Taemin and Minho softened the atmosphere by hugging each other with dramatic fake sobs, making the other laugh as two of them left. When the three remaining arrived to the next floor, Kibum was the first to find his room.

 

 

“Don’t forget to wash your face, Minnie, don’t just put water on it.” He said, inserting the card key in the case above the knob. “Your skin will dry otherwise. And of course, you brought your moisturizer, did you ?”

 

“Yah, I’m not a kid anymore, umma.” The maknae whined, literally contradicting himself.

 

“You still are, trust me. If I wasn’t there, your skin would be a truly disaster.”

 

“But…”

 

“Just say thank you and come.” Jonghyun laughed.

 

 

Taemin grumbled but obeyed, then followed his elder to their respective room. Kibum couldn’t help but smile and entered his own room, closing the door behind him. He finally had time for him ! It was only half an hour but it was enough to take care of himself like he loved to do.

 

The room was way bigger than the one he usually occupied in Japan. The entrance was a short corridor that took him to a small living room that was equipped with a sofa and a coffee table. Kibum turned round to see every furniture that was here : he even had a mini fridge ! Opening it with curiosity, he discovered a pack of a famous Japanese drink’s cans, but he wasn’t allowed to take one because it was not included in the contract. Despite the manager had told them that the prices wouldn’t be changed, he felt as if it was normal not to abuse of that advantage. 

 

He closed the fridge and headed to the bedroom. It was the first time that he had a TV screen fixed to the wall in front of the bed ! Taemin would be happy, he who just loved to wrap up warmly while watching some reality shows of movies. How many times did Kibum catch him watching TV at night, when he was supposed to sleep for hours ? Countless times… This twenty-four years old man was desperately still a kid, despite all he could say to refute that fact. 

 

Putting his handbag on the bed, he opened it to take his makeup bag and went to the bathroom. It had an Italian-style shower, just like he had in his own apartment — it was so much better than a small cubic one. But the most important was the light : he had always regretted that in his previous hotel rooms, there wasn’t any window in the bathroom. He made do each time, but he didn’t really like to put his make up on with only artificial light.

 

But this time, there was a large enough window to please him for the rest of the trip. He didn’t wait more to take all his clothes off and jumped into the shower. It had always been his first reflex when he arrived at a hotel after a flight : to clean his hair and body from that sensation of dirtiness after hours without moving. Despite he enjoyed their flights, he always felt queasy and sweaty at the end because of his fear of heights. He used to have panic attacks during their first flights a few years ago, but now he could handle it a little bit more.

 

The hot water ran down his body and his painful muscles that had been unmoving for two hours, and Kibum let a sigh out. He would have liked to enjoy it longer but his manager had put a time limit, so he quickly washed his hair and body and got out to wear a comfortable robe. After that he put his moisturizing cream on with precise fingers’ movements, especially on his cheeks and under his eyes. He was about to dry his hair when he felt the whole world fall down : there wasn’t any hairdryer in the closets. He looked for it everywhere but didn’t find anything.

 

Sighing in despair, he put on his flip-flops and got out of his room, taking his key with him. Walking in the corridor, he arrived in front of both Jonghyun and Taemin’s doors and paused. Which one should he knock at ? He wasn’t in appropriate outfits to meet his ex, so he chose the maknae.

 

But even after he knocked thrice, he didn’t have any answer. Taemin had already left… Fine, let’s meet Jonghyun then… Kibum inhaled deeply and raised his fist to knock, but the door opened before he could do it. The brunette singer jumped with surprise when he saw him, and so did the latter.

 

 

“You frightened me !” Jonghyun said.

 

“So did you ! I was about to knock when you opened !” The Almighty answered. “You’re already done ?”

 

“Yes, I just washed my face and got changed, why ? There are only ten minutes left, you’re still wet.”

 

“I know but there isn’t any hairdryer in my room, so I wanted to ask for yours.”

 

“You don’t have any ? You won’t have time…”

 

“Jonghyun, I certainly won’t if you stay here talking instead of helping me !”

 

“Go to your room and get changed. I’ll bring the hair dryer, let your door open.”

 

“You’re not seriously thinking that I will let you in my room ?”

 

“Who’s talking instead of hurrying now ? Just go.”

 

 

Jonghyun winked at him and entered his room again. Kibum sighed but trotted to his and busied himself to put some decent clothes on. When he got ready, his ex was still not here and the raven haired man had no choice but to put his makeup on with his hair still wet — he hated to do it that way since the hot blast of air coming from the dryer could ruin everything…

 

When he heard the door being closed, he couldn’t help but shout.

 

 

“Yah ! What took you so long ?! I had to put my BB cream already !”

 

 

But Jonghyun didn’t answered, he was used to it and knew exactly what he liked to call the ‘Kim Kibum’s beauty process’. Without saying a word, he connected the hair dryer and started to dry Kibum’s hair himself. The Almighty stayed speechless since he didn’t see that coming.

 

 

“What are you waiting for ?” Jonghyun asked him, raising his voice enough to be hear over the machine’s noise. “I’m doing it softly so do your eyebrows at the same time.”

 

“You know that it’s impossible, my hair is coming on my forehead ! Please just hurry.”

 

“Of course, your Highness.”

 

 

Kibum rolled his eyes as Jonghyun smirked and did his best to quickly dry the raven hair. It only took him three minutes, watch in hand, and he even styled them with his fingers. 

 

 

“Done. Now come here.”

 

 

Jonghyun put his manly hands on Kibum’s hips, making him gasp, and he lifted him to make him sit on the sink’s furniture. Then, he took some makeup tools out of the bag.

 

 

“What are you doing ? Do you think I have time for your stupidities ?” Kibum asked, his cheeks turning red because of shyness and emerging anger.

 

“Look at your hands, dummy.” The singer softly answered. “You’re stressing out and they are trembling, you won’t be able to do anything. So just relax and let me do.”

 

“You… You are going to do my eyebrows ? But you don’t-”

 

“I’ve seen you do them every morning when we used to sleep together. I exactly know how to do it. Now relax because if you talk again, I will kiss you to make you stay quiet.”

 

“Wait, who do you think you a-”

 

 

Kibum couldn’t end his sentence because of a pair of full and fleshy lips met his, almost crushing them as a hand was put on his nape not to make his head move back. 

 

For God’s sake, that man wasn’t joking…

 

 

 

 

***


	5. Just once

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> M-rated chapter.
> 
> Warning: anxiety attack + mention of death that can trigger today.

_**5\. Just once** _

 

 

 

The rehearsal was almost over but the boys weren’t as tired as they thought they would be. Their enthusiasm was so intense that they could sing and dance hours more, but they were supervised by their manager and choreographers and had to obey if they told them to stop. The most important thing to do at that time, the day before their first concert, was to practice their recent Japanese songs : since they were in Japan, it was obvious that they would show more of their Japanese discography than their Korean one.  

 

The concert program also included Japanese versions of their most famous title tracks, and they were actually practicing “Sherlock” for the third time. It was the final part, when the choreography made them spread their legs together first and finish by spinning round and round until going back to their very initial position. 

 

But during the spinning part, Kibum suddenly lost his balance and fell down, making the others stop in a hurry. The raven haired man hadn’t even touched the floor that some staff members were already coming next to the stage. Onew was the first of them all to kneel before his protected, helping him to straighten up while asking him if he had hurt himself.

 

 

“Is everything alright, Kibum ?” The choreographers’ chief asked, climbing on stage.

 

“Yes, yes…” The concerned man answered, sitting up as he rubbed his hip. “I’m sorry, I was inattentive.”

 

“You were dreamy the entire rehearsal… You’re not hiding something, are you ?”

 

“Nothing at all, don’t worry noona. I just need a break.”

 

“It’s okay, we will stop today’s rehearsal now. You did well, all of you. See you tomorrow at three o’clock for the final one !”

 

 

The members thanked everybody and bowed before Minho gave a hand to his best friend, helping him to stand up.

 

 

“Did you hurt yourself ?” He asked.

 

“You fell on your hip, umma…” Taemin said, worried. “Does it hurt ?”

 

“No, no, it doesn’t hurt and I’m fine. It’s okay, I already fell countless times before.” Kibum smiled, removing his audio equipment.

 

“Not that much, but noona was right. You were dreamy.” Onew stated, staring at his friend as his eyebrows frowned. “Are you sure that you feel good ?”

 

“I promise. I feel good. Now stop talking about me and get changed. You’re not going to stay with sweaty clothes, are you ?”

 

 

The leader nodded and tapped Kibum’s shoulder before walking through the stage, quickly followed by the members. They headed to the lockers after they gave back their equipment, and the Almighty found himself dreaming again with his top in his hands.

 

What had he done…

 

 

 

_Flashback_

 

 

_Jonghyun’s lips were so soft yet his kiss was kind of rough. He had that talent for knowing how to be passionate and tender at the same time, that talent that had always made Kibum fall for him. The raven haired man couldn’t fool himself much longer… he missed those heady, ardent kisses._

 

_The singer left his now red tainted lips, staring at his eyes._

 

 

_“I warned you…” He muttered, his hot breath arousing his ex’s skin and senses. “Will you stay still now…? Or do I have to carry on my threat again…?”_

 

_“Fuck you…”_

 

 

_Kibum took the makeup tools from the brunette’s hands and put them in the bag before he caught his nape with both his hands, crushing their lips together once again. Jonghyun raised his eyebrows but it only lasted a second ; he put his arms around the other’s waist, pressing his body against his while giving him his kiss back. Succumbing the temptation, Kibum wrapped his arms around the singer’s neck as one of his hands caressed his brown thick hair._

 

_Quickly, the kiss deepened as Jonghyun put his tongue inside Kibum’s mouth, his muscle meeting his in a fiery, almost desperate dance. Both of them sighed with pleasure as they felt a familiar heat making their bodies shiver. The elder put an end to the kiss but stayed as close as possible to the other’s lips._

 

 

_“We’re going to be late…”  He said in a sigh._

 

_“It… It won’t happen again…” Kibum answered, his eyes still close as his spine shivered again because of a well-known_ hunger _. “It’s just once so shut up and let me enjoy it…”_

 

_“Fuck the eyebrows, then…”_

 

_“Yeah, fuck the eyebrows…”_

 

 

_Saying those words, the Almighty forced a second kiss and their teeth banged together but they couldn’t care less. Jonghyun put his hands on his love’s cheeks, holding him desperately as he made the most of this “last” kiss. He had the permission so he wouldn’t waste it. He was literally devouring Kibum’s lips and mouth, while the latter held on to his muscular shoulders as if he was going to fall in a deep ravine if he didn’t._

 

_The elder took his hands down the other’s neck, then he lowered them again through his torso until he grabbed the thin waist. He was going crazy, passionate, and Kibum was about to go the same, his arms thrown around Jonghyun’s neck. He suddenly stood up, leaving the furniture to press his body against the singer’s one. They both traded a moan as they kept kissing, and Kibum made them turn around as he stepped backwards until his back met the bathroom’s closed door._

 

_Jonghyun smiled, his lips against the younger’s, and he put a hand on the wood next to the raven haired head. Without any hesitation, he pushed his lower body against Kibum’s, making the latter moan with nascent pleasure as he raised his head, his eyes meeting the ceiling. The singer took the advantage of this situation by kissing the pale skin of the neck that was from now on within reach._

 

 

_“J-Jonghyun…” Kibum said before he sighed, the singer’s tongue running down his neck and giving him shivers without any mercy. “Jonghyun, we have to go-ah…!”_

 

_“Remember me, please…” Jonghyun said as he left his neck to kiss his lips. “Remember me like this, not like that asshole who hurt you…”_

 

 

_Without giving the other the time to answer, the elder kissed him fiercely before he gently pushed him away to open the door and leave. Kibum stayed alone with his thoughts, his breath still panting just as his legs. What had he done ?_

 

 

_Flashback ends_

 

 

 

Kibum rubbed his arm as shivers covered it, and he put his top on. He didn’t know what happened to him to let Jonghyun and him kiss like they did. His ex’s last words were resonating in his mind, he could still feel his touch on his cheeks and waist, he could remember the course of his tongue on his neck as if he had let a burnt scar. But it wasn’t a bad burn, not at all… 

 

Putting his jacket on, he got out of the lockers and joined his mates as they left the concert venue.

 

 

“It’s one in the afternoon already.” Taemin stated. “What do you think about eating out together ?”

 

“I won’t lie, I’m actually craving for a hamburger.” The leader said, rubbing his stomach and licking his own lips to support his word.

 

“I know a very good fast food down this street.” Jonghyun thought out loud. “It’s not a chain but a small familial industry, the quality is higher and the cooking is safe.”

 

“Do they make some salads ?” Kibum asked him. “I’m not feeling like eating hamburgers right now…”

 

“Yes, they do.”

 

“What are we waiting for, then ?”

 

 

The members laughed at the maknae’s speaking and headed to the famous fast-food Jonghyun had talked about. They were well welcomed thanks to some fans who were also eating there, and they even took time to sign autographs and take pictures while their order was being prepared. 

 

It had been a long time since they last ate together in some restaurant, and they missed it a lot. Onew smiled, looking at each one of his members while eating his food. Maybe it was just an impression, but he felt as if the atmosphere had changed a bit. Not too much, there was still a lot of work to do, but Kibum was smiling and laughing, and so was Jonghyun since his whole life was now depending on his ex’s. 

 

The leader caught some looks from the singer to the rapper, and despite Kibum tried to avoid it, he sometimes looked towards Jonghyun while the latter wasn’t watching. The only thing that Onew thought was that something might have happened behind his back, because there was a kind of… sexual tension, between his two mates. And he was a curious leader. But it wasn’t the right time, so he kept his questions for himself for now.

 

Yes, something had changed. 

 

 

 

 

________________________

 

 

 

The sun had gone down a few hours ago, but Kibum’s body was still looking for a good position in the bed. His thoughts were too many to fall sleep, he needed to walk, to feel an autumnal fresh breath on his skin. Getting out of his bed, the Almighty put his dressing gown and his jacket on, taking his phone and key before he left his room. The corridor was empty, and no noise could be heard.

 

Kibum walked to the elevator and made it go down to the ground floor, where there were the huge terrace and gardens of the hotel. He went out and stopped to look at the place : the terrace was almost empty since it was almost midnight, only a couple and a lonely man were still sitting on the bar’s stool. The bar itself was still open and Kibum bowed to great the barmaid who was working despite she seemed tired. The Almighty smiled to her and turned his head towards the gardens. He went down the three-steps stairs that were separating the terrace area from the gardens. 

 

It had used to be a pool there, but the hotel’s direction had recently decided to remove it to make more space. Instead of it, there were now a lot of plants and orange cobblestones that were creating a kind of way among them. A few benches were spread here and there, but still in a symmetric way. Kibum walked through the gardens until he reached a glass elevator. 

 

Frowning, he read the board that was placed in front of it : it was the only elevator of the hotel that would make people go up to the last floor and to the second terrace. Kibum raised his head but didn’t see any area, only the sky. Because of curiosity, he entered the machine and making it go up. The last floor’s terrace… that’s what he needed to breath a pure air. When he arrived, he walked through a huge play room that fitted the quasi totality of the floor, and opened the glass door to go out.

 

The terrace was awesome ! It was the same kind of decoration than the other one, but there was a huge balcony. Kibum headed to it, and put his forearms on the white stones handrail. He inhaled deeply and looked at the view of Tokyo : despite the late hour, the town was still alive, and the lights were splendid.

 

 

“You couldn’t sleep, Kibummie ?”

 

 

The Almighty turned around as he heard his name, and smiled when he recognized his leader walking to him.

 

 

“Ah, hyung. No, I couldn’t, so I decided to breathe some fresh air.” He said.

 

“Me too. Is it your first time here ?” Jinki said, softly caressing his friend’s back before putting his forearms on the handrail, imitated by the other man.

 

“Yes, and I don’t regret it. It’s wonderful, I feel so… high ?”

 

“I understand, yes.” The leader laughed. “But don’t look down, please, I don’t want you to panic.”

 

“I won’t, I promise.”

 

 

Both men smiled to each other and stared a long time at the town’s view. Then, Jinki turned his head towards the raven haired man.

 

 

“So… what happened today ?” He asked.

 

“Hum ? Excuse me, what did you say ?” Kibum answered, looking at him.

 

“You seemed worried, or preoccupied, today. You were dreamy during the rehearsal, you fell and when we were eating, I saw you looking at _him_ differently. Then you avoided him the whole afternoon.”

 

“Yah, hyung… You spy.”

 

“I’m not a spy ! I see things, that’s all. And I felt as if something had changed between Jonghyun and you… Did you talk with him ? Or did he talk with you ?”

 

“We talked, yes. But don’t mind it, I’m still mad and it won’t change for now.”

 

“Ah, so there is a chance for you to change your mind about him.”

 

“Fine, there is… But I’m not that easy, you know that. I don’t forget what he did and-”

 

“Kibum. Minho already told me everything he told you, so say the truth. I’m not going to scold you, I’m just worrying about you.”

 

 

The Almighty sighed. Damn Minho ! Of course he didn’t think that it could be mean to him to tell about their “plan” to the leader… But now, this old man was going to be very curious, it wasn’t a good thing.

 

 

“Alright, alright.” Kibum said. “It’s difficult because only looking at him makes me fall again. But I try to resist. And… In fact…”

 

“Tell me, you didn’t resist before the rehearsal, no ?” The leader asked, making the other’s eyes widen.

 

“What ? How did you- wait, no !”

 

“Come on, I understood it myself. What happened ? You kissed ?”

 

“Hyung, how can you understand those things this easily…”

 

“So you kissed. And… did you enjoy it ?”

 

“Of course I did ! And that’s the problem ! How can I stick to my guns if I let him kiss me ?”

 

“So he didn’t kiss you, you asked for it.”

 

“Well, no. He kissed me. He was in my room because I needed his hairdryer, and since I was late, I was stressed out. I couldn’t make my eyebrows because my hands were trembling so he proposed to do them for me.”

 

“But your eyebrows weren’t done today…”

 

“Exactly. Because those five minutes I had to make them… we spent them kissing.” 

 

“Oh. Do you regret it ?”

 

“Yes and no.” 

 

 

The leader smiled as his protected let a long sighed out and put his head down on his arms. He caressed his back and laughed.

 

 

“What a story.” He stated. “Is it my turn to give you an advice, then ?”

 

“Go on, I have nothing to lose now…”

 

“Don’t be so dramatic, first. Just be yourself. You want to kiss him ? Kiss him. Well, no, don’t kiss him.”

 

“I do really love your advices, hyung. Thank you for being so clear.”

 

“Yah, it’s difficult ! What I mean is that you create too much barriers and it makes you stress out and feel bad. Why do you feel that bad ? You didn’t do anything. So do as Minho said : let him marinate.”

 

“Oh God, he told you _that_ word too…”

 

“I think it’s the perfect word. So let him marinate but… well, enjoy what he gives you. You still love him and he’s doing his best to win you forgiveness. He will succeed, you know that better than I do. Who told you that you couldn’t accept his love even if you don’t forgive him ?”

 

“I don’t understand…”

 

“He’s showing you his love, right ? Don’t you feel as if you went back to your first days with him ?”

 

“It is exactly how I feel, but how-”

 

“Here. Accept his love, after all, he is showing it to you. But to accept it doesn’t mean to forgive him. I think that you will forgive him with time, especially if he seduces you like he did years ago. After a time, you will be able to have _the_ discussion with him, and he will be able to explain his mistake. Then, you will choose what to do.”

 

 

Kibum nodded. He was about to answer to his leader when his phone rang. Who could it be at that hour ? Taking the device out of his pocket, he frowned when he saw Taemin’s picture and picked it up.

 

 

“Taeminnie ?” He only said. 

 

“Umma ! Where the fuck are you ?!”

 

“Yah, yah, calm down, how are you speaking to me ? I’m on the last floor’s terrace, why ?  Why aren’t you sleeping already ? Why do you scream like that ?”

 

“It’s Jonghyun hyung ! He, he…”

 

“Breathe, Minnie, breathe. Where are you, what’s happening ?”

 

 

The maknae seemed out of breath and both Onew and Kibum felt their heart lack a beat. What was happening ?!

 

 

“I… I think that Jonghyun hyung is having a panic attack…! But I can’t open his door !”

 

 

 

 

As fast as they could, the leader and the Almighty ran to the elevator and went down to the ground floor, then ran to the inside elevator to reach the fifth. Taemin was waiting for them, and as soon as they got out of the machine, he took Kibum’s wrist to pull him to the singer’s room.

 

 

“I wasn’t sleeping and I wanted to go ask for water, but when I went out of my room, I heard him…” Taemin said, his eyes watering because of fear. “Umma, what’s happening…?”

 

 

Kibum pressed his ear against Jonghyun’s door and his eyes widened. He could clearly hear the singer’s breath, loud and panting. He tried to open the door but without the key, the piece of wood didn’t make a move.

 

 

“Fuck. Taemin-ah, breathe, it’s okay.” The umma said, looking at the maknae. “Go to the reception and ask for a master key. They will ask you why, just say the truth. Don’t wake manager hyung, I’m the only one who can calm him down when he has a panic attack.”

 

“But umma-”

 

“Also, bring me water.”

 

“I will go with him.” Jinki said. “We will be back soon, I promise.”

 

 

Kibum nodded and knocked at the door as the two other men rushed to the elevator. He could still hear Jonghyun’s breath, it seemed painful and he couldn’t help but bit his lip ; it made him suffer too.

 

 

“Jonghyun-ah, it’s me.” He said, loud enough to be heard through the door. “Don’t move, okay ? I’m going to open the door when I have the key. Jonghyun-ah, can you hear me ?”

 

 

The only sound that made him think that the singer had heard him was his deep voice that broke his breathing for a second. It was like he tried to shout his pain, but the sound had stayed stuck in his throat, and his painting breath flared up.

 

 

“It’s alright, just wait for me. Listen to my voice, I am here. I am here for you, do you hear me ? Everything is going to be alright, Jjong.”

 

“K-Key…!” The singer handled to say loud enough to be heard, only making Kibum worry more than he already did.

 

“Yes, it’s me, it’s me. Please wait a bit more, I’m so sorry, just wait… Can you try to inhale and exhale slowly ? It’s okay if you can’t, don’t worry. Just listen to my voice, I’m here…”

 

 

Kibum talked to him as long as he could until Jinki and Taemin came back with the reception’s employee. She didn’t ask anything since the leader had already told her everything, and opened the door before the Almighty thanked her and rushed inside the room. Taemin wanted to follow him but Jinki took his arm to prevent it. The maknae might be twenty-four but he had never seen his hyung during a panic attack, and it wasn’t the right time to discover such a thing. Both of them just waited in the corridor.

 

Without closing the door, Kibum crossed the entrance with only two steps, and kneeled down next to Jonghyun, who was lying down on his side, on the living-room’s floor. He seemed frozen, his eyes were closed as his breath was still panting. The raven haired man took his hand and softly raised the brunette’s head to put it on a pillow, on his knees. With a careful hand, he moved some of his bangs aside, uncovering his sweaty forehead.

 

 

“I’m here, I’m with you, Jonghyun-ah.” He said in a murmur before raising his voice. “Onew hyung, please.”

 

“Yes ?” The leader answered as he came inside, staying in the entrance.

 

“Can you please go to the bathroom and wet a towel for me ? Cold water. And bring me a dry towel as well.”

 

“Of course. Taemin-ah, stay there.”

 

 

Jinki obeyed and brought the small towels to his friend, also putting a bucket full of water on the floor.

 

 

“I found it in the closet. It will be useful.” He said.

 

“Thank you. I will stay with him tonight, you can go back to your room. It’s okay.”

 

“Are you sure ?”

 

“I am. Please reassure Taemin, his hyung is already calming down.”

 

“I may sleep with him since he was scared to death. Try to sleep too, hm ?”

 

 

Onew caressed Jonghyun’s arm and left the room with the maknae, closing the door behind him. Keeping the singer’s hand in his, Kibum folded the wet towel and slowly stamped his forehead. Jonghyun’s breath was still a bit intermittent but less than it was a minute ago ; the simple presence of his closest member and love was enough to make him calm down. The raven haired man kept stamping his forehead and temples, then he wet the towel once again to put it on his neck and throat.

 

 

“Breathe with me, sweetheart, copy mine.”

 

 

Ignoring his brain that was cursing him for using the word “sweetheart”, Kibum attempted to breathe with deep inhales and exhales, softly stamping Jonghyun’s naked torso. The singer had always felt more comfortable at “home” by wearing only boxer shorts, but his torso hadn’t been saved from sweat. Opening his eyes, he looked at the beautiful man above him, and did his best to reproduce his slow and deep breathing. It took a few minutes, but Kibum’s serenity was really helpful for him to get rid of his stress.

 

The rapper’s hand let the singer’s alone to go and caress the brown still wet hair. His fingers were styling them in a really soft way, and as soon as Jonghyun’s breathing came back to normal, Kibum delicately made him sit up, his arm supporting his muscled back. Wetting the towel once again, he stamped the nape and back, getting the singer rid of any sweat’s drop.

 

 

“Well done, it’s alright now.” He said. “Look at your hair, what a mess…”

 

 

Jonghyun smiled as an answer, and let the man who stole his heart rub his hair with the dry towel until the sweat left it. Kibum also dried his upper body and caught the water bottle, opening it and approaching it from the singer’s dry lips.

 

 

“Here, drink a little bit. I’m holding it, don’t make a move.”

 

 

Putting the bottle neck on Jonghyun’s lips, the Almighty slowly raised it to make the cold water run down his mouth and throat. A moan of contentment escapes the elder’s throat, and he closed his eyes to savor the fresh sensation and delighted taste.

 

 

“Good, that’s enough for tonight.” Kibum said as he closed the bottle. “Now, let’s go to bed.”

 

 

He stood up and used all of his strength to lift Jonghyun on his feet, then he leaded him to the bed, making him lie down. He softly put the sheet on him and was about to go back to the living room when a hand grabbed his wrist. Turning his head back, his eyes met the singer’s ones.

 

 

“Please…” The latter muttered, his voice still stuck in his throat. “Stay…”

 

“J-Jonghyun, I…” Kibum started to answer.

 

“You said it to Jinki… Please stay…”

 

“You know I can’t…”

 

“I need you…”

 

 

Kibum bit his lip. Jonghyun seemed desperate, and his panic attacks would always make him feel weak and insecure. How could he let him like that ? How could he leave him alone after that ? He couldn’t.

 

 

“Alright, but… just once.”

 

 

The singer nodded right away.

 

 

“I’m just going to hang the towels and drain the bucket, I come back right after that.”

 

 

The grip on his wrist untightened and let it go after a few seconds. Kibum let a little smile raise the corners of his lips, and he left the room. Jonghyun closed his eyes and stayed alone until he felt the mattress lightly sink as someone was lying on it. He could smell his skin close to him, and he drove him crazy. Slowly, he turned back to come closer to Kibum and put his head on his shoulder, throwing an arm on his waist.

 

The raven haired man frowned at first, but smiled and rubbed the brown hair with gentleness.

 

 

“You scared Minnie to death, you know…” He said.

 

“I didn’t mind it…” Jonghyun muttered as he took the other’s hand in his.

 

“You scared me too… I was… I was so afraid behind that door, I thought a second that you could die without me to save you…”

 

 

The fear that Kibum felt was now evacuating his body through tears, and the man whipped them away. But Jonghyun had felt it, and he looked up towards him, caressing his cheek. 

 

 

“Don’t cry… Don’t cry because of me…” He said, his voice breaking.

 

“I’m not crying because of you… I’m not crying at all…”

 

 

The singer smiled and put his forearm on the mattress, lifting himself on it to approach Kibum’s face with his. He softly put his lips on the tear that was rolling down his cheek, and gathered it as if it was a delicate flower. Then, he licked his own lips before making them meet Kibum’s.

 

The raven haired man tried to resist at first, but his heart beat his brain and he returned the kiss Jonghyun was giving him. They kissed delicately at first, with only their lips caressing each other, and then the singer intensified it. Kibum slightly opened his mouth as a warm muscle invaded it, looking for its soulmate to share a passionate dance.

 

The tension between their bodies escalated quickly as Jonghyun got rid off his lover’s pajamas. The latter broke their kiss and tried to refuse it, but another kiss made his body warm up as it did on the morning. Throwing his arms around the singer’s neck, he kissed him passionately and sighed when both their pelvises connected with each other’s. Jonghyun took off his boxers and overhung Kibum’s body with his.

 

Staring at his eyes, he looked for a kind of approval, and the light of desire he saw in them answered. The Almighty moaned loudly as both their erections met, and Jonghyun leaned on him to capture his lips once again. Pale skinned hands were put on his muscled back, scratching it without hurting it, only leaving red marks as Kibum’s pleasure increased because of Jonghyun’s member rubbing his.

 

Arching his body against the singer’s, the raven haired man sighed and kissed him fiercely, not minding if there was saliva running down their chins. It was rough and passionate just as he loved it the most, and Jonghyun knew that very well. But the elder didn’t want to do the entire thing, he stayed at the friction phase.

 

Their members were now fully erected, and Jonghyun was pushing his harder against Kibum’s, his throat letting rough and husky moans out as the other man’s ones were more high-pitched. But the singer didn’t want anyone to hear them so he crushed their lips together at the same time as their bodies. 

 

Their moans were engulfed by their kiss and Kibum frowned because of pleasure, ecstasy making his whole body tense.

 

 

“H-Harder…! Jjong, harder…!”

 

 

The elder didn’t wait to obey, pushing his member on Kibum’s harder, faster. Their pelvises were banging together as pre-cum was running down their shafts, making the rubbing easier and even more pleasurable. Jonghyun sighed and closed his eyes, frowning as Kibum scratched his arm and moaned his name.

 

 

“Aah…! Fuck, Jonghyun…!”

 

“Yeah baby…”

 

 

Kibum spread his legs more as he grabbed his lover’s hair, pushing his head towards his to kiss him full on the lips. Holding the brown bangs, he moaned and held the muscled arm with his free hand. Jonghyun went faster and faster and stars began to dance before his eyes. He closed them and put his forehead on his lover’s, combining their sweat and sighs. Kibum’s body kept arching and even his toes were folding under pleasure. His whole body was filled with pleasure and he couldn’t help but shout.

 

 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck ! I-I’m coming, I-ah !”

 

 

Jonghyun moaned roughly and captured his lips to shut his mouth, pushing his member harder against the Almighty’s, making him moan against his lips. His body seemed to frozen despite the heat that was burning him inside, and he came between their torsos as he was driven crazy by his orgasm. The singer tasted his ecstasy by kissing his neck, feeling his fast heartbeat under his thin white skin and wining a great pleasure from it. 

 

With a deep, rough moan, he came too and both their torsos were spattered with warm milky cum. Jonghyun’s breath was still panting because of his orgasm but his arms couldn’t handle his body’s weight. He let himself fall on Kibum, exhaling deeply as his head made him feel as if he was riding a horse in a really fast carousel.

 

Silence fell in the room. 

 

 

 

Kibum had opened his eyes a few minutes ago, staring at the ceiling. His right hand was still rubbing his lover’s hair, his left hand relaxing on the muscled and warm back. Their breaths were soft and followed the same rhythm, and the raven haired man thought that the brunette had fallen asleep.

 

 

“I’m going to bring a towel…”

 

 

Jonghyun’s husky voice interrupted the heavy silence as he made an effort to stand up. Kibum nodded and watched him leave the bedroom ; his body suddenly felt cold, lonely, and he swallowed with difficulty while his eyes stared at the beautiful and firm ass cheeks disappearing from his sight. 

 

Holy shit.

 

He was trapped now.

 

 

 

 

 

***


	6. Fanservice

_**6\. Fanservice** _

 

 

 

The bedroom was bathed with the first rays of sunshine, the thick burgundy curtain only allowing a softened light to enlighten the place. Kibum frowned in his sleep, his face turned in the window’s direction, and he carefully opened his eyes. His pupils slowly expanded as they got used to the warm light, and he blinked a few times. 

 

His room’s curtains were navy blue, what was this new color all of sudden ?

 

He rubbed his eyes with his fist before putting it back on the sheet, and his skin met another one, making him shiver because of this hot contact. Right away, he felt a pressure around his waist and a hand was put on his torso as his back met something hard and emitting a soft kind of heat. A deep breath was exhaled on his nape, and his memories came back as fast as lightnings in a stormy sky.

 

Those curtains, this body heat against him, this… smell. He could have recognized it from thousands, this erotic smell of sex and sweat that was perfuming both the sheets and his naked skin. And of course, _his_ smell. As soon as his mind and senses regained consciousness, he slowly turned his body to lie on his back without moving away the muscled arm that was thrown on him. He then turned his head to look at the other man, still asleep next to him.

 

Jonghyun looked like an angel when he was sleeping. His face was flawless and his traits were relaxed ; his brown bangs were falling on his forehead but what made Kibum shiver with a simple look was his perfectly shaped jawline and collarbones. Without realizing what he was doing, the awake man raised his hand to make his fingers meet with the singer’s face. 

 

His index finger slowly followed the bone line in a delicate caress, then it went down to draw his right collarbone. A strong shiver ran through Jonghyun’s entire body, and he slightly frowned before moving, falling on his back and raising his arm above his head on the pillow. Luckily, he didn’t wake up, his breath still peaceful.

 

Kibum smiled and carefully pushed his lover’s hand away from his torso in order to sat on the mattress. The sheets were only covering his lower body from his hips, and he shivered with cold. He didn’t know what hour it was, but he had to be gone before the singer’s awakening… Or he couldn’t be able to leave anymore. But he couldn’t resist temptation either…

 

Leaning forward, he approached the sleeping face with his, and put a tender kiss on the fleshy lips. There was no need to be cold hearted or to pretend not to care when Jonghyun was asleep. Kibum wouldn’t lie to himself, that night had been the best he had spent for weeks. He had slept without being woken up twice or thrice as he usually did since he had moved away, and he had felt the reassuring warmth of his lover’s body pressed against his all night long.  

 

He seemed to feel… complete, again. But despite all the happiness he had felt when he had woken up in Jonghyun’s arms, the rapper couldn’t stay and accept it easily for now. It wasn’t right. Straightening up, he left the bed’s warmth and tiptoed around the room to pick his clothes up, wrapping his naked body up in his gown. He then headed to the living room and grabbed his phone that had been left on the coffee table. Out of curiosity, he switched the screen on and almost shouted. It was six in the morning and the battery was only making it through with five percents ! 

 

Without waiting more, Kibum left the room, only taking a glimpse at the bed to be sure that the singer was still asleep. He cautiously closed the door behind him and, once again, shivered. By closing this piece of wood, it felt as if he closed his heart.

 

No noise could be heard since it was early, and the Almighty didn’t wait to go back to his room. He had only slept less than six hours but he felt totally refreshed. Did Jonghyun had this kind of power on him ? Better let this as a mystery… Hanging his gown at the bathroom’s door after he plugged his phone in charge, he jumped in the shower and hurried to run hot water on his naked skin. He let a relieved sigh out as his body started to warm up.

 

That was something he could never understand : people who didn’t shower in the morning. Minho rather showered each evening before going to bed, for example. According to Kibum, a morning shower was the beginning of a lucky day. It was like getting rid of all the negativity of the day before and start a new daily journey.

 

He took his time to clear his whole body of any trace of sweat or forgotten seed from the last night, and he even shaved his armpits. That was an amazing thing that Kibum didn’t like his own armpit’s hair but find them holy attractive on other men. Was he weird ? He didn’t care at all. Getting out of the shower, he dried himself and tied his towel around his hips before drying his hair — all by himself this time. He then inspected his face. 

 

No pimple was born during the night, perfect. 

 

But by softly rubbing his upper lip, he noticed a tiny mustache trying to appear. No way. Catching his electric shaver, he slowly made it pass on his chin and above lip as he made several faces not to forget any hair. It only took him a minute and he immediately applied aftershave on his face.

 

Getting bored because of silence, he put some music on his phone at the lowest volume, only to create a background noise and not to wake his neighbors up. It took him around ten minutes to choose his clothes, and after he put them on, he sat in front of the bathroom mirror. He caught his favorite moisturizing cream and hydrated his whole face, his fingers tapping his cheeks and under his eyes.

 

He delicately drew his eyebrows while humming on of his favorite songs, Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody”. It was an old song but he knew the lyrics by heart and couldn’t spend a single day without listening at it. He carefully avoided his scar, only drawing the lines of his eyebrow perfectly ; he never hid his scar. In a way, he found this one… attractive ? A lot of people including his fans and members had told him countless times that his eyebrow’s scar made him sexy, and that it was a waste to hide it. 

 

As usual, he placed his lenses before he put his BB cream on, then he styled his hair with his hand. 

 

The day could begin now.

 

Turning the music off, he unplugged his phone that had the time to reach 100%. He took his handbag and put his jacket on as he left his room, heading to the elevator. It wasn’t seven in the morning yet but he could hear life behind some doors already. He had never been an early bird himself, but he couldn’t explain his sudden wish to go out, feel the fresh morning air on his skin and buy his favorite coffee.

 

Putting his earphones in his ears, he turned his music on and chose a shuffle mode before putting his phone in his bag. He politely greeted the reception and cleaning staffs who were already hurrying in the hall, and left the hotel.

 

The hotel was really well located. It was at the end of a long road that was lined with cherry trees and silver pink benches. Despite there was a lot of traffic, it was one of the most beautiful streets of the city, and Kibum loved to walk along it and take pictures. Escaping the cars’ noises with his music, he walked a few minutes until a well-known coffee store he would visit each time he would come to Japan. He entered and removed one of his earphones, bowing with respect towards the staff and customers who were already waiting in line before the counter. One of the waitresses expressed her joy to see him again by waving her hand in his direction, a bright smile on her lips. When Kibum’s turn came, he gave her smile back.

 

 

“Good morning.” He joyfully said. “It’s been a long time !”

 

“Good morning, I know right ?” She answered, her smile not leaving her face. “You came really early today ! Do I serve you the same thing as usual ?”

 

“I was awake earlier than I expected… Yes please. Will you come to our concert today ?”

 

“Not today, but Tuesday for sure ! I already have my ticket.”

 

 

Kibum smiled and nodded while the woman was making his favorite coffee, a _Latte Macchiato_. He payed the right amount — one of his habits — and left without forgetting to bow and ask for their support. Enjoying the rays of sunshine that were going through the still pink cherry blossoms, the idol walked back towards the hotel, carefully sipping his hot drink. 

 

He couldn’t help but smile and shyly wave his free hand when a group of girls chuckled at his sight. He stopped a few minutes to talk with them and take pictures, and one of them gave him a plastic bag with pretty pajamas in it. Kibum laughed, confessing that because the fans didn’t know his clothes’ size, they would always offer him pajamas because it was less risky. He had tons of pajamas, especially for winter thanks to his beloved fans.

 

Walking on his way after this meeting, he finally came back in front of the hotel and froze when he noticed something… truly embarrassing. Running in his direction, a sweaty tall man with brown hair was waving both his arms to say hello. Kibum rolled his eyes and pretended to ignore him even if he waited for the other in front of the large door.

 

 

“Yah ! I’m saying hello to you !” Minho said when he arrived next to his friend, regulating his breath as he put a hand on Kibum’s shoulder.

 

“Don’t _yah_ me ! And remove your sweaty hand from my expensive jacket !” The latter said, playing with his tone to seem annoyed.

 

“My hands aren’t sweaty, but I can shake my head above yours if you want.”

 

“Do that and I will smash that head on the floor, so hard that your teeth will stay on it.”

 

“You’re in a good mood on this early morning, I’m happy.”

 

“You better be. How are you this sweaty ? It’s not even eight in the morning.”

 

“I wanted to run before the rehearsal, to be in the best mood as possible for the concert. But I could ask the same thing.”

 

“Are you insinuating that I’m sweaty ? Me ?”

 

“No, just that you’re up early. What’s the trap behind that ?”

 

“There is no trap. I woke up early so I made the most of the opportunity to spend some time with myself.”

 

“I see. Did you enjoy your own company ?”

 

“I did, until you came.”

 

“I know you love me. Just say it.”

 

“Never.”

 

 

Minho laughed happily and Kibum smiled before both men entered the hotel, walking together towards the elevator. Waiting for it to come down, the rapper looked at his friend.

 

 

“I received a message from Onew hyung during the night.” He said. “I read it this morning but… maybe you can explain it to me.”

 

“Why me ?” The Almighty asked, entering the elevator while sipping his coffee.

 

“Because he mentioned you. He said that I wouldn’t have to wake him up this morning because he was sleeping in Taemin’s room. He also talked about you sleeping with Jonghyun hyung.”

 

“That brat… He could have text you the whole story !”

 

“I know but he didn’t. But I think you owe me an explanation. I have to shower, just come in my room.”

 

“You pervert.”

 

“You do love that.”

 

 

Kibum sticked his tongue out as his only argument and his friend laughed, leaving the elevator with him when they reached the rapper’s floor. They both entered the room and the elder among them sighed. What a mess this room was… Unsurprising. Minho offered him his brightest smile and went to his bathroom, taking all his clothes off without shyness ; his friend had already seen him naked, so what ?

 

The Almighty hung his jacket and sat on the stool, closing the bathroom’s door.

 

 

“When did you exercise that much ?” He asked his friend.

 

“Right, let’s be clear about something.” The other answered, entering the shower. “You can stay here while I’m naked, but no comments. It’s embarrassing.”

 

“Says the naked man.”

 

“Let’s go back to yourself, alright ? What happened ?”

 

“Nothing serious, Jonghyun had a panic attack. Taeminnie got seriously frightened and he called me, so I went to calm the dino down while Onew hyung stayed with our maknae.”

 

“That seems kind of serious to me. But why did you sleep with him ?”

 

“He asked me to. He seemed so miserable, and he scared me. I couldn’t leave him…”

 

“It’s okay, you did the right thing to do. Give me my shampoo please, it’s still in my bag.”

 

“Are you kidding me…”

 

 

Kibum stood up and obeyed, sighing. He couldn’t see Minho’s face, but he knew that the rapper had something to say, that he was just waiting for the good time.

 

 

“Thank you.” He said, washing his brown hair. “So you slept with him, and you are up early. Did you fly away from him before he woke up ?”

 

“Of course.” The raven haired man answered. “It was necessary.”

 

“Necessary for who ? Him or you ?”

 

“Both of us. If I had stayed and if we had woken up together… well, he would have think that he was forgiven. I already did a mistake by having sex with him, I wouldn’t-”

 

“I’m sorry, you did what ?”

 

“Oh, shit…”

 

 

Minho let his shampooed head out of the shower, his eyebrows frowned. The sight would have been really funny if the context had been different, tough.

 

 

“You had sex with him ? Last night ?” He repeated.

 

“Yes, I had sex with him last night. Can we talk about something else now ?” Kibum sighed, looking away.

 

“Of course not ! It’s really serious. How was it ?”

 

“Do you seriously think that I’m going to talk about _that_ with you ?”

 

“I hope so. I can’t believe you did this. I mean, it’s your right ! But… you were so strongly disgusted by him that I thought you would wait more.”

 

“What do you mean by “wait more” ?”

 

“Oh, I knew you would have sex with him before the end of the story. I just didn’t know it would be that soon.”

 

“What the fuck ?!”

 

“There is no need to swear. You’re my best friend, Kibum. Of course you wouldn’t have resisted the temptation… but it’s okay.”

 

“Do you really think that it’s okay ? He may think that I forgave him now !”

 

“No, I don’t think so. He’s smart, you know that, he’s the smartest among SHINee members. I just think that… he did really well.”

 

“Wait, which side are you on ?”

 

“I’m on yours. But admit it : now, he knows that you still physically desire him. He’s going to play that card on you, often.”

 

“What ?”

 

“Kibum, I know your heart is broken, but your brain isn’t, right ? So make it work.”

 

 

Saying that, the rapper went back to his shower, washing his body and letting his friend think about what he said. Kibum pursed his lips together but tried to figure out what Minho wanted to say. It only took him a few minutes, and he looked up towards the rapper who was getting out, a towel around his waist.

 

 

“Oh God. He’s going to play with me.” He said.

 

“Of course he is.” Minho said, smiling. “Well, you deserved it.”

 

“I didn’t-”

 

“You had sex with him, slept with him. You said that you were scared, last night. Did you tell him ?”

 

“Y-Yes, I did, but-”

 

“Now he had three proofs that you still love him. He will use it, but don’t be so afraid ! He won’t eat you !”

 

“Choi Minho, I really don’t know which side you’re on.”

 

“I’m just saying that by now, Jonghyun hyung will start to _play_ with you. He won’t play in a negative sense, of course. He’s going to play the seduction game you both played years ago.”

 

“I won’t survive that.”

 

“I know you won’t, and so does he !”

 

 

Minho laughed before he went to his bedroom to put some clothes on, followed by his friend. Kibum was nervously biting his nails.

 

 

“Stop doing that.” 

 

“I can’t, I’m stressed out !”

 

“Kibum, look at me.”

 

 

The Almighty obeyed, and Minho came to him, putting his hands on the other’s shoulders, deeply staring at his eyes.

 

 

“You don’t have to stress out.” He said. “Just let it go. What’s done is done, you can’t go back. Just accept it and don’t put so much pressure on yourself. _He_ is the one who has work to do.”

 

“You don’t understand…” Kibum said, avoiding his eyes.

 

“What ? If I don’t understand, just tell me. I won’t judge you.”

 

“I… I just want him back… But I feel like it’s not possible…”

 

“Come here.”

 

 

Minho took his friend in his arms, softly caressing his back. The raven haired man sniffed, pain overfilling his heart as he said the truth behind his malaise.

 

 

“Of course you want him back, you love him.” The rapper said with a soft voice. “And it’s normal for you to be afraid, to hesitate so much. But take it easy…”

 

“It’s not that simple… You know how someone can feel when he’s cheated on ?”

 

“No, I can’t know. But you can explain it to me. How do you feel ?”

 

“I feel… soiled. Rejected. And… guilty…”

 

“Guilty ? Why ?”

 

“Because if he went elsewhere… it’s all my fault, I wasn’t that good…”

 

“Don’t say that. This is not your fault, and you’re perfect. Bothering, annoying, but perfect. Now pull yourself together, we’re going to eat breakfast with the other members. Don’t feel guilty because you accept what he’s giving you.”

 

“Onew hyung told me the same thing…”

 

“And he’s right. You have the power to accept or refuse. Use it the way you want.”

 

“So… it won’t get worse because I had sex with him…?”

 

“Of course not. Why would it get worse ? You didn’t refuse it and you enjoyed it. I told you, it only proved Jonghyun hyung that you still love and desire him. In fact, this is a good point, he will make more efforts.”

 

“Do you think so ?”

 

“Yes, I think so. So now, relax, smile, and live your life. Okay ?”

 

“Okay…”

 

 

Kibum smiled and the rapper hugged him once again. It wasn’t easy ! The Almighty was really stubborn, but he couldn’t last years. Maybe he would accept the things easier now…

 

 

 

 

_____________________

 

 

 

“You’re going in one minute, guys !”

 

 

Kibum let the staff member adjust his audio equipment before he joined his members on the rising plateforme, still under the stage. The five men were standing in line according to the order they followed since their debuts : the leader Onew stood at the left end, next to Taemin. Jonghyun stood in the middle, followed by Minho, and Kibum ended the line on the right. 

 

Since the first part of the concert would be based on their most famous songs and choreographies, they wore splendid costumes to enhance their shine and represent the success of those titles. The Japanese stylists had chosen white and gold suits, but the five were different in order to show each member’s uniqueness through the golden details.

 

 

“Here we go again.” Onew said, looking up to the stage hole as they could hear the first VCR end. “I’m happy to be here with you, guys.”

 

“We are too, hyung.” The maknae said. “Let’s enjoy every little thing.”

 

“Yes, that’s the only rule I want you to follow. Enjoy yourselves.”

 

 

The five men broke their line to come close to each other, and they shared an affectionate and full of emotion’s hug. When the platform started to move upwards, they got their positions back, and stared in front of them. Soon, the darkness of the backstage area gave way to dozens of projector’s light. But the most beautiful was the pearl aqua ocean that was waving in front of them. The screams were loud, and they felt filled with their fans’ excitement. It gave them strength. 

 

As soon as the first note of the first song could be heard in the members’ earphones and from the loudspeakers of the concert venue, the five men walked in rhythm while Jonghyun sang the chorus of “Lucifer” all by himself, with a slower rhythm. A five seconds pause after that made the fans scream as all the lights were switched off. Then, the whole stage was illuminated again, and the famous choreography started as SHINee sang together the song’s beginning.

 

The show had begun.

 

Talent and effort were creating a strong aura around the five men as they danced and sang their heart out. Being on stage like this was probably the thing they loved the most in their idol’s life. Their choreographies were always created to make them shine as a group, but also to make each of them have his glory moment.

 

The famous songs came one after another, “Ring Ding Dong” followed the first song, then “Sherlock” came. It was a particular song for both Jonghyun and Kibum, who had a part together. When the lead singer started singing his first part, as the four other members were standing still in Indian file, freezing in their inspector’s position, the Almighty couldn’t help but look at him. 

 

Jonghyun had always sung from his guts, no matter what. Stage was his element, both his voice and gesture were strong, from the beginning to the end of the show. Among them, he was the one who gave more than his maximum while dancing, his movements could seem rude but they were all made with heart. And Kibum loved that. He loved to look at his lover’s dancing skills, because it gave him strength. Jonghyun’s enthusiasm and motivation were deeply contagious.

 

There was their moment. Their shared lyric. 

 

Kibum sang his by looking at Jonghyun deeply, his hand making his gesture towards him ; the elder couldn’t smile at that moment, but his eyes talked for him. Letting his high note out, he leaned his upper body but kept his head straightened up as he stared into the raven haired man’s eyes. He was singing for him.

 

The next choreographies were from that moment filled with sideways glances and eye contacts between the two lovers, a thing that didn’t escape from the fans’ sight. They screamed loudly, until the lights switched off at the end of the last choreography. When the stage got lightened again, the five men were out of breath, but they smiled and waved towards the audience.

 

 

“Hello everyone, we are shining SHINee ~” They greeted all together as they bowed.

 

“It’s been a long time, but we came back.” Jonghyun said. “Did you enjoy our first songs ?”

 

“I didn’t hear anything.” Minho stated with a smile after the fans screamed. “Did you hear something ?”

 

“Ah, no, maybe a little noise but I’m not sure.” Taemin answered. “Shawols, did you enjoy it ?!”

 

 

The whole audience shouted loudly enough to make the five members laugh and bow again.

 

 

“Today is the first day of our tour, thank you for being here.” Onew said while looking at the fans and the other members. “We prepared some special things, like talks and special stages, but you will see !”

 

“Also, our Taeminnie will perform his first Japanese solo here, just for you !” Jonghyun said, jumping on his feet.

 

“I think that none of you can beat Jonghyun as our maknae’s number one fan…” Kibum laughed, followed by the audience. “Please enjoy our concert, we’re so glad to be here.”

 

“You’re not going to cry after ten minutes, are you ?” Minho asked, making the fans shout a loud ‘no’.

 

“Not now, not now !” The Almighty said.

 

“Before our second VCR, we’re going to perform the title track of our last album for the first time. Make some noise for ‘Get the Treasure’ !”

 

 

The whole audience screamed as the light turned off for ten seconds, then the show started again. And when Kibum made the high five with Jonghyun just like they did in the music video, his entire body warmed up.

 

 

 

The concert continued and all the worries Jonghyun had felt the day before disappeared. He had been so worried that he couldn’t perform at his best because of the situation with his lover, it had caused him a panic attack. But Kibum seemed really approachable, he even smiled at him when their eyes met during choreographies. 

 

He was feeling happy. And he wasn’t avoiding fanservice like he used to think he would. The third part of the concert was more relax than the previous ones, and the members were only having fun together on stage while singing some of their Japanese songs. They threw balls at each other, the two youngest ones had found some water guns and soaked their elder without mercy.

 

Jonghyun had made the most of this situation by running to Kibum and protect him with his own body, back hugging him. The Almighty had let him do, secretly enjoying it himself. He even played with him, throwing balls on him and stealing one of the gun to throw water on his lover. 

 

Of course, they weren’t enjoying themselves alone, the five members were playing with each other on a same degree. But the play between Jonghyun and Kibum was more than that. It was a kind of healing. And it felt so good.

 

The greatest part according to Jonghyun was during their special final stage : they had decided to sing their ballad “Winter Wonderland” while being suspended by cables above the audience as fake snowflakes were spreader around them. Kibum had always been afraid of heights despite he had accepted to do it. That’s why the singer had proposed something really clever : share a harness.

 

So here they were, both of them soaring back to back as they were maintained in a double harness. Both their hearts were pulsing harder than they never did, and the song helped their souls to feel connected to each other. Kibum was looking in front of him, singing with his heart as Jonghyun raised his head, making his hair meet the other one’s, closing his eyes. When he was singing, Kibum had only one of his hands free since the other hold the mic ; he hung on Jonghyun’s arm to avoid this weird feeling as if he was falling, and the singer put his hand on his — making the fans explode with feels and Kibum blush. 

 

As “Winter Wonderland” was the last song of the concert, the emotion and sadness intertwined with Kibum’s height’s fear. He started crying, and Jonghyun saw it on the giant screen. Letting the harness slowly getting down on the stage, the singer took his love’s hand in his, caressing it with his thumb. When their feet touched the floor, he got rid of their harness and softly took the Almighty in his arms. 

 

Onew, Minho and Taemin rejoined them, smiling but not less affected. But this situation meant a lot to them, it wasn’t a simple hug. It was the beginning of their healing.

 

Of course, Jonghyun cried too, but he kept his arm behind Kibum’s back. The latter didn’t rejected him, putting his own arm behind him. At the real end, they bowed all the five together, and thanked a few times. 

 

When they walked down the stage to go back to the backstage area, Kibum whipped his tears, Jonghyun still next to him. The singer looked at him, and as soon as they got rid of their equipment, he hugged him. The other members left them without holding their smile.

 

 

“Shh… It’s okay, it’s done…” Jonghyun softly muttered next to his lover’s ear.

 

“I-I’m sorry…” Kibum said, hiding his face in the other man’s neck.

 

“What are you sorry for ?”

 

“I didn’t want to cry, you missed the beginning of your part and you spent the end of the concert to look after me…”

 

“Hey, hey… Baby, it’s alright. You were here for me last night, do you remember ? So I was here for you today.”

 

“It’s so difficult… I hate you but…”

 

“I know that. You don’t have to say it every day, honey. Here, I will let you go. Just remember that I’m here for you despite everything I did wrong.”

 

 

Jonghyun gently pushed Kibum away, looking into his teary eyes. With his thumb, he whipped the tears and caressed the pink cheek.

 

 

“I will heal your heart, I swear to you I will. Even if it takes years for you to forgive me, I will do my best to win your heart back. Do you hear me ?”

 

“Jonghyun…”

 

“Last night made me realize something important… I’m nothing without you. When you will want to, I will explain myself for what I did, but only when you ask me to. For now, I will let you go and… I will do my best to see your beautiful smile on your beautiful face no less than once a day. Just accept it, don’t force yourself to answer me. Just accept it, and let me make you smile again. ‘Till your heart heals.”

 

 

 

 

***


	7. New clothes

_**7\. New clothes** _

 

 

 

“Cheers !”

 

 

A multitude of glasses were clinked to the end of the Japanese tour, as loud voices shouted all together. It had been a kind of tradition for years that after every last concert of a tour, SHINee members would go to eat in a local restaurant with the entire staff. Tonight, after seven days that ended with the biggest show in Tokyo Dome a few hours before, about twenty people were making a toast in a famous place of the capital. 

 

The atmosphere was noisy and full of joy, and it filled everyone’s hearts. The last day was always the hardest one, and each member of the shining group had cried on stage. Those moments were the best despite the sadness, because it showed that even after nine years together, the five men still deeply loved each other. They had this unbreakable link between them, more resistant than a chain made of the strongest metal on earth. 

 

As they ate a convivial dinner made of hundreds of sushis and different meat skewers, their manager decided to stand up, his glass raised, and to give a speech.

 

 

“You know, it’s been a truly long time that I’ve been a manager to these five eternal boys.” He said with emotion, staring at the members. “I hope I’ve been kind and that you’ve always seen me as a watchful eye… despite I’ve scolded you countless times.”

 

“We deserved it, sometimes !” Minho said, making everyone laugh around the table. 

 

“Of course you deserved it, you deserved each scold ! But I’m not going to give you another one tonight. I know you hate it when I’m being sentimental but… I’m proud of you, guys. You gave us a wonderful tour with perfectly awesome performances. Even if we look at you from backstages, we’re always full of emotions and we feel the same way the thousands fans feel in the rows.”

 

“Are you going to cry, hyung ?” Kibum asked, smiling. “You’re the elder here, show us some strength !”

 

“You know I don’t cry easily, Kibum-ah. But I have to confess that I almost dropped a small tear tonight, at the end of the concert. I felt your sincerity in my whole body and soul, and I thank you for that. I’m proud to be your manager, and I’m proud of your work. And… ahem… I love you guys.”

 

“Yaaaaaah !”

 

 

As the five members shouted and hid their face behind their hands, the whole staff applauded with enthusiasm. The manager laughed and sat down to enjoy his meal, and everybody started their talk again. Sitting at the end of the table, the shining men were also talking a lot and taking pictures as Kibum posted them on his Instagram.

 

 

“Ah, we’re leaving tomorrow already…” Taemin whined, comforting himself with a huge tuna sushi. “It went to fast !”

 

“Time always flies fast, Minnie.” Jonghyun said.

 

“Don’t talk with your mouth full, both of you.” Kibum answered right away, then glanced at the brunette. ”And I beg you, don’t philosophize when we’re eating, you’re going to make his poor brain freeze.”

 

“At least he will stop eating for five minutes. Does it count ?”

 

“Well, we both know who he took those eating habits from, don’t we ?”

 

“I’m in love with food, you can’t scold me for eating well !” The maknae defends himself. “Minho hyung, help me.”

 

“Well… you eat a lot, I can’t go against that.” The rapper laughed.

 

“But-”

 

“Here, stop talking.”

 

 

Interrupting his young friend, Minho fed him with a huge spoonful of miso soup, making him gulp and almost die on the table. But they were so used to their maknae’s almost-deaths because of food that any of them reacted like they would have reacted nine years ago. Kibum only gave him a napkin and gave a death stare to his tall friend who answered with a wink.

 

 

“What time do we leave at, tomorrow ?” The Almighty asked before drinking.

 

“The flight is at eight in the evening.” The leader answered. “I don’t know about you, but I’m going to make the most of the hotel’s game room before we go back in Korea !” 

 

“Taemin wanted me to escort him to Tsukiji’s fish market. I was forced to accept.” Minho said, sighing in despair.

 

“Why do you pretend to be annoyed ? You almost jumped on me when I asked you to come !” The maknae denounced him, reaping what he sowed as the rapper’s hand was put on his throat.

 

“Do you want to join the dead fishes on their stands ?”

 

“Yah, leave him alone.” Kibum said, hitting his friend’s arm with his chopstick. “Those men, always solving their problems with violence.”

 

“Please remember me what you have in your pants ?”

 

“Bigger than yours.”

 

 

Minho choked with his water as the three other men bursted of laughter to Kibum’s words. The latter just let a victory smile being drawn on his lips, drinking his wine with delicacy.

 

 

“Don’t ever tell me something like that again.” The rapper said after he caught his breath back.

 

“Then don’t ask stupid questions. I’m a man, but I’m way more delicate than you.”

 

“The most delicate person I ever met.” Onew said, smiling. “What are you going to do for our last day ?”

 

“I was thinking about shopping. But I don’t want to go alone.”

 

“May I come with you ?” Jonghyun asked.

 

“Do you have anything to buy ?”

 

“No, do you ?”

 

 

Fuck, this guy was smart. Kibum had indeed nothing to buy in particular, but he didn’t want to spend his last day in Japan alone in his hotel room and doing some shopping was an activity he truly liked. For many years, his shopping companion had been Jonghyun, who had never hidden it when he was asked about his hobbies in interviewes. The Almighty thought deeply as he gained time by drinking another wine glass. Should he accept to be alone with his ex-boyfriend-but-still-lover for a day ? A week ago, he would have refused it so bad… but at that time, Onew and Minho’s words came back to his mind.

 

Why should he refuse ? _He_ had the power.

 

 

“Fine, let’s go together. I’ll ask for the van to manager hyung.” He said. “Maybe we will find some decent fall clothes for you, you’ve been wearing this sweater for days.”

 

“It’s because it’s comfy and… wait, are you saying I’m… _outmoded_ ?” Jonghyun asked, rolling his eyes like Kibum could do it himself, making his mates laugh.

 

“You _are_. You need new clothes and be sure that you won’t leave Japan without an entire garderobe chosen by me.”

 

“I suppose I can’t say anything ?”

 

“You suppose well. Minho, take notes.”

 

“Well, fuck you too.”

 

 

The rapper punished his friend by making him engulf a king size sushi, and laughters sprang out again, warming everyone’s heart.

 

 

 

 

Only silence could be heard inside the car as Kibum stared at the road, both his hands on the wheel. He was driving for five minutes and nor him nor Jonghyun had pronounced a single word. The singer was looking at his phone, scrolling on his Twitter account. It was so awkward that the raven haired man felt forced to speak first, he couldn’t handle that tension.

 

 

“Well…” He started to say, looking for his words. “What shop do you want to start with ?”

 

“It doesn’t matter to me, I will follow you.” Jonghyun answered without looking up.

 

“You must want to buy at least one thing, don’t you ? A new jacket, a hairspray, something for Roo… How is she, by the way ?”

 

“Fine, as always. She must miss me, just like your boys.”

 

“Lucky me ! They’re ingrates. I leave for a small week and when I come to take them back, they growl at me.”

 

“Roo was like that when she was a baby.” Jonghyun smiled, amused as he put his phone in his pocket, looking towards Kibum. “But I’m sure you raise them well.”

 

“I don’t know, they don’t obey me a lot these days.”

 

“It’s not them, it’s you.”

 

“What ? You just said I was raising them well.”

 

“And I think what I said. But dogs aren’t just animals, they’re your friends. Roo doesn’t obey my orders when she feels that I’m not in a good mood.”

 

“Does she ? She feels it ?”

 

“Of course, and so do Comme Des and Garçons. They feel that you’re not in the mood and your orders do not seem true to them.”

 

“Good, I will have to force myself to be in a good mood for my dogs to obey their master ! I repeat, lucky me !”

 

 

Jonghyun didn’t answer, he just laughed, and his deep voice made Kibum shiver. This man had that particularity : unlike Minho, his biggest laughs were silent even if his mouth was wide open. His body was just shaken by his internal laugh, no sound was escaping his lips ; on the opposite, when his laugh was slight, his voice would come right from his throat like a growl and his lips wouldn’t open a lot. It was so damn sexy that Kibum almost forgot to stop at the red light, his mind hypnotized by this unique sound.

 

Unluckily, they were close to the shopping center so this strange but pleasurable atmosphere wouldn’t last. As Kibum entered the basement car park and maneuvered to park in reverse, Jonghyun caught his jacket and small bag on the back seat. The car stopped and the motor was turned off, and both men got out. They walked together towards the elevator and went up till they reached the center’s ground floor.

 

 

“So, what do we begin with ?” Jonghyun asked, putting his hands in his jacket’s pockets.

 

“You need clothes. So, clothes stores.” Kibum said, taking the brunette to the first store he found.

 

“It’s really expensive here, do you know that ?”

 

“Of course I know, do you think I’m stupid ? I have tons of things from this trend, and I’m sure we’ll find you something good.”

 

“Alright, I will be your scarecrow for today.”

 

“What _scarecrow_?! You will be the best dressed mannequin from my designer house, Kim Kibum’s designer house. So please show me some respect, you dumbass.”

 

 

Jonghyun laughed as he followed the raven haired man through the store. Fall collection had arrived and with it, a lot of red and brown tones. The singer distractedly looked at the clothes, his manly hands spreading the hangers to find his size without really knowing what he was doing. His eyes were more staring at his shopping companion, who had three items on his arm already ; he had professional’s reflexes, taking for example a pullover from its hanging rail and inspecting its size, its cut and the most essential, its composition.

 

Jonghyun smiled when Kibum made a kind of disgusted pout before putting back the item ; for years that he had been helping him to choose some clothes, the Almighty had always looked for major cotton-made items for his ex-boyfriend. The elder’s skin was very sensible and he had often developed allergic reacts to some kind of textiles, so Kibum had been extremely careful by then. 

 

Choosing quality clothes was a mission of the highest importance, and when the younger man joined his mate, he frowned.

 

 

“What is that ?” He said, pointing at an item on Jonghyun’s arm with his chin.

 

“That ? A wool pullover.” The singer answered as he lifted his find. “I like wool and-”

 

“Put it back. You already have one.”

 

“How can I own it already since it’s from the new collection ?”

 

“You don’t have _this_ one, but you already have one… no, two burgundy wool pullovers. So put it back and come, I got some new things for you.”

 

“You’re unbelievable…”

 

 

Kibum smirked and headed to the fitting rooms, giving the other’s a pile of clothes.

 

 

“Here. Try the trousers first and keep them when you try the tops.”

 

“Yes, Sir, certainly, Sir. Should I keep my underwear too ?”

 

 

The raven haired man rolled his eyes and pushed the other in a free fitting room, pulling the curtain.

 

 

“Stop telling stupid things and hurry up.”

 

“Yes Sir !”

 

 

Kibum couldn’t help but smile as he sat on one of the ottomans to wait. In a way, he was feeling extremely well, more than he expected. He thought that the atmosphere between Jonghyun and him would be heavy and strained… but it wasn’t at all. He had the impression that he had been taken back to that precious time when they were younger and newly dating. The singer seemed so considerate and tried to make him laugh… Kibum smiled again. It was as if he was tiny step by tiny step falling in love again.

 

 

“Does it suit me ?”

 

 

The Almighty looked up to meet a handsome brunette wearing black jeans with knees holes and a comfy brown wool pullover. Jonghyun was inspecting himself, seeming perplexed.

 

 

“This color is perfect for you.” Kibum said as he stood up to approach the other man, adjusting the collar and pulling a little bit the item’s bottom. “Here, better. Is it comfortable ?”

 

“Well, it is. But my hair went electrical.” The elder answered while running his hands through his hair.

 

“Logic. It’s wool. But don’t worry, your hair is still good.”

 

“So… do you like it ?”

 

“Do _you_ like it ?”

 

“Don’t avoid my question.”

 

 

Jonghyun stared at Kibum’s eyes, and the latter couldn’t help but blush. 

 

 

“Alright, I like it.” He said, his eyes looking elsewhere. “Now get changed and try something else, quickly.”

 

“If you like it, I like it.”

 

 

Jonghyun tenderly smiled and went back to the fitting room. He tried everything and made his ex-boyfriend blush countless times, making himself happier than ever. They bought the items and pursued their shopping in some other stores ; the singer forced Kibum to stop picking things for him and to choose what he wanted for himself. He already had both his hands weighed down with plastic bags full of clothes for him ! The raven haired man seemed annoyed at first, but he didn’t needed Jonghyun to repeat : in less than three minutes, watch in hand, he was in a fitting room with around ten items.

 

It was the brunette’s turn to sit and wait, and he approved everything Kibum showed him, except that hideous yellow sweater.

 

 

“You don’t know what fashion is.” Kibum had retorted, snorting. 

 

“I know enough to tell you that this… thing, is monstrous.” Jonghyun had answered. “You become flatten with that color, you seem sick !”

 

“You didn’t say that when I wore my yellow jacket I bought in Paris.”

 

“Because it wasn’t the same yellow. Your jacket is pastel yellow, it’s really soft and it suits you. But that… that mustard yellow… it’s a no.”

 

“… Does it mean that you won’t approach me anymore if I wear this color ?”

 

“Dare. I’m not afraid of a color.”

 

 

Kibum had smirked before he had gone back in the fitting room. Jonghyun had felt victorious and patiently waited for the last outfit… but it didn't come. What was that fashionista doing ?

 

 

“Are you alright ?” The singer asked.

 

“Yes, why ?” The other asked in return, still behind the curtain.

 

“I don’t know, you’re taking time.”

 

“This is the fastening, I-shit… it’s difficult to reach since it’s on the back.”

 

“God, don’t you know how to ask for help instead of swearing ?”

 

 

Jonghyun stood up and entered the room without any hesitation, making the other gasp.

 

 

“What are you doing ?!”

 

“I’m helping you, turn around.”

 

“You could have ask before entering !”

 

“Babe, I’ve seen you naked more than-”

 

“Shut up !”

 

 

Kibum’s hand responded itself to a reflex by gaging the singer’s lips. The movement was so surprising that Jonghyun stepped backwards, his back hitting the fitting room’s wood panel. He raised his eyebrows and his eyes smiled for his hidden mouth.

 

 

“There are people here…!” The raven haired man whispered. “Watch your words for God’s sake, I hope no one saw you enter here.”

 

“Mmh ?”

 

“No, I won’t take my hand off until you swear you won’t do that again.”

 

“M-Mmmh !”

 

“Swear it.”

 

 

Jonghyun rolled his eyes and used his strength to switch places, his hands on Kibum’s arms as he pushed him against the panel. The Almighty’s hand was still on his mouth, and he took it with his to make it slip on his manly chin.

 

 

“How can I swear if you don’t let me speak ?” The singer whispered, his face close to his lover’s.

 

“Please, we’re not alone…” Kibum said with the same tone, his eyes trying to convince the other man.

 

“Of course we are, do you think I’m stupid enough to join you if there are people around ? And I didn’t want to stay more than the necessary time to help you with your clothes, but…”

 

“But ? Why is there a _but_ ?”

 

“But you provoked me.”

 

“How the hell did I provoke you ?!”

 

“By making me keep quiet. It’s a rightful giving-back.”

 

 

Saying those words, Jonghyun closed the distance between them by crushing his lips against Kibum’s. He didn’t let him realize and kissed him strongly, fiercely, pressing his body against the wood and making his hand go under the new item of clothing. The raven haired man hold his breath to avoid a moan to escape his captive lips. His eyes closed by themselves as heat was running his whole body, but he found the strength to push Jonghyun’s hand away, making the singer stop the kiss.

 

The brunette opened his eyes and stared at the other’s. 

 

 

“You do really want me.” He whispered, his breath and words making Kibum deeply shiver.

 

“N-Not here.” The latter said, his heart beating faster and his breath slowly recovering.

 

 

Jonghyun smiled ; he didn’t need more. He left the fitting room and sat as if nothing happened. Kibum cleared his throat and put the top off before he dressed again with his own clothes. He then opened the curtain and felt surprised ; looking at the singer, it seemed that the considerate flirting man from before had replaced the sexy and full of sexual desire one from a minute ago… His smile was cute and his eyes were soft as he stood up and led Kibum to the checkout. 

 

Was that idiot bipolar ?

 

The Almighty paid for what he wanted, and he smiled as he heard Jonghyun’s discreet laugh when he said he wouldn’t take the yellow item. They got out of the store and took a break at a famous coffee shop ; Kibum sat first and put his four plastic bags next to his feet as Jonghyun went to queue up to order. From his chair, the rapper could observe his lover at leisure. 

 

It wasn’t as hard as he imagined it would be, to be honest. Maybe Onew and Minho’s words weren’t that stupid after all… He wasn't feeling guilty of letting Jonghyun show him his love without totally responding to it. In fact, he liked it. He liked the way the singer was trying to make him smile, to make him laugh, the way he seemed ready to listen to him if he wanted to talk, the way he stayed next to him when they were walking… Kibum was feeling as if his ex-boyfriend was trying to make him feel used to his presence again, to make him feel comfortable again. 

 

That was what he thought : Jonghyun was trying to help him to trust him again. He wasn’t forcing him to talk with him, to look at him or even to be with him : he would ask for something and take what Kibum accepted to give him. And the rapper was deeply thankful to that… the among of stress he had been filled with for weeks was slowly disappearing by itself, and Jonghyun wasn’t innocent in this process.

 

But, on the other side… that brunette was playing with his physical desire. And he really knew how to play to make him fall. It wasn’t a perverse game, far from it. But they knew each other and had dated for enough time to know perfectly what would make each other’s body shiver, sweat and ask for more. And that was the point : since they had sex in Jonghyun’s room, the night before their first concert, Kibum’s body was asking for more. It was a strong fight between his brain and his heart again, or should he say, between his brain and his crotch.

 

And if they hadn’t been in a public space a few minutes ago, he would have answered Jonghyun’s advances… Oh god yes, he would have kissed him back and forgotten everything around them.

 

 

“A Latte Macchiato for you.”

 

 

Kibum looked up to meet the singer’s face, smiling at him as he was sitting opposite him and putting two coffee paper cups on the table.

 

 

“You’ve been quick.” He smiled and took his drink to warm his hands.

 

“Yes, I’ve waited really quickly.” Jonghyun laughed. “You know how it is here, the service is fast.”

 

“I know. What did you order ?”

 

“A green tea latte. Do you want to taste it ?”

 

“Why n- wait. Why is there _your_ name on _my_ cup ?”

 

 

Kibum turned his cup towards his lover, for him to clearly see his name written. Jonghyun couldn’t help but blush.

 

 

“Well, they asked for only one name even if I ordered two cups… so I gave mine.” He explained.

 

“I see. Fine, I will have a cup with your name in my cupboards from now on.”

 

“You still keep Starbucks’ cups ? Yah, when will you stop this collection…”

 

“Who the hell are you to tell me to stop doing what makes me happy ?”

 

“Alright, my apologies, I won’t insult your coffee cups anymore. Now drink before it cools down. I wanted to go to a bookstore before we go back to the hotel.”

 

“What do you think about going now ? Let’s drink while walking.”

 

 

Jonghyun agreed and both men stood up, walking together with their bags on an arm and their coffee in the other hand. They were like clones. They headed to the first bookstore they found, and kept quiet as if they were in a library. Kibum slowly walked between the shelving units, looking at the different books. He never read in Japanese so he wouldn’t buy anything, but he was amazed by the number of Japanese translations of Korean novels.

 

By inspecting those kind of books, he found a huge shelf with countless copies of a unique novel. And the title struck him right away, so hard that he almost drop his coffee. _“Skeleton Flower”_. Kibum looked around and walked through the entire store before he found his mate.

 

 

“Jonghyun, you must see that.” He said, taking the other by the arm and pulling him.

 

“Yah, what makes you in a rush like that ?”

 

 

Kibum led the brunette to the famous shelf, and show it with his finger.

 

 

“You never told me that your book had been translated…” He said.

 

“Oh my…”

 

 

The singer put his bags on the floor and approached the shelf, slowly taking one of the novels in his hands. An honest shock was painted on his face, and even his hands were slightly trembling as he opened the book. But quickly, his eyes started to sparkle, and Kibum couldn’t help but smile and softly caressed his back.

 

 

“You didn’t know either…?” He asked.

 

“N-No… I gave my agreement for a translation a few weeks ago but I didn’t know it was done already.” Jonghyun answered, looking at him then staring back at the shelf. “Look how much copies there are…”

 

“Did you see the notice, on the top of the shelf ?”

 

“Where ?” The singer looked up and his eyes meet a red notice with the number 1 written on it with a gold color. “Oh my God… Am I…?”

 

“Yes, your novel is the best sale of the week and of last week as well. Congratulations…”

 

 

It was enough to fill Jonghyun with emotion, and heaven knows how much he could cry when he was sincerely moved. Kibum put his own bags on the floor and took the brunette in his arms, stroking his hair and smiling.

 

 

“Yah, don’t cry like a baby…” He said.

 

“C-Can you imagine…” Jonghyun sobs, unable to say what he was thinking.

 

“I don’t have to imagine, it’s right before my eyes. But you know, I’m not surprised at all…”

 

“Really ?”

 

“Of course. You’re an artist, and you deserved it. Do you know what ? I’m going to buy it.”

 

“Yah, you already have it.”

 

“Yes, but it’s not a pullover. I want to have this version of your work.”

 

 

Jonghyun smiled and cried harder against Kibum’s shoulder, and the latter comforted him by laughing and telling him he was shaming him. A few minutes later, they got out of the store with each his copy of the Japanese translation of _“Skeleton Flower”_. 

 

On the road home, the brunette was driving, and Kibum posted a picture he took in the store : Jonghyun, hiding his face behind his book, standing in front of the shelf. And with a smile on his lips, the Almighty wrote a caption with all his heart.

 

 

_“While doing shopping in Japan, Jonghyunie hyung discovered that his novel had been translated in Japanese, and was the best sale for two weeks ! Of course he cried ㅋㅋㅋ We’re so thankful and proud of him, please continue to support him the same way we do ~ <3”_

 

 

Then, he clicked on the “post” button, and his Instagram was instantly besieged by likes and lovely comments.

 

 

 

___________________

 

 

 

A few days had passed since the members had come back to Korea, and it was a great day for Kibum : it was the famous day of this photoshoot they were asked for by _The Saem_ 's president. Their agency had given its agreement, and since Taemin and Minho were already working on personal projects, Kibum had to choose his partner between Onew and Jonghyun.

 

And against all odds, he had asked Jonghyun to do it with him. The singer had widened his eyes and mouth, truly shocked, while Onew had just laughed.

 

The photoshoot was scheduled for the afternoon of this 22nd of September, and the leader was eating out with his fashionista friend while Jonghyun had still work to do at the studio. Of course, Lee Jinki was curious, and he didn’t even try not to ask what was aching him to ask.

 

 

“You know, you really surprised me yesterday.” He said, looking at Kibum who was slowly eating his bean paste stew. 

 

“Hum ? I surprised you ?” The younger asked, raising his eyebrows.

 

“Yes, by choosing Jonghyun for today.”

 

“Don’t tell me you’re jealous, hyung.”

 

“Of course not ! I must confess that I’m relieved. I would have been a blot on the landscape next to you.”

 

“Do you want me to drown you in my stew ? Don’t say stupid things like that ! You’re handsome, and I think your smile is prettier than mine.”

 

“You’re going to make me blush, you cheeky boy.”

 

“So blush and eat your food. Aigoo, I almost choked with my beer.”

 

“My apologies to the beer. But really, I have to ask you. Why did you choose him ?”

 

 

Kibum inhaled deeply. Of course his choice had troubled everyone, and he knew he would face some questions sooner or later.

 

 

“To be honest… I thought he deserved it.” He explained, eating. “I mean, he’s been really kind to me those days, and even if I didn’t forgive him for now, I wanted to please him. He always wants to be with me, and I keep a truly good memory of our shopping afternoon in Japan. It has been like… you know like nothing happened. And it felt so good. I’m not afraid to be alone with him anymore.”

 

“I see. I’m truly happy to hear that.” The leader said with a smile. “So does he succeed ?”

 

“He does, I won’t lie. I can’t say that I trust him again but… I think he’s doing a great work, so why shouldn’t I give a little help ?”

 

“I think you did the right thing, and so do Minho and Taeminnie. There is something new in your eyes since our Japanese tour, you know ? A light reappeared, and it warms us all.”

 

 

Kibum shyly smiled and both men continued to eat, talked about everything and nothing until they went back to the agency. There, the Almighty waited for Jonghyun to come down and they headed together to the small building where they would do their photoshoot. When they entered, they were welcomed by an elegant woman in her thirties.

 

 

“Good afternoon, I’m Park Myunghee and I’m the famous friend _The Saem_ ’s president told you about.” She said, bowing and smiling.

 

“We’re really pleased to meet you, miss Park.” Jonghyun said, bowing too and imitated by Kibum. “I’m Kim Jonghyun and here is Kim Kibum, we’re from SHINee and we’re happy to work with you.”

 

“And I’m as happy as you. Please put yourselves at ease, you can hang your coats here, would you like something to drink ? Our female models didn’t arrive yet.”

 

“Do you have some coffee please ?” Kibum asked.

 

 

The woman nodded with enthusiasm and led them to the photoshoot’s room. It was smaller than at _The Saem_ but it looks really comfortable : there were dressing tables and dressing rooms as well, and the stage was large enough for four people. Miss Park let them sit and brought them coffee, pouring it herself.

 

 

“Please don’t, we must do it for you.” Jonghyun said, always polite towards women and seniors in general.

 

“Oh don’t worry, I’m not strict with protocols.” The woman laughed. “Be careful, it’s really hot.”

 

 

Both men laughed and enjoyed the talk with this kind and passionate woman. It lasted a few minutes before someone knocked at the door : the female models were finally here. The door opened and two gorgeous women entered as Jonghyun and Kibum stood up to welcome them.

 

Surprisingly, one of the two young women let a cute scream out as she ran towards them. Kibum thought right away that she was prettier than the other one — who still was beautiful. Her long brown hair were fluttering on her back, she was the same height than Jonghyun and she was thin. Her skin was milky white and her big eyes made her look like a porcelain doll. And when she smiled, her lips, her teeth and her glowing eyes illuminated the room.

 

 

“I’m so happy to see you here, oppa !” She said as she hugged Jonghyun’s neck. “If I knew that you would be one of the male models, I would have ask to bring the photoshoot forward !”

 

“I… I’m glad to see you too…” The singer answered, patting her back.

 

 

Kibum frowned. Why was Jonghyun seeming truly uncomfortable around this young woman ? When she let him go, she bowed before the Almighty, who returned it. Then, Miss Park made the introductions.

 

 

“So, I see both of you already know each other but let me introduce all of you.” She said, pointing at each model. “Here are SHINee’s Jonghyun, SHINee’s Key.”

 

 

Both men bowed and greeted the young women, but Jonghyun’s cheek muscle was noticeable and Kibum was worried, uncomprehending.

 

 

“And for those charming young women, let me introduce to you Kim Taeri.” Miss Park continued, showing the second model that stayed set back. “And someone you already know, if I understood well : [Hwang Seon](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/23/4d/cb/234dcbd6dfc23a4785020dca1b919406.jpg).”

 

 

Kibum’s heart missed a beat and froze. He instantaneously turned his head towards Jonghyun, who kept quiet as the young women bowed. How could this be possible ? How could he be that unlucky ? Of course he knew her ! That name the raven haired man just heard was precisely the name of that unknown contact who sent his boyfriend _that_ message, the night they broke up !

 

How could it be that Jonghyun’s one-night stand was going to work with them and worse than that, was going to be officially photographed next to him ?

 

No. It couldn’t be.

 

 

 

***

 


	8. Quarrel

_**8\. Quarrel** _

 

 

 

Minho poured his handmade hot chocolate in two mugs, and added two marshmallows in one of them. Taking them by the handles, he slowly headed to the living room where the maknae sat up straight as he saw him coming.

 

 

“Here. Be careful, it’s hot.” The rapper said as he handed his friend the mug, sitting next to him the second after.

 

“Oh, you added some sweets ~” Taemin answered, a huge smile on his lips.

 

“I know how to please you. But don’t tell Kibum.”

 

“Don’t worry, I will keep it under my hat.”

 

 

The maknae winked at the other male, who laughed before he sipped his hot drink. They had both just come home after their schedule but they had found the apartment empty : their leader had left a note in which he says he had gone to cheer a friend of his to his first opera concert.

 

 

“How was your practice ?” Minho asked. “Is the choreography done ?”

 

“Yes, we just have to film the music video and I will come back in October.” The maknae answered, his mouth full of marshmallow.

 

“Yah, swallow before answering.”

 

“Don’t be like Key hyung. By the way, do you have any news about their shooting ?”

 

“Not at all. You ?”

 

“Same as you. I have to confess that I’m a little bit afraid.”

 

“Why ? There is nothing to be afraid of.”

 

“I know but… you see, the hyungs are slowly making up. But I don’t know why I feel like… like something’s going to happen. Something bad, something that will ruin their efforts.”

 

 

Minho listened carefully to his younger mate, and nodded as he drank. It was pessimistic but he himself had thought about it : could it last ? A simple mistake from Jonghyun and everything would be dropped. 

 

 

“Did you think about something in particular ?” The rapper asked.

 

“No, but I have a bad feeling. And you know I never make mistakes when I have bad feelings.” Taemin said, looking at him.

 

“I know. But try not to think about it, it is none of our business until one of them come to us.”

 

“Did Key hyung come to you, recently ? To talk or something…”

 

“No, but we chatted a lot by messages these days. He’s starting to open his heart again, he can feel it.”

 

“He’s afraid of himself, isn’t he ?”

 

“You have no idea how much he is. He thinks too much.”

 

“But hyung, put yourself in his place just a few seconds. If your partner had cheated on you, would you not be afraid to go back to him or her ?”

 

“Would you cheat on me ?”

 

 

Minho looked at the maknae, who shyly smiled as an answer. 

 

 

“You’re not listening to me.” Taemin said.

 

“Of course I am. But I repeat myself : it is none of our business for now. Now come here.”

 

 

The rapper spread his arm and caught the boy by the shoulder to pull him closer. Taemin smiled once again and approached him without any hesitation, their bodies touching each other. They stayed quiet a few time, slowly drinking their hot chocolate.

 

 

“When will we tell the hyungs about us…?” The maknae then asked, looking at his hands. “It’s been a month now.”

 

“I know how you feel.” Minho answered, his hand caressing the other male’s arm. “But I don’t think it’s a good idea for now. Not when Jonghyun hyung and Key are in bad terms.”

 

“But you said it yourself, it is none of our business. So why should we wait for them to be reconciled to tell our members that we’re dating ?”

 

“Are you that proud of dating me ?”

 

 

Taemin laughed and hit his boyfriend. Of course he was proud. He would have never believed it if someone had told him that he would date his long time friend and member. But it had fallen on his head, just like that. He didn’t ask for it, but he accepted it. Their friend’s situation had irreversibly got the rapper and him closer than they already were : because he was the only one to ignore what happened, the maknae had felt pushed away, and despite he hadn’t shown anything, he had been sad. 

 

But when he had been there for a late crying Jonghyun in his studio, Minho had been there for him when he had felt powerless and sad for his elders. And a month before, they didn’t know how but it happened : they had kissed. From that day until now, they had become a couple but had decided to hide it from everyone. Even his best friend Jongin wasn’t aware of it !

 

No one knew.

 

And Taemin was dying to announce it to his three favorite elders. 

 

 

“Give them some time, please.” Minho said, kissing his hair. “I’m sure they will go back to each other before the year ends.”

 

“I hope so. But I won’t wait until Christmas to claim you as my boyfriend in front of them.” The maknae said with a firm tone. “For God’s sake.”

 

“And you swear again !”

 

“It’s your fault !”

 

“What ?!”

 

 

Minho put their mugs on the coffee table and immediately started tickling his boyfriend’s tummy. Both their laughters resounded in the room, but as soon as they heard a key in the door’s lock, they split up and pretended to watch TV. When the leader joined them in the living room, he didn’t catch anything and they joyfully talked together.

 

But in Taemin’s mind, it was clear : he wouldn’t wait more than another month to reveal their situation.

 

 

 

 

_____________________

 

 

 

Jonghyun was about to faint.

 

Putting a suede jacket on in a close changing room, his heart was beating so hard that he thought a second it would drill his own body to run away. Because that was what he wanted to do at that moment : to run away from this shooting. How could it be that the man he loved and the woman he cheated on him with were reunited in a same place ?

 

If it wasn’t a sign that a superior entity was making fun of him, he wasn’t Kim Jonghyun anymore.

 

He had felt and almost heard Kibum’s heart break once again when Miss Park had introduced Seon to them. The raven haired man had stayed quiet as he had bowed before her, and he had avoided the singer’s eyes ever since. How would he handle this…

 

 

“Jonghyun-ssi, are you ready ?” The woman asked, raising her voice to be heard.

 

“Yes, I’m coming, I’m sorry !”

 

 

Jonghyun inhaled deeply as he got out, heading to the stage where Kibum was already posing in his fall outfit. The singer couldn’t help but smile ; his lover was so beautifully professional that it made the entire room shine. He wore a pure brown trench coat that suits him to perfection, with a white sweater made of thin wool under it. The roll neck was an advantage to him because it made eyes being attracted by Kibum’s thin and flawless face.

 

Miss Park was snapping away at him, and Jonghyun walked to the computer that was live-saving each picture. Looking at the shots, the singer felt impressed. Kibum was so… natural ? It didn’t look like he was forcing himself to do the job, his positions and gestures seemed to come right from his heart. As a “fashion king”, as their fans loved to call him, he knew exactly how to enhance the clothes he was wearing, and when he made his trench slip on his left arm to show a part of the sweater… Jonghyun did his best to control himself.

 

 

“That’s perfect, really perfect.” Miss Park said as she turned towards the female models. “Hum… Seon, can you come here please ? Your outfit suits Kibum-ssi’s one, so I will take duet pictures.”

 

“Of course !” The woman joyfully said as she joined a frozen to death Kibum on stage.

 

 

Jonghyun swallowed with difficulty and walked to stand next to the photographer, staring at the other male. But Kibum was still avoiding his eyes and as he cleared his throat, he adjusted his clothes before he started posing with his rivale. No one could have guessed that the male model was so uncomfortable with the female one… except Jonghyun.

 

He was deeply feeling it. And worse than that, he was seeing it : the gleam in Kibum’s eyes had disappeared right when the woman had joined him. He had to do something to reassure him… but what ? 

 

 

“That’s good.” Miss Park stated as she moved a little bit. “Kibum-ssi, can you please hold Seon by her waist ? Do it as if you were walking on a street together.”

 

“B-By her waist ?” Kibum repeated, praying for him to have misunderstood.

 

“Are you shy around me ?” Seon laughed as she grabbed the man’s arm, putting it around her body. “Just like this, hold me and smile.”

 

 

Kibum cleared his throat again and Jonghyun almost jumped on stage to separate him from the woman. He felt so guilty to let his lover be this close to her… 

 

 

“You’re doing well, Bumie.” He said in hope to cheer him up. “Breathe, she’s just a woman.”

 

“What do you mean I’m just a woman ?!” The model said, laughing as she failed to pretend to be angry.

 

“I mean he’s not used to pose with wo-”

 

“Jonghyun hyung, with all my respect, just keep quiet and let me work.”

 

 

The words came to Jonghyun like a slap on his face. He couldn’t be more certain : Kibum was truly angry. 

 

The Almighty felt humiliated as fuck. 

 

But despite that, he grabbed Seon’s waist better and hold her like a boyfriend would do. She was herself a true professional, and they almost seemed to be a real couple. The singer felt jealousy hit him so hard he almost bit his lower lip to bleed. He was so mad at himself that he didn’t notice Kibum, who had got down the stage and had passed next to him without paying him any attention. 

 

 

“Kibum, why do you-” He tried to say, turning over to see him.

 

“Go and work.”

 

 

The raven haired man only said those three words without looking at Jonghyun, before he went to get changed. The singer bit his lip as he clearly understood how bad the love of his life was feeling. But how could he reproach it to him ?

 

 

“Oppa ! Come and pose with me !”

 

 

The high-pitched voice that resounded in the room made him freeze from head to toes. He wanted to tell her to stop talking to him, but he needed to be professional… The only thing he could do was to wait for the end of the shooting. Then, maybe, he would be able to talk to Kibum.

 

The shooting continued, and if Kibum’s eyes could have been sub-machine guns, both Jonghyun and Seon would have been killed almost twelve times. It made him sick. It made him sick to look at them, posing together as the woman held on to the singer’s body almost desperately. But the male wasn’t better : his hands were on her waist, her arm, her shoulder… and they even held hands.

 

This sight made Kibum want to cry so much that he forced himself to look away. His eyes fell on Taeri, who was waiting for her turn and smiled at him.

 

 

“Are you alright ?” She politely asked. “You are white as a sheet…”

 

“Yes, everything’s good, please don’t worry.” Kibum answered, surprised by her kind thoughts. “I’ve been sick recently, I’m still recovering.”

 

“Too bad you didn’t say it, we could have reported the shooting.”

 

“I’m feeling well, I promise. Why don’t you go on stage ?”

 

“I’m waiting for my turn. You did really well, do you pose often ?”

 

“Oh, thank you… It’s been a while since I last posed for clothes, but I really enjoy it.”

 

“So do I.”

 

“You seem really mature but young at the same time, may I ask your age ?”

 

“Of course, I’m nineteen.”

 

“Only nineteen ?! That’s really young…”

 

“Yes but I’m a model since I’m five so… I know my job.”

 

 

Kibum felt truly impressed. This woman was so young but she was so serious and calm, she seemed cold at first but by talking with her, the Almighty found out that she was a really kind-hearted person.

 

 

“I’m so used to make a neutral face for pictures that I almost forgot how to smile.” She confessed, laughing and revealing a beautiful smile.

 

“You should smile more then, because your smile is pretty and really communicative.” Kibum said, smiling when she blushed.

 

“Oh, thank you… I don’t hear that often.”

 

“Why ? Ah, yeah, since you forgot how to smile.”

 

 

They both laughed but got interrupted by Miss Park who asked them to come and pose together. Kibum felt relieved, and his natural skills as a model got back on top of things. Their talk had broken the ice and it could be felt in their gesture : the man would touch her with much more easiness than with Seon, and they really looked like a happy and caring couple. 

 

The woman even made something that made Kibum’s cheeks turn pink for a few seconds : to accentuate this idea of them as a couple, she opened the man’s jacket and pretended to cover herself with hit, her back leaning against his torso. It seemed so natural to her it was easy to understand that she was a model for years. 

 

Jonghyun was trying to pay attention only to his lover, he wanted to stare at him to make him feel his love and care. But he didn’t predict that Seon would be a glue-pot. Despite he didn’t answered his last messages, she seemed like she didn’t care at all, and was making the most of his presence by calling him “oppa” in each sentence, and asking him too much things.

 

 

“But oppa, we really should go and drink something together, soon. Don’t you want to have a drink ?” She was saying as Jonghyun turned his head towards her, trying not to seem irritated because she didn’t know anything, in reality.

 

“Seon-ah…” He said, looking for his words. “I have to tell you something, may I talk with you in private ?”

 

“Oh… Of course. Miss Park, do you allow us to go out for a moment ? I need to breathe a little bit…”

 

 

The photographer turned towards them and frowned as Seon made a face to support her lie. Kibum and Taeri stopped posing and looked at them, and the rapper almost fell when he understood that his lover was going to see her alone. He pursed his lips together and looked away when Jonghyun tried to meet his eyes with his.

 

 

“Of course, but please be back soon.” The woman said. “I will begin the solos with Kibum-ssi and Taeri.”

 

“Thank you !”

 

 

Seon bowed and took Jonghyun’s wrist to pull him outside the room, the singer following her as he tried a last time to catch Kibum’s attention… unsuccessfully. The door closed behind them, and the model led him a few meters away from it.

 

 

“Good.” Jonghyun said. “What I wanted to tell you is-”

 

“I missed you so much.”

 

 

The singer couldn’t say anything more as Seon jumped to his neck, kissing him. He raised his eyebrows to the sudden attack and pushed her away, slowly in order not to hurt her.

 

 

“Hwang Seon, what are you doing ?”

 

“I just kissed you, what’s the problem with that ?” She asked, frowning and… pouting ? Yeah, pouting. Oh dear...

 

“Please don’t make such a face, you’re not a child. Seon… you can’t kiss me like that. We’re not a couple…”

 

“You didn’t say that the other night. We weren’t a couple back then either.”

 

“I know, and I’m really sorry. I was drunk and I-”

 

“Drunk ? You weren’t drunk, oppa. You chose to follow me all by yourself. What’s wrong now ? Am I… not pretty enough ?”

 

“Don’t say that, you know you’re pretty. You’re a beautiful grown woman.”

 

“So what ? What’s wrong ?”

 

“It was wrong to do that, the other night.”

 

“But why ? You enjoyed it ! _I_ enjoyed it ! But you never called me again, I put my number in your phone but you never answered me. That’s not something to do when you’re a gentleman.”

 

“Seon…”

 

“We had sex together and we both loved it. Why don’t you want me as your girlfriend now ?”

 

“Because I already have someone ! My heart is already taken !”

 

 

The woman stepped backwards. Jonghyun thought a second that she was going to slap him… and he would have deserved it. But she just sighed.

 

 

“I see. Were you already _taken_ , that night ?” She asked, looking away.

 

“Y-Yes, I was…” The singer confessed. “But… it was my mistake, not yours. I disrespected you, I’m not the gentleman you think I am.”

 

“I suppose not.”

 

“I should have tell you that sooner. To be honest… I should have tell it that night, and I shouldn’t have follow you. It was wrong, so wrong…”

 

“Jonghyun… it’s… it’s okay.”

 

“What ?”

 

 

Jonghyun’s eyes widened. How could it be “okay” ?

 

 

“I mean… That night, I didn’t go to this pub only to make friends.” Seon said, clearing her throat. “I know what I did, and I thought you liked it. I was wrong.”

 

“No, no, you’re not wrong. I confess it, I truly enjoyed what we did but… it was wrong for me to start it. I let you hope that something more was possible.”

 

“I could have understand it myself. But I’m mad at you now.”

 

“I know, and I-”

 

“You cheated on someone with me. And if I knew this person, trust me, I would go to her right away and tell her everything. Because it’s… it’s dirty.”

 

“The person already knows what I did. I told it.”

 

“You confessed ?”

 

“Yes, I did. And I’m single now.”

 

“Oh…”

 

 

Seon seemed to think about the situation, but she only crossed her arms on her chest, looking at Jonghyun with pride in her eyes.

 

 

“Well, you deserved it.” She said. “I’m sorry to tell you that after what we shared, but you totally deserve to be single now. Cheating on someone is a shame, I don’t know what restrains me to slap you for using me that way in a story that disgusting.”

 

“I didn’t use you but if you want to slap me, you can. It’s your right.”

 

“How can you be this calm ?”

 

“I may be calm but trust me, I’m broken inside. But I’m not allowed to be sad after what I did. I just wanted to get things straight with you. You’re really beautiful and kind, but I’m not the one for you.”

 

“Yes, I deserve way much better than you. Please, after this shooting… delete my number and forget me. I don’t want to have something to do with you anymore. I’m sorry but… no.”

 

 

Jonghyun nodded. In a way, he was glad of it. But in another, he felt guilty to have make her dream about something. At least they wouldn’t communicate anymore and it was a good thing, for both of them.

 

 

“Thank you for being that comprehensive, I don’t know how to thank you.” He said, bowing and making her surprised.

 

“What are you doing ? Straighten up !” She said. “I’m not doing this for you but for myself. I won’t date someone who’s able to cheat, I even regret what we did. Now let’s go back and finish the work.”

 

 

Seon stared at him, and the singer almost saw tears threatening to escape her eyes. But he couldn’t say if it was tears of sadness of tears of anger, because the woman turned over and went back in the shooting room. Jonghyun inhaled deeply and followed her. He felt relieved. 

 

 

 

 

When the shooting ended, Kibum was the first to get changed and to say goodbye to everyone, thanking a lot. He wished a lucky beginning to Miss Park, and told her not to hesitate to contact them again, then he left in a hurry. He had to leave this place and this atmosphere. He needed to breathe.

 

Heading outside, he inhaled and exhaled a few times before he started to walk towards his agency. But it was without counting on the fact that he wasn’t alone.

 

 

“Kibum-ah !”

 

 

Jonghyun had shouted his name, and Kibum could now hear him run to him. He tried his best to ignore him, his humiliation still making his heart and ego hurt. But the singer was now walking next to him.

 

 

“Kibum, I really need to talk with you about the shooting, I-”

 

“I don’t want to talk about that.” The rapper said, his mouth hidden behind his scarf. “Leave me alone.”

 

“I can’t leave you now, it’s a misunderstanding…”

 

“Shut the fuck up.”

 

 

The raven haired man sped his steps up, not caring about Jonghyun’s requests. The singer kept following him, and when they arrived at the SM building, he even followed him to the underground car park. Kibum ignored him and walked to his car, opening it with his key. But when he was about to open the door, a manly hand grabbed his arm and made him turn over.

 

 

“Let go of me !” The Almighty said, trying to escape the grip.

 

“Listen to me. It’s a misunderstanding, I didn’t know she would be there.” Jonghyun said, holding his lover’s wrists in order not to let him flee.

 

“That’s not the problem !”

 

“Then what is it ? You didn’t even look at me once in the afternoon, but you perfectly know that I didn’t planned this !”

 

“You disgust me.”

 

 

Jonghyun frowned. He didn’t understand anything. But when he saw his ex-boyfriend’s eyes getting filled with tears, he untightened his grip and looked at him with despair.

 

 

“Bumie…” He started to say.

 

“So that’s what you like ?” Kibum asked, a tear escaping each of his eyes as he sniffed. “That’s why you replaced me ?”

 

“Baby, I didn’t replace you, I swear I-”

 

“Quiet ! That’s what you like ?! A girl who is as old as Taemin, pretty with her long hair and her thin waist, with cute feminine gestures ? You like it when she calls you oppa ?! Is that why you left me ?!”

 

 

With a sob, the raven haired man removed his arms from Jonghyun’s hands, and stepped backwards. The singer didn’t know what to say, but when he moved towards the man he loved, the latter only dug the gap between them more.

 

 

“Kibum, please… It’s not that, really…” Jonghyun tried to explain. “I don’t like _that_ , I…”

 

“You can’t even justify yourself !” The other male bursted of tears. “Of course you want a girl ! With a girl, you can have everything you dream about ! You can have those cute words and touches, you can have a fucking vagina ! Y-You can marry a-and… you can create a-a family !”

 

“My love, please, please don’t think like that… You’re the only one I need in my life…”

 

“So why did you go with another person ?! Why did you left _me_ for a woman ?! If you need me so much, why did you break the only thing that was _mine_ ? Why did you break my self-confidence, this self-confidence you spent yourself years to teach me ? You… you destroyed me… for _her_ …”

 

“I did nothing for her, just let me speak !”

 

“No ! You even left with her in the middle of our shooting ! This shooting I asked you to come to ! This was the worst day of my life and it’s all because of YOU !”

 

“You felt humiliated and I truly know that, but I didn’t left the room for what you think. I just-”

 

“Humiliated ? Humiliated ?! Do you think-”

 

“FOR GOD’S SAKE, LET ME SPEAK !“

 

 

Jonghyun had shouted so loudly that Kibum gasped and jumped with surprise. The singer sighed and approached him, and the raven haired man was so frozen that he didn’t move. 

 

 

“I had to protect you.” The brunette softly said as he took his lover’s cold hands in his. “I saw how you looked at me, I noticed how broken you were when she hugged me, when she called me “oppa” or… when you have to pose with her, when you have to look at her and I…”

 

“I-It was…”

 

“It was horrible, I know that. I saw it in your eyes. Baby, your eyes are an open book to me… I almost died when I saw them become lightless…”

 

 

Kibum sniffed once again, and Jonghyun raised his hand to whip his lover’s tears from his cheeks.

 

 

“If I left the room with her, it was to protect you.” He continued, still caressing the wet cheek. “You had to concentrate, first, and with her and me there, it was too difficult. Then… I had to tell her the truth.”

 

“You… You did what…?” Kibum widened his eyes with horror.

 

“No, I didn’t tell her about us. But I told her I wasn’t a free heart, and I confessed that I wasn’t single when we-”

 

“Don’t say it.”

 

“I don’t say it. But I told her the truth, and… she doesn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore. You won’t see her around me, nor me around her anymore. I had to do it. I had to reject her for you. I’m so sorry for leaving you, it wasn’t in a bad intent…”

 

“I… I need to…”

 

“Yes…?”

 

“I need to be alone… and to think… alone…”

 

“Of course.”

 

 

Jonghyun slowly nodded and approached his lover’s face with his, tenderly kissing his lips. Without moving, Kibum accepted it but didn’t return it, his whole body shaking.

 

 

“Thank you for listening to me.” The singer said as he left his lips. “That was all I asked for, I needed to explain this to you. I’m so sorry if I hurt you, it wasn’t my intention, I only wanted to enjoy this shooting with you…”

 

“That’s what I wanted too… But it has been ruined and I need to hide myself…”

 

“Then go. Drive home, drink a hot chocolate and just wrap yourself in a plaid.”

 

 

The brunette let go of Kibum, and watched him get in the car, close the door and leave without any word. When the car disappeared from his sight, he couldn’t help but sigh and kneel, holding his own head with both his hands. He wanted to shout his pain. It was so hurtful to see the love of his life crying and suffering like he did. He wanted to stab himself for everything, he wanted to suffer as much as Kibum suffered, or even more.

 

He had to do something. He had to rejoin him. Not the day after, nor three days after ; this evening. He had to go to him this evening.

 

 But how ?

 

 

 

 

__________________

 

 

 

 

 

Kibum was crying his heart out for hours, huddled on his armchair. He felt weak, and worse than that, he felt as if he had been cheated on two hours before. He was so much in a bad mood that he had asked the dog’s association’s owner to keep his puppies for the night. He didn’t want to make them feel uncomfortable at home with their crying daddy.

 

His heart was making him suffer so much he almost tried to rip his own chest. This day had been so humiliating for him, but the point was here : he wasn’t mad at Jonghyun. He had screamed on him like he had never done, but in fact… it wasn’t his fault. 

 

It hadn’t been anybody’s fault. It had been a coincidence that went awry. But he had said something true to Jonghyun, a few hours before : his self-confidence had left him, and when he had seen the pure beauty that was Hwang Seon… he had felt as if it would never come back.

 

She was so beautiful that he himself had imagined how pretty her children with Jonghyun could have been. It was a self-harm, he knew it was ! But it had come to him despite he hadn't asked for anything. And to say it to the singer had been so hurtful… because it was true. Kibum could never give children to his lover. He couldn’t do anything against that, it was simple biology.

 

Of course, there was adoption. And he had thought about it weeks before… before he caught his boyfriend cheating on him.

 

They were young, but he had already thought about creating a family. And when he had seen _her_ … jealousy had run his whole body, making him sweat as if his heart had stopped beating and his blood had started to escape him, bleeding him to death. He had felt… _fear_. He had been afraid that Jonghyun had cheated on him for that reason : by slowly going back to a woman, he could have _his_ family.

 

Something that Kibum could never give him by himself.

 

And it hurt so much.

 

He was about to sob again, his previous tears dry on his cheeks, when his phone rang. Frowning and whipping his nose and face, the raven haired man grabbed the device and hesitated when he saw a well known name. 

 

Jonghyun.

 

 

“Hello…?” He said, picking up.

 

“Hello ? Is this Key ?” An unknown male voice asked, making him gawp as a dying man.

 

“Uh… Yes, it’s me, but who are you ?”

 

“My apologies, I’m Lee Kwangho. I manage a pub in the third avenue, and I’m a friend of Kim Jonghyun.”

 

“Jonghyun ? Wait, are you calling me for him ? Because if you do-”

 

“That’s right, I’m calling for him. Well, no, I’m calling because of him… Hum… I called the first favorite number on his phone, you know, I just tapped the number one and called.”

 

“Why did you do such a thing ? What’s going on ? Why do you even have his phone ?”

 

“Don’t worry ! I just… need your help. Jonghyun needs your help.”

 

“What ? What happened ?”

 

 

Kibum sat up straight, his eyes widening with a sudden fear.

 

 

“It’s nothing serious.” That Lee Kwangho told him. “He came to my pub and asked me to pour him some alcohol. I did it, that’s my job. But… he drank too much and he… he fought.”

 

“He _what_ ?!”

 

“He fought with some other man. I’m sorry to call you and to let you know it like that, but I wanted to let him a chance. I know him well, I know he’s not violent. Could you please come and pick him ?”

 

“Pick him ? But why do you take the time to call me if he’s drunk enough to fight ?!”

 

“Because as the owner and manager of the pub, I follow a rule : if a customer gets in a fight because he’s not sober enough to control himself, I stop him, take his phone and call his first favorite number to ask the person to pick him.”

 

“And what if I don’t want to come ?”

 

“I will have to call the police. And he will go to police station for the night.”

 

“To the… I’m coming, text me the address.”

 

 

Kibum hanged up and hurried. What had this idiot, stupid man, dumbass, done ?!

 

 

 

***

 


	9. Drunkenness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> M-rated chapter.

_**9\. Drunkenness** _

 

 

 

As soon as Kibum entered the pub, he bowed before everyone, silently cursing his ex-boyfriend. Lee Kwangho put the glass he was cleaning when he saw him, and he left the bar to join him, making him straighten up with his hands on his arms.

 

 

“You’ve been fast, thank you.” The man said, his face as neutral as Kibum’s was showing his worries.

 

“I live in the next street, I ran.” The other male answered, his breath slowly recovering since he hated to run — and so did his lungs.

 

“Breathe, breathe. Jonghyun is alright.”

 

“Where is he ? Please forgive him, I apologize for him, it’s a shame for us and for our image, I really hope the man he fought with isn’t hurt and-”

 

“Hey, don’t worry that much. The… other man, was so drunk I’m sure he didn’t recognize Jonghyun.”

 

“But there are other people here, and if they saw him, if a complaint is submitted… Fuck, what was he thinking about…”

 

“It’s okay, the fight was quickly stopped and trust me, if someone saw something, then he or her saw the other man attacking our friend first.”

 

 

Kibum sighed with relief but also with fear. While he was running, he had thought so much of what this fight could have imply for Jonghyun, for his image and for his work… He had feared so much for his reputation, because he was a true artist who wouldn’t deserve to be moved aside because of a mistake… How could he survive if his whole world was thrown away ?

 

 

“Can I see him ? I’m going to take him home.” Kibum said, breathing naturally again.

 

“Of course, I made him lie down in my apartment. I live above the pub.” Kwangho answered, smiling. “I’ll go upstairs, just wait for me.”

 

“Wait… Is he _that_ drunk…?”

 

“Don’t worry.”

 

 

The man didn’t say anything more, and Kibum almost hit him. What was wrong with this person to be this mysterious ?! Biting his nails, he waited for two minutes that seemed to be two hours, and when he saw Kwangho come back with Jonghyun holding on to his shoulder, he silently swore. 

 

The singer didn’t seem in a really bad mood, but it wasn’t so joyful either. He was constantly frowning but he could walk properly. Maybe his head was just making him turn. When the men approached Kibum, the raven haired man immediately took his lover from the barman’s arms, holding him by putting an arm around his waist.

 

 

“Hold on to me, you stupid head…” Kibum softly said as Jonghyun obeyed without answering. “You don’t even smell alcohol, I don’t understand.”

 

“Ah, uh, yes…” Kwangho said. “I live with my mother. And when I brought Jjong upstairs, she definitely said she would clean him.”

 

“Clean him ? A man she does know nothing about ?”

 

“My mom is really obliging. And I talked a lot about Jonghyun to her, I confess.”

 

“I see. Well… thank you again for not calling the police, please don’t let him drink so much next time.”

 

“I will do my best, sorry, I can’t look after everyone alone. But I will, don’t worry and go now. Do you need help ?”

 

“It will be okay. Good night.”

 

 

Kibum slowly bowed before he left the pub, holding the quiet singer against him. He walked without haste in the dark streets, the low lights from some street lamps giving them enough lighting to see where they were walking. As soon as they turned towards the Almighty’s street, the sober male let a long sigh out.

 

 

“You’re unbelievable, seriously.” He said, angry and worried at the same time. “Do you really think I have nothing else to do at that hour ? Sleep for example ? I’m not your mom for God’s sake.”

 

“Hmm…” Jonghyun only answered.

 

“Oh yes, you better say nothing. What were you thinking ? Being drunk enough to fight in front of people ! I know that _image_ is something we try not to care a lot, but in some situations, we need to care. What if that bastard had submitted a complaint against you ? Did you think about that ? Don’t fucking fight in public, don’t fight at all ! Is it that complicated ? Do you- wait. Did you just smile ?!”

 

“Of course not…”

 

“Good. I’m going to kill you, Kim Jonghyun. You won’t see the sunrise again.”

 

 

Saying those words, Kibum opened his flat’s door and led the singer in the elevator to make them go up to his floor. 

 

 

“I hope you’re drunk enough to forget my address. I didn’t move for nothing.”

 

 

The raven haired man felt bad of being this harsh, but he was truly mad at Jonghyun. Opening his door, he slowly pushed him inside and locked. 

 

 

“Let me undress you.” He said before he made the brunette sit on the sofa. “I warn you, you sleep right there.”

 

 

Jonghyun didn’t make a move nor he said anything, only making the other male sigh as he undressed him. When the elder ended up with only his boxers on, Kibum couldn’t help but blush ; even if he was mad, he couldn’t avoid his own body and soul to crave this muscular body. But it wasn’t the right moment. 

 

Standing up, he headed to his bedroom, taking clean pillow and sheet and coming back to the living room to put them on the sofa. Under Jonghyun’s eyes, he then went to his kitchen, pouring fresh water in a big glass and putting it on the coffee table with the water bottle.

 

 

“I will give you some aspirin tomorrow.” Kibum said before he put the back of his hand on the singer’s forehead and cheeks. “You’re not even hot… Are you sure that you drank ? You’re not like that when you’re drunk.”

 

 

Jonghyun didn’t answered, and the Almighty sighed again before he stood up.

 

 

“I’m going to take a shower, I feel like my skin smells alcohol only because of that pub’s atmosphere. For now, rest and drink water. I want you to empty this glass, do you hear me ? I will make you a drink against hangover when I come back. At least you already took a shower, if I understood well…”

 

 

The brunette made the huge effort to nod, and as he hold his head with his hands, Kibum left him by going in the bathroom. He was about to explode, he really needed that shower. Getting rid of the unharmonized clothes he had quickly put on earlier, he threw them in the laundry basket and jumped in the shower. Without waiting the hot water to come, he put his head under the water jet.

 

He couldn’t think straight, too much thoughts were attacking his brain at the same time. He stayed with his face underwater for a few seconds before he stepped backwards to breathe. It felt as if he was drunk too ! What he only hoped was that Jonghyun would have fallen asleep when he would go back to the living room. 

 

Sighing, he took his time to wash his body with that new shower gel for dry skins. With the fall’s return, his skin had lost its summer strength, if we could call it strength, and Kibum had bought a lot of natural products that would hydrate each centimeter of his body. He hated to have his skin dry. In a general way, his skin was his most precious treasure : he would treat it so well, cherish it to avoid any scratch or allergy.

 

Feeling clean again, he put his body back underwater, closing his eyes as he was being rinsed. 

 

He didn’t hear the bathroom’s door open, then close.

 

He didn’t hear someone slip inside the shower.

 

He only felt.

 

He felt two muscled arms enlace his naked body and making him turn over. 

 

With a gasp escaping his mouth, he opened his wet eyelids to meet Jonghyun’s dark pupils, staring at him. He didn’t have the time to say anything as the singer crushed their lips together, his manly hands holding his hips to pull him closer to his muscular and now wet body.

 

Kibum almost slipped on the shower’s floor and grabbed hold of the brunette’s shoulders as his mouth was invaded by a familiar tongue. The raven haired man’s first thought was that he was going to feel a taste of alcohol… but not at all. All he could taste was his lover’s flavor, what he knew by heart and was going crazy for. He frowned when he realized what was happening, and pushed Jonghyun with all his strength, breaking their kiss.

 

 

“Wh-What the fuck are you doing ?!” He shouted despite his trembling voice. “H-How are you standing alone ?! You were stumbling as fuck outside !”

 

“Kibummie…” Jonghyun said, softly approaching him again as he turned the water off. “Do you really think I was going to let you cry all night after our quarrel…?”

 

“What…? What have you done…?”

 

“I did what I had… no, what I needed to do to come to you. This day was ruined, and I didn’t want you to end it with tears.”

 

“Kim Jonghyun… you… you plotted all this shit ?!”

 

“I confess.” The brunette smiled as he pulled his lover’s body against his once again. “I didn’t know how to rejoin you, but I needed to. Kwangho helped me a lot even if he was a really bad actor…”

 

“You played with my anxiety ?! I’m going to kill you so much, I-”

 

“Kill me then. At least, your beautiful face will be the last thing I will see in my lifetime.”

 

 

Kibum bit his lip. He didn’t know how to feel at that moment. The only thing he could think about was the strong arms holding him, and those deep eyes staring at him, those fleshy lips calling him…

 

 

“You weren’t drunk at all…” He whispered, fighting himself the best he could.

 

“Not at all. I didn’t drink anything, I didn’t fight with anyone.” Jonghyun answered, smiling as one of his hand raised to meet his cheek in a soft caress. “You don’t have to worry anymore…”

 

“I want to slap you so much, but…”

 

“Oh, there is a but…?”

 

“But… I want to kiss you much more…”

 

“Then what are you waiting for…?”

 

“You bastard… Asshole, dickhead, dumb-”

 

 

Jonghyun laughed and made his lover quiet by kissing his lips, both his hands holding his cheeks. Kibum held on to his forearms, giving him his kiss back ; he thought that the brunette would be brutal, but he was surprised by his delicateness. His well-rounded lips were caressing his, making his whole body shiver as he felt something hard against his thigh.

 

Leaving the brunette’s mouth, he bit his lip as his body answered a kind of primal instinct, arching against that hardness he felt against his skin. But he didn’t pushed his body with pride and bestiality, not at all ; he did it slowly in order to make his thigh only caress Jonghyun’s inflating shaft. 

 

 

“Do you want me…?” The singer asked, whispering, his lips still close to the other male’s ones. “Babe, do you want me…?”

 

“I… I want you…” Kibum answered with the same tone, opening his eyes to meet Jonghyun’s, both of them sharing a full of desire look.

 

 

Surprising the elder, the raven haired man softly pushed him to get out off the shower and dry his skin. Jonghyun’s heart missed a beat when he felt a hand taking his, pulling him with delicateness to dry his body too before making him follow. Kibum looked behind his shoulder and smiled at him ; it was a tiny smile, a kind of shy one that made the other male melt inside. They crossed the apartment, bare-naked, and the owner led his _guest_ to the bedroom.

 

After he closed the door behind them, he turned over to come to Jonghyun again and as he put his hands on his jaw, he made the first step and kissed him. The singer smiled and kissed him with his deepest love, making his hands caressing his waist, back and hips. They were standing up in front of the bed and kissing as if their life were depending on it, their tongues dancing together in a warm, wet and emotional slow.

 

Without leaving the fleshy lips, Kibum slowly stepped backwards until his calfs touched the wood bed base. Jonghyun felt it too when their kiss got interrupted despite their tongues stayed against each other. Holding his lover’s back with a hand and his thigh with the other one, he made him delicately fall on the mattress, joining him by lying above him, their bodies not touching each other.

 

The dark haired man raised his hand to run it through the singer's brown hair as his other hand slipped on his back, pushing it to make the warm body come closer. Jonghyun smiled in their kiss and grazed his lover’s pelvis with his, making him sigh against his lips. It was all about caresses and light touches, both their bodies shivering and ending up ask for more as if they were addicted to each other. 

 

It was an addiction.

 

Kibum was addicted to Jonghyun’s touches as much as Jonghyun was addicted to Kibum’s lips.

 

They were drinking each other till drunkenness. There hadn’t been any alcohol running their veins in the end, but their tumultuous love and desire were making them go crazy as if they were drunk.

 

Leaving his lover’s lips after a few minutes of soft and deep kisses, Jonghyun straightened a little bit to burrow his face in the other male’s neck. Under the latter’s sighs, he left countless butterfly kisses on the pale skin, his lips slowly making their way through the pure white and thin torso. Kibum couldn’t help but let a small moan out as his nipple was being kissed and captured, a warm but delicate tongue arousing it enough to make his whole body arch because of a strong shiver.

 

The brunette stayed a few seconds on this extrasensible part of the other male’s anatomy, but he soon went lower and lower. Kibum blushed when he felt lips approaching his private parts, and he raised his head as his eyebrows slightly frowned. Jonghyun felt the movement and looked up without ceasing his kisses on the pale hip.

 

 

“What are you doing…?” The younger male asked, whispering as he bit his lip because of the strong sensation a kiss on his inner thigh gave him.

 

“Isn’t it obvious…?” Jonghyun answered, smiling as he dangerously approached his lips from Kibum’s crotch.

 

“B-But… Jonghyun, it’s not you who have to do this…”

 

“And why not…?”

 

“Because I… I am the…”

 

“Stop telling nonsense, baby… I can do it too, and I deeply want to please you. There is only you tonight…”

 

 

Saying those words that made Kibum thrill with pleasure, Jonghyun ended his mouth’s way by putting a kiss on his lover’s inflated member. Putting his manly hands on the thighs, he slowly spread them before he lied between them ; it was a chance that Kibum had a true king size bed, both of them could fit on its length. The younger male sighed once again when a kiss was put on his shaft, and he put his head back on the mattress, his hand grabbing the sheet as his cheeks turned red because of shyness.

 

It was the first time the singer was going to pleasure him this way ; back then, it had always been him who had spoiled his boyfriend with his mouth, turning him crazy before they would start the real thing. But tonight, the tables were turning… and it was kind of stressful. Kibum was feeling as if he was doing his first time once again, and his heart was beating faster and faster.

 

Caressing his thigh, Jonghyun put a line of sweet and warm kisses along his member, which was slowly responding the attack by rising more and more. Under his lover’s sighs, the brunette smiled and went to put his wet lips on his inner thigh as he delicately wrapped his hand around the aroused shaft. As he started to slowly pump it, Kibum let a moan out, his back slightly arching while his hand tightened its grip on the sheet.

 

 

“You’re trembling…” Jonghyun whispered as his lips went up his thigh until they found what they were looking for : his lover’s balls.

 

“I-It’s so new-oh God…!” Kibum barely said as he moaned when he felt lips capturing his testicles.

 

 

The singer smiled to the moan as he kissed and sucked the milky sacks, his hand making its movement faster around the rising member. The younger male noisily sighed as his free hand went by itself on Jonghyun’s, covering it between his own legs. His body wasn’t accustomed to this new and delicate touches, so it was moving and reacting strangely enough to make Kibum blush harder. He felt so… virgin !

 

Answering a quiet beg, Jonghyun left his lover’s balls and withdrew both his hand and the pale one’s that was holding it. Pre-cum had flown on Kibum’s cock, making it wet and somehow mouth-watering. Without waiting more, the singer approached his lips closer and gave a small lick on the member’s head, making its owner gasp as his leg bended under the sudden pleasure.

 

Taking his time, Jonghyun licked and sucked the glans, himself discovering this sensation since he had always been the one who received this kind of pleasure. It wasn’t as strange as he thought it would be… He even liked it. Seeing his lover’s body crave what would happen next, he decided not to torture him longer ; opening his mouth wider, he engulfed the member and tightened it with his lips.

 

 

“Oh fuck !” Kibum couldn’t help but shout as he put his hand on the brunette’s hair.

 

 

The latter smiled with his eyes since his lips were busy, and by remembering how the younger male did it to him countless times, he slowly moved his mouth back and forth. Holding its base with his hand, he sucked the member the best he could, and he felt an excessive pride invade his already warm body as he heard Kibum’s moans. The hand on his hair was now holding his bangs with a tightened grip, but he couldn’t care less.

 

The Almighty was going crazy. Jonghyun was pumping him so well he didn’t know where to start ! It was so slow and sweet, he felt as if he was a candy known for his delicate sugar taste. Pleasure was hitting his whole body each time the brunette would make his wet lips slip forwards, and Kibum straightened up, holding himself on his forearm as he looked at this erotic sight. 

 

Jonghyun had closed his eyes, and his head was moving up and down in a slow rhythm as his lips were imprisoning the reddish and hard member. But it wasn’t enough.

 

 

“P-Please… go faster…”

 

 

Kibum had whispered those words, his voice staying stuck in his throat as a wave of pleasure hit his body ; the elder had just let a husky sound out of his throat, and the vibration that resulted from it almost knocked the younger male out. But he obeyed without any hesitation and sped his movement up under the Almighty’s sporadic breath.

 

 

“My God, my God…!” The latter moaned, his hand pushing Jonghyun’s head to make him go deeper as stars were dancing before his closed eyes — the singer almost choked but he kept going, doing his best. “S-Stop, I’m going to co-ome…!”

 

 

With a rude but truly erotic suction sound, Jonghyun left his lover’s cock as he caught his breath back only to run the body under him with warm kisses. His lips were still wet from their blowjob when they went up to meet their soulmates. Kibum couldn’t help but jump with surprise when he felt his own taste on his lips, then on his tongue as the singer kissed him fully.

 

So that was what Jonghyun had tasted each time he had kissed him after giving him a fellatio ? How strange… but deeply pleasurable it was.

 

Kibum let a strong moan out and broke the kiss as he felt his lover’s pelvis against his. The brunette was as hard as him, he could feel it so much that his mind shut down for a second. Jonghyun smiled and put some sweet kisses on his trembling lips, putting his hand on his red and warm cheek.

 

 

“Honey…” He whispered, brushing his nose against his lover’s. “Do you want to go further…?”

 

“Yeah…” Kibum answered, opening his eyes to stare at him. “But… Kiss me first… Hold me…”

 

 

Jonghyun smiled and caressed the cheek before he put his lips on Kibum’s once again, kissing him with an incredible delicateness as he slid his muscled arm behind his back, lifting the trembling body against his in a warm embrace. The raven haired man enlaced the other male’s neck with both his arms, kissing him back as their bodies were covered with shivers and a thin sweat layer.

 

They only kissed during a few minutes, their senses being aroused as their sighs resounded in the room. Jonghyun wasn’t forcing anything, he was caressing his love’s back and hair as his tongue was dancing with his. The younger male’s heart was beating so fast he thought it was going to explode because of this tenderness. He who had always loved it when it was rude, almost brutal and primal, was now begging inside for Jonghyun to stay as sweet and delicate as he was since the beginning.

 

When he felt ready to finally accept his body to be completed with his lover’s, he slowly broke their kiss and caught the hand on his cheek. Both men opened their eyes and stared at each other, as Kibum led his lover’s fingers to his lips, kissing them before he wet them with his tongue. Jonghyun looked at him and bit his lip when his fingers were engulfed in the Almighty’s mouth ; it was so erotic to see him doing that, it was enough to make his cock go harder.

 

As soon as Kibum let them go, the singer made his fingers run the white body while he kissed him. Using both his hands as his lover was holding his torso above him with his own hands, Jonghyun slowly raised the dark haired man’s bottom and spread his ass cheeks. With the most precious care, he inserted his finger in the muscle ring, making the other male moan with discomfort. 

 

The brunette didn’t stop to kiss the other’s lips and jaw as he made his finger move back and forth before a second one joined it. Kibum arched his body, frowning ; it had always been painful at the beginning, he knew it but he also knew what would come after this bad part. So he just grinned and bore it… slowly forgetting the pain thanks to Jonghyun’s soft kisses and lips caresses in parallel with his scissor’s finger moves.

 

When a third finger entered him, Kibum couldn’t help but let a cry out, strongly closing his eyes as he felt tears threaten him to escape his eyelids. 

 

 

“Breathe, baby…” Jonghyun whispered as he made his fingers move to sooth his lover’s flesh ring. “I’m here…”

 

“I-It’s okay…”

 

 

The raven haired male took a deep breath and opened his watering eyes before he smiled. Yes, the pain had slowly begun to vanish, and he could already feel a familiar pleasurable sensation. As an answer to his smile, Jonghyun kissed his eyelids before he removed his fingers, straightening up to position himself.

 

 

“Hey…” Kibum called as his hand was blind-searching something in his bedside table’s drawer.

 

“What is it…?” The singer asked, looking up without stopping his hand job on his own cock.

 

“Did you already forget the rule…?”

 

 

The Almighty smiled, withdrawing his hand from the drawer with a condom in it. Jonghyun smiled in return and looked at his lover opening the small packet with his teeth before he took the latex ring to slip it on with caution. On the same time, Kibum caught a pillow and put it under his back in order to raise his bottom’s height. When the singer positioned himself once again, the younger male bit his lip as he felt something hard poke his entrance.

 

 

“Tell me when you’re ready…” Jonghyun softly said as he guided his shaft, leaning his body above his partner.

 

“I’ve never been this ready… Just come…” Kibum whispered, putting his hand on the other’s nape to make his face come closer to his. “And dont forget to kiss me, babe…”

 

 

Jonghyun bit his lip at the nickname, and slowly took his lover’s lips as he carefully pushed his cock inside him. It was so much bigger than two fingers that Kibum frowned and held on to the brunette’s nape, kissing him to concentrate on something else as his nails were scratching the tanned skin.

 

As soon as the singer’s member was dug deep inside him, the rapper caught his breath back and his eyes gave an order for him. Jonghyun smiled, understanding right away, and removed his cock only to push it better in his lover once again, making him moan loudly. He just loved to hear his moans and other pleasure noises, it was like a sweet melody to his ears. 

 

 

“You’re my only weakness, do you know that…?” He said with a husky voice as he moved backwards and forwards, following a slow rhythm to increase both their pleasure without any bestiality. “You make me feel so weak when you’re far away from me…”

 

 

Kibum didn’t answer since his words were replaced by a sigh, his whole body being strike by ecstasy. Spreading his legs more, he lifted one of them to enlace the brunette’s hip with it, this position making his ass cheeks spread more too. His lips wouldn’t close anymore, they only let deep sighs and high-pitched moans out as Jonghyun kissed them sometimes, invading his mouth with his warm muscle.

 

Sweat was covering both their bodies and the entire room was immersed in a sexual atmosphere that could be smelled and almost touched. Both men were driven crazy by this only smell of sex, pleasure and boiling seed as their breaths were panting together, their moans being engulfed in each other’s mouths. Saliva was running down their chin but they couldn’t care less, the entire world around them didn’t exist anymore. 

 

It wasn’t just sex.

 

Jonghyun was carefully and softly making love to Kibum, and the latter felt his heart jolt countless times, each time his lover whispered something next to his ear between two sighs or moans. The brunette’s husky voice could have been enough to drive him to this long-awaited orgasm, but what drove him completely crazy was this strong flash of pleasure that shook his whole body when something deep inside him was hit by Jonghyun’s cock. 

 

 

“Oh God…!” Kibum moaned as his body arched, his head raised and his mouth as wide-opened as his eyes were closed.

 

“I found you…” The singer said, his breath panting and his body trembling because of pleasure and sore muscles.

 

 

Without saying more, Jonghyun hit his partner’s prostate once again, then countless times to make him shout behind his hand. Their bodies were trembling and Kibum thought that if he touched his cock, he would come right away… and so did it happen. As soon as he found the mental strength to catch his neglected member, only one pump was enough to make him rise till seventh heaven. His shout stayed stuck in his throat as his body was drawn tight, both his torso and Jonghyun’s being spattered with milky cum.

 

By seeing the love of his life this high, in such an erotic position under him, Jonghyun gave some strong strokes to lure his own climax. He let out a loudly but husky moan out of his throat as he came, his seed flowing inside his protection and its warmth around his own cock driving him crazier. 

 

With a last desperate move, the lovers crushed their lips together, and kissed without giving their breath a rest. Kibum hugged his partner’s neck with an arm, letting the other one resting on the mattress, above his hair. Despite his panting legs, Jonghyun found the strength to slow down his movement till he completely stopped it.

 

A second later, the singer had put his forehead against the rapper’s, and they were catching their breath back with their eyes closed. Kibum was softly fondling the brunette’s hair, his chest still moving up and down as his orgasm slowly left his body.

 

They stayed like this for a few minutes, Jonghyun still in his lover. When he felt his muscles beg him for mercy, the singer slowly moved backwards to free his cock from its full condom, and Kibum couldn’t help but sigh a last time. After he threw the latex protection right in the desk’s bin, the elder let himself fall on his back, closing his eyes and his breath still recovering.

 

As he often used to do, the raven haired man lied on his side and approached his lover to put his head on his shoulder, slowly caressing his chest to help him to calm down. They didn’t say anything, and when Jonghyun put his arm around the younger male’s waist to hold him tight, the latter smiled and closed his eyes to appreciate this cuddly moment.

 

He didn’t regret anything.

 

He felt completed again, and he was so moved by Jonghyun’s tenderness. He wasn’t afraid of this dino’s bestiality, not at all, but it had positively surprised him ; the singer had asked him if he wanted to have sex, he had taken the time to excite his desires and in the end… he had made love to him.

 

Kibum had felt it. This strong, deep and true love the singer had shared with him… and he had almost made him cry. He loved him so much it hurt him, but at that moment, there was no pain in his body, nor in his heart. There was only… happiness.

 

That was it.

 

He was happy.

 

He was so happy that those feelings made him relax enough to fall asleep without hearing his lover saying “I love you”, without feeling him standing up, going to the bathroom and coming back with a wet washcloth, cleaning them himself. He didn’t feel Jonghyun lying him on his pillows and holding him from behind before joining him in his sleep.

 

But in his sleep, he could feel the warmth of both their hearts. Furthermore, he could feel the wound in his own heart being healed with its first stitch.

 

 

 

____________________

 

 

 

It wasn’t the morning sun that woke Kibum up, but his ringtone. Growling, he stretched his arm to look for the device on his bedside table and picked it up without even looking at it. He approached it from his ear and cleared his throat.

 

 

“Hello…” He said with his morning husky voice.

 

“You’re finally up ! Were you that drunk last night ?” Minho’s voice shouted in his ear, forcing him to move the phone away.

 

“Why do you scream like that, are you stupid ? I wasn’t drunk, I was sleeping, you dickhead.”

 

“I called thrice, you took your time.”

 

“What do you want, Choi Minho.”

 

“Oh, nothing serious. I just wanted to wish you a good morning… and a happy birthday.”

 

“What ?”

 

“Did you say “what” ?”

 

“Umma, happy birthday ~” Taemin spoke, coming near the phone.

 

“My… birthday ?”

 

“Come on, are you sure you’re not drunk ?” Minho retorted. “We’re on the twenty-third. It’s your birthday, dummy.”

 

 

Kibum frowned and tried to sat up straight, only reviving the pain in his bottom and making himself whine.

 

 

“Wow, you’re that sad.” Minho said. “It’s okay, you’re not that old.”

 

“Oh shut up. Are you sure ?” Kibum asked, massaging his own back, above his bottom.

 

“Did you really ask _me_ , your bestfriend, if I was sure of your birth day ?”

 

“I’m sure we’re the twenty-second…”

 

“No, that was yesterday. You had this shooting with Jonghyun hyung.”

 

“By the way, Jonghyun hyung didn’t come back home last night…” The maknae said, his voice full of wink-wink. “Have you seen him ?”

 

 

It took him a split second to recover all his memories from last night, and Kibum turned his head towards the other part of the bed. Empty. He frowned.

 

 

“Umma ?”

 

“Yes, yes, I’m here. I got a call last night from a pub owner… Jonghyun was drunk as fuck and he fought.”

 

“What ?!” Minho shouted, forcing his friend to move the phone away once again. “He fought ?!”

 

“Yes. But since the owner was a friend of his, he didn’t call the police, he called me instead.”

 

“So Jonghyun is with you ?”

 

“Yeah. That dumbass threw up the entire night, but trust me, I let him in his own shit. Maybe I should go and see if he survived the night.”

 

“You’re not serious…”

 

“Of course I am. He was stinking so much, do you really think I was going to let him approach me ?”

 

“But is he hurt ?”

 

“Not at all. I don’t know who he fought with, but I suppose someone had stopped them soon enough not to let them hurt themselves. I think only his manly ego will be hurt.”

 

“Well… Happy birthday.”

 

“Lucky me !”

 

“Umma…” Taemin said, seeming uncertain. “Are you going to Daegu today…?”

 

 

Kibum took a minute to answer. If today was his birthday… then it also was his grandmother’s passing anniversary. Since she had passed away, he had always spent his birthday in Daegu, his hometown, cleaning the grave and adding new fresh flowers, but also speaking to his grandmother and crying in the small house she had left him.

 

 

“Yes, I am.” He simply said. “And I have to get ready, the road is long.”

 

“Of course, do what you have to do.” His rapper friend told him. “Again, happy birthday. We love you, call us if you’re not feeling well.”

 

“I will, thank you. I love you too.”

 

“See you.”

 

 

Kibum hung up and sighed. He had been so… _busy_ , last night, that he had almost forgotten about this day. Looking back at the empty place next to him, he couldn’t help but let an ironic laugh out. So that was it. Jonghyun had come to fuck him, and then he had left. Pondering his anger and sadness, the raven haired man got up and put his dressing gown on before leaving his bedroom.

 

Rubbing his eyes and fighting his uncontrollable wish to cry his heart out, he headed to the kitchen to cook some breakfast before leaving the city… and almost had a heart attack when he saw a half naked brunette behind the stove. He was only wearing his boxers and… Kibum’s apron. The Almighty stayed in shock at the kitchen’s door, and when Jonghyun turned over, he offered him a smile as his hands were holding a pan.

 

 

“You woke up.” The singer said as he poured the pan’s contents in two plates.

 

“Y-Yes… You’re still here ?” Kibum asked, following his gestures with his eyes.

 

“Of course, why would I have left ?”

 

“I don’t know… I thought…”

 

“Were you worried ?”

 

“Not at all. You’re a grown man, you can do what you want.”

 

“Babe.”

 

 

Kibum sighed. Of course, this dumbass knew him much more than he himself.

 

 

“Alright, maybe I was.” He confessed. “What are you doing ?”

 

“Breakfast. I thought you would like to eat something subsistant before leaving.” The singer said as he put the pan in the dishwasher. “Eggs, bacon and some rice.”

 

“Leaving…?”

 

“Yeah. Your annual trip to Daegu. Did you think I forgot it ?”

 

 

Kibum shook his head ; no, he couldn’t have forgotten since he had come with him each time… Since he wasn’t answering, Jonghyun approached him and softly put his hands on his cheeks, giving him a sweet morning kiss.

 

 

“Come, eat a little bit.” He whispered as he made him sit on the chair. “We must build up our strength, we got a lot of road to cover.”

 

 

The Almighty nodded, turning his head to look at him. The brunette smiled to him and caressed his cheek ; he knew how difficult it was to him, on this day, and his dark eyes were shining with a tenderness that made him want to cry. Jonghyun kissed his forehead.

 

 

“And… happy birthday…”

 

 

The dark haired male whispered a “thank you” before attacking his breakfast. Jonghyun took place in front of him, eating too. No word was exchanged between them, but they weren’t thinking less. Kibum looked at his eating lover… and sincerely thanked God to have him on that day.

 

Despite their situation… he wouldn’t have removed him from this trip for anything in the world.

 

He needed him.

 

 

 

***

 


	10. Your day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: scene in a graveyard.

_**10\. Your day** _

 

 

 

“What do you mean by the “hugest party ever”, tell me ?”

 

 

Onew frowned as he drank his coffee, sitting in the dorm’s kitchen. In front of him, the maknae was all smiling with a milk mark above his upper lip.

 

 

“I mean what you think, hyung.” Taemin joyfully said. “I don’t want Key hyung to spend a bad birthday this year again.”

 

“But you know that this day isn’t only a day of joy anymore for him.” The leader stated, his face showing his compassion towards their friend. “I don’t know if we can do that, I mean, he’s not in a good mood because of Jonghyun, and it’s even worse today because of his grandma.”

 

“Yes but think about it. It’s been three years, I know how much it hurts but… I can’t let him be sad on his birthday forever.”

 

“Lee Taemin, we can’t force him…”

 

“But hyung…”

 

“Enough.” Minho spoke as he had stayed quiet since the beginning of their breakfast. “Taemin-ah, he’s right. What if Kibum doesn’t want to have a birthday party because of what this day implies now ?”

 

“If we only care about the “what if” things, how can we live ?” The maknae asked, suddenly more serious. “I know how it feels to loose someone you care so much for. But… It is also _his_ day, I feel so mad when I know he cries every year instead of celebrate.”

 

“I understand what you're saying, but… To be honest, I’m afraid of his reaction.”

 

“So am I.” Onew nodded, looking at their maknae. “Trust me, I want to prepare a party too, just for him, I want to see him smile. But I don’t think he will be pleased…”

 

“And how do you know that ? Please hyung, if we don’t try, we will never know ! Just once, just this year, let me do something for him…”

 

“How grown you are…”

 

 

The leader sighed and finished his mug, his mind full of deep thoughts. Of course he wanted to let Taemin organise a party for Kibum’s birthday, but it was so risky… He was so afraid that their friend would stay sad, that he couldn’t enjoy as much as they would. Even themselves couldn’t enjoy a party if he didn’t. But the maknae was right, how could they know the issue of a surprise party if they didn’t try once ?

 

 

“Minho, what do you think about this ?” Onew asked the rapper as he often did when he had struggles to take a decision.

 

“It frightens me, and I’m being honest hyung.” The tall male answered. “When we called, he wasn’t even aware that it was his birthday.”

 

“How could it be ? Today’s date is circled in pink on his calendars.”

 

“I think he was so preoccupied by the problem with Jonghyun hyung that he got lost.” Taemin stated. “He told us that Jonghyun was in his house since yesterday.”

 

“I beg your pardon ?” The leader asked, his eyes widening.

 

“Yeah, it seemed that our dear dinosaur got in trouble last evening.” Minho sighed. “I don’t know what happened between these two, but he got drunk in a pub and fought with someone.”

 

“Tell me you’re kidding. Jonghyun never fights.”

 

“That’s what I thought but Kibum told us it arrived. Jonghyun fought as he drank too much, and since the pub owner was a friend of his, he called Key instead of the police.”

 

“And you believed him ?”

 

 

Both Minho and Taemin raised their eyebrows, looking at each other before staring back at the leader. What was he saying ?

 

 

“Why would he lie ?” The maknae asked. “Key hyung isn’t a liar.”

 

“He’s not when he doesn’t have to.” Onew said, laughing. “I’m pretty sure Jonghyun never fights even is he’s drunk as fuck. Trust me, I’ve been drunk with him countless times, he only kisses, hugs and sleeps a lot when he drinks too much. He usually throws up too, and that drives Key completely mad.” 

 

“So you’re telling us… that Kibum hid something from us.” Minho said, seeming truly disappointed.

 

“Of course he did. Minho, you know him.”

 

“I thought so. I didn’t catch anything when we talked on the phone.”

 

“Don’t worry, it’s just that Key is a very good liar when he’s not in front of you.”

 

“That’s true !” The maknae laughed. “He can’t keep a poker face when he lies in front of someone, or he overdoes so much you can't miss it.”

 

“But why ? I told him to come to me if there was something new with Jonghyun hyung !”

 

 

The rapper sighed angrily, he felt as if he was useless. Pouting, Taemin softly caressed his arm while the leader was starting to clear the table.

 

 

“I understand how you feel.” He said. “But please don’t get angry at him, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t trust you anymore.”

 

“So tell me what’s your idea, hyung, because I feel lost.” The rapper confessed, putting his hand on Taemin’s when the leader presented his back to them.

 

“My idea ? Simple. Jonghyun found a way to know where Kibum lived. This way, he can see him more often and it will help him a lot.”

 

“That’s creepy…” The maknae said. “Jonghyun hyung seems psycho.”

 

“That’s how love works. You’re being creepy when you can’t see your _ladylove_. Anyway, I truly think Jonghyun wasn’t drunk at all, but I don’t understand a thing.”

 

“Let me guess : you don’t understand why Key used this lie despite himself knows how Jonghyun acts when he’s drunk.”

 

“Exactly. He could have found something better.”

 

 

The three men were becoming more and more suspicious, but they unfortunately couldn’t be sure of what they thought. Minho felt frustrated since he didn’t understand that his best friend was lying to him nor did he told him that he was seeing Jonghyun. He knew that Kibum didn’t have to tell him everything, but he had promised him to come to him if he had made a mistake of if he was feeling like doing one soon.

 

And if he _needed_ to lie like he had done, then he had done something. It was obvious that he was hiding something. But what ?

 

 

“Anyway, do we organise a party ?” Taemin suddenly broke the silence as he stood up, an angelic smile from ear to ear.

 

“Fine. Let’s do it.” The leader said, smiling too. “But please, do it small and intimate. He doesn’t need to have all the Kpop industry to his birthday party.”

 

“But how can I choose people ?!”

 

“Think as if you were Kibum, who would you invite first ?”

 

“I got it. Let me write down some names and I’ll show you.”

 

 

Saying those words, the maknae rushed to his bedroom to start his mischievous plan. The elders stayed in the kitchen and Onew shook his head, smiling because of the maknae as he did the dishes. Standing up to help him by being in charge of wiping, the rapper stayed quiet and thought a lot. He wasn’t a curious person, but his worries were stronger than his reason : he needed to know what had happened between Jonghyun and Kibum, because if he didn’t know, how could he continue to protect his best friend from another heart break ?

 

 

 

___________________

 

 

 

Jonghyun had left the highway a few minutes ago, and he was now driving with a hand on the wheel and the other one on the gear lever through Daegu’s suburbs. On a straight line, he took a look at the passenger seat and tenderly smiled ; sitting with his head craned towards him, Kibum was peacefully sleeping as a small sheet was warming his thighs. The singer had placed it himself during a short break in a gas station, despite he had already turned the heater on.

 

They had left Seoul right after their breakfast at around nine o’clock, and the Almighty had driven first. He had stopped a few minutes in front of the dorm’s building in order to let Jonghyun catch his already done bag. The singer had received Onew’s discreet help since he didn’t want to feel drown under the younger’s questions, the leader handing him his bag through the ajar door. Then their trip had started.

 

But when Kibum had felt a kind of tiredness because of the highway’s monotony, Jonghyun had insisted that he had needed to let him drive. They had stopped on a rest area and after they had drunk some hot drinks, they had hit the road again until now.

 

The singer carefully drove in the town as he turned the GPS on since he didn’t remember how to reach Kibum’s grandmother’s house. It was a small but comfy house, right at the end of the city. It wasn’t in Daegu itself but at five minutes by car, and it looked like countryside over there. Quickly, the white car arrived at its destination as it was parked in front of the house.

 

Turning the motor off, Jonghyun removed his seat belt and turned towards his still sleeping ex-boyfriend. With a careful hand, he caressed his cheek in order to wake him up.

 

 

“Sweetheart…” He called him with a low voice. “It’s time to wake up.”

 

“Mmh…? We arrived already…?” Kibum asked without opening his eyes, still sleepy.

 

“Yes, we’re in front of the house. You slept a lot, it’s almost two in the afternoon.”

 

“Mmh…”

 

 

The singer tenderly smiled before he leaned on the other male to kiss his shoulder, then he got out of the car and went to open the passenger door. A yawning Kibum joined him outside, holding his hand bag in a hand and the sheet in the other.

 

 

“I will go and do the groceries alone, just stay here and rest a bit more.” Jonghyun said as he opened the boot, taking their respective bag and small suitcase out of it.

 

“I’m okay, I’m coming with you.” The younger male said, shaking his head. “Let’s tidy our things first.”

 

“Are you sure ?”

 

“I am, I don’t want to be alone in the house.”

 

 

Jonghyun nodded and closed the boot, heading to the front door while holding their luggages. The rapper followed him and opened for him since his hands were busy, then they both entered. A familiar scent came to Kibum’s nostrils, and he deeply sighed : he was happy and sad at the same time to be there. Tons of memories were assailing his brain and heart, but he hid them to go to his former bedroom.

 

The elder followed him, making sure to keep an eye on him without necessarily talking. He knew how his lover was, he never spoke when he felt bad, sad or tired, despite he was usually someone talkative. His grandma’s passing had been a real shock in his life and since then, something inside him had broken and had needed time to heal — and it wasn’t completely healed yet. The Almighty had lost some of his natural joy, he had become calmer in his acts and a lot of fans had noticed his new behavior, getting worried for him.

 

After a few minutes, both men were coming back to the car, as Kibum drove them to the grocery. They would stay only two days just like the year before, so they wouldn’t buy a lot of things.

 

 

“What do you want to eat tonight ?” Jonghyun asked, holding the basket. “I will cook for us.”

 

“I don’t think I will be hungry… Maybe something light ?” The rapper proposed, looking at the soup boxes section.

 

“Soup ? Alright, but I will do some eggs with it or we will wake up in the middle of night because of hunger. Pick what you want.”

 

 

Kibum nodded and put some boxes in the basket as his companion grabbed a small pack of teabags. It didn’t take too long and after they payed, they headed together to the best known florist of the district. There, the rapper didn’t hesitate a second and asked for a huge bouquet of white lilies, his grandma’s favorite flowers. On his side, Jonghyun chose a bouquet of white carnations and also bought four one-flower packages, hiding them.

 

Luckily, his mate was to busy by holding his flowers and the groceries bag to notice it. They headed back to the car and Jonghyun put everything himself in the boot before he sat on the passenger seat. Without saying a word, they went back to Kibum’s grandmother’s house and tidied the food in the kitchen. 

 

The singer cooked some chicken noodles, not making much since it was already late in the afternoon. Kibum watched him doing, keeping quiet as he set the table ; they ate slowly, warming their bodies with the hot broth.

 

 

“Did you bring your suit ?” The raven haired man asked while eating.

 

“Yes, don’t worry.” Jonghyun answered. “When do you want to go ?”

 

“I wanted to wait for the end of the afternoon. Is it okay for you ?”

 

“My opinion doesn’t matter, I will follow you whenever and wherever you go.”

 

 

Kibum slightly smiled, but his eyes couldn’t lie : he was anxious. He wanted to wait because his grandmother had passed away at six in the afternoon, so he wanted to go and see her at that time. The singer hesitated a second before he put his hand on the pale and trembling one, softly caressing its back with his thumb. The rapper accepted this contact and even turned his hand over, letting Jonghyun’s fingers intertwine with his. He needed this kind of touch, now more than ever, and the brunette understood it, holding his hand as they emptied their bowls.

 

After they had put the dishes in the small dishwasher, both men decided to rest since the trip had been long. They sat in the living room’s sofa and after a few minutes of silence, Kibum proposed to look at his family pictures. Jonghyun refused at first, because he was afraid of his lover’s reaction by seeing those dear memories, but the rapper assured that he somehow needed it. He then grabbed some big albums and spent the afternoon to smile and laugh at the pictures.

 

Jonghyun sometimes looked at the other male while the latter was speaking about the context of this or that picture. He had heard each story of each picture dozens of times, but he didn’t care ; Kibum seemed to get some colors by telling him all those pretty anecdotes, and that’s all he wanted. As if it was something usual — and he was so happy that he didn’t get rejected — the singer put his arm around the rapper’s shoulders as they pursue their contemplation.

 

Half an hour before the h-hour, Kibum tidied the albums and both men walked to the bedroom and caught their respective suit from the wardrobe. They undressed at the same time and put the sophisticated clothes on : both suits were black, and if Kibum chose to wear an also black shirt under the elegant jacket, Jonghyun decided to bring some brightness and wore a pure white one. 

 

This was something the grieving man had asked his lover two years before, when they had come together in Daegu to commemorate for the first time. It was important for Kibum to be well-dressed to see his grandma, particularly because she had always loved it when her grandson had worn a suit in her lifetime. It was a way to please her, and Jonghyun had never refused it.

 

 

“Wait, I will help you.” The rapper said as he came to the other male, who was holding a tie in his hand.

 

 

With his pale hands and thin fingers, Kibum unfolded the singer’s shirt’s collar and grabbed the tie from his hand. He placed it around the neck and tied it with precise gestures before he flattened it against the dressed torso. Jonghyun smiled as a thanks and adjusted his collar before putting the jacket on as the other male was putting a bow tie on. He had never liked ties, and the elder couldn’t remember if he had already seen him with one.

 

He thought bow ties suited him so much more anyway.

 

As soon as they got ready, dressed and with their hair styled, they put their shoes on and got out, Jonghyun holding a wicker basket with their flowers in it. The cemetery was only a few steps far from the house, it took them about fifteen minutes to reach it. The sun had started his setting, and the place was immersed in a pink and orangey atmosphere that somehow made it less sad.

 

Opening the metal gate with a strident noise, the men entered and walked through the quiet alleys. As usual, when they arrived at the right one, Jonghyun stayed at its entrance while Kibum took his bouquet out of the basket to go first next to the grave. The singer had been the one who had proposed him to do it this way : he would wait a few minutes to let his friend commemorate alone, then he would join him.

 

Walking between the graves, Kibum held his breath as he stopped before a sumptuous one, made of white and grey marbre. It had been him who had chosen the matter, because he knew how much his grandmother liked the marble’s pattern.

 

 

“Hello, grandma.” He softly said as he bowed before he squatted down to clean a little bit the stone. “I’m finally here, and I brought you new flowers. I took some lilies, as always, but I know you love them.”

 

 

Smiling at the three-part framed pictures of her grandmother, he removed the withered flower and replaced them with his new bouquet. He arranged them before standing again, holding his own hands on his chest.

 

 

“There, I will ask mum to change them often.” He said. “I hope that you’re feeling well up above, and that some baby angels don’t bother you too much. Scold them if they do, just as you used to scold me.”

 

 

Kibum laughed alone when he imagined the situation of his grandmother scolding some naked babies who were flying around her. He really had a weird imagination…

 

 

“I know you look after me…” He pursued. “So you may have seen that I’m not feeling really well these days… Everything is good at work, with my friends, I’m eating well, but… I have love issues, and I would have done so much to talk about it with you…”

 

 

The raven haired man sniffed and whipped his nose with a tissue, a tear rolling down his cheek as he started to talk about what had happened to him recently. Saying it out loud made him feel relieved and deeply sad at the same time, just as when he had confessed to Taemin.

 

 

“I feel so sad right now, even if things are slowly starting to improve in a good way… but I don’t know if I must listen to my brain or to my heart, and I feel torn apart in my own body…” He sobbed as his hands were trembling. “In fact, I know exactly what you would have told me… You would have said that every mistake can be fixed, but that some glues have to fit longer than others to rebuild a vase. But I can’t see my situation as a broken pot, grandma… I really can’t…”

 

 

Looking at him by far, Jonghyun bit his lip when he saw him crying as he kept talking. He wanted to join him so much but he had to wait for the other male to do a hand sign, just as they had decided to. It was so difficult but he had to stick to the rule…

 

 

“I know you can’t answer me…” Kibum said, wiping his tears and clearing his throat. “But I know that you would have helped me a lot by telling me that forgiving is within everyone’s reach. I think I needed to come here to understand it… please keep looking after me from heaven, I miss you so much…”

 

 

Saying those last words, his voice broke in his throat and he hid his face behind his hand as he spread his other arm towards Jonghyun. The singer didn’t wait more and went up the alley, putting the basket on the grass to hold Kibum’s hand and gently pull him against him. The rapper let himself go as he burrowed his face in the muscular shoulder, and the brunette held his back with a hand and fondled his hair with the other one.

 

They stayed like this a few minutes, and Jonghyun kept whispering fortifying things next to his lover’s ear until his cries reduced. Then, the singer slowly pushed him to bow before the grave.

 

 

“Good evening, grandmother.” He said, calling her that way since they had known each other very well. “I brought some carnations for you this year, I chose them white to reflect your kindness and your pure heart.”

 

 

The brunette took the bouquet out of the basket and put it on the stone with delicateness before he bowed again. Straightening up, he cleared his throat and put his hands behind his back.

 

 

“Grandmother, I deeply want to present my apologies to you.” He started to say, making Kibum look at him with surprise. “I’ve been a very bad person lately, and I hurt your grandson… I don’t have any excuse for what I did and I hope you don’t see my presence today as an outrage.”

 

“J-Jjong…”

 

 

The elder bowed again, staying a long time in this position. Kibum bit his lip as he lowered his head, feeling deeply moved by seeing his lover apologize this way, with respect. 

 

 

“I’m really sorry, and I wanted you to witness what I’m going to say now.” Jonghyun straightened up after he grabbed the basket’s contents, and he turned to Kibum, staring at his eyes.

 

“Wh-What are you doing…?” The younger male asked, looking at the four one-flower packages then at the singer.

 

“I apologized to your grandma, and now I want to apologize to you.”

 

 

Clearing his throat, Jonghyun hold the packages on his arm, and with his free hand he grabbed one of them.

 

 

“I want to apologize…” He started to say, “for what I did to you. I’m sorry that I hurt you, I’m sorry that I made you cry and feel… unloved… I’m sorry… I’m deeply sorry and I didn’t know how to express it so… I learned a lot about the flower language, since you are _my_ flower, I thought you could understand it more than words… So here is a yellow rose, to express how sorry I am to have cheated on you and… and to ask you to forgive me…”

 

 

He handed the splendid yellow rose to Kibum, who slowly took it as a tear ran his cheek. The brunette bit his lip, feeling his own eyes watering but he tried to control himself as he grabbed a second package.

 

 

“This… This is a blue rose.” He pursued, sniffing at he looked as the love of his life. “It means that I’m asking for your patience… you’ve already been so patient with me when I tried to win your heart again, and even if I didn’t succeed yet… I want to thank you, and I ask you to remain patient, to wait for me to heal your heart…”

 

 

A tear escaped each his eyes as he gave the rose to the raven haired man, whose cheeks were already covered with salted trails.

 

 

“Then, the most important ones…” Jonghyun said, handing him a pink rose. “Please trust me for this one, because it means that I swear to be faithful to you… I know it’s difficult to believe me now, but I suffered so much to hurt you this way, and I felt as if life had left my body and soul when I understood that it was over between us… I understood my mistake and I hit myself so much, if only you knew… I will never do that again, I promise. I promise you that I won’t cheat on you once again, I definitely won’t, this is my hugest promise to anyone. My love… I offer you my fidelity, from now and until I die…”

 

 

Hundred of tears were now covering his face as his eyes and nose had become red, but he kept enough mental strength to hold the last package with both his hands in front of his own chest. Kibum looked at him, sniffing and quietly sobbing, holding the first roses.

 

 

“And to finish… I chose the most beautiful one, it had its petals as bright as your eyes and as soft as your skin… I chose a red rose… to show you how much I love you. My love for you is deep, it is true and it is what keeps me alive. Without you, I feel like I am in the underworld, sentenced to an eternal pain… I-I love you and… I will always love you with all my heart… My heart is yours, my body is yours, my soul is yours… I’m yours and it will always be this way… I love you, Kim Kibum… And I’m so sorry…”

 

 

Jonghyun raised his hand to cover his own face, sobbing behind it as a multitude of feelings were crushing his heart. But it didn’t last more than a second because two arms were thrown around him as his body was pressed against Kibum’s. The rapper was sobbing too, and they hugged each other tight, crying again in front of his grandma’s grave. 

 

After a few minutes, Jonghyun raised his head and put his hand on the younger male’s cheek, staring at him through his tears.

 

 

“I wanted to tell you this since that day…” He said, sniffing. “And I thought it was better to tell it here and now, because I know your grandma saw everything from heaven, I needed to apologize to you and to her…”

 

“P-Please… I…” Kibum answered, his lips trembling and his eyes red and watering. “Please let’s go home… let’s go home together…”

 

 

Jonghyun nodded and approached the rapper’s lips with his, giving him a soft kiss before he picked the basket up. He then grabbed his lover by his waist, and held him against himself as they bowed a last time before the grave, before they walked together. They left the cemetery and retraced their steps to the house. Their breaths were panting because of their cries, but they held onto each other as if their lives were depending on each other.

 

As they reached the small house, Jonghyun put his forehead against Kibum’s back as the latter was unlocking the door. They entered together and stayed close to each other while undressing, immediately putting their night clothes on. The younger male grabbed the singer’s hand and led him to the living room, making him sit before he climbed on his thighs, huddling against his torso.

 

Jonghyun wrapped his arms around him, and stroked his hair, pursing his lips together as he felt his naked shoulder being wet with hot tears. He was about to say something when Kibum sat up straight on his thighs, looking at him with his red eyes.

 

 

“I… I want you to explain…” He whispered, his voice staying stuck in his throat.

 

“To explain…?” The singer repeated, not sure about what he had heard.

 

“Yes… You said you would wait until I ask you to explain yourself… And it’s now…”

 

“Y-You want me to explain why I…”

 

“Yes, I want to… Please let me know why… why you did this…”

 

 

Jonghyun swallowed with difficulty, surprised by this request. But he deeply inhaled to give himself some strength and grabbed his lover’s hands in his.

 

 

“You were right, yesterday…” He started to say. “Well, not completely right but… I never thought I would do such a thing, you know… I knew I loved you, I loved you so much and I still love you to death. But… that day… you weren’t there and I went to a pub… I was thinking a lot about…”

 

“About wedding… family…” The rapper said, nodding as new tears were rolling on his cheeks.

 

“Y-Yes… I got afraid, I don’t know why… I’m in love with you but at that time, I don’t know why my mind told me that we could never… marry or create a family…”

 

“You’re so stupid…”

 

“Of course I am. And… when this girl approached me, I… I wasn’t in my right mind because of alcohol but I could still think straight so it’s not an excuse… She seduced me and… I don’t know, my body just… reacted to her touches and…”

 

“Is it… is it because she was a girl…? You weren’t as happy as you thought you would be with me because I’m a man ?”

 

“No, no, that’s not it at all. I thought I… I missed it… I missed the female body…”

 

“I’ve always been afraid of that…”

 

 

Kibum lowered his head as he cried, and Jonghyun put his hand on his cheek to make him straighten up.

 

 

“Please look at me…” He said.

 

“Jonghyun… I’ve always been afraid because you’re bisexual… I mean… Really often, when we were meeting some women, I was thinking about it… could you miss a woman…? Could you miss… long hair, thin waist, boobs and even vaginas…”

 

“That’s what happened… I thought I’ve missed them… But…”

 

“But…?”

 

“That has been my mistake… When I followed this girl, when we… when we did it, I… I didn’t enjoy it. I said her the opposite because she didn’t deserve to know the truth but… I never enjoyed a single second with her… because the only thing I could think about at that time was _you_ … _your_ body, your masculine body… your torso, you deep voice, your crotch…”

 

“Don’t say it like that, my God…”

 

“But I mean it… I was thinking about all of you, and as soon as we finished… I was feeling so bad, I felt… dirty, and not respectful… I wanted to punch my own face for what I did right after I did it… To be honest… I wanted to call you and confess…”

 

“What…?”

 

“I really wanted to call you, and to tell you I made a huge mistake and I didn’t know how to face it… but I got scared…”

 

“Understandably…”

 

“Yes… And when you discovered it… I didn’t have any reason to hide it anymore… and you did the right thing to do by breaking up with me…”

 

“Is it… all…?”

 

“Yes… I swear I didn’t know this woman, and if you saw her name in my phone, it’s because she entered it while I was showering… to clean my dirty body and to try to clean my soul…”

 

“So… you don’t want a woman…?”

 

“No. I only want you. I don’t care if you’re a man, I don’t care if you can’t be pregnant or whatever. I want you, I want Kim Kibum, I only want you in my life. And I’m so ashamed that I had to do that shit to understand it…”

 

“I-I understand…”

 

“Do you…?”

 

“Yes, I think… I’m not saying that I can feel you, but I can understand the reason, if we can call that a reason… I needed to hear something, and…”

 

“Will you forgive me…? Will you love me again…?”

 

“I will forgive you with time… but… I never stopped to love you…”

 

“C-Can I… kiss you…?”

 

 

Kibum hesitated a few seconds but nodded, and Jonghyun came closer to him, really slowly. He closed his eyes as he put his lips on the younger’s, and they stayed like this, lips against lips, for minutes. The rapper put his hand on the singer’s nape as the latter held his cheeks with both his hands. 

 

When their lips separated, they stayed close to each other and Jonghyun put his forehead against Kibum’s.

 

 

“I love you…” He said with a husky voice. “I love you so much…”

 

“I… I love you too…” The raven haired man whispered, making the other male sob as he desperately wanted to hear that for months. “No, please don’t cry or I will too and never stop…”

 

“I’m just so happy to hear you say it… I was dying to hear it…”

 

“Take that as a birthday gift… even if it’s my birthday and not yours…”

 

“Oh fuck, your birthday…”

 

“What…?”

 

“I have presents for you…”

 

 

Straightening up, Jonghyun delicately pushed his lover on the sofa to stand up, and he went to the bedroom as Kibum looked at him with his eyebrows frowned. When he came back, he sat next to him with a wrapped gift. With a smile, he handed it to the other male.

 

 

“Happy birthday…” He said.

 

“What is it…?” Kibum asked as he took it, slowly opening it.

 

“I hope you will like it… I spent nights to create it…”

 

 

The Almighty slightly smiled as he discovered a photo album. He opened it with careful hands and his eyes sparkled at the amount of pictures of them. It wasn’t just their couple pictures, but practically all the pictures they had taken together since they had been trainees. 

 

 

“Do you like it…?” The singer asked, smiling as he whipped a tear on Kibum’s cheek.

 

“Yes, really… where did you find all this things…?” The younger male asked. “Some pictures are really old… Oh my God, I was so ugly here.”

 

“I made my own treasure hunt. But go to the end…”

 

 

Kibum frowned and turned the pages until the end of the album, discovering on the inside back cover a CD pocket. He took it off with caution and smiled when he saw the handwriting on it.

 

 

“ _Songs for you_ …?” He read. “What does it mean…?”

 

“It means I wrote and recorded some songs just for you.” Jonghyun said.

 

“Don’t you think you had enough work to do ?”

 

“I’m never satisfied. And I spent a year to do this.”

 

“Eh ??”

 

 

Kibum looked at him with wide opened eyes, making the other laugh.

 

 

“But that’s not the best gift.” The singer smiled.

 

“There is something else ? You’re crazy…”

 

“I’m crazy about you. And… that’s not a new gift…”

 

“What ?”

 

 

Jonghyun slowly removed one of his rings, and held it between his thumb and his index finger. 

 

 

“It’s yours… It has always been yours and I want you to get it back.”

 

 

The Almighty smiled as his cheeks turned pink and his eyes watered again. But he fought his tears back and didn’t say anything. He only approached his hand close to Jonghyun’s, handing him his bare finger.

 

The singer smiled back and hold his hand. When he passed the ring around Kibum’s finger, they both felt something warm their hearts, and the raven haired man’s one got its second stitch.

 

 

 

***

 


	11. Party hard

_**11\. Party hard** _

 

 

 

When Minho came to the living room, only wearing green underwear shaped in such a way that both his butt and privates parts were covered by a leaf, the leader couldn’t help but burst into laughters. The rapper glanced at him with killing eyes and crossed his muscled arms on his naked chest, making the fake small wings on his back move.

 

 

“Laugh, laugh, stupid hyung.” He said, his voice low as if it came from beyond the grave. “Karma is a bitch.”

 

“O-Oh my f-fucking Go-od…!”

 

 

Onew fell on his knees as his laughter was totally possessing his body, and Minho sighed.

 

 

“Taemin-ah ! Why do I have to wear this shit ?!” He shouted, looking towards the kitchen as the maknae joined them, holding a tray full of small size pizzas.

 

“Because your job is to make Key hyung laugh.” Taemin said, stepping over his leader to put the trail on the coffee table.

 

“I can make him laugh with jokes, I don’t need to dress as… I don’t even know what I’m dressed as !”

 

“That’s the point. He will find you so ridiculous that he will laugh to death ! And you’re a cute and sexy angel.”

 

“Seriously ? Let me recap. You want _me_ to hide in some big cardboard cake and to spring from it, only wearing leafs on my dick and ass ?”

 

 

The maknae let an evil laughter out and winked at him before heading back to the kitchen. Yes, that was exactly what he wanted him to do. He had to create the surprise in order to make his elder feel relaxed and amused. What could make him laugh more than Minho in a ridiculous situation ?

 

 

“You will do it very well !” Taemin said, bringing some beer cans on the coffee table. “Just don’t forget to wish him a happy birthday when you will get out of the cake, and you have to make it _angelic_.”

 

“Please, Taemin. Please.” The rapper begged, kneeling and joining his hands together. “Don’t make me do that.”

 

“That’s my wish. Onew hyung said that both of you would do as I say.”

 

“But who listens to Onew hyung ?! And why isn’t it him in the cake ?!”

 

“Because you are better shaped.”

 

 

The leader stopped laughing as soon as he heard those last words and the tables turned, Minho exploding. 

 

 

“To be honest, Taemin-ah… I would have preferred you to stick to your first idea.” Onew mumbled. “Great party, Kibum’s friends, all that _normal_ stuff.”

 

“I know, but this is way more funny !” The maknae said with a bright smile. “I thought twice about it. And you were right, Key hyung would have felt awkward with too much guests. And since I couldn’t choose less than ten people from his group of friends, I thought it would be better to do something with just the five of us.”

 

“And I’m glad you thought that. But why do we have to do such a stage play ?”

 

“Because I want him to remember that day. Why are you worrying this much, hyungs ? Can’t you just trust me once ?”

 

“Well, we would love to trust you !” Minho stated after he had stopped laughing. “But how can we trust the little brat you are when you’re forcing me to hide in a fake cake, half-naked ?”

 

“Oh, I do trust him.”

 

“Shut up, hyung.”

 

 

The leader laughed and raised his hands in a pull-out sign. He wasn’t worrying that much, he just felt intrigued by the imagination of their beloved Taemin… Where had he found such an idea ?

 

 

“I’m going to call Jjong hyung now, they must be close.” The maknae said. “Onew hyung, can you bring the big cake please ? Minho hyung, just put your wig on and hide in it, alright ?”

 

“I will make you regret this, I swear I will.” The rapper said as he sighed, but he obeyed and put a curly blond wig on. “I’ve never felt this humiliated.”

 

“Try to think about it as a way to please Kibum.” Onew told him, winking before he went to the doorway to get the cardboard cake back to the living room.

 

“You’re just giving him a reason to disrespect me more than he already does ! Thank you for your concern !”

 

 

The other males laughed together as they helped Minho to slip into the cake. It was only made with cupboard, paper and some pastel pieces of fabric to make it look like a wonderful fairytale birthday cake. Taemin had spent an entire night to create it since Jonghyun and Kibum were coming back to Seoul after only two days.

 

It had been easy in the end, but the worst part had come : he had to persuade his elder to come to his former dorm. As a help, he had contacted the brunette singer earlier to warn him about his plan, and the latter had had struggles to keep a poker face since he was in front of Kibum. Anyway, he was on his side !

 

The maknae cleared his throat as he took his phone, pressing Jonghyun’s number.

 

 

“Hello ?” The well-known voice answered almost right away.

 

“Hello hyung ! It’s Taeminnie.”

 

“Of course it’s you, I saw your name on the screen.”

 

“Ah, yeah.”

 

“How can he be such a stupid boy…” Kibum’s voice spoke up, making the maknae shout.

 

“Yah, no eavesdropping !”

 

“Enough, enough.” Jonghyun said, laughing. “What is it, Minnie ?”

 

“I wanted to ask you where you are.”

 

“We just arrived in Seoul, I’ll be at home in around five minutes.”

 

“Ten, there’s some traffic.” The Almighty said loud enough to be heard.

 

“Alright. Then… hyung, can you ask Key umma to have dinner with us ?”

 

 

Onew and Minho almost dropped their own jaws by silently hard laughing. Their maknae’s acting skills were… inexistant. It would have been truly funny if it had been Jonghyun driving, and so Kibum answering his phone for him. The latter would have guessed right away that something was secretly getting ready.

 

 

“He’s not sure…” The singer said after a short while.

 

“Geez, please put the loudspeaker on for me !”

 

 

Taemin’s elders stopped laughing and stared at him, their eyes filled with horror. Had they heard right ? He was going to speak to Kibum himself, to tell him the lie ? Even Jonghyun’s heart missed a beat as he made a strange throat sound before accepting the request.

 

 

“He can hear you.” He simply said.

 

“Key hyung ! It’s me !”

 

“Yes, I know that. Taemin, I think I will just drop Jonghyunie hyung at the dorm and go back to my home tonight.” Kibum said.

 

“But umma, it’s been a while since you last came…”

 

“I know, but you know I don’t feel really well, and-”

 

“I won’t ask you anything for three months. Please… I even cooked for you.”

 

“W-What did you say ? You… You _cooked_ ?”

 

“Uhh… Yes ?”

 

“My God, how many times did I tell Onew not to let you approach the stove. Forget about what I said, I’m coming, just don't go in the kitchen. I will certainly need to fix the damages… oh my…”

 

“Cool ! See you soon ~”

 

 

Taemin didn’t even wait for his elder’s answer, he hanged up right away and turned towards the leader and the rapper who were speechless. The maknae couldn’t help but laugh at Minho with his wig and his expression as he put his phone in his pocket.

 

 

“They’re coming ! Get ready now, I don’t want to see your blond face until Key hyung arrives !” 

 

“How did he believe you ?” Both men asked him, still in shook.

 

“I know him by heart, he doesn’t pay attention to anything else when it comes to me in a kitchen. It only activates his danger radar.”

 

“Brilliant.” Onew nodded before checking everything the maknae had prepared, including two confetti canons that would explode when the rapper would spring from the cake. 

 

“More brilliant that this shitty idea you had for me.” Minho retorted.

 

“Stop complaining about it, you will be allowed to get changed after the surprise.”

 

“Thanks God !”

 

“But I don’t think Key umma will feel that bad tonight.”

 

“Why do you think that ?” The leader asked as he sat on the armchair.

 

“I heard him laugh with Jonghyun hyung. And… he talked about him by calling him ‘Jonghyunie hyung’.”

 

 

The three men just smiled at the anecdote. It had been a long time since Kibum had last called the singer by some affectionate nickname in front of them. Admittedly, it was on the phone, but still : he had said it, maybe without paying attention to it but he had say it. It was enough to make his friends smile.

 

As soon as they heard a key being inserted in the door’s lock, Minho hid in the cake while Taemin closed its top before standing a few steps away from it with the canons’ remote. Onew walked to the door and opened it with a huge smile, surprising his younger friends.

 

 

“Oh God, that was fucking creepy, hyung.” Kibum said as he gently hit his leader’s arm before taking his coat and shoes off. “Please tell me you tore Taemin away from the kitchen by pulling him by his pretty ass skin.”

 

“You do really have something with asses, don’t you ?” Onew stated, only wining another hit, stronger this time. “Ah ! Jonghyun-ah !”

 

“Don’t call me, you deserved it. Nice to see you again hyung.”

 

 

The leader smiled and hugged both his friends before leading them to the living room. Kibum was still mumbling after the maknae when he entered the room, his eyes widening when he saw the huge cake between the counter and the sofa.

 

 

“What the-”

 

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OUR KIBUMMIE ~~~”

 

 

The Almighty couldn’t help but scream when the top of the cake was pushed away as the two canons threw hundreds of confettis on the open construction. As he usually did when something exploded next to him, he jumped on a leg and protected his face ; but when he saw his dear friend half naked springing from the cake… he bursted into laughters.

 

Playing his role as hard as he could, Minho was making his small wings flap and singing a birthday song with a voice that wanted to be cute. His big eyes were fast blinking and he was sending unless hearts to his best friend with his fingers, his hands and his arms, also making kiss noises.

 

Kibum had gone on his knees, his laughter emptying him of all his strength, and even the leader and the maknae who had seen the rapper’s costume before were laughing to death. Jonghyun had had that holy reflex to pick his phone to record everything as soon as he had entered the apartment, but of course he was laughing his head off too.

 

Seeing his friends being so amused all thanks to him, Minho felt filled with pride and walked out of the cake, tiptoeing towards the birthday man as he pretended to fly with his arms. Both Kibum and Jonghyun noticed the green underwear and they let themselves fall on the floor, their stomach hurting them because of their unstoppable laughter. Taemin quickly grabbed his elder’s phone to keep recording until the rapper felt too embarrassed to continue and ran to his bedroom while hiding his ass with his hands.

 

 

“Oh my fucking God ! Choi Minho come back here !” The Almighty shouted between two laughs.

 

“No ! You had enough of my handsome body !” Minho shouted back from his room, making everybody laugh harder.

 

“It hurts so much, fuck !”

 

 

Kibum lied on his back, holding his stomach as his laughter slowly started to calm down. After a few seconds of fading laughs and chuckles, the room became silent and the four men sighed, wiping their tears. Onew took his lying friend by the hands and softly pulled him to help him to stand up, and he even carefully pat his back and bottom to remove any kind of dust. 

 

As the maknae was quietly laughing alone by watching the record on Jonghyun’s phone, the singer inspected the fake cake and couldn’t help but giggle since it had been completely destroyed by Minho’s strength. 

 

 

“I can’t believe it…” The birthday boy finally said when his lungs and diaphragm let him manage to speak. “Please tell me you recorded everything.”

 

“We did !” Taemin said, laughing. “It’s a little bit shaking but we can see and hear him well.”

 

“I’m still shocked that our maknae’s evil plan worked this well.” Onew stated. “Minho and I both thought you wouldn’t come here.”

 

“Really ? You’re so wild !” Jonghyun laughed before he joined the youngest to watch the video.

 

“Hyung, can’t you post it on your Instagram ?”

 

“Don’t even try to post it anywhere.”

 

 

The rapper’s deep voice resounded as he walked back in the living room after he got changed. As soon as he saw the phone in Taemin’s hands, he jumped on him and tried to take it, but the maknae was too fast for him. A high-speed pursuit began in the apartment, Minho chasing Taemin and Jonghyun chasing Minho as he desperately tried to take his device back.

 

Watching them, the leader and the Almighty sighed together, looking like the struggled parents of three problematic children.

 

 

“How can they be this dynamic although it’s eight in the evening ?” Kibum asked his friend.

 

“I don’t know, and I guess I will never know.” Onew answered, smiling. “Let’s wait for them to finish their childish game by sitting and talking like the adults we are ?”

 

“Should I remind you of that guy over there who’s older than me ?”

 

“He’s the worst among them, I’m afraid.”

 

 

The raven haired man laughed and sat on the sofa, followed by his leader. His eyes caught the still steaming pizzas and beer cans on the coffee table, and he raised an eyebrow.

 

 

“What is all this ?” He asked.

 

“Hum… I would say some small size apple pies. And maybe these drinks are… let me read the label for you. Ah, _beer_ ! Must be some fruit juice or something from America.”

 

“Are you making fun of me or am I turning deaf ?”

 

“Seriously Kibummie, what was this question ?” The leader laughed while opening a can before handing it to his friend. “Taemin invited you for dinner, remember ?”

 

“So he really cooked.”

 

“Well, I wouldn’t use that word. Let’s say he bought those things and heated them up. He wanted so much to please you but he was afraid to fail a homemade dish so he decided to stick to something he knows.”

 

“He’s still a baby though.”

 

“Oh yeah. Speak of the devil…”

 

 

The leader looked up to see the maknae sit next to them, still laughing but hiccuping because of the pursuit he had been a victim of. His cheeks were all pink and he looked like a child, what made his elders tenderly smile.

 

A few seconds later, the five men were all sitting around the coffee table with a beer can in their hand.

 

 

“Now that we’re all calm and reunited, let’s wish a happy birthday to our Kibummie.” Onew said, lifting his can and smiling. “You already turned twenty-six, but you will stay a younger brother to me. You didn’t age that much tough, so please don’t worry about it. You’re still beautiful and you won’t get any wrinkles this year !”

 

“My turn !” Minho said, raising his can too as he stared as his best friend. “See, I went almost naked for your birthday, who could have done better ? Nevermind, I enjoyed the way you laughed, I think it warmed the heart of everybody here… but I won’t do that again, so don’t get used to it. Happy birthday.”

 

 

Kibum pouted and hid his face behind his hand as he smiled with both his lips and eyes, chuckling at the lovely words he received. He would always turn really shy when his members would show their love to him although he loved them a lot in return ; he was like that, he didn’t show his love much so he could only hide when someone showed him the same.

 

 

“Key umma.” Taemin spoke up, his elder lowering his hand to look at him as the maknae smiled. “Know that I prepared all this stage play without even knowing what I was doing. Minho hyung bore the consequences of it… but to hear you laugh was worth it, and I would do it again without any hesitation. I wanted to organize a huge party for you at first.”

 

“That’s true, and it was difficult to stop him.” The rapper laughed.

 

“In the end, we’re only the five of us.” Kibum stated, smiling. “Let me guess, you didn’t know who to invite, right ?”

 

“Right… That’s not funny !” Taemin pouted when his elders laughed at him. “I didn’t know who to choose between all your friends but, in fact… I thought it was better to do this our way. Being just the five of us with some junk food and beers, drinking, talking and laughing together. I think it was the best thing to do to make you feel comfortable.”

 

“You did right, Minnie. Come here, let me hug you.”

 

 

Kibum put his can on the coffee table and stood up, spreading his arms as the maknae imitated him. They hugged tightly, the youngest patting his elder’s back. When they separated and sat down again, Jonghyun cleared his throat.

 

 

“I must confess… I was aware of Minnie’s plan.” He said, making his lover’s eyes widen. “Yeah, don’t look at me like that ! He called me because he wasn’t sure that he could persuade you to come here all by himself.”

 

“So that’s why, when he called you for the first time yesterday… you almost laughed before you told me that the three of them were asking for news about me ?”

 

“Oh my God, I thought I hid it well…”

 

“Not at all, you smiled like an idiot before you said, to quote you : ‘The boys are asking you if you’re not feeling too sad.’ Seriously.”

 

“Yah, Jonghyun hyung !”

 

 

Minho whined as he threw a pillow on his elder, who turned his upper body to make it collide with his shoulder. The leader and the maknae just laughed at the situation while Jonghyun was trying to explain himself.

 

 

“Oh, shit !” He finally said, his way of speaking suddenly speeding up as he went crazy. “How was I supposed to keep a poker face when you were telling me that you would force Minho to dress with a leaf on his genitals and hide in a fake cake ?!”

 

“Yeah, you’re definitely not an actor like us.” The rapper teased him, only getting the pillow straight back in his face.

 

“Yah, don’t tease him with that, that’s unfair.” Kibum spoke up. “Did you write a book ? Did you have solo debuts ? Did you handle solo concerts ? Did you hold a radio show ?”

 

“Well, I may not-”

 

“My questions were rhetorical. Thank you.”

 

“Fuck you.”

 

“My body is ready, come if you dare, naughty frog.”

 

 

Minho suddenly stood up and threw the poor pillow on his best friend, his cheeks blushing when Kibum opened his legs to provoke him. Luckily for the Almighty and his beer, the leader caught the pillow in flight and threw it back while both Taemin and Jonghyun were laughing.

 

 

“Seriously, you piss me off with your gay stuff.” The rapper said, making a face while the maknae choke with his own saliva.

 

“Don’t lie, I’m your gay best friend and you do love that.” Kibum answered, closing his legs and winking at him. “I will stop bothering you when you will introduce a decent woman to us, with huge boobs just like you love it. Before that, I will still assume that you have a crush on me.”

 

“Ahem… I think Jonghyun hyung wasn’t done with his speech.” Taemin spoke up, his cheeks turning red because of his elders’ talk.

 

“Thank you, I will end it now.” The singer said, lifting his can. “Well… I already told you a lot of things when we were in Daegu. I just want to say that the more you age, the more attractive you are.”

 

“How cute ~”

 

“Onew hyung, can’t you just keep quiet ?”

 

“Sorry. Go on, Casanova.”

 

“Seriously… I have nothing more to say, you already know everything. Happy birthday, Bum.”

 

 

The raven haired man blushed and shyly thanked his lover while lifting his can above the coffee table, and the five men clink glasses to the occasion before drinking.

 

 

Two hours later, the living room was a total mess. Food trays were empty and dead cans were thrown both on the table and the floor, while Onew and Minho were staring at each other with a shot glass in the hand. It had been fifteen minutes that the five men were doing a drinking competition with shots of soju, but the leader and the rapper were the only ones who remained. Taemin was lying on the floor, laughing alone as he cheered his secret boyfriend, and both Jonghyun and Kibum were sitting on the armchair, the raven haired man on the brunette’s lap. 

 

But this close position didn’t seem to intrigue any of the boys because of the amount of alcohol that was running down their veins. They didn’t care and their brain wasn’t in the right mood to understand what was happening. All they knew was that the final competition was about to be set.

 

 

“Minho ! You must win this or I swear I will ride you in your sleep !” Kibum shouted, his voice hoarse because of the few glasses of soju he had drunk before, shamefully losing against Taemin.

 

“You’re not able to stand on your own legs now, your threats don’t work.” The rapper answered him, staring at his leader’s eyes with flames in his.

 

 

Minho had always been a good drinker, even if he had been drunk a lot of times with his friends. But unlike the maknae who had gone on the floor after three beers and two shots, he was able to hold his drink longer and that made him a very interesting opponent at drinking game.

 

Facing him, Onew wasn’t in the best mood, his body slowly leaning despite himself. But he had something to keep him in the competition : pride. When the leader was drunk, he would loose all his cuteness to reveal a proud man… but still with his usual clumsiness.

 

 

“Stop staring, drink !” Taemin whined, raising both his arms and shaking them as if it would change things.

 

“Drink, drink !” The armchair’s couple started to sing, shaking their fists in rhythm with their words.

 

 

Minho quietly counted to three and the two opponents raised their glass to their lips. But if the rapper drank it down in one go, drunk and clumsy Onew just poured it on his chin, losing every kind of perception as he fell on his back, laughing at himself. 

 

 

“I won !” The tall man shouted before he pointed at Jonghyun and Kibum. “I want you to kiss.”

 

“Whaaaat ?!” The Almighty shouted back, completely gone. “Why should we do thaaat ?!”

 

“Because the winner chooses his prize ! Kiss !”

 

“Oh shit, come here babe.”

 

 

Jonghyun had spoken up as his hand had caught his lover’s jaw, making his face turn. As soon as Kibum’s face was facing his, the singer crushed their mouths and kissed him full on the lips. The raven haired man threw his arms around the other’s neck and ran his fingers through his brown hair, kissing him back fiercely as alcohol taste were making them go crazy. 

 

Their three drunk friends were shouting and whistling at them. But what they didn’t expect was Jonghyun to suddenly push his lover away to stand up and run towards the bathroom, hitting two walls and the door before throwing up in the toilet.

 

 

“YAH !” Kibum shouted. “Is kissing me this disgusting ?! You fucking bastard !”

 

“Jonghyun hyung lost ~”

 

 

Taemin was singing as he heard his elder emptying his stomach, laughing alone. They had never think about that famous game that said that the first to throw up was a loser or whatever, but the maknae had seen some of his friends do it so he would always announce a loser with his members.

 

But Jonghyun’s behavior was taken as a signal and the four other men stood up, Minho lifting the youngest by his hands only to hold him against his body. The maknae held on to him by circling his waist with his legs and his neck with his arms, his head resting on the rapper’s shoulder.

 

Without cleaning after themselves because of drunkenness, they all headed to their respective bedroom to get some sleep. Only Kibum went through the bathroom to pick his ex-boyfriend, giving him some water and making him brush his teeth. He then flushed the toilet before leading him to the room they used to share. Thanks to alcohol — but not only — the Almighty didn’t ask himself any question and let his body fall on the mattress, struggling to undress.

 

That was without thinking about his drunk lover who went to lie on him, literally ripping his top up while kissing his lips. As always, his drinking had made him all soft and caring on a first place, but as soon as he had thrown up, the fluffy Jonghyun had made way to a hot and bestial one. He wouldn’t go sexual each time his drunkenness would make him vomit, but that night, having Kibum on his lap and now on his bed was enough to turn him on.

 

And the Almighty wasn’t thinking about refusing, as he made the singer’s shirt’s buttons jump by pulling the item on both sides. While kissing with their senses completely enthused, both men made their hands run on each other’s naked and hot skin. 

 

Without totally thinking about what there were doing, only driven by their deepest feels released by alcohol, they ended up naked on the mattress, both their bodies rubbing against each other and Kibum screaming with pleasure as he was riding a truly hard and sweaty Jonghyun with no shame. But what was shame during party hard ? They even went through a second round without caring about anything else than each other’s climaxes. 

 

 

 

_______________________

 

 

 

When Kibum woke up, he cursed himself really hard. His head was aching so much he was almost knocked out when he sat up straight in the bed. Holding his forehead with his hand, he growled alone and mumbled until a hand on his back made him quiet.

 

Slowly turning over, he couldn’t help but smile when his eyes met Jonghyun’s sleepy and half-open ones. The singer’s hair was a total mess and his lips were dry, but the rapper thought that he was too beautiful to be real. 

 

 

“You’re awake…” He whispered as he put his hand on Jonghyun’s naked thigh.

 

“I heard you growling like an angry bear…” The latter answered, his voice hoarser than ever because of alcohol and morning mix. “You drank too much, right…”

 

“I think so, my head hurts… You ?”

 

“Can you assure me that there’s no elephant sitting on my forehead right now ?”

 

 

Kibum couldn’t help but chuckle at his lover’s words. What was he saying again ?

 

 

“No, there is no elephant.” He said.

 

“So, I drank too much.” Jonghyun stated, smiling. “Maybe we could stay here today…”

 

“Silly… you must recover quickly, you have schedule this afternoon.”

 

“Oh my God, what did I think about yesterday…”

 

“Stay in bed, I’m going to make something for hangover… and I’ll bring aspirin too…”

 

 

Saying those words, Kibum slowly got out of the bed, reeling a bit when he stood up. 

 

 

“Nice ass…”

 

“Oh, shut up and be drunk.”

 

 

Jonghyun giggled but closed his eyes to control his headache as the raven haired man walked to the wardrobe, stealing one of his lover’s boxer and top and putting them on. Then, he opened the window to refresh the room and left.

 

As he was walking through the corridor, he passed before Minho’s room without really caring… until a rough sound made him stop. He raised an eyebrow but tried not to succumb his curiosity.

 

Nevermind.

 

When the sound came to his ears once again, Kibum slowly approached the door and pressed his head against it. Frowning, he tried to sense what was going on in the bedroom ; was the rapper sick because of the night before ?

 

 

“Taemin-ah…”

 

 

The Almighty jumped with surprise when he heard the maknae’s name being… moaned ? Wait, what ? He hid a chuckle. Minho was having a wet dream with Taemin, oh my-

 

 

“Feels good…?”

 

 

Wait. Was that Taemin’s voice ? Kibum’s eyes widened. No, that wasn’t possible…

 

 

“Yeah, so good… Go on, take it again…”

 

 

His rapper friend’s voice had risen once again and when a sucking noise followed by a rough moan reached the raven haired man’s ears… He stepped backwards, his mouth open with shock.

 

Jesus.

 

Minho was fucking his baby. Wait, in fact…

 

His baby was giving Minho a blowjob.

 

JESUS.

 

 

 

 

***

 


	12. Serenity

_**12\. Serenity** _

 

 

 

“Jonghyun…! Jjong ! Wake up !”

 

 

The singer growled as he felt his lover shake his arm, endlessly whispering his name. He frowned and opened his eyes to meet Kibum’s livid face.

 

 

“Hey, baby, baby, what is it ?” He asked, sitting on the mattress and touching the raven haired man’s cheeks. “I just fell asleep again, there is no need to panic.”

 

“What ? No, that’s not about you !” Kibum answered, still whispering as if he didn’t want to be heard.

 

“Then what is it ? Tell me, your face is as white as a paper sheet. Did something happen to you ?”

 

“I-It’s Taeminnie…”

 

 

Jonghyun’s heart missed a beat, just like each time something had happened to their maknae.

 

 

“Go on, talk, for God’s sake !” He pressed his lover.

 

“He… He…” The Almighty muttered. “He is with Minho…”

 

“What ?”

 

“He is making out…! With… Minho…”

 

“I’m not sure to understand…”

 

“Do you want me to hit you ?! Taemin and Minho are having sex together right now !”

 

 

The brunette raised his eyebrows and after a few seconds, he couldn’t help but laugh at Kibum’s face. He had been about to pass out because he had thought something terrible had happened, but in the end… it was just about Taemin’s sexuality ?

 

 

“Don’t laugh ! We’re facing a crisis right now !” The youngest of them cried.

 

“What crisis ? Kibum, he’s a grown man now, he can choose the person he want to have sex with.” Jonghyun said, wiping his tears and suddenly holding his forehead. “Shit, my head… Do you really think it was the right time to make me laugh ?”

 

“So you’re not going to do anything ?”

 

“What do you want me to do, exactly ? Kick Minho’s ass out of his own home just because he’s the one our maknae chose ? I’m not Taemin's father and even if I was, I wouldn’t have the right to forbid him to do that. You’re not speaking seriously, get yourself together.”

 

“But… can’t you see what’s happening ? That giant frog is fucking our baby behind our back…!”

 

“Oh dear… if someone had told me that you would make a fuss of such a thing… OK, let’s breathe first.”

 

 

Jonghyun softly put his hands on Kibum’s cheeks, staring at his eyes while deeply inhaling and exhaling. The rapper sighed but accepted to make an effort, and copied his lover’s breathing even if he wasn’t that out of breath.

 

 

“Good. Now, we need to have a serious talk about Taemin, so you have to promise me one thing.” The singer said. “Don’t interrupt me.”

 

“Fine, go on…”

 

“Thank you. Bum, the young boy you called your baby and took under your wing for years grew up. He is twenty-four years old now, and you know what it means. He’s not a virgin anymore, he discovered sex a long time ago and he had tried love out. Do you understand ?”

 

“Yeah…”

 

“You really need to accept him like the grown man he is. He’s not a baby anymore, and you can’t cry out like you just did because you heard him during sex time. I thought you were having a panic attack, for God’s sake !”

 

“Do you think I overdo ?”

 

“The term isn’t strong enough, believe me. Seriously, you should be happy that he chose our Minho. Putting your squabbles aside, don’t you think he’s the most able to protect and treasure him ? After me, I mean.”

 

“I must admit that… this idiot can be really affectionate.”

 

“See ? At least you didn’t knock his door out…”

 

“Yah, I’m not overdoing things this much.”

 

“I’m not sure of that.”

 

 

Kibum smiled but he hit the singer’s shoulder for form. The latter laughed and rubbed his hair, tenderly looking at his face.

 

 

“I must say I feel happy that you came right to me.” He whispered. “Somewhere, deep inside you, you still have a kind of trust for me.”

 

“I just faced a crisis and you are turning it to your advantage ?” The rapper asked, pretending to be angry.

 

“Absolutely. Does it excite you ?”

 

“You know, I’m not like you, I don’t get sexually excited each time someone attractive talks with me.”

 

“Ouch… you’re harsh.”

 

“Absolutely. Does it excite you ?”

 

“You’re telling me.”

 

“Why do I even keep talking with you.”

 

 

The Almighty rolled his eyes and pushed the singer to make him fall on the mattress, himself leaving it to go back to his first mission : destroy the hangover. He smiled while getting out of the bedroom, as his heart was kind of warming up by hearing Jonghyun’s laugh. 

 

Entering the kitchen, he met a sleepy Onew with his elbows on the central island, holding his head as he stared at a pill dissolving in a glass of water.

 

 

“Hi hyung.” Kibum said, softly rubbing his leader’s back before catching the aspirin’s box. “I guess you’re not feeling well either.”

 

“I feel as if a truck was endlessly rolling on my whole body.” The elder grumbled, massaging his temples. “We need to stop celebrating birthdays this way.”

 

“You say that each time, you know. But you still end up being the drunkest.”

 

“Wrong. Taemin was way more gone than me last night.”

 

“Yeah, and you know what ? You should have stopped him !”

 

 

The rapper slapped Onew’s shoulder while saying this, making him whine and dramatically let his head fall in his arms, on the furniture. He then opened the cupboards and the fridge to take some ingredients, and he put them on the countertop. The leader followed his movements with his eyes, frowning.

 

 

“What are you doing ?” He asked, clearing his throat.

 

“Brunch.” Kibum answered. “You’re lucky since you don’t have any schedule today and so is Taemin, but some people here have to work this afternoon. It’s already eleven, we need to recover quickly.”

 

“Are you sure you drank yesterday ?”

 

“Baby, it’s not because I got a hangover that I can only crawl and whine. Even when I’m drunk, I must look after the four of you, so it’s all about mental strength.”

 

“Yeah, mental strength, my ass. You had sex to be in such a good mood, didn’t you ?”

 

“Get out of this kitchen before I make you take your medicine by your nostrils.”

 

 

Whining again, Onew straightened up and caught his glass as he left the room by dragging his feet. Kibum followed him and pushed his back until the leader was completely out of his sight. This man was seriously a child, but a smart one. And it was somehow terrifying when he was guessing everything right without even thinking.

 

Sighing but smiling, the mom of the house filled four glasses with fresh water and put an aspiring in each. Holding two glasses in a hand and one in the other one, he walked to the dining room and put them on the table. Then, he went in the bedrooms’ corridor and softly knocked at Minho’s door.

 

 

“Minho-ah, it’s Key.” He said, doing as if he had never heard anything earlier. “You have to wake up now, I prepared some aspirin on the table. Please wake Taeminnie up and come, you have your drama’s filming in three hours.”

 

 

He didn’t receive a clear answer, but the growl he heard behind the door made him guess that his best friend had heard him and was starting to move. He was about to reach Jonghyun’s door but the singer was already in the corridor with pajamas trousers on. With a smile, he passed the raven haired man to go to the dining room and his hand softly caressed his waist in passing.

 

Kibum shivered with his whole body to the slight touch, and his heartbeat sped up as he remembered their crazy night… it had been so long since he had last slept in this apartment, making love with Jonghyun before sleeping, then waking up to prepare breakfast.

 

He had kind of missed it.

 

Following his lover, he let his two elders have a hangover morning talk while taking their medicine, and went back to the kitchen. After he drank his own glass to help his headache to vanish, he washed his hands and put his apron on as he started to prepare some toasted ham and cheese sandwiches. 

 

Since it was almost midday, his members and him have to eat something consistent and even more since they were recovering from their alcohol excess. There was no miracle, hangover would pass with time, but they had to eat well and to rehydrate their body to help it.

 

While the sandwiches were baking in the oven, Kibum poured some water to heat in the kettle and cooked four fried eggs. It felt so good to cook again for his members that his hangover seemed to fade away thanks to the love he was putting in his brunch. When everything was ready, he disposed a sandwich in each plate, covering four of them with an egg — the maknae hating that. For the healthy part, he put some green salad next to the sandwiches.

 

It was quarter to twelve, he was on time. With quick movements, he brought the dishes on the dining room’s table, along with oil and vinegar dressing. He added five tea cups behind the plates and filled them with heated water before putting a honey-lemon teabag in each of them — home remedy against hangover.

 

 

“Fine, food’s ready everyone.”

 

 

As soon as the mom pronounced these words, the four children took their seat and their healing brunch started. Kibum made the biggest effort he had ever made not to confront Minho and Taemin to their earlier situation, and thanks to Jonghyun’s hand on his thigh under the table, he managed not to stare at them.

 

No word was exchanged but the Almighty wasn’t someone easily duped : he noticed how his youngest mates were pretending to be sick because of alcohol. Of course they weren’t, at least not as much as they were showing it right now ; you don’t suck a dick when you’re bed-ridden because of hangover.

 

 

“Are you alright, Minnie ?” He ended up asking. “You’re pale.”

 

“Yes, yes, I’m fine.” The maknae answered, slightly smiling. “It’s just that I’m not really hungry.”

 

 

_I guess you’re not._

 

 

“I see, but you must eat anyway.” Kibum continued. “Your body needs it to recover quickly. Minho, it’s the same for you.”

 

“I didn’t say anything.” The rapper protested.

 

“You think so hard about me as an annoying person right now that I can hear your brain.”

 

“I was just thinking that I missed your breakfasts.”

 

“Oh… Yah, drink your tea and stop telling nonsense.”

 

 

The Almighty couldn’t help but blush and smile, lowering his eyes with shyness to the compliment. Minho caught it of course, just as the other members, and the atmosphere was filled with peace for the first time for ages.

 

But a compliment wouldn’t make him forget what he had heard earlier.

 

 

“What time does your filming end ?” He asked his friend, slowly sipping his hot drink.

 

“I don’t really know but I don’t have a huge part today.” Minho answered after he emptied his mouth. “I think I will be free around five. Why ?”

 

“Do you mind if I ask you to go drink something ?”

 

“Huh… No, not at all. You know you can ask me anything. I will make sure to leave at five, is it good for you ?”

 

“Yeah, I will tell you where to meet me.”

 

“If we’re disturbing you, you can tell us to leave.” Jonghyun spoke up, staring at his friend as his caress on Kibum’s thigh became a possessive grip.

 

“Yah, what are you talking about ?” The rapper retorted, his eyes opening bigger than they already were. “We want to hang out as the best friends we are, what’s the matter ?”

 

“I don’t know, it looked like you were planning a date, like lovers would do. Don’t you think so, Taeminnie ?”

 

“Ahem… I…”

 

 

The singer laughed at the maknae’s struggle but reassured him by telling him he was joking. Kibum smiled as he tried to control his own laugh ; his lover just played his game by trying to attract Taemin in his jealousy. Because yes, Jonghyun was clearly jealous of Minho at that moment, the Almighty’s thigh could tell it.

 

Around this table was a total mess : both Kibum and Jonghyun knew that Minho and Taemin were dating, but the latter weren’t aware that they knew. They were still trying to hide themselves and their acting now seemed so bad to their elders, even if they hadn’t noticed anything before.

 

Only Onew was ignorant, as always. And when this secret would come out, he would complain that nobody trusted him enough. As always.

 

 

 

_________________

 

 

 

Kibum was playing with his cup, sitting inside a coffee shop. He had chosen a table next to the huge window in order to catch sight of his best friend as soon as the latter would arrive. Tapping the head of his fingers against the hot ceramic, he practiced in his mind the speech he had prepared for Minho.

 

Yeah, he had been absent-minded during almost all the rehearsal of his musical, because he was afraid. It wasn’t really _fear_ , but he didn’t feel really good, thinking that he was going to make the rapper face the truth. But he didn’t know how to bring their talk around to this secret relationship.

 

He almost freaked out when a huge silhouette appeared behind the window, knocking at the glass while giving him a bright smile. Damn Choi Minho. Making a funny face and laughing, the rapper entered the coffee and asked for a drink before he joined his friend, sitting opposite him.

 

 

“You’re late.” The Almighty only said, stiring his piping hot tea.

 

“Ah, I’m sorry, you waited exactly three minutes too many.” Minho answered as he removed his coat. “Will you forgive me if I offer you some cookies ?”

 

“No, I will take a banana muffin.”

 

“Fine, here we go for a banana muffin.”

 

 

Kibum smiled while his friend was asking for the pastry, and he slightly adjusted his thin gold glasses. He didn’t feel like wearing his lenses that day, and he didn’t have new ones at his members’ apartment anyway.

 

 

“Nice hat.” Minho stated, smiling. “New one ?”

 

“Hell no, it’s really old.” The other male answered, his hand automatically patting his headgear. “I bought it when we were promoting ‘View’, remember ?”

 

“If I remembered each item you bought, I would be an elephant, Key.”

 

“At least you have the perfect size.”

 

“Really funny and original. Ah, thank you.”

 

 

They stopped talking when the waitress came to give the rapper his coffee and the muffin. Kibum’s heart was threatening him to jump out of his ribcage, and he slowly drank, looking away.

 

 

“Well, now we can talk seriously.” Minho said, adding sugar to his drink. “How was your rehearsal ?”

 

“Fine, as always, it’s almost over so we all feel a little bit sad.” The raven haired man answered. “And you ? You didn’t get bored ?”

 

“Not at all, it was funny although I didn’t take part in a lot of scenes. It’s a support role but the main actors are really kind to me. I’m like a staff member when they’re acting, I bring them water, you know.”

 

“I can imagine you very well, yeah.”

 

“So…. didn’t you want to tell me something ?”

 

“What ?”

 

“You didn’t invite me to have a drink for nothing, did you ?”

 

“Are you insinuating that I only meet you when I need to ? You don’t think I only want to have fun with you ?”

 

“Not right now.”

 

 

Minho laughed when his best friend pouted, pretending to be hurt. Of course he knew that Kibum wasn’t someone opportunistic, but he couldn’t help but tease him since he could smell his anxiety.

 

 

“Tell me.” The rapper said. “Is it something with Jonghyun ? You didn’t talk with me about you two for a while.”

 

“Oh, yeah, sorry about that…” The Almighty cleared his throat. “There is a lot of things to say, to be honest, I wouldn’t know what to begin with.”

 

“Let me help. How was your trip to Daegu ?”

 

“It was… good. I mean, I wasn’t in a good mood but I somehow felt relieved when I talked to my grandma about what happened between Jonghyun and me. And… he apologized to us.”

 

“Us ?”

 

“Yes, he apologized to grandma and then he apologized to me. He gave me flowers, but it was really… sweet ? He chose four different colors to represent four feelings, and I must confess that it got me.”

 

“That’s a good thing. Did you talk ?”

 

“A lot..”

 

“Tell me.”

 

 

Kibum didn’t need to be asked twice for it ; he confessed. He told his best friend how Jonghyun had talked to him, the words he had used, the way he had hugged him. He shyly smiled when he showed him the ring he had got back to his finger, and the rapper smiled in return. 

 

 

“Things are improving.” Minho said when he had heard everything. “I’m glad to hear it. So you’re not afraid anymore ?”

 

“I won’t say I’m afraid, but I still have a kind of worry deep inside me.” The other man answered. “What changed is that now… I want to forgive him. I mean, I think I will never forget what he did, but with his confession, his gifts and his words, I think I’m now able to trust him again.”

 

“Will you need time ?”

 

“Yeah, I still need time. I won’t trust him again tomorrow. But… how to say it. I didn’t find my boyfriend again for now, but I found my lover again. And it’s somehow helpful.”

 

“Lover ? So you had sex with him more than once…”

 

“I confess.”

 

“How many times ?”

 

“Do you seriously think I’m going to tell you such a thing ?”

 

“Of course ! You’re dying to tell me.”

 

“True. Well… we did it thrice since the first time in Japan.”

 

 

Minho choked with his coffee when he heard his friend. He hadn’t prepared to that ! But how was it possible ?

 

 

“I see. You’re really kinky.” He stated.

 

“Wait, _you_ are calling me kinky ?!” Kibum spoke, his eyes widening. “You’re not well placed to call me that.”

 

“Huh ? What do you mean ?”

 

“The tables turn, Choi Minho. I know everything.”

 

“Everything about what ?”

 

“About you and Taemin.”

 

 

The Almighty’s words made their expected effect although he didn’t want to say them this way at first. He saw the rapper’s face turn red, then white, and his lips were opening and closing as if he was trying to say something. He seemed desperate and Kibum couldn’t help but laugh.

 

 

“Yah, you can breathe, it’s alright.” He said before laughing again. “Oh my God, that face you made.”

 

“B-But… How can you know ?!” Minho asked, lowering his voice to be sure that no one could hear them. “We hid it so well !”

 

“ _So well_ ? Well, until this morning.”

 

“This morn- oh my God…”

 

“Yeah, you must pray for Him to forgive you, you sinner.”

 

“I suppose we’re both sinners now.”

 

“We’ll meet again in Hell.”

 

 

Kibum smiled and raised his hand, making his best friend laugh as he gave him a high-five.

 

 

“So you heard us…” The latter thought out loud. “You take it well, I see.”

 

“I’m taking it well now, but this morning, I almost entered your messy room to cut your balls with rusty scissors.”

 

“You’re kidding.”

 

“Not at all.”

 

“Of course you are.”

 

“You must keep alert. Who knows what can happen when you’re asleep.”

 

“Yah, Kibum !”

 

“Alright, I’m kidding. But seriously, you haven’t been sincere with me.”

 

“I beg your pardon ? Do you want me to remind you of your shitty lie from the other day ?”

 

“Since when do I lie ?!”

 

“You told me that Jonghyun hyung was drunk and fought to justify his presence in your house !”

 

 

Oh, shit. That frog had a point. Kibum had completely forgotten this story he had told his best friend… well, it hadn’t been _his_ lie in a first place, he had just used this opportunity not to be creative. He remembered the morning phone call they had together, and furrowed his eyebrows ; he had convinced him so well, or at least the rapper had seemed convinced ! What was this situational turnaround again ?

 

 

“OK, right, I lied to you, I’m sorry.” The raven haired man apologized. “But how do you know that it was a lie ? I’m pretty sure you caught nothing on the phone ! You never catch my lies on the phone.”

 

“I will ignore the fact that you just confessed you lie to me often.” Minho growled before he crossed his arms on his chest, a proud smile raising his lips’ corners. “Onew hyung told us everything.”

 

“How the hell ?! I didn’t tell him the story !”

 

“But we did. And he judged us so hard, asking us if we seriously believed you.”

 

“You know what I think ? Onew hyung is someone we must be afraid of in the end. He’s fluffy, clumsy and adorable but he’s a fucking good observer… we’re in danger.”

 

“Don’t try to avoid the subject.”

 

“I don’t ! But seriously, he’s terrifying. He didn’t even hear me lying !”

 

“I understood, there is no need to repeat yourself. So I’m now asking you why you lied to me.”

 

“Because… Yah, I don’t know. I kind of panicked when that brat you date asked me about Jonghyun. And to be honest, I thought he was gone when you called me.”

 

“First of all, careful about who you call _brat_. Secondly, you didn’t answer my question. What, were you afraid of my reaction ? I’m the first one who told you to accept what he gives you. I’m disappointed, aren’t we best friends ?”

 

“Yah, don’t be like that…”

 

“I don’t know, you promised to come to me if there was something new, and I discovered thanks to our leader that, indeed, there has been something new.”

 

“Ming, I didn’t want to bother you. I mean… At that moment I was thinking about telling you everything, but I had to go to Daegu, then when I came back yesterday we had that party… I didn’t find the right moment. But you are my best friend, understood ?”

 

“Can I have a hug then ?”

 

“Fuck off.”

 

“See !”

 

 

Kibum sighed loudly as he stood up, bypassing the table to approach the rapper who was brightly smiling and spreading his arms. Making a face that truly was his signature, the Almighty enlaced his friend with one arm, tapping his back. Minho laughed and hugged him tight, making the other male blush and hit him to let go of him.

 

 

“Forcing me to touch you in front of people, seriously, I hate you.” Kibum spat as he sat up back on his chair.

 

“I love you too.” The rapper said, smiling. “So, tell me what happened between you two, since our Japanese tour.”

 

 

After an entire hour and three more cups of tea and coffee, the rapper was aware of everything. He had almost jumped from his chair when his friend had told him about Jonghyun’s one-night stand he met by accident, but their elder’s behavior had let him impressed. 

 

It was now clear that the singer would never go to that girl again. Minho felt kind off compassionate to that Hwang Seon ; after all, she couldn’t have guessed herself what was going on. He had only snorted when Kibum had said himself that she was a gorgeous creature, but they both agreed on the fact that seeing her on official pictures with Jonghyun or the Almighty… was freaky.

 

Then, there had been Kibum’s confession to his lover, in the underground car park. The rapper had bit his lip with embarrassment when he had heard about that nervous breakdown and those thoughts about creating a family. He had himself never thought about it since he was dating Taemin for only a month but… yeah, that problem occurred. 

 

 

“So… if I understood well everything you said since the moment I put my ass on this chair, Jonghyun hyung cheated on you with a woman because he was missing the female body _and_ because he was stressed out because you can’t give him a family. But now that he confessed that to you, you want to forgive him because… you understand this reason ?” 

 

“Yeah, that’s it.” The raven haired male nodded, frowning when his friend let a sarcastic laugh out. “What ?”

 

“That’s fucking stupid. I mean, of course you can give him a family, there is adoption.”

 

“In theory, yes. But we live in a country that doesn’t even accept homosexuality yet, so just try to imagine if a gay couple wants to adopt a child. We can’t even go out holding hands or kissing in public. And we’re idols.”

 

“True…”

 

“That’s why I’m so afraid… I can’t give him what he dreams of. It’s like we will have to hide forever… Maybe he needs to be with a woman in the end…”

 

“Kibum, don’t bother yourself with that. Things change. Slowly but they change, and homosexuality’s perception will improve in our country too, I want to be optimistic. So just seize the moment, okay ?”

 

“You will know how it feels… You will know how hard it is not to be able to just hold his hand when you're outside, to kiss him when you crave it but there are people around you. It’s… It’s difficult, Minho, it really is, and I’m not sure Taeminnie will endure that.”

 

“Please, let me take care of Taemin myself. Do you trust me ?”

 

“I do, but that’s not-”

 

“So just take a deep breath and come. It’s late, I will drive you home.”

 

 

Kibum sighed but didn’t protest, standing up and putting his coat on before he followed his friend to his car. He remained silent during the car ride until his building, but he felt a little bit relieved after his long talk with Minho ; this man was sometimes truly annoying but he had a warm heart and he knew how to listen.

 

It felt good to have a friend like Choi Minho.

 

 

 

_____________________

 

 

 

The weeks had flown by just as the trees had lost their orange and brown leaves, ending up naked with their almost black trunks. The first snowflakes had fallen early this year, and the entire land had been covered with thick but pure white snow for two months now. It was now the time for this period everyone loved.

 

Christmas.

 

The capital’s streets were enlighten by countless sumptuous decorations that reverberate on the snow, and the stores’ windows were embellished by stickers and painted patterns. Snowflakes, bells, reindeers and sledges… The whole town had submitted to the tradition and so did the inhabitants.

 

Every house, every apartment was now decorated with light tinsels, socks above the fireplace, crowns of holly on the front door… and of course, the Christmas tree.

 

Kibum’s tree was reflecting him : everything on it was calculated with perfectionism. Making the angle between the sofa and the armchair, it wasn’t that tall but perfectly shaped. The rapper had decided to follow a white theme this year, so his green pine tree was circled by two pure white tinsels, and its branches were customized with white and transparents baubles. The top of it was enhanced by a somptuous shining star.

 

But even if his apartment exuded a Christmas atmosphere, the man wasn’t enjoying it, and for a good reason : he was sick as hell. 

 

He had caught the flu a few days before, and he was actually muffled in a huge plaid, his nose and cheeks red because of fever and his cold hands holding a mug of black elderberry infusion. His puppies were already lying in their dog beds, their tummies filled with their special handmade dinner. They even had the right to get a treat because after all, it was a celebration day.

 

Yes, it was already Christmas’ Eve.

 

But Kibum was alone and sick in his sofa. As usual, his parents couldn’t celebrate with him since his father was busy with his business affairs and his mother was on duty at the hospital. He had no brothers and sisters, his grandma wasn’t there anymore, and his few uncles and aunts lived too far away. And he didn’t know them enough, though.

 

So here he was, sniffing and sneezing, his hot and weak body stuck to the leather black sofa and trembling. He could only think, his eyes shut but unable to sleep. 

 

His mind was dreaming of everything and nothing, and it was particularly sending him some imaginary images of his friends celebrating. 

 

He could imagine that happy smile on Taemin’s face, that cute expression when he would introduce Minho as his boyfriend to his family. Because yeah, the rapper had decided to join the maknae and his family for this Christmas Eve, and the couple would then visit the Choi family the day after. It was easy to imagine those two handsome men with their suits, staying close to each other during dinner and dancing.

 

When the maknae had learned by his boyfriend that they had been discovered, he had almost had a panic attack. But both Jonghyun and Kibum had reassured and even congratulated him. They had then persuaded him to announce it to their leader the very evening. The thing done, the dating males had finally began to act like the couple they were in front of their mates ; and it had somehow warmed the elders’ hearts.

 

As for Onew, he was with his family that night, in Gwangmyeong. He hadn’t anyone to introduce to his parents and siblings, but for sure he would enjoy a traditional celebration ; Kibum shivered to the only thought. He _hated_ traditional ways, except for the New Year’s Eve, but only because his hanbok was truly beautiful.

 

The raven haired male furrowed his eyebrows when he realized that he didn’t know what Jonghyun was doing this year. He would usually visit his parents with his older sister, but since he had been Kibum’s boyfriend, he had more come with him the previous years. Because the singer’s father had never accepted his son’s vocation, even a celebrating dinner could turn into an endless arguing.

 

The last time it had happened, Jonghyun had remained quiet for the rest of the evening, but he had then cried in his boyfriend’s arms when they had gone to bed. Even if he was happy with his profession, his father’s harsh words would always hurt him a lot because he would feel as if Mr. Kim would never be proud of him. What son could be happy if his dad wasn’t proud of him ?

 

That’s why the singer had chosen to spend his last Christmas Eves with Kibum’s family. He had always visited his mother and sister on the twenty-fifth because he would feet guilty, but he had avoided any kind of familial reunion for years. Luckily, the women of his family would come and visit him sometimes, and they would even attend his concerts with his group or his solos. They were proud of him, and it was enough to him.

 

Kibum’s thoughts were now attached to his lover. For those few months that had passed, Jonghyun and him hadn’t had a lot of opportunities to meet only the two of them together. The singer had worked a lot since he had been asked to replace a female MC for a popular daily musical TV show during her pregnancy. 

 

That, added to his composer many works and his wave of solo concerts on early December, hadn’t helped them to see each other. And the Almighty was strongly, deeply missing him. The only way they had found to talk sometimes was phone and video calls, although they had visited each other some rare times. Around thrice a week, they had taken the time to call each other and to talk about their respective occupations.

 

Even if the singer couldn’t touch him, his words had worked just the same. He had told him so much sweet things, he had shown him how much he was missing him and caring for him only through his words. And Jonghyun wasn’t a known composer for nothing… he was gifted with vocabulary and syntax. It was a real treasure to hear him talk, especially when he was talking about love.

 

Oh yes, he had sometimes gone absolutely lovely with Kibum, whispering him beautiful sentences and singing some sweet songs on the phone, until late in the evening…

 

His phone suddenly rang, making him jump with surprise and almost drop his still foaming herbal tea. With slow movements, he put the mug on the coffee table and caught his device, sniffing but smiling when he saw that brunette’s name.

 

 

“Yeah ?” He only said with his hoarse sick voice when he picked up.

 

“Hi, sweetheart. How are you feeling ?” Jonghyun’s voice was so soft and caring that the rapper’s heart missed a beat as he smiled.

 

“Not better, I’m afraid… My nose is full, my head seems to be constantly hit by a jackhammer and I’m terribly ugly.”

 

“I’m sure that even with your face red and your sweaty hair, you’re still the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.”

 

“Stop being silly, I do _feel_ ugly in this instant.”

 

“Nonsense. Did you eat tonight ?”

 

“No, I wasn’t hungry… I’m just drinking an infusion right now, but I truly hate it.”

 

“Stupid, you can’t do anything when you’re sick and not by my side at the same time. Do you need me ?”

 

“Now _you_ are telling nonsense. You’re with you family for Christmas, aren’t you ? So put the phone down and enjoy, and please don’t argue with your dad when I’m not by your side.”

 

“It seems like we both need each other right now… don’t you think…?”

 

“Oh wait, I’m going to sneeze.”

 

 

Saying those words, Kibum put the phone away and sneezed thrice so loudly his puppies woke up and jumped. Catching an umpteenth tissue, he rubbed his nose before he brought the device to his ear again, only hearing Jonghyun’s laugh.

 

 

“That was almost a Minho’s sneeze, you know ?” The singer stated.

 

“Shut up, I’m way prettier than him when I sneeze.” The Almighty answered, pretending to be offended. “So, what were you saying ?”

 

“I was asking you if you also think that we both need each other right now.”

 

“What are you talking about…”

 

“Just find the strength to get up and open your door, then you will understand.”

 

 

 

 

***

 


	13. Merry Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special chapter that was planned for Christmas day but got delayed because of obvious reasons. Enjoy. <3

_**13\. Merry Christmas** _

 

 

 

Kibum was about to answer, his eyebrows frowned, but the singer had hung up. Cursing him with all his heart, he made the hugest effort he was able to make in this instant to stand up, his body making him suffer as if he had sore muscles. The flu wasn’t something enjoyable in any way.

 

Holding his plaid around his body, Kibum slowly walked towards the front door, ordering his puppies to stay in their bed since they were starting to move, thinking of a late walk. As fast as a really old grandpa, he then turned the key in the lock and opened the wood panel.

 

His blurry and feverish eyes behind their round thin glasses met soft and caring ones, Jonghyun standing on the doormat with his phone and a bag in his hands as a small dog was calmly sitting next to his feet. When the singer smiled, the raven haired male couldn’t help but smile in his turn. Stepping backwards and slowly kneeling, he stretched his arm out of his plaid and rubbed Roo’s tiny head when she came to him.

 

 

“Hi sweetie…” Kibum whispered. “Long time no see, your cousins will be happy. Go over there, I will bring you some treat.”

 

 

After he softly patted the dog’s bottom to make her join his own puppies, the sick male straightened up and stared at his lover, who was closing the door after he had entered the apartment. 

 

 

“What are you doing here…?” He asked, instinctively trying to style the mess his hair was at that moment. “Why aren’t you with your family…?”

 

“I hesitated a lot, I just finished work.” Jonghyun answered, removing his coat and scarf before he approached Kibum to touch his cheeks and forehead with careful hands.

 

“Work…? Yah, why were you working on Christmas Eve… It’s almost eleven in the evening already…”

 

“I had to. And I was supposed to join my family after that but… I wanted to spend Christmas with you.”

 

“You’re stupid… What will your mom say…”

 

“Nothing, she said I was right. You don’t deserve to spend this day alone, so here I am. And you’re sick, I have to be right there and nowhere else. Now come.”

 

 

Jonghyun put a soft kiss on his lover’s forehead and placed his arm around his wrapped up waist, leading him to the sofa. Kibum let him do, his weak body not allowing him to protest — and he didn’t really want to protest. As soon as he sat down, the singer adjusted the plaid but didn’t join him.

 

 

“I’m going to cook you something, you need to eat if you want to heal.” He whispered, fondling the dark hair. “You’re sweating, let me dry your hair first.”

 

“It’s nothing, it’s just fever…” The other male retorted, catching the brunette’s wrist when the latter was making a move to leave. “Don’t bother yourself…”

 

“I’m not bothered at all, baby. Just rest and let me do everything for you, will you ?”

 

 

Kibum seemed to hesitate. He truly hated to feel incompetent and vulnerable, but he couldn’t reject Jonghyun who only wanted to help. Nodding, he let go of his limb and sneezed, making the other male smile and hand him the tissues’ box. The latter then headed to the bathroom to catch a small towel, and he went back to sit next to the rapper. With soft and really delicate gestures, he put the cloth on the Almighty’s hair and rubbed it.

 

Putting the towel on the backrest and a kiss on the rapper’s cheek, Jonghyun stood up and headed to the kitchen.

 

 

“Please bring a sweet for Roo…” Kibum said. “There is a round metallic box next to my tea packets.”

 

“Ah yeah, I can see it.”

 

 

The brunette carefully caught the box and took a wrapped treat out of it before he put it back to its place. He then whistled and as soon as she heard the sound, Roo stood up and trotted to her daddy. Jonghyun smiled when he saw her and squatted to pat her head, handing her the treat with its package.

 

 

“See that ? You can’t eat it for now, there is plastic around it.” He told her with a soft but firm voice, the rhythm of his words slow. “So take it and go give it to uncle Bummie. Understood ? Uncle Bummie, go.”

 

“Jjong, why do you annoy her with-”

 

 

The so called uncle got quiet when he saw the teckel getting out of the kitchen with the treat in her mouth, slowly coming to him. With his eyes wide open, he leaned on and removed his hands from the plaid to take the package, opening it.

 

 

“Brave girl… How well you listen to daddy, can’t you teach your cousins ?” He said, smiling before he made the sweet fly above Roo’s muzzle. “Here, here ~”

 

 

Backing onto the kitchen’s door, Jonghyun softly smiled by looking at his love playing with his dog. He knew it would please Kibum to see her again, he truly loved her and he had known her since her birth. Even if he liked poodles more, he couldn’t help but melt before this cute and well-behaved teckel with her big eyes. The only thing he couldn’t handle was her habit to kiss, since the singer would always ask her for kisses. The Almighty hated that but he had never scolded his ex-boyfriend for it — he had just threatened him countless times to rip his lips with his bare hands if he had dared to kiss him after he had kissed Roo.

 

He loved Roo, but not to the point of being physically this close to her. Patting and tickling were enough.

 

 

“Good girl, now go. My God, she obeys so well, why can’t those little devils be like her…”

 

“They’re still babies.” The brunette smiled. “Roo is older, she listens more but trust me, it was a real ordeal when she was less than three years old. She would always pee everywhere except outside, remember ?”

 

“Yeah, I remember that. And my dressing gown remembers too.”

 

“You’re finally in a Key-like mood, I knew my little princess would help you.”

 

“Not at all, I’m about to sneeze and it won’t fucking come. I’m going to hit my nose and-”

 

“Yah, don’t say stupid things. It will come, just don’t get angry for nothing or your headache will increase. Just let it go, I’m going to cook.”

 

 

Jonghyun smiled and went back to the cupboards and fridge, taking his time to decide what to prepare for his sick love. After a few minutes, he grabbed two instant noodles boxes and some beef as a supplement for him, putting some water to boil before he washed his hands and started to cut the meat with precise movements.

 

When he was younger and had made his debuts with his members, he was a really bad cook. He had been used to his mother’s and ready-prepared dishes you just had to heat up in the microwave, so his eating-behavior had been a source of conflict between the other young men and him. Fortunately, after he had shouted after him hundreds of times, Kibum had decided to teach him some easy tips.

 

With a lot of time but also some willing, the singer had finally learned to make a lot of basic but healthy dishes, and that had helped it a lot to control his weight. Because Jonghyun was someone who could easily gain but also lose weight, he must be careful about what he eats each day, and thanks to his lover he had succeeded quite well. 

 

As soon as he finished cutting the beef into small cubes, he put them in a frying pan with some aromates, and he couldn’t help but laugh when he heard Kibum finally sneeze. Of course the rapper swore like a trooper right after the third one, and the brunette scolded him from the kitchen, only receiving a lovely “fuck you” as an answer.

 

When the Almighty was sick, it was for the best to stay away from him and not to bother him if you didn’t want to get hit or to receive some _adorable_ words right in your face. Only Jonghyun was so used to it that he almost thought it was cute. But maybe it was because the raven haired male was more like a dying child with him when he caught a cold than a sassy bitch as he was with everyone else. 

 

 After a few minutes, the singer’s dish was completely done since it wasn’t that difficult to make. He didn’t want to spend too much time far away from Kibum, so he poured the instant noodles in two bowls, adding the beef in one of them before putting them on a tray with two small water bottles. They were both so used to drink a lot of water at any time and anywhere that they would rarely drink from a glass, even at home. 

 

 

“Here you are.” Jonghyun said with a soft voice as he walked to the living room and put the tray on the coffee table. “I thought you wouldn’t like to have meat tonight, so I just made something hot for you.”

 

“You did right…” The rapper answered before coughing, straightening up. “I’m not sure to eat everything though.”

 

“It doesn’t matter, eat what you can but please eat a bit. It’s not good to starve all day long, especially when you’re sick. You must help your own body to fight back.”

 

“Are you really using _my_ words against me ?”

 

“Yeah, because your words are true and accurate.”

 

 

The brunette smiled and caught the other male’s chopsticks, slowly stirring the noodles in their broth before he took a small portion of them. Holding the bowl next to Kibum’s face with a hand and lifting the chopsticks with the other one, he softly blew on the hot pasta and brought them close to the rapper’s lips.

 

 

“Open up.” He said.

 

“I can eat on my own, you know, I’m not a baby.” Kibum only said.

 

“Oh, well, if you like it more this way…”

 

“No, no, everything’s fine.”

 

 

Before Jonghyun had the time to withdraw his hand more, the sick male approached it with his face and opened his mouth to take the noodles, one of his hand instinctively raising under his chin just in case. The singer tenderly smiled ; he knew that his lover would decline at first because of a kind of pride, but in the end, he would always be fed with pleasure, especially by him. 

 

That was something they had used to do a lot when they had been only the two of them at the dorm. Eating everything and nothing but sometimes feeding each other from each other’s plate. Since they wouldn’t both eat the same thing even if they were together, they had developed that habit to make the other taste their own dish of the day. 

 

The only disturbing thing for Kibum was that the brunette would often put too much spices or dressing to his liking. And that brat would laugh every time his lover would make a face or squint after he would have tasted his dish. How ingrate.

 

 

“Careful, it’s hot.” Jonghyun warned, already picking another portion and blowing on it.

 

“Don’t forget to eat too, it will cool down…”

 

“Don’t worry about me. Three mouthfuls and I’m done.”

 

“Yeah, and your stomach will kill you and I will have to look after the crying puppy you will become. I’m sick, so don’t even dare to steal _my_ place.”

 

“How selfish you are.”

 

 

The singer laughed as he fed his lover with a second mouthful, enjoying his first one while the other male was chewing. Without exchanging any word, both males ate, sometimes looking at each other when one wasn’t watching. The only witnesses of those secret glances were the three pets, or should I say the two pets, since the youngest one was peacefully sleeping, only being a small ball with black curly hair in the dog bed. 

 

When the bowls ended up being filled with only broth, Jonghyun let the raven haired man catch his own, and they both drank until the last drop. Smiling as he took the containers, the singer wiped Kibum’s upper lip with his thumb before he stood up to go and do the dishes. 

 

The rapper couldn’t help but smile and he somehow blushed although his cheeks were already red because of fever. He was already feeling cold but hot, and now that the brunette was with him, his body was going crazy. It was like he was burning inside, that added to his heart that was acting as if it had just run a one hundred meters race, and to his shivers. It wasn’t easy to describe but it… felt good ?

 

Yeah, he was glad Jonghyun had chosen him that night. Christmas’ magic had finally occurred…  

 

 

“Do you want some tea ?” A brown haired head appeared in the kitchen door’s frame, with two puppy eyes filled with so much expressiveness it made Kibum shiver more.

 

“I’m full…” The latter just answered.

 

“But it’s good for your digestion, you know ?” 

 

“For God’s sake Kim Jonghyun, I’m full and I just have the flu, I’m not a ninety years old grandpa with gastric issues. Get out of my sight before I kill you and give your remains to my dogs !”

 

 

The singer just made a feigned chocked and horrified face that made Kibum laugh despite him and get a bout of coughing. The brunette came to him right away and sat on the sofa, slowly tapping his back and handing him a tissue.

 

 

“Ah, I’m sorry, I didn’t want to make you die on the coffee table.” He said. “Please get your piece of lung back, it’s unhygienic.”

 

“I’m going to kill you-ough…!”

 

“Yeah, right, just finish to die first.”

 

 

With a smile on his fleshy lips, Jonghyun tapped and caressed the other male’s back until he stopped coughing, and he then fondled his hair. When Kibum looked up, his teary red eyes met dark chocolate ones and he couldn’t help but get lost in them. None of the lovers could have said how long they stayed like this, staring at each other like they had used to do a lot when they had been a couple.

 

It was like an old but also new feeling was seizing them, as if an invisible and soft chain was circling them together, slowly tightening itself to make their bodies come closer to each other. Without saying a word, the singer half-opened his lips and slightly craned his head towards the rapper’s. The latter didn’t make a move except when his chin seemed to raise a bit by itself, as if it was waiting for something to come closer.

 

Jonghyun slowly approached his lover’s lips with his, and as they were almost grazing each other, a carillon-like sound suddenly resounded in the living room. Both males jumped with surprised, just as their puppies, and they turned their heads towards the source of the noise : Kibum’s phone, the screen switched on an alert with only a Christmas tree and a wrapped gift emojis. 

 

 

“What is it…?” The brunette asked, whispering.

 

“It’s my alert… for Christmas.” The other man answered as he stretched his arm to catch his phone and turn the sound off. “It’s midnight…”

 

“Already ? Well, then…”

 

 

Without saying more, Jonghyun stood up to walk to the front door, catching the bag he had left there when he had entered in a first place. When he sat on the sofa again, he smiled at his lover’s look, with his neat eyebrows furrowed. Taking three wrapped packages out of the sack, the singer handed two of them to Kibum.

 

 

“And the third one ?” The raven haired male asked as he took the presents in his hands.

 

“You’re really something, you already have two and you asked for a third without even opening the first ones !” The brunette sighed with despair. “That one is for your puppies, so don’t even try.”

 

“Alright, alright.” Kibum smiled, sniffing before he looked at his gifts. “Which one do you want me to open first ?”

 

“The soft one.”

 

 

Nodding, the Almighty put the second package on the coffee table and got rid of a bit of his plaid to feel more free of his movements. With his cold and shivering hands, he took his time to rip the wrapping paper, and he frowned when he discovered Jonghyun’s face printed on some fabric.

 

Taking the clothing item completely out of its package, he discovered winter pajamas made of pastel pink long-sleeves shirt and pants. But what made it really original was the pattern : the entire outfit was filled with countless Jonghyun’s face patterns. His hair on the picture he had chosen as a model was platinum blond, certainly when they had been promoting “View”, and his face was brightened by a wide smile as almost all his teeth were visible. 

 

He was so cute but also so… ridiculous. And ridiculously lovely, indeed.  

 

 

“What is this again ?” Kibum asked, laughing as he made the pajamas rotate in his hands, pretending to count the faces on it. “You’ve gone crazy, seriously…”

 

“Merry Christmas ! Do you like it ?” Jonghyun asked in return, his eyes sparkling with cheekiness but also with pride. 

 

“What’s wrong with you ? How does your brain work ? You customized pajamas with your own face to give it to me as a Christmas present ?!”

 

“You’re really discerning. But that’s not the best.”

 

“Jesus, what have you done…”

 

 

Clapping his hands like a child in a hurry, the brunette caught another package out of his bag, and when he showed his lover a second set of pajamas, pastel green this time and with Kibum’s face during “View” era as patterns… the rapper bursted of laughter. 

 

 

“You… You made matching pajamas for you and I ?!” He asked, almost shouting because of his laugh. “Oh my God !”

 

“It’s cool, isn’t it ! I love them, I had to force myself not to wear it right when it arrived.” Jonghyun explained, his serious and amazed tone making the other man laugh harder. “Hey, since I already washed them, let’s get changed !”

 

“Oh no, there is no way you make me-yah !”

 

 

Without letting him the time to finish his sentence, the brunette had already stood up and had caught Kibum’s wrist to pull him to the bathroom. Making sure of turning the heater on and closing the door, the elder quickly started to undress without any modesty. As soon as he was completely naked, he put his green pajamas on and proudly stood before the rapper. 

 

The result was so cute that the latter couldn’t do anything else but smile as he slowly took his warm clothes off. Because of flu and despite the heater, a strong shiver shook his whole body when he ended up half naked, and Jonghyun quickly helped him to put the shirt on, buttoning it himself. Pants soon joined the top, and the rapper made a spin to look how the pajamas were shaping his body.

 

 

“It makes a pretty ass, don’t you think ?” The elder suddenly asked, making the other male widen his eyes. “Yah, don’t pretend to be prudish, we both know that you were checking it already.”

 

“Well, it makes _my_ ass pretty. Turn around ?” Kibum ordered with an unhidden smirk as his lover obeyed. “Yeah, only mine indeed.”

 

“How can you be so mean when I came on Christmas day to look after you although I could be with my mom and noona who would show me their love ?!”

 

“I’m not mean. I’m realistic. We both know my ass is prettier than yours.”

 

“That’s not a reason to nag me. I feel upset now.”

 

 

Making an angry pout, the singer stuck out his chest and left the bathroom, his hips deliciously rolling as the raven haired male laughed, walking after him.

 

 

“Yah, don’t do that, it doesn’t work with me.” He said with a playful tone despite his hoarse voice. “Answer me. … You better answer now. … Kim Jonghyun. … Kim fucking Jonghyun, if you don’t answer right now, I swear before God I'll destroy your pajamas with my bare hands.”

 

“Go on then.” Jonghyun smirked as he sat on the sofa, his arms spread on the backrest.

 

“What ?”

 

“Destroy my pajamas.”

 

“… No, I didn’t mean it like that.”

 

“You tell me.”

 

“My God, why are you such a walking dick ?”

 

“You love to follow my _steps_ , sweetheart, don’t deny it.”

 

“Enough. I’m too sick to listen to your cocky words. Give me my second present.”

 

 

Saying those words, Kibum joined his lover on the sofa, sitting and catching his plaid back to wrap himself in it. He only let his forearms out of it and stretched them to claim his gift. Jonghyun rolled his eyes but handed him the second package.

 

 

“You clearly don’t deserve it with that behavior of yours.” He said.

 

“Thank you, but first…”

 

 

Kibum put the gift on the coffee table as soon as he got it in the hands, before he stood up once again to walk to his bedroom. Followed by the singer’s eyes, he searched in his desk’s drawer and took a small wrapped package out of it. He then went to sit back and cleared his throat while handing the gift to his guest.

 

 

“This is for you, merry Christmas. I’m sorry, I only have one…” He said, seeing embarrassed.

 

“It’s alright, thank you a lot.” Jonghyun answered, a bright smile making his whole face shine as he took the present, opening it.

 

“I may have eavesdropped a bit… but I think you needed it.”

 

 

The brunette widened his eyes when the wrapping paper fell on the floor, letting him discover a small box made of navy blue velvet with the name of a well known luxurious brand carved on it in gold joined-up writing. With careful fingers, he slowly opened the jewelry case and his already sparkling eyes fell on a splendid silver watch with visible elegant mechanism.

 

Jonghyun’s watch had broken a few weeks ago but he had never found the time to buy another one. The fact was he truly loved those pieces of jewelry, more than any ring, bracelet or earring. He had a small collection of watches he stored in a brown leather box, and he would always take a few minutes each morning to choose one of them to match his outfit of the day. But the one that broke was his favorite because, first, it had been his mother’s present, and secondly, because of a special finish : a visible mechanism. It had been the only one with this detail among the dozen of watches he had, and the one he would wear the most.

 

So when Kibum had heard Minho mumble about their elder being in a bad mood for a “damn accessory”, as he had said, the Almighty had decided to make everything he could to find the perfect watch for him. He had made it import from Europe and it had arrived only two days before because the production process had needed a few more days in order to add a supplementary detail.

 

 

“Before you start crying, take a look at the case band…” Kibum softly said as he made Jonghyun’s hand turn the watch to see its side.

 

 

The brunette furrowed an eyebrow but he seemed truly surprised when he noticed that something was engraved in the steel.

 

 

“ _Merry Christmas 2017…_ ” He read the left side of the case band with a low voice before he turned it to read the right side. “ _I love you, Kim Jonghyun_. Oh my…”

 

 

As expected, the singer sniffed while his eyes got teary, and Kibum smiled and sighed at the same time. 

 

 

“Jjong, I can’t hug you, I’m sick and I don’t want you to-”

 

 

But he couldn’t finish his sentence since two muscled arms surrounded him, grabbing him by the shoulders to make him almost crush to the other male’s torso. With a gasp, the Almighty ended up being blocked in a close embrace as Jonghyun was sniffing, his chin resting on his shoulder.

 

 

“Thank you… Thank you so much…” The singer whispered, preventing himself of sobbing and his hands holding the rapper’s pajamas on his back. “You couldn’t have offered me something better and… and I feel as if I had two gifts, that sumptuous watch and your love etched on it and on my heart…”

 

“I’m happy if you like it… please don’t cry, Roo is already coming to you.”

 

 

Laughing, Jonghyun straightened up and wiped his eyes’ underneath before he caressed his dog’s head, reassuring her. The rapper smiled and opened his second gift while his lover was busy ; ripping the paper and lifting the lid of a small but long box, he took two glasses cases out of it, one white and one black. 

 

Under the brunette’s eyes, since he had sent Roo to the dog bed again, Kibum opened the two cases and discovered two pairs of glasses. The first one had its lenses round and transparent with thin rose-gold rims, while the second one was sunglasses with brown shading lenses and gold rims.

 

 

“Since you like to wear glasses for fashion when you wear contact lenses, I thought I could extend your collection.” Jonghyun explained. “They aren’t prescription glasses, the lenses are… virgin ?”

 

“Yeah, I see… They’re beautiful, let me try them.” 

 

 

Kibum removed his real glasses to try the two pairs while the singer was holding his phone before him, with the front camera open. When Jonghyun used the sound button to take pictures, the rapper couldn’t help but shout — as loud as his hurt throat could let him — and they both ended up laughing.

 

 

“Wanna take a selfie…?” The singer asked, his lips’ corners raising to make a shy smile.

 

“Now ? With those pajamas ?” The Almighty stated. “You’re not going to post it anywhere, you promise ?”

 

“I promise, it will be our secret.”

 

“Alright then. But I’m so ugly with my reddish sick face…”

 

“Not at all, you’re beautiful. Your eyes are sparkling and your cheeks and nose only seem to be cute pink because of shyness.”

 

“I’m not shy. Hurry now, I’m tired…”

 

 

Jonghyun nodded and came closer to his lover, their shoulders touching each other as he made his arm pass behind Kibum’s back to hold himself with his hand on the sofa. The Almighty removed the plaid from his body to put it on their legs, and he styled his hair before craning his head towards Jonghyun’s. The brown and black hair were getting tangled together when they both looked at the camera and smiled.

 

The singer took a few pictures, each one with different face expressions. As soon as he finished checking them, he stood up to threw the wrapping papers away and came back to give a hand to Kibum. The rapper looked at it before he took it, being slowly lifted to stand up too.

 

Smiling, Jonghyun interlaced their fingers, what made the other male blush as if it was the first time, and he led him to the bedroom after he waved his free hands to the sleepy puppies. Closing the door behind them, he went to lower the roller blind while Kibum was putting himself to bed after he blew his nose twice. The brunette headed to the bathroom for a few seconds to remove his contact lenses, and he joined his lover.

 

Lying behind him, he brought the thick winter blanket on both their bodies before he came closer to the other male. Delicately grabbing his waist from behind, he made his thin back meet his own torso, and held him tight as he intertwined their legs.

 

Kibum slightly smiled, closing his eyes.

 

 

“Do you mind if we sleep this way…?” Jonghyun suddenly asked, whispering against his ear and making him shiver. “If you’re not comfortable, we can-”

 

“Don’t say anything more…” The rapper answered with the same tone. “You’re so warm…”

 

“Does it feel good…?”

 

“Yeah… Please don’t let me go during the night…”

 

“I won’t let you go. Now sleep, baby… I love you…”

 

 

Even if Kibum didn’t answer, the brunette felt relieved and happy. Grazing the milky white nape with a soft kiss, he buried his face against it and closed his eyes in his turn. Soon, only their peaceful sleeping breath could be heard in the dark bedroom, as their bodies were spooning under the blanket, almost making only one.

 

 

 

_______________________

 

 

 

When Jonghyun’s heart almost stopped beating, his eyes widened by themselves and the singer sat up straight on the mattress, his breath panting. Frowning, he raised a hand to touch his own cheek, and his fingers felt something wet : tears. Wiping them, he let a long and relieved sigh out when he recognized his lover’s bedroom.

 

A nightmare.

 

He had just had a nightmare, a truly terrifying one. Catching his breath back, he closed his eyes and massaged his temples while inhaling and exhaling deeply. It had been a long time since he had last woken up in such a miserable state because of a bad dream. But that time, he had dreamt about Kibum being torn away from him, and none of his screams nor the rapper’s had saved them from being separated by force.

 

It had been as if he had lived their break up once again, but stronger. He had cried in his sleep, and this would happen rarely. Rubbing his face, Jonghyun looked at the clock-radio : it was almost ten in the morning. 

 

Turning his head towards the other side of the bed, he could make out Kibum’s figure, rolled into a ball and wrapped in the blanket. He was offering him his back and the singer felt surprised to see a second blanket on both their covered bodies. By sitting up, he had removed it from the rapper’s one but since only his head could be seen… he must feel warm in this instant.

 

Jonghyun slowly got out of the bed to slightly open the roller blind in order to let a really thin ray of sunshine enter the bedroom. He knew that his lover liked to be woken up by natural light. The brunette then went back to bed, approaching the other male under the sheets. He circled his waist with his arm and put his hand on his stomach, slowly caressing him under his shirt. He smiled when he felt that his skin’s temperature had come back to normal, and with his free hand, he carefully grazed the cheek and forehead.

 

The fever had disappeared.

 

Kibum’s sickness was slowly healing, and with the fever gone it was a pretty good beginning. Hugging him tighter to feel his back against his own torso, Jonghyun kissed the sleeping male’s nape, once, twice… countless times. He kissed the skin softly, almost not touching it, but the shivers that appear on it were enough for him to keep doing it. With his nose buried in the dark haired, he could smell his lover’s natural fragrance and it was little by little turning him on.

 

With his hand on the bare stomach and his lips on the nape, he added another skin contact by softly rubbing the thin white leg with his. He craved those morning touches for so long… 

 

When he heard Kibum inhaling deeply as his back seemed to push the singer’s torso because of his lungs getting filled with air, Jonghyun understood that he was slowly waking up. To help him without pressing him, the brunette kept kissing his skin as his hand was making its way on his torso, still under the pajamas.

 

Soon, a hand that wasn’t his covered his, joining it under the shirt. The singer smiled when he felt that contact, and he slightly raised his head while Kibum turned his towards him. His eyes were still sleepy but half-open, and his nose was still a bit pink because of his cold… but he was beautiful. Jonghyun had always thought that the moment when his lover was the most beautiful was when he would just wake up, with his messy hair, glowing skin and sleepy eyes.

 

It was that kind of natural that the singer loved the most.

 

 

“Good morning…” He whispered, stealing a soft kiss to the other male’s lips.

 

“Hey…” The rapper answered with the same tone without hiding a smile. Indeed, he had missed those morning moments too… “You’re already awake…”

 

“Just a few minutes ago. I wanted to let you sleep a bit more but I couldn’t wait to be the first one you would see today…”

 

“Are you satisfied…?”

 

“So much, yeah… Were you cold, last night…? I noticed the second blanket…”

 

“No, I wasn’t, you were. You kept sneezing around four in the morning and you were shivering although you were still holding me under the first blanket.”

 

“You got up only to cover me more…?”

 

“Yeah, and I swapped our positions to hold you… You needed to be warmed up so…”

 

 

Jonghyun smiled, touched by this attention, and he kissed his lover to thank him properly. Kibum gave him his kiss back as he slowly turned his body to face him, the singer keeping his hand on the thin waist. When their lips separated, they stayed close to each other and while one of his arm was crossed before his own torso, the rapper’s free hand raised to softly caress the brunette’s cheek. 

 

He had missed those moments so much he needed to enjoyed it as far as possible. At that instant, he wasn’t thinking about Jonghyun as a cheater but as that kind and caring boyfriend he had had. It was like nothing had ever happened and it felt so good… he didn’t want him to leave his bed.

 

 

“Do you feel better…?” The singer asked him, caressing his waist. “Your fever is gone.”

 

“Yeah, I feel a bit better than yesterday… But you ?”

 

“Me ?”

 

“You stayed close to me all night long, don’t you feel as if you were going to be sick now…?”

 

“Not at all, don’t worry about me. I’m immune when I’m with you.”

 

“Even if I am the virus ?”

 

“Even if you’re the virus. You’re the only virus I would like to catch.”

 

“You’re telling nonsense, as always, you silly cheeky boy…”

 

“Did you just call me a boy ?”

 

“Does it bother you ?”

 

“Yeah, I’m a man. I’m _your_ man, sweetheart.”

 

“Then prove it and kiss me.”

 

 

Jonghyun couldn’t help but raise his eyebrows with surprise as his lover’s request. But he didn’t want to think about it and he obeyed right away, his hand on the waist making Kibum’s body come closer as his free hand caught his cheek. With delicateness, his fleshy lips met bow shaped ones, and they kissed softly, grazing each other. 

 

The rapper closed his eyes and appreciated the kiss while his hand was softly put on the brown hair, the fingers running between the bangs. Since he was still a bit sleepy, he let the singer caress his lips with his, answering it slowly but mostly taking the greatest advantage of it. 

 

When the brunette broke their kiss and slightly made his head go backwards to look at his lover’s face, the latter half-opened his eyes and smiled while caressing his hair. He was there, lying against him and blessing him with morning kisses and touches… And he didn’t seem to force himself to do it, it was like everything was back to their usual awakening together. 

 

And if felt so good.

 

It felt so good Jonghyun couldn’t resist the temptation to make their lips meet once again, without any brutality, only the sweetest softness he could give him. Kibum let a slight sigh out when his lips were taken and closed his eyes as his free hand went on the singer’s chest, right on the part where he could hear his heart beating.

 

It was beating so fast… but beside that, his touches were so sweet. This man was a paradox. A beautiful paradox.

 

But he was also tricky, and the rapper was reminded of it when the brown haired male suddenly broke their kiss, right at the moment when Kibum was starting to open his lips. Opening his eyes and raising his eyebrows, the latter looked at his lover with surprise.

 

Jonghyun was smirking as he pushed him back on the mattress to sit up, getting ready to stand up and leave the bed.

 

 

“I’m going to make breakfast.” He just said while making his legs escape the blanket and his feet touch the floor.

 

“What ? You’re not going anywhere.”

 

 

Kibum growled as he straightened up enough to catch the singer’s arm, pulling him with his whole strength to make him lie down on the mattress. Jonghyun let a small scream out as his back hit the bed, but he ended up laughing with both his lips and eyes when he found himself being trapped by the rapper sitting on him. 

 

 

“Baby, what are you doing ?” He asked, staring at his eyes with a pretty smile, not pervert at all, just pretty.

 

“How do you think you can decide to leave Kibummie this way, in Kibummie’s own house ?” The Almighty replied with a silly voice, making a face while crossing his arms on his chest.

 

“Are you giving me aegyos ?”

 

“Kibummie’s angry.”

 

“Oh God. He’s at it again.”

 

“Kibummie’s really really angry.”

 

“Alright, alright, just do whatever you want of me.”

 

“You won’t move again ?”

 

“No, I won’t.”

 

“Promise ?”

 

“Promise. Silly.”

 

 

Jonghyun laughed and so did Kibum before the latter uncrossed his arms to slowly lean on the singer’s body with his hands on his torso. Stealing him a kiss, the raven haired male smile and let his nose graze the other’s one, closing his eyes before their foreheads met. Both men kept their eyes closed and appreciated this intimate position for a long moment.

 

Their breathings were synchronized, soft and slow, and Jonghyun was slightly caressing his lover’s nape with his right hand while the left one was holding his on his own chest. 

 

 

“Do you mind if we cuddle but with me on you ?” He suddenly asked, whispering and half-opening his eyes.

 

 

Kibum opened his eyes at the question and smiled. He knew the singer liked this way of cuddling more than any else, because it would make him feel in security. Jonghyun was someone really insecure, but being between someone’s arms and having fingers grazing his skin and hair would always help him to relax.

 

Without saying anything, the rapper got down of his lover and lied on his back, opening an arm and whispering a low “come here”. The brunette smiled and trundled to lie on Kibum’s torso, putting his head on his chest, right under his chin. He didn’t put his whole body on the other’s, only his torso in order not to crush him — his musculature was kind of heavy and he didn’t want the love of his life to suffocate from a hug.

 

Once he found his best position, Jonghyun let a deep sigh out to express his comfort, and he closed his eyes. Kibum smiled once again and he held him with an arm under his pajamas shirt, the hand slowly caressing his naked back skin by drawing imaginary lines with the fingers. His other hand had its fingers running through the singer’s brown hair, softly fondling it.

 

It was all about softness and he could feel the body on him relax and somehow being less heavy. They stayed like this for a moment, losing all notion of time since they were only feeling good in each other’s arms.

 

After a while, Jonghyun slowly raised his head and his eyes met Kibum’s, both of them smiling at each other before sharing a kiss.

 

 

“I want to ask you something.” The singer then said.

 

“What is it ?”

 

“Would you like to go on a date with me ?”

 

“A date ?

 

“Yes, a date.”

 

“I don’t know, I don’t feel like dating, this year.”

 

“Don’t play that game, you cheeky beggar. But I will take you literally : I will ask you for dates as soon as we reach 2018.”

 

“Will you be able to wait until then ?”

 

“I could wait for you until I die.”

 

 

The raven haired man couldn’t help but smile. The idea of going on dates with Jonghyun made him feel so good, his heart was suddenly beating faster by remembering their first dates. At that moment, he remembered his leader and his best friend’s words : they had guessed themselves that the brunette would make him go back to their flirting time, and they had guessed right.

 

 

“Alright, then. I will go on a date with you next year.” He said, staring at his lover.

 

 

Jonghyun smiled and kissed him, longly and sharing deep feelings with him through his lips.

 

 

“Just to make you wait until then.” He justified it

 

 

Both of them smiled and put their heads back where they were.

 

Jonghyun had still work to do, but Kibum was opening his heart back more and more. His eyes already had this gleam back when he looked at him, forgiveness wasn’t as far away as it was only a few weeks before.

 

Slowly but surely, the Almighty was falling in love again.

 

And by making him feel safe with him, the singer only loved him more than he had ever loved him.

 

Yeah, the next year would be the year of their healing, and Kibum would come back to Jonghyun. It was written in the stars.

 

 

 

 

***

 


	14. Run away

_**14\. Run away** _

 

 

 

The dorm was strangely calm this day, as Jonghyun was storing the groceries in the kitchen’s cupboards and fridge. It had been his task of the day since he hadn’t had any schedule, and his still red nose could let suppose how cold it was outside on a January day.

 

The new year had come and with it, a new man and a new chance. Putting a dozen of banana milk bottles in the fridge, the singer smiled : he could now ask Kibum to join him on dates, and that had been exactly what he had done as soon as midnight had come on the first day of the month. As an answer, his lover had just gently scolded him, but they had finally chosen a date to meet for their first _rendez-vous_ of the year.

 

And it was that day.

 

Tearing him away from his thoughts, the front door opened on a familiar loud and deep voice that made him jump with surprise. Why was this damn rapper shouting again ?

 

 

“Jonghyun hyung ! We won !” 

 

 

Joining Minho in the living room as soon as he finished his storing, the brunette smiled.

 

 

“Really ? How many ?” He asked before doing a high five with his friend.

 

“Seven to one. And I scored three goals.” The rapper proudly said. “It was awesome, we literally destroyed them !”

 

“Wasn’t it a friendly match ?”

 

“There is no friendship in soccer, only rivalry.”

 

“Right. Well, congrats ! But you could let them score more next time. And you, Onew hyung ?”

 

“I was the goalkeeper.” The leader said, yawning as he let his body fall on the sofa.

 

“Oh, that’s great ! It means you only let one ball pass, you’re strong.”

 

“It’s the only ball I saw during this damn match… I was alone on my side of the field, they were all on the other side. I could only count pieces of grass. You wanna know how much there are in the goal ?”

 

 

Jonghyun couldn’t help but laugh, imagining the situation really well. On one hand, there was a charismatic and competitive tall man in the person of Minho, and on the other hand, a clumsy but not less competitive one, in the person of Onew. But since the rapper hated to fail, it wasn’t a surprise if he had almost never let the ball go on his goal’s side…

 

 

“At least you won. Just go and shower a bit because you really stink, both of you…” The singer said as he shook his hand before his face.

 

“Look at him, hyung, he’s playing Key.” Minho said, smiling with provocation. 

 

“I’m not ! You do really stink !”

 

 

The rapper laughed but didn’t say anything else, heading to the bathroom to get rid of sweat and smell. After a few minutes, the leader replaced him in the shower, and the three men ended up sitting in the living room with a coffee or tea mug warming their hands. Jonghyun ever had a small plaid on his legs, what made his tall friend make fun of him and call him _grandma_.

 

They were joyfully talking about the match they had played for fun with friends when Minho noticed his boyfriend’s absence.

 

 

“Taemin isn’t home ?” He asked, looking towards the bedrooms’ corridor.

 

“No, he’s with Kibum right now.” Jonghyun answered, sipping his tea. “He told you this morning they were going to practice together.”

 

“Practice ?”

 

“You didn’t listen to him, did you ?”

 

“Well… he talks too much in the morning. I may have closed my ears.”

 

“Are you the one complaining about him being talkative early ?” Onew laughed. “You’re literally talking to yourself out loud about every single thing you do in the morning.”

 

“I’m being talkative wit myself, not with you ! That’s not the same thing.”

 

“It’s funny to hear though. _“What t-shirt will I choose today… yes, this one. And now, let’s have some coffee ~ Coffee’s great to start the day with full energy !”_ Yes, really funny.”

 

“At least, dear hyung, I don’t have struggles to wake up every morning !”

 

“I’m old, be gentle with me.”

 

“Poor Onew hyung.” Jonghyun spoke up, laughing. “Anyway, Taemin is with Kibum at the agency, they’re practicing a duet choreography for a special stage on some talents' tv show.”

 

“A tv show ?” Minho repeated. “He didn’t tell me about that.”

 

“Oops…”

 

 

Jonghyun lift his hands as his shoulders were shaking because of his nervous laugh, his eyes squinting. The rapper sighed but smiled ; so the main dancers of their group were training for a kind of talent competition ? They had already presented some duet choreographies together during auditions or concerts, but that was a lot different this time.

 

 

“I will do as if I didn’t hear anything, promise.” Minho said. “Do you know what time they will finish ?”

 

“Seven in the evening, since I have to pick Bum up tonight.” The brunette singer answered.

 

“What for ?”

 

“You’re being curious and invasive.”

 

“Are you going on a date ?”

 

“Invasive.”

 

“Why don’t you want to tell us ? We’re your friends !”

 

“Because he knows you will make fun of him.” Onew spoke up, smiling while Jonghyun showed him with his finger to point the truth in his words.

 

“Me ? Making fun of my friend ?” The rapper pretended to be shocked and hurt by the accusation. “After all I did for him…”

 

“Alright, alright, don’t start with your melodramatic acting, please.” The singer sighed. “Yes, I asked him on a special date. And actually, Jinki hyung and Taemin are aware of it already.”

 

“What ?! That’s unfair ! You better tell me everything before I choke you.”

 

“Stupid gigantic head, I was playing with you. I was going to tell you since I need your help before going to pick him up.”

 

“Speak, I’m ready.”

 

 

Jonghyun laughed at Minho’s words, but he was so happy about this date that he told absolutely everything in the end. It wasn’t something incredible, but it was so important to him he was like a child. Of course he had already been on countless dates with Kibum when they were flirting and even when they were a couple. But that time, it was as if it was new to both of them, and that was making the singer’s heart hit his ribcage to almost break it.

 

Since he wasn’t someone self-confident by nature, he asked some advices to his friends, knowing that despite they could be very stupid sometimes, they both knew how to be serious and helping. That was something really strong between the five members of SHINee : they were loving each other on a same level in terms of friendship, and they could laugh together just as much as they could have really serious conversations. They could count on each other for everything.

 

 

“He will be pleased, for sure.” Minho said. “I don’t know what to tell you more, just… don’t overdo.”

 

“Yes, he’s right.” Onew joined. “Just be yourself, Kibum doesn’t love a fake Jonghyun who overdoes to be perfect. He loves the imperfect you.”

 

“I wasn’t planning on playing a role, but I will take your advices well.” The singer nodded. “I just want him to feel comfortable with me and to see me as a boyfriend again, so… I won’t overdo.”

 

“Good. To think that a few months ago… I loved you but hated you so much.” The rapper smiled. “You made the things change and I feel happy about it.”

 

“I know you wanted to punch me in the face countless times at first.”

 

“Hell yes !”

 

“I was mad at you too, you know it.” The leader stated. “But I now feel proud that you’re making the things improve in a good way, and I’m happy that Kibum’s happy. He really is, I don’t see sadness in his eyes anymore and this is thanks to your work.”

 

“Thank you… but he also had you and Minho, and Taemin too. He had a lot of support.”

 

“And he deserved it.” The rapper smiled before giving a small hit on his friend’s thigh. “Well… Let’s get dressed now.”

 

 

Jonghyun stood up, emptying his mug before heading to the kitchen to wash it. His friends didn’t say anything more and the rapper went to his bedroom while he headed to his to choose his clothes. He wanted to be handsome, because that was what his lover deserved : a handsome man.

 

Smiling as the thought of the evening that was coming, the singer opened his drawers and caught a travel bag, carefully keeping a close eye on his watch in order not to be late.

 

 

 

__________________

 

 

 

The music was turned off as Taemin caught his breath back. He had been dancing for three intensive hours in the company of his friend, and their choreography was almost done. Turning around, he took a look at Kibum, who was running his fingers through his sweaty hair.

 

He couldn’t have found someone more passionate than him to dance a duet. The Almighty had auditioned at the agency for a dancer’s position in a first place, and with time he had improved his skills so much. Even if the maknae was known as the main dancer of their group, none of their fans had ever forgotten about Kibum’s abilities to perfectly move his body.

 

What was proper to him was also his constant wish to do better, to work harder. He was difficult with himself and it was so hard for him to be proud of himself ; he wasn’t someone vain at all, and when people would compliment him he would always turn shy and thank a lot, even he didn’t agree with them. He played a vain role only with his members for fun.

 

“Can we just do the mirror part once again ?” He asked the maknae. “You’re really good at it but I suck.”

 

“You don’t suck, hyung, don’t say that.” Taemin retorted. “It’s because you focus too much on my steps, you must trust the rhythm before trusting me.”

 

“It’s easy for you, you already did a mirror dance with Jonghyun before.”

 

“That’s true, but I also did duets with you before. Remember for _Spoiler_.”

 

“I couldn’t see you during this one, you were behind me.”

 

“Exactly, see ? You only focused on what _you_ were doing, you focused on rhythm to make your steps. So you must do the same now, just forget I’m here.”

 

“You’re in front of my eyes... Anyway, let’s do it again.”

 

“Last time hyung, otherwise you’ll be late. Focus.”

 

 

Kibum nodded and came in front of his young friend, staring at him as the music started again. They both waited a bit until it reached the mirror part, and they started dancing the exactly same choreography while facing each other. 

 

The theme of their dance was a contemporary version of the Swan Lake : the rhythm kept increasing, starting slow to represent the white swan in the person of Taemin. He had to do a solo dance with soft and sweeping gestures, playing with grace ; then would come the black swan with Kibum. The raven haired man was the perfect reflection of his friend, but his gestures were stronger and somehow inspired fear.

 

They would both have their own solo part at the beginning of the choreography in order to introduce their character, and after would start their duet. Everything would rest upon a sort of dance battle first, showing the fight between the white swan and the black one as an internal fight ; both dancers would move at a same time but with different movements and positions. Then would come the mirror part : the black swan would get the upper hand on the white one and make him go his way until his death.

 

That was how Taemin wanted Kibum to feel this part : as the leader of the dance. As the black swan, he was the one who had to make the white swan be like him. But he knew it was difficult so he couldn’t blame his friend, but he also knew he would soon do it perfectly. He couldn’t expect less from him.

 

When the mirror part’s music ended, the maknae turned the hi-fi off and turned around to see the other male. Even without sound, Kibum was looking at his still moving feet, counting the rhythm as he was memorizing the steps. Taemin smiled.

 

 

“You did well, I promise.” He said. “We’ll do it again tomorrow, and don’t worry about the part you have struggles with. We still have time to make you improve.”

 

“We must win this, Taemin-ah.” The Almighty said, his eyes being filled with competitive flames. “We’ll be the seniors of the show, we must win over the juniors.”

 

“Of course we must win. But it’s okay if we loose, it's just a special stage so we shouldn't see it as a real competition. The show is about to discover new talents, we'll be mentors more than rivals.”

 

“You know what I think ? I thought that by dating Minho you would reach his level of competitiveness, but see : you’re just going as mature as Jonghyun. How disappointing.”

 

 

Taemin couldn’t help but laugh as he went to store his things in his bag.

 

 

“Speaking of Jonghyun hyung, you only have half an hour to shower and get ready.” He said.

 

“Excuse me, are you trying to become my manager or whatever ?”

 

“Well, it seems you need a little help to hurry ! Or maybe you’re trying to delay your date ?”

 

“Why would I do that ? I want this date, you know, I didn't say yes only to please your hyung.”

 

“So is it done ? Are you a couple again ?”

 

“No, Taemin, we’re not a couple yet. We’re… flirting, I suppose.”

 

“You… suppose ?”

 

“What do you want me to say ? That we’re having rough sex whenever we can but still going slowly in terms of love feelings ?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Bastard. Now I see the Minho in you.”

 

 

Kibum rolled his eyes, grabbing his bag and leaving the practice room to head to the cloakroom, followed by his maknae. Since he hadn’t time to go back home before his date with Jonghyun, the raven haired male had brought his clothes for the night and had planned to shower at the agency. It was a really good thing that the building included some shower rooms since idols could have two schedules in a row with a small break between them, and if a dance practice came right before an interview… to stink wasn’t well seen.

 

What was a relief was that there weren’t communal showers, or at least not like in a sports hall’s locker room. There was a line of six small shower cubicles with panels between them, so anyone who wanted to have a wash could have some privacy even at work.

 

Although he was going home after their practice, the maknae had decided to imitate his elder and they each enter a cubicle, choosing close doors. They didn’t make the most of the hot water since Kibum only have a few minutes to get ready, and he wanted to put make up on. It wasn’t exclusively for Jonghyun but he loved to make himself pretty, and a date was the perfect pretext to shine.

 

As he was drying his body and putting some classy clothes on, Taemin was still in the shower. Staring at himself in the mirror, he nodded : his lover had asked him to dress up, and by that, he had meant to be elegant. So the Almighty had chosen to wear black pressed trousers with a sumptuous leather belt, a classic white shirt but with the first button untied, and a chic jacket with silver shoulder pads that reminded of the belt buckle. 

 

As soon as his black hair were dried and styled, Kibum pulled the bench before the mirror and sat on it, taking his make-up case out of his bag. Putting his moisturizing cream first, he insisted on the sides of his nostrils since the cold would make his skin peel here, and he then applied his favorite BB cream — the most expensive he had and would put only for great occasions.

 

With careful and precise fingers, he managed to line his fox’s long eyes with a thin black trait of eyeliner before he drew his eyebrows with a natural shape, only giving them more material. Feeling satisfied, he enjoyed himself by giving his face more relief with soft and almost invisible contouring — that was his favorite part, he just loved to play with his own’s face’s angles and shadows.

 

Taemin got out of the shower with his towel around his hips when his elder was putting some highlighter on his cheekbones and philtrum as a finale touch, and he raised his eyebrows.

 

 

“You know, it’s just Jonghyun hyung.” He said, rubbing his wet hair with a second towel.

 

“So what ?” Kibum retorted as he store his make-up tools in their case.

 

“Don’t you think you put too much make-up on ?”

 

“Not at all. You think that because of the eyeliner, since I don’t put often these days.”

 

“I was more thinking about the glitter.”

 

“Excuse me ? _Glitter_ ? That’s called highlighter, you ignorant person. Geez, I won’t even listen to you. I’m handsome.”

 

 

The maknae couldn’t help but laugh as he got dressed casually, putting one of those long puffs jackets on that made him look like a grey roast beef. Kibum also had some anoraks, three to be precise, but he had chosen a long lined coat with fake fur around the collar — he hated true fur more than anything in terms of fashion.

 

When they left the agency, walking on the outside car park, Jonghyun got out of his car with an umbrella to protect himself from snowflakes that were slowly falling. Curiously, the car he had wasn’t his expensive Lamborghini but a smaller and cheaper one, more ordinary-looking. Smiling when the other males joined him under the protection, his eyes seemed to shine when he looked at Kibum.

 

 

“You’re on time.” He said. “And beautiful.”

 

“You stop that in front of Taemin.” The raven haired man protested although his cheeks were turning pink, and not only because of the cold.

 

“Please, umma, I won’t get shy because of a compliment, I got spanked two nights ago.” The maknae retorted, only receiving two horrified pairs of eyes staring at him. “Oops. Did I speak my mind out loud ? Don’t worry, he asks for spanking too.”

 

“My God. Let’s say we didn’t hear anything because of the wind.” Jonghyun said, clearing his throat.

 

“There is no wi-”

 

“Kibum, let’s say there is. So… Do you need me to drive you home, Taemin ?”

 

“No, I have my car over there. But thank you, hyung.”

 

“Right, let’s repeat what we said earlier, would we ?” Kibum spoke up, staring at the maknae and counting on his fingers. “You go to the kennel right now and you don’t forget to show the paper I gave you to the lady. You sign the sheet to say you took my puppies, otherwise I will pay for a night.”

 

“Yes, and I take the boys with me at home, I make sure they pee before entering and I only feed them with what you gave me.” Taemin continued. “I give his medicine to Garçons and then I let them sleep with me.”

 

“With him ? Why ?” The brunette asked, raising an eyebrow. “I thought you didn’t want them to get used to sleep with humans.”

 

“I know, but when they’re not with me nor at the boarding kennel, they get lost and they may panic.” The Almighty explained. “They’re still young, they stick to their landmarks.”

 

“I see. Well… may we go, now ?”

 

“Just go, I will take care of the boys with the other hyungs. They will be spoiled !”

 

 

The elders smiled at the maknae’s words, and they hugged as a way to say goodbye before they got in their respective car, Kibum sitting on the passenger seat of Jonghyun’s one. Putting his seatbelt on, he then stared at his lover who was already turning the motor on and leaving the car park.

 

He didn’t know if it was because of a kind of shyness or just because he didn’t know what to say, but the rapper remained silent and looked at the road in front of him. While he was making the other male laugh by singing every single song that was playing on the radio, the slight snow stopped falling and he suddenly noticed that he didn’t know the road.

 

 

“Wait, where are you taking us ?” He asked, turning his head towards Jonghyun with a kind of worry in his eyes.

 

“You’ll see.” The singer only answered.

 

“But we’re leaving Seoul right now !”

 

“Yeah, you’ve got good eyes.”

 

“Kim Jonghyun, where are we going.”

 

“Hey, don’t you trust me ?”

 

“Of course I trust you, but you know I’m not comfortable with surprises !”

 

 

Jonghyun couldn’t help but laugh and he kept quiet a few minutes, feeling amused by the stress that was slowly filling his mate’s entire body. It was noticeable thanks to his left leg which was shaking with an unstoppable tic. But at that instant, his heart was filled with warmth as the thought that Kibum didn’t hesitate one single second before telling him he trusted him.

 

 

“Alright, let me tell you a bit of the place we’re going to, or you won’t survive the ride.”

 

“Yeah, talk !” Kibum said loudly as he turned towards the driver who smiled.

 

“We’re going to spend the weekend somewhere, just you and I.”

 

“The… The weekend…? But it’s Thursday !”

 

“Really ? Oh, then we’ll spend three entire days over there.”

 

“What have you done.”

 

“You’ll see when we’ll arrive, so just try to relax a bit.”

 

“But I didn’t pack anything !”

 

“Minho did it for you.”

 

“I-I beg your pardon ?”

 

 

This was a big trouble. Kibum’s face suddenly went pale and the brunette only laughed harder.

 

 

“Don’t worry, he chose wisely, I gave him an entire hour since he has a spare key of your apartment.” Jonghyun reassured him. “Your suitcase is in the boot, so please don’t worry. You’re not supposed to stress out.”

 

“I’m not stressing out. But Choi Minho has… questionable tastes.”

 

“I checked what he took and helped him a bit too, and I do think it’s fine, I promise. Just wait a little bit more and we’ll arrive, it’s not far away. Okay ?”

 

“Okay… Wait, what about my lenses ?”

 

“Got them, and your glasses too. And I personally packed your skin and hair care products.”

 

“And Comme Des ? Garçons ?”

 

“Our members will take care of them, I gave them a to-do-list about them. Now stop worrying and let’s run away.”

 

 

Kibum smiled, feeling grateful and his heartbeat slowly going back to a normal rhythm. Fine, there was nothing to be afraid nor to be worried about ; Jonghyun had planned everything and he was someone we could trust, even more when he was doing something for a loved one.

 

Patiently, the rapper looked at the road and the several road signs to try to guess their destination, but he had never left Seoul by this way before so he was feeling a bit lost. However, the brunette seemed to know exactly where he was going and it was kind of reassuring. 

 

When the last drop of worry fell from Kibum’s mind, he started to sing again and was joined by his lover when some of their favorite eastern songs played. That was something that really annoyed their members : constantly singing in the car. Minho and Taemin liked to have quiet rides since their work made them being in noisy atmospheres most of the time, and having Jonghyun’s clear voice and Kibum’s particularly annoying one singing duets with what we couldn’t call a perfect English… was horrible.

 

Well, the Almighty was pretty good in this foreign language, but when lyrics were sung too fast, he would just start pretending to sing in English — what Jonghyun was doing for every single lyric of each song. It was just a loud and noisy heap of strange sounds and high-pitched notes and that was going on the maknae line’s nerves.

 

Only Jinki could laugh about it, because he was feeling happy only by seeing his members having fun. So he was always cheering them up while patting the rapper and the maknae’s thighs to help them enduring the situation. He would sometimes bring them ear plugs too.

 

But still, both Jonghyun and Kibum had more than once received something that was thrown at them to make them quiet : pieces of clothes, empty boxes of food and Minho had even thrown water on them once. It was summer, it was hot, that hadn't been that mean. But he had had to run away from a mad blonde haired male with pink bangs as soon as he had gotten out of the car.

 

Such a sweet memory.

 

Soon, the singer left the road to take a pathway between the big trees of a huge forest. The passenger couldn’t help but frown : why were they going in those dark woods all of sudden ? Did Jonghyun not want to take frequented roads in order for them not to be seen together ? No wonder he didn’t take his luxurious car…

 

 

“Jonghyun, where…” He started to ask but his lover stopped him with a mouth noise.

 

“Don’t panic. We’re close.”

 

“You assume it’s becoming scary right, like, some horror movies begin this way. A night car drive in the forest… then a meeting with a ghost on the road and-”

 

“Shut the fuck up.”

 

“See, you do think the same.”

 

“Someone’s trying to be romantic here !”

 

“Well it won’t be that romantic if we meet a ghost or if we run into a wild boar.”

 

“Are we going to have a fight right now because I don’t- wait. A wild boar ?”

 

“Yeah, I heard there were some in the forests around Seoul.”

 

“You’re kidding me.”

 

“Not at all. What now, you’re scared too ? We’re in a right mess then.”

 

 

Jonghyun couldn’t help but swallow with difficulty as he drove with high beams on, his eyes seriously checking everything on and around the road. He hadn’t thought about wild animals before but his mate must be right… he could only pray that they wouldn’t hit one during the short time last of drive. 

 

But when he noticed that Kibum wasn’t feeling really well, he slowed down until the car stopped and caught his hand.

 

 

“Baby, look at me.” He said and bit his lip when he saw fear in the rapper’s eyes. “I’m here with you. I know you’re not comfortable right now but I promise we’re not going to camp or something.”

 

“I-I’m not afraid.” Kibum answered although he tightened his grip on his lover’s hand.

 

“Are you sure ? Because I’m taking you to a beautiful place even if it doesn’t look like I’m actually doing that. If we came into the woods, it’s only because I wanted to be somewhere no one could see nor spy us.”

 

“You don’t have to justify yourself, Jjong. I trust you.”

 

“Alright, then… let’s hurry, okay ?”

 

“Okay… C-Can I hold your hand…?”

 

“Sure, just let me shift into second gear.”

 

 

As soon as he pronounced these words, Jonghyun did as he said and when he slowly hit the forest’s road again, he stretched his arm to put his hand on the other male’s thigh. Kibum welcomed it right away by making their fingers interlace, what made the singer smile while he was driving with only one hand.

 

The road was hopefully smooth despite they were in the forest, there was no roots to make the car jump so it wasn’t hard to drive this way. But even if it had been difficult, the brunette would have never let his lover’s hand go because he knew how bad he needed this simple contact right now. So he was simply driving really slowly and carefully, his thumb grazing Kibum’s hand’s back.

 

A few minutes later, the rapper squinted as he caught sight of a light that wasn’t natural. But it didn't look like some other car’s lights nor a street lamp ; his eyes widened when the car finally approached its source, and when Jonghyun stopped and turned the motor off, Kibum felt his heartbeat race inside his ribcage. 

 

Just in front of them was a small cottage with its walls covered by ivy and its roof by snow, and the light the Almighty had seen was coming from a small lamp that was hung on the porch. But now that they were close to it, he could also notice another light coming from inside.

 

 

“Where are we…?” He asked in a whisper, his surprise avoiding his voice to escape his throat.

 

“I made this being built a few years ago for my mom.” Jonghyun answered, smiling. “You know she sometimes has struggles to breathe because of Seoul’s pollution, and I couldn’t handle it anymore.”

 

“You built a house in the forest for your mom ?”

 

“Yes, so she can take some healthy rest and give her lungs a natural cure.”

 

“Jjong…”

 

“Y-Yah, are you crying ?”

 

“You’re such an amazing son, I…”

 

“Oh my God, Kibum-ah.”

 

 

Jonghyun laughed as he got out of the car to go open the passenger’s door. Removing the other male’s seatbelt, he slowly took his hands to pull him outside and hugged him tight. Kibum wiped his tears as his sensitive side escaped his usual control, and he accepted and appreciated the brunette’s embrace by holding his jacket. 

 

The singer softly rubbed his back with a smile on his face.

 

 

“So you’re not afraid anymore ?” He asked.

 

“No… But why are we here if it’s your mom’s house ?” The rapper asked in his turn as he slowly stepped backwards to look at the cottage.

 

“I asked to borrow it for some days. I made sure she was feeling well enough and she almost made me promise that I wouldn’t leave this place until the official last day I planned for this vacation.”

 

“Your mom is so lovely. I’ll visit her when we’ll come back home.”

 

“She’ll be glad to see you again. So… may we enter ?”

 

“But Jjong… there is light inside, aren’t we alone ?”

 

“Oh, that. Don’t worry, noona came a bit earlier than us to turn the heaters on and to make sure there would be hot water when we arrive. Let’s go.”

 

 

Smiling once again, the singer stole a soft kiss to the raven haired male before he went behind the car to open its boot. He carefully took their luggages out of it and when Kibum stepped forwards to take his suitcase, he made a sign to avoid him to take it. As the rapper shyly smiled but didn’t insist, Jonghyun locked the car and walked on the path that had recently been cleaned from snow, his lover following him.

 

Reaching the porch, both males climbed its four wooden stairs and Kibum smiled when he noticed a swing seat and a small coffee table placed at its end. Several flowerpots were hanging to the balustrade but they were only full of soil since it was winter, no beautiful flowers.

 

 

“When mom comes during spring or summer, she stays long enough to grow some geraniums and carnations.” Jonghyun explained as he took a bunch of keys from inside a pot fixed to the wall next to the entrance door, his busy hands not making the thing easy.

 

“Does she come often ?” The rapper asked, helping him by finding the right key and placing it between his fingers.

 

“I would say once to twice a season. But she likes to come here during summer, since it’s a bit more chilly in the forest when it’s hot outside, and also during autumn because she loves to look at the nature dying.”

 

“That’s… nice.”

 

“Don’t you think it’s beautiful ? Leaves turning red, orange and yellow before falling, the nature falling asleep to better wake up later, being born again and brightly new from their own ashes.”

 

“Oh, yes. When we see it this way, it’s beautiful. Ephemeral but beautiful.”

 

“The most beautiful things are mostly ephemeral. Except you.”

 

 

Kibum hissed at the cheesy words and hit his lover on the shoulder but he couldn’t help but smile in the end. Jonghyun only laughed once again and opened the door, both men entering the cottage that was heated just enough. It was small and cozy, the entrance door overlooking a short corridor with a staircase on its right and an open-plan living room on its left. At the end of it, there was a wooden door against the left wall and a second one facing the entrance door, with a framed window.

 

 

“The left door is the restroom, and the other one leads to the courtyard.” The singer explained as he put the luggages on the floor and took his jacket off.

 

“It’s so small but yet so comfy.” The other male said, imitating his lover and adjusting both his shirt and his chic jacket.

 

“Let me show you around the house.”

 

 

Jonghyun hung their clothes on the coat rack and lead his lover to the living room. Kibum’s eyes widened with admiration when he discovered a huge room that included the living place, the dining place and a small open-plan kitchen. The whole thing was decorated in accordance with a kind of rustic theme, with wooden furnitures, plants and rugs.

 

What caught the rapper’s eye first was the fireplace, with flames already burning behind the glass panel. Sodam, Jonghyun’s older sister, had really thought about everything, she was such a good accomplice to have ! 

 

But before running to the source of warmth, Kibum inspected the whole room and his heart missed a beat when his eyes fell on the dining table. It was set already, with a burgundy tablecloth and a white table runner with golden lines. Bright white crockery was put on it, with two plates facing each other, silver cutlery and also champagne flutes and wine glasses. 

 

The whole table was enhanced by two splendid candlesticks whose creamy white candles had been lightened already, and a bucket of ice with a champagne bottle was waiting to be used. 

 

 

“Jonghyun, what is it…?” Kibum asked as he approached the table.

 

“Did you think I would have asked you to get dressed for nothing ?” The singer smiled, following him and putting his manly hand on the other male’s waist. “I owed you a candlelit dinner and I wanted it to be secret.”

 

“This is wonderful… but sooo soppy.”

 

“I knew you would say that. But I know you by heart and I know you’re saying this only to tease me.”

 

“You’re right.”

 

 

Kibum smiled and turned to face his lover. His eyes were sparkling and he suddenly felt as embarrassed as a teenage girl to her first date. Jonghyun noticed it and laughed, taking the man’s hands in his and raising them to his lips, putting a kiss on the skin.

 

 

“Actually, I love it really much…” The rapper confessed. “But… does it mean you planned something to eat too ?”

 

“Of course. I didn’t have schedule today so I went to mom’s house and we cooked together something that could wait in the oven. Noona brought it when she came earlier and it’s currently in the oven.”

 

“That was really dangerous, Jonghyun. Do you know that ? It could have burned ! I already told you countless times to never let something on the stove when you’re not here to keep an eye on it. You’re not listening to me, you’re never lis-”

 

“Baby, it’s alright. Noona left only ten minutes ago, she made sure to adjust the oven’s temperature. Don’t freak out. Are you hungry ?”

 

“Hmm… yeah.”

 

“Then I think our date can start, right ? Take place.”

 

 

 

 

***

 


	15. It's you

_**15\. It's you** _

 

 

 

The small flame was still dancing with ardor and more than half the white wax had melted. Resting on the burgundy tablecloth, the dish was empty, the whole duck that had been prepared earlier gone ; only bones had been left in the plates.

 

With an elbow on the table and the hand supporting his jaw, Jonghyun had his head tilted on the side while his other hand was softly playing with his partner’s one, holding it and grazing his fingers.

 

With the stem of his glass of red wine resting between two of his fingers, Kibum was accepting this touch while his voice seemed deeper than usual as he was slowly talking. That was something the brown haired male loved above all, this way his loved one’s voice would become so mesmerizing as soon as it would lower an octave.

 

 

“But I’m not sure if that shade of blue would suit me…” The youngest man was saying, his eyes staring into space. “That jacket was really nice though.”

 

“Navy blue would suit you better.” Jonghyun said.

 

“Do you think so ?”

 

“Yes, for a jacket I mean. But you don’t wear blue often.”

 

“That’s true, except if it’s jeans. But I will have to wait for spring for that… This makes me think the new collections will be out soon, I’m going to attend some private sales.”

 

“You’ll need a bigger dressing room then.”

 

“Maybe I’ll redesign it before buying new clothes so everything new can fit in… yeah, I’ll do that. I don’t want to throw clothes away.”

 

“I must confess I like you more without any clothes.”

 

 

Kibum’s gaze fell down on his lover’s face, noticing the small smirk he had rushed to hide. Smiling in his turn, he slightly guffawed before emptying his glass.

 

 

“Sounds like someone drank a bit too much wine.” He said.

 

“You actually drank two glasses more than I did.” Jonghyun replied. “Do you feel good ?”

 

“Don’t worry, I can loose only to soju and beer and you perfectly know it.”

 

“Of course I know it, otherwise I wouldn’t have proposed you wine tonight. I don’t want us to be drunk.”

 

 

Nodding in a form of agreement, the Almighty lowered his eyes towards their hands, their fingers intertwining but constantly grazing each other. Jonghyun’s thumb was now caressing his ring, staring at it as if it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. The singer was someone who could get really attached to things, especially things with a hidden meaning.

 

He had two rings that he would rarely remove, not to say never : that matching ring he had with Kibum for years, and a black one with a sound wave engraved on it that had been created for his birthday. The famous watch he had unfortunately broken was his mother’s gift and he also had earrings that were his elder sister’s gift.

 

His entourage knew that plain pieces of jewelry were his favorite, he wasn’t interesting in excessive ornaments and was the type of person to think that the most simple things were the most beautiful. Even his glasses were basic, and no one had ever asked him about the reason behind such simple choices.

 

Kim Jonghyun was an easygoing man, and this part of his personality could be seen through his way to dress, the jewels he would wear, the words he would choose… it was _him_ , and this was the man Kibum was in love with. He had fallen in love with the man before falling in love with the artist.

 

This could seem strange since he had somehow met the artist before the human, but things had turned this way.

 

 

“It was really delicious, you know.” The raven haired man said as he interlaced their fingers. “It’s like you’re becoming a best cook than I am.”

 

“Oh no, trust me, I’m still lacking.” Jonghyun softly laughed. “My mom made most of the work.”

 

“Still, it was good. Will you cook that again for me, later ?”

 

“Y-You want me to ?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Then I will do it with pleasure.”

 

 

The singer smiled and guided his lover’s hand to his lips, putting a soft kiss on its back and making Kibum blush a bit. Jonghyun knew how to turn into a really romantic man when he wanted to, it was like he knew exactly what to do to make him going both shy and crazy. 

 

 

“I will clear the table, then I’ll show you the bedroom, okay ?” He said as he let his hand go, standing up and gathering the plates.

 

“Let me help you.” The rapper answered as he stood up too and ignored the other man’s pout to grab the empty dish.

 

 

They brought all the dishes to the small kitchen, putting everything in the sink, and Jonghyun took off his suit jacket to put it on a chair’s back. He then rolled up his shirt’s sleeves and removed his watch and rings, putting them on the work surface before he let some hot water run.

 

Kibum immediately imitated him, his jacket joining the other one, and he grabbed a tea towel before standing next to his lover. In no time, they ended up doing the dishes together, the crockery being surrounded by foaming water with a sweet scent of lemon. Jonghyun was plunging his hands in it to grab every single piece of dishes, using a soft sponge to clean it before handing it to his lover, who was waiting with the towel to wipe everything.

 

It was the most elegant dishes scene ever, with those two handsome men cleaning plates  and cutlery with their bright shirts on. 

 

But when Kibum made a step towards the sink to help, his hand coming towards the water was welcomed by a splash. The Almighty froze and straightened up, his killing eyes staring at the singer who was playing the innocent boy, whistling while scrubbing a spoon. 

 

_Oh, you want to play that game ?_

 

With a hidden smirk, the rapper pretended to go back to his only task for some seconds, before re-enter the fray. But this time, when Jonghyun’s hand came towards the water to splash him again, Kibum was faster and caught his wrist to prevent his next move, splashing him himself instead.

 

What happened next was a huge childish mess.

 

Laughing out loud with their shirts soaked, both men were trying to take the advantage on each other by approaching the sink faster to be the first one to throw water. Kibum was protecting his face and hair as soon as Jonghyun would put his hands in the water, receiving everything on his torso and back.

 

Fortunately, the water was still lukewarm so it wasn’t that unpleasant, but the situation escalated quickly when the rapper grabbed the removable mixing valve and turned it on as he aimed it towards Jonghyun.

 

 

“Yah ! That’s cheating !” The singer screamed as he protected his face with his arms and ran to hide behind the counter.

 

 

The Almighty let an evil laugh out as he stayed next to the furniture, holding his improvised weapon. He was ready to throw water again, but there was no sign of Jonghyun around. He had kneeled behind the counter and there was no way to know if he was going to appear from its left or right.

 

With his heart pounding inside his chest, the raven haired man’s eyes were going from one side of the counter to the other, waiting for his mate to finally show himself. What he didn’t know was that his reflection could be discerned in the fridge’s door, and the singer was staring at it, patiently waiting for him to turn his head to the right.

 

Once Kibum did it, Jonghyun jumped on his feet and sprang up from the left side, running to his lover and snatching the valve out of his hands. Quickly realizing he was trapped, the rapper screamed and tried to run away, but it was too late : the brown haired man caught him with both his arms around him, holding him tight so he couldn’t escape.

 

 

“No ! Please, please, no ! I will do whatever you want me to, don’t !” 

 

 

Kibum was screaming his lungs out but laughing at the same time, so the singer didn’t take his begs seriously and turned the valve on, aiming it towards his partner’s head. The rapper tried to escape and leaned on to prevent water to come right on his face, but Jonghyun’s arms were too strong and he ended up pulling out.

 

The singer laughed when he felt no more resistance, and he put the valve back at its place before helping his lover to straighten up, making him turn over to face him. The raven haired man slowly lowered his hands from his face, thankfully not wet enough to have made his make go down his skin.

 

 

“I think I won.” Jonghyun smiled, his hair completely soaked just as his shirt, what was revealing his skin through the now transparent fabric stuck to his torso.

 

“You ruined my clothes and the floor, you didn’t win anything.” Kibum replied, pretending to be irritated as he looked down at his shirt. “Look at this mess…”

 

“Are you whining now ?”

 

 

The singer raised his hand to move one of the wet black bangs aside from the rapper’s forehead, and he smiled as he stroked his hair. Looking up, Kibum couldn’t help but smile in his turn. This moment they had just shared was reminding him about the good times, when they were always partners in crime for everything and nothing.

 

 

“You’re going to catch a cold, let’s soak up a bit the water on the floor and remove our clothes.” The singer said before stealing a quick kiss to his lover.

 

 

Without saying more words, Jonghyun left the kitchen to pick two floorcloths up from the laundry room and when he came back, both men started cleaning and drying the floor. Fortunately, the brown haired man had received almost all of the thrown water, so they didn’t spend more than five minutes doing this chore.

 

Once they finished and stored the tools, the elder took his partner’s hand and led him upstairs, in the bathroom. He then went back to the ground floor to pick their luggages up and brought them in the bedroom before joining Kibum, who was removing his shirt.

 

As soon as the thin man got naked, Jonghyun immediately put a large towel around his body, wrapping him and rubbing his arms and back with it. Staring at him with a soft look, Kibum slightly smiled and let him do until he was dry enough to tie the towel around his torso, under his armpits. He then helped his lover to remove his soaked shirt, letting it fall on the floor before using a second towel to dry his tanned skin.

 

Jonghyun looked at him doing it without saying a word, there was no need for them to talk during these intimate moments. Their gestures could say everything for them, and the way Kibum was being extremely soft while drying his hair and face was making the singer shiver with delight. 

 

When the latter made a move to take his towel so he could tie it around his hips, the rapper took it away with a smile and let it fall before approaching him, putting his thin hand on the muscled torso. Giving him his smile back, Jonghyun put his on the soft cheek and made him come closer to kiss his lips.

 

Grazing each other at first, both of them couldn’t resist the temptation that was slowly burning in their veins, and Kibum untied his own towel before embracing his lover’s neck with his arms, their kiss intensifying. The singer’s arms circled the other male’s waist with that sweet possessiveness that was so proper to him, and their bodies met with an electrical feeling.

 

 

 

 

About one hour later, after some good foreplays and a long moment of shivers, sighs, moans and stars, Kibum was panting, his eyes still closed and his chest jumping from his still thrilling orgasm. Legs on either side of Jonghyun’s ones, the rapper had his right arm stretched out, holding tightly onto the edge of the wooden headboard the other was leaning against. His left hand was trembling, holding brown bangs and keeping his lover’s head against his throat.

 

Embracing him tight with both his arms around the thin waist, Jonghyun had his forehead against his lover’s skin and was short of breath. Their bodies were covered with a thin layer of sweat that was making their skin slightly shining as if it was encrusted with tiny diamonds.

 

After a moment, the singer put a soft kiss on the other’s collarbone before slowly straightening up as he let the back of his head rest against the wall. He kept his eyes closed and took his time to catch his break back and to let his whole body and soul return to senses. 

 

As he half-opened his eyes, Kibum smiled between his short exhalations and the hand he was holding the headboard with fell on his lover’s shoulder before slowly making its way to the neck, then the nape. The elder still inside him, the rapper ignored the strange, yet pleasurable feeling in his back, and leaned on Jonghyun to capture his lips for the umpteenth time of the night.

 

Without moving anything else than their lips against each other, both males synchronized their breath until it slowed down, going back to normal.

 

 

“Your mom’s bed…” Kibum whispered between two kisses, smirking when he felt the other man tense for less than a second.

 

“Shut up.” Was the answer he received, making him laugh before his voice was reduced to silence with another kiss. “I’m still inside you…”

 

“Yeah, it’s kinda weird…”

 

“Really ? You don’t like it ?”

 

“I wouldn’t say I don’t _like_ it, but since you’re not moving and all that stuff… well, it’s cooling down, you know.”

 

 

Jonghyun couldn’t help but laugh before putting his manly hands on his lover’s hips, slowly lifting his body up to free himself as he let a relieved sigh out. Above him, the raven haired man couldn’t help hissing before he sighed the same way, and both of them laughed. Kibum lied down, facing the mattress and putting a pillow under his stomach so his back’s arch wouldn’t make him suffer more than it already was.

 

As he let his head resting, putting his cheek on another pillow, he smiled when he felt his partner moving on the bed, kneeling next to him. With sudden, yet soft and warm hands, Jonghyun caressed the small of his back before playing with his thumbs to massage his muscles.

 

 

“Hmm…” The rapper moaned, closing his eyes as he let his lover relax his tense body. “Feels like a honeymoon…”

 

“A honeymoon…?” Jonghyun smiled, his voice deep and husky.

 

“Yeah… suits, candlelit dinner, now you massaging me after—a-ah, _that_ was good…”

 

“I know your weak spots, honey. Then you must have lived a lot of honeymoons since I almost always massage you right after I made love to you…”

 

“This time, _I_ made love to you, don’t try to switch places… you little bird…”

 

 

Jonghyun laughed as he leaned on to put a soft kiss between Kibum’s shoulder blades ; the rapper liked to call him a little bird since he was sometimes making short and high-pitched sounds when his pleasure reached an exceptional level. Just like tonight. 

 

 

“Come, let’s shower a bit before sleep. Your make up is a mess.” 

 

 

The singer gave a slight tap on his partner’s ass-cheek before standing up, and he pretended to be annoyed by the pale hand calling for his as Kibum was asking for help. Since Jonghyun was someone relatively anticipating — a second round could happen in that damn bathroom —, he let the rapper shower on his own while himself was removing the dirty sheets, trowing them in the washing machine before he made the bed.

 

When the rapper came back in the bedroom, he promised to be quick and sealed the deal with a kiss before replacing him in the shower. Smiling, Kibum opened the suitcase that had been prepared for him earlier, checking a bit what his friends had chosen. Of course, there was the matching pajamas, and he put it aside on the bed to think about wearing him later. Once he had stored his clothes in the small wardrobe, he sat on the mattress and caught his purple vanity case, taking some cotton wools and his make-up remover out of it.

 

Checking his face in his pocket mirror, he hissed ; his eyes looked like a panda’s ones even though he had tried his best to clean his face in the shower. But the make up he had used that night was really expensive and its creators hadn’t lied about the _waterproof_ detail. Taking his time to remove everything that was still on his face, he didn’t even notice that Jonghyun had come back.

 

 

“Will you come now ?” The singer called him, already lying under the clean blanket and making the other jump with surprise.

 

“Goodness, you surprised me. Well, excuse me but being beautiful requires time.” Kibum retorted. “If Dior knew I ruined their make up by having sex with you…”

 

“They would be honored for sure.”

 

 

The rapper stared at Jonghyun with killing eyes, the singer immediately laughing and hiding himself under the sheet. 

 

It was around one in the morning when both lovers cuddled to sleep, the elder holding the younger by his waist, the thin back against his naked torso. 

 

 

“Did you plan something for tomorrow too ?” Kibum asked after some minutes of silence, his fingers caressing the back of the singer’s hand on his stomach.

 

“Nothing, we’ll improvise and do whatever we want to.” Jonghyun replied, whispering next to his ear. “Is there something you want to do ?”

 

“No, as long as we’re together… I just thought about something earlier.”

 

“What is it ?”

 

“I want your black hair back.”

 

 

Jonghyun opened his eyes at the sudden plea. This was the first time ever that Kibum was literally asking him to dye his hair ; he would usually agree with everything the singer would try, and he would even advise him about which shade would suit him the best. When he had dyed his hair pink or with this mix of blue and grey, it had been the Almighty who had helped him choosing the perfect hue.

 

He had his brown bangs for a long time now… just as Kibum had black hair for months. Maybe it was the right time for a small change ?

 

 

“This is really sudden.” The singer said, smiling. “You never ask for me to dye my hair.”

 

“Yeah, the idea came to my mind like that.” The Almighty replied. “I just think black is one of the colors that suit you the best and I really want to see it again.”

 

“Oh ? What are the other colors you like ?”

 

“Pink. Not like the flashy pink-red I got for our last Tokyo Domes, no. This soft pink, like a peach…”

 

“Let’s make a deal then.”

 

“A deal ?”

 

“Yes. I will dye my hair black if you want me too, but I also love soft pink on you. So let’s dye our hair together ?”

 

 

Kibum chuckled and moved his hand to make his pinkie finger shake Jonghyun’s. He had been thinking about dying his own hair for days and now that he had a reason to do it, he wouldn’t wait longer. Even though he was thinking of going blonde again, he was glad that his lover had reminded him about that peachy shade of pink he had only done once or twice in his life.

 

As he interlaced their fingers and closed his eyes, the rapper let his mind wonder about his own feelings, now that Jonghyun and him were just the two of them for some days. Some weeks before, he would have been terrified by the only idea, but now, he felt as if he was in some sweet holiday.

 

His heart kept beating so fast since they entered the cottage, and he felt shy thinking that maybe the singer could still feel those quick  _thump thump_ against his torso… but he wasn’t saying anything, and when Kibum listened carefully, the only thing he could hear was his partner’s calm and steady breathing.

 

With a smile, the rapper understood Jonghyun had fallen asleep. His day had been long and busy though… he had cooked with his mom, packed both his luggages and Kibum’s, planned everything for the two poodles and driven them to this place. And even when they had arrived, he hadn’t stopped, he had kept speaking, listening, he had done the dishes and they had made love…

 

Of course this puppy was exhausted.

 

And the rapper wanted him to make the most of these nights when he had no troubles to fall asleep. They were going too occasional and this was worrying him, he was often afraid of his lover’s health since he wouldn’t sleep a lot. Curiously, his insomnias would reduce when the two of them would sleep together, maybe because Jonghyun was feeling less insecure when Kibum was with him.

 

That was something extremely important about their bond… the way the elder’s insecure feelings would fade as soon as he was with the man he loved. Was it this famous power of love everyone was talking about ? That cheesy _power of love_ that was making the Almighty hiss each time he was hearing about it. 

 

But, somehow, he was able to believe it when it was about Jonghyun feeling better in his presence… He himself would relax easier when the singer was in the same room as him, and even more now that they were starting to put the pieces back together.

 

Thinking about how their situation had progressed since that day when the shorter male had come without warning anyone to this shooting… Kibum fell asleep, his hand holding his lover’s tight.

 

 

 

____________________

 

 

 

When sunbeams penetrated the bedroom, their soft light breaking through the louvered shutters, Kibum inhaled deeply and hid a bit his face with the blanket to cover his eyes. As he shivered with cold, he stretched his arm behind him to look for a hot and manly body to warm him up… but his hand only met the mattress.

 

The _cold_ mattress.

 

Slowly straightening up with his hand in front of his eyes so he could half-open them, the rapper frowned when he discovered the empty side of the bed, next to him. Jonghyun’s body’s print was still noticeable but the sheet was so cold it could only mean he was gone for a long time.

 

Where had he gone ?

 

Kibum felt a bit disappointed, he had wished to wake up in his lover’s arms… but now he was worrying about the reason behind the singer’s absence. Even if he was awake, he would always stay in bed until the Almighty’s awakening, or at least he would be in the same room, reading something, writing some songs or just looking at the sky through the window.

 

As a shiver ran his whole body once again, the rapper removed his front bangs from his forehead and adjusted his pajamas which had uncovered one of his shoulders. He then stood up and couldn’t help hissing when a familiar pain hit his back ; even with the massage his lover had given him, it would still hurt him a bit for a day.

 

Fortunately, with experience, he was now able to ignore the pain and walk properly — he had laughed really hard when he had noticed how Taemin was limping, the day after a particularly rough night with his boyfriend. 

 

Kibum put his lined slippers on and walked to the wardrobe, taking his favorite dressing gown out of it and wearing it with pleasure. He would thank Jonghyun dearly for having thought about it, because it was one of his _vital_ clothes when it was so cold outside. Putting his phone in one of the huge pockets, he gathered his courage to open the bedroom’s window and shutters, letting the sun enlighten the room.

 

Even if it was winter, the man would always let his room’s window open for some minutes to ventilate it a bit. And that morning, it was a real need since the atmosphere was still filled with this weird, yet memorable and kind of valuable smell of sex. Kibum didn’t stay long at the window, only glancing at the small yard that must be filled with gorgeous and colorful flowers during spring and summer, before heading downstairs.

 

 

“Jjong ?” He called as he arrived in the living room, but no one answered.

 

 

Frowning, the rapper noticed a reusable bag on the table, the type of bags that was often used in groceries. Had Jonghyun made some shopping earlier in the morning ? Approaching it, Kibum grabbed the bag and opened it ; inside were some snacks, a net of clementines — Jonghyun, indeed — a book… and a small paper bag. Taking it out, the raven haired man examined it and couldn’t help smiling.

 

Inside were some hair products like bleaching powder, dye boxes and even the required tools. Of course, as soon as he was getting an idea, that puppy would do everything to realize it quickly. Maybe too quickly this time, the rapper thought, because his lover seemed to have forgotten about the long process when it came to bleaching. 

 

So Jonghyun had done some grocery shopping… but he still wasn’t in the house. 

 

Leaving the bags, Kibum walked to the bow window to check if the small car was still parked near the cottage, but something else was blindingly obvious. Standing in front of the door steps, wearing a beanie with puppy ears and a thick puffa jacket, Jonghyun was sweeping the snow away from the small stairs and making a safe way to the car.

 

The forest was wearing a sumptuous white coat, and the singer was being extremely careful not to dirty the immaculate snow with his shoes, as if it was forbidden. The rapper couldn’t help laughing, his lover was so in love with the nature that he was even bowing to it when he accidentally threw some snow on a bush.

 

His smile not leaving his lips, Kibum stared at his partner for a moment, thinking about how  considerate he was towards everything and everyone. He hadn’t heard him when he had woken up and left the bedroom, so it must had happened very early, the rapper being known as a light sleeper on the morning.

 

But instead of staying with him, Jonghyun had this time decided to make the most of his lonely time by driving to the closest town to buy some stuff and by cleaning the front of the house. Turning over to glance towards the kitchen, the Almighty also noticed that the dishes they had left next to the sink the day before had been stored.

 

_You would make such a good house husband._

 

Leaving the window to walk to the fridge and cupboards, Kibum took the decision to cook breakfast, so his lover would only have to sit and eat when he would come home.

 

_Home_. 

 

While he was washing his hands and peeling, cutting some vegetables, the raven haired male found himself thinking that what was happening right now… was the object of his dearest dream. To have a stable home life with Jonghyun. This was what he wanted the most, to share a house with him, to cook for them and to wait for him to return from work, groceries, anywhere.

 

Of course he wasn’t the kind of man to play the perfect housewife who would just take care of the house and waiting for her husband to bring money. So _cliché_ and outdated. He would never be like that, actually it was more plausible for Jonghyun to be the one waiting for him. 

 

The rapper started daydreaming about how their life would be if they were living together as he had planned to ask the singer to, before everything happened the year before. He imagined how they would share everything, fall asleep and wake up together, taking turns to cook or do the dishes… he could also smile at the idea of having their three pets at home with them, the poor Roo being too often surrounded by the playful Comme Des and Garçons.

 

They would be a small family with two men and three dogs. And maybe… maybe they could become more than boyfriends, one day ? Maybe they could marry, become husbands… then with years passing, thinking about having children… or more dogs ? Children or dogs. Why not both ? The bigger the family is, the happier.

 

Yes, maybe one day, they would be able to do that. But the first step to that was to tell Jonghyun he was ready to have him as his boyfriend again, officially… was it the right time to tell him ? Kibum had thought about it for days already, he knew he was ready but his leader and friend had advised him to wait a bit more.

 

The way Jinki had said this just came to the rapper’s mind. Of course. Damn old man ! Of course he had told him to wait since he knew about this vacation ! But this also meant that now, it was the right time.

 

 

“Dreamy, baby ?”

 

 

The raven haired male jumped with surprised when the sudden voice resounded next to his ear, two strong arms hugging him from behind. Smiling, Jonghyun put his chin on the other’s shoulder, watching him cooking.

 

 

“I didn’t hear you come in.” Kibum said, browning the vegetable with some sesame oil and pepper paste.

 

“Yeah, I noticed that, you were busy cooking and thinking.” The singer replied, putting a kiss on the shoulder. “It smells good. Isn’t this my favorite ?”

 

“It is, I just need to cook the meat and we can eat. Could you please dress the table ?”

 

“Of course, give me a minute.”

 

 

While the brown haired man was leaving his waist go and taking out a few bowls and two plates out of the closet, the rapper smiled. It seemed so natural, speaking as if they were living together for years, and he couldn’t help glancing at his lover who was making sure to put everything needed on the table.

 

Once everything was done, both men were enjoying their hot and balanced breakfast, Jonghyun even rolling meat and vegetable in some lettuce. The only thing on the table that wasn’t traditional was the teapot and cup in front of Kibum’s plate, but the rapper had developed this habit recently. Tea had become his weakness. 

 

As they were busy talking and eating, the Almighty remember the groceries bag.

 

 

“Hum, did you do the groceries this morning ?” He asked, pretending not to know what was in the bags.

 

“Oh, yes, since I was up early.” The singer replied, his mouth full. “Actually I—”

 

“Swallow first.”

 

 

Chuckling, Jonghyun nodded and emptied his mouth before drinking a mouthful of water. Of course, the etiquette couldn’t be forgotten in Kim Kibum’s presence.

 

 

“I was saying that I woke up early because of insomnia.” The singer went back to his explanation. “I stayed in bed for an entire hour but I felt the need to breathe some fresh air.”

 

“What time was it ?”

 

“When I got up ? Half past six. So… I wandered a bit in the forest, then I drove to the grocery shop. I noticed some hair products there, and they had the brand we usually use so I took some since we talked about dying our hair.”

 

“You did well. But remember that even if it will be easy for you to dye, it will ask more time for me.”

 

“Ah, yes… I’m stupid, I didn’t think about it.”

 

“Don’t worry, and please don’t say you’re stupid. What do you think about dying your hair today and bleaching mine ?”

 

“I think it’s a wonderful idea.”

 

 

Jonghyun was all smiling, he looked so happy it made the rapper’s heart jolt in his ribcage. His smile was everything. This person was everything to him.

 

_It's you_.

 

Why was it so difficult to say it out loud…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Stop moving.”

 

“Sorry but I have pins and needles in my legs ! Why are you taking so long ?”

 

“Because I want it to be well done. So stop moving or I’ll dye your face.” 

 

 

Jonghyun let a deep sigh out, only receiving a strong tap on his shoulder in return. Of course it wasn’t meant to hurt him, but he laughed and remained still, sitting on the bathtub’s edge. Standing between his spread legs, Kibum was meticulously applying the black paste on his lover’s hair, just like a professional would do.

 

Since it was a more delicate work, the Almighty had already bleached his own hair, the black bangs now kind of chestnut blonde. Since the bleaching process was known to damage hair, he had applied an extremely nourishing mask on his once he had rinsed and washed it. 

 

 

“Our fans are going to think we’ll come back soon.” Jonghyun suddenly said, giggling.

 

“They’re cute, always trying to catch the smallest hint.” Kibum replied with a smile. “I miss them.”

 

“Me too. But we’ll soon prepare our next album, so we’ll see them again. It’s been a long time since the last time you made a live on Instagram, too.”

 

“That’s true, I didn’t find time to. I should make one soon…”

 

“Why don’t you make one today ? With your hair mask.”

 

 

The singer laughed, getting hit a second time by his lover.

 

 

“Why do you hit me again ?!”

 

“Because you’re stupid.” The Almighty hissed. “I have some dignity, I won’t show my hair like this to my little freaks.”

 

“Come on, they crave it. I read a lot of comments and our fans would like us to show them a bit of our private habits.”

 

“Did you show them something ?”

 

“I made a room tour. Don’t hit me !” The singer lifted his hands, laughing when Kibum lowered his hand. “Of course I made sure they couldn’t see our pictures, do you think I’m silly ?!”

 

“You’re such an imprudent person, let’s show them your underwear next time ! Geez, what will they say when they’ll realize their idol wears Batman boxers.”

 

“Actually, it’s Iron Man boxers.”

 

“So what ? Superheroes are all the same.”

 

“Maybe we should tell them about _your_ underwear then.”

 

“My underwear are perfect, who are you ?”

 

“Of course, especially the Harry Potter one, you know, the one with _my wand_ written at the front.”

 

“THIS IS A GIFT FROM YOU, YOU FUCKER !”

 

 

Jonghyun laughed out loud as he caught the rapper’s wrists when the latter was trying to put dying paste on his face. Kibum ended up laughing too, straightening up as he turned the tap on to rinse his tools.

 

 

“I’m done, stupid brat. Let it rest for a moment, I’ll tell you when to rinse it.” He said.

 

“Don't forget the gloves.”

 

 

The rapper nodded and both men waited together, staying in the bathroom and talking about everything and nothing. They went from planning a walk in the snowy forest to argue about some book they had both read but Kibum had found boring as hell. Of course, Jonghyun hadn’t agreed and it had been… an inflamed talk.

 

Soon, time to rinse the singer’s hair came and he kneeled before the bathtub, leaning on it to let the rapper do the work. With lukewarm water and his hands protected by gloves, Kibum ran his fingers through the now deep black bangs. He had done a perfect job, as expected, there was no black stain on Jonghyun’s nape or ears and not a single brown bang could be seen.

 

He softly rubbed the singer’s hair with a towel they had chosen to sacrifice for a good cause, and once the black bangs were completely dry, the Almighty’s heart missed a beat.

 

Jonghyun with black hair was everything. And since he had recently gained some weight, his chubby cheeks were to die for, especially with this new hair color. His big eyes were brought out beautifully and his dark pupils seemed to glow.

 

 

“Hey, snap out of it. I know I’m handsome but you’re gonna start drooling.” He said, snapping his fingers in front of Kibum’s face.

 

“I-I’m not drooling ! You dickhead.”

 

 

Making an angry face, the rapper pushed his lover aside to store the products but he was suddenly assaulted with tickles. Screaming, he hit the other’s hands and chased him away from the bathroom with all his strength, ignoring the small hits at the door while he was cleaning the bathtub and the sink.

 

That was something usual with Kim Jonghyun : being forced to lock him away so no one would succumb to his puppy eyes. Because that damn guy was really gifted with his eyes, and especially when he added pouting lips and tilted his head on the side. Even after more than ten years knowing him, Kibum was still unable to resist him.

 

So he had found the solution : ignoring and not letting him enter the same room as him. The singer would always pretend to hate that and to sulk in a corner, but everyone knew he wasn’t that serious. From all of his almost twenty-eight years of age, Jonghyun was a child trapped in an adult body.

 

But a really smart child, though. Or should I say, he perfectly knew how to balance between his childish side and his extremely mature one. And if Kibum had fallen for the latter, he would be called a liar if he pretended that the playful and cute puppy his boyfriend was had never touched him.

 

Once he was done with the bathroom’s cleaning, the rapper unlocked the door and grabbed a headscarf made of thin fabric as he went downstairs. Tying the cloth on his head so his hair would keep the mask longer, he joined a calm Jonghyun, sitting in the sofa in front of the fireplace.

 

Flames were crackling and a soft warmth was reaching them, and Kibum felt the sudden need to lie down, putting a pillow on his lover’s thighs and his head on it. As soon as he closed his eyes, Jonghyun, who was reading one of his favorite book, started reading out loud, his voice low and soft.

 

It was one of his habits, to read for himself when he was alone but also for the rapper when he would join him to rest. The latter had once told him that whatever he would say, sing or read to him, his voice would have that incredible power to calm him, so the singer hadn’t needed any word more to use his voice only for him. 

 

For a long moment, the only melody that would reach Kibum’s ears was a delighting mix of crackling fire and his lover’s voice. He felt so good and relaxed that his heart suddenly took control over his brain, and he heard himself speaking without realizing what he was saying.

 

 

“Jonghyun-ah… When we’ll go back to Seoul, would you like to live with me…?”

 

 

 

____________________

 

 

 

A few kilometers away from the lovely cottage, at the dorm, Jinki and Minho were watching a thriller movie together in the living room. Even if they both still had acting schedule for their respective upcoming dramas, they would enjoy the short times together by hanging out, eating in some good restaurants and watching movies.

 

That was something Jinki hadn’t before for a long time, but it had become his favorite activity. Being in the rapper’s company was delightful for whoever would, with no exceptions ; men and women, adults and children, actors and singers, even professors enjoyed Choi Minho’s personality. His words were always well chosen, he was able to face any kind of situation with bravery and cleverness, and he was always a good shoulder to lean on.

 

And more than everything, he was literally living for his members. 

 

 

“Do you think they’re doing fine ?” He asked to his leader, his eyes never leaving the screen.

 

“I think we would know it if something was wrong.” Jinki replied, his voice calm and low. “Jonghyun would have called you crying. Actually, Kibum would have called you crying too.”

 

“Kibum never cries on the phone, only when he’s in front of you.”

 

“He never cried with me, did he with you ?”

 

“Yes, because my words make him accept reality. But I’m never mean with him, he’s just… sensitive. Jonghyun hyung too.”

 

“They really are soulmates, don’t you think ? Crying together, laughing together, they could literally do anything as long as they’re together.”

 

 

Minho smiled. Indeed, he was thinking the same way, the word “soulmates” was the perfect one to describe their friends’ relationship. What was amazing was that they weren’t soulmates only in terms of love ; their friendship was a big part of it, they had been friends before falling in love with each other, and they actually still were best friends.

 

It was good to have them, to have them together.

 

The rapper was about to add something when his phone rang.

 

 

“Please God, don’t tell me it’s one of them… oh, it’s Taeminnie.” He said as he picked up. “Yes, baby, everything’s good ?”

 

“Minho ! I’m in a big trouble, really really big trouble !” The maknae shouted, and his boyfriend frowned to his panting voice, putting the speaker on.

 

“What’s happening ? Are you hurt ? Are you lost ?”

 

“I-I’m fine, it’s not me !”

 

“Taemin-ah, breathe.” Jinki spoke up, approaching the phone his member was handing him. “You were only out to walk Kibum’s dogs and— oh no. Lee Taemin, don’t tell me you lost one of them.”

 

“It’s n-not my fault, I p-promise…! C-Commes Des escaped and I can’t find him in the square !”

 

 

 

***

 


	16. Fresh start

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning : anxiety attack scene.

_**16\. Fresh start** _

 

 

 

With the several present persons watching them, Jinki and Minho were trotting around in the square next to their dorm, looking for their maknae. As soon as the latter had told them he had lost one of the puppies they had been asked to look after for a few days, both men had rushed to put their shoes on and had ignored their cars, running instead. 

 

The rapper sighed : they was no sign of Taemin although they told him not to move until they arrived to him. Taking his phone out of his pocket, he started dialing his boyfriend’s number in a hurry when his leader caught his arm.

 

 

“There he is.” He said, pointing at the youngest of them who was running around in the grass with Garçons’ leash in the hand, the black puppy following him as fast as he could.

 

“Will he listen to us one day ?”

 

 

Minho gave a small tap on Jinki’s shoulder as he started running towards the third man. When Taemin noticed us, hope enlightened his whole face whose cheeks and nose were red because of both cold and effort. 

 

 

“Hyungs !” He called them as he stopped in front of the tallest man, putting his hand on his shoulder and catching his breath back.

 

“Breathe, breathe. We told you to wait for us, and here we find you, running as if the Devil was behind you.” The leader said, patting his friend’s back.

 

“The Devil… will be a kitty… next to Kibum hyung… if he finds out…”

 

“He won’t find anything out, so take a deep breath and calm down.” Minho said as he took the leash out of his boyfriend’s hands, catching the small dog in his arms and holding him against his chest, inside his coat. “We’ll find him, Comme Des isn’t a runaway pup. He must have smell something or whatever… But if you keep moving, he may not find you again if he looks for you too, do you understand what I’m saying ?”

 

 

Taemin nodded and breathed slowly, accepting the bottle of water his leader was handing him as he took a few mouthfuls. He had indeed spent fifteen minutes running in the square looking for the brown poodle and he had been so worried that he had almost forgot that his brother was following him.

 

Even though he had obeyed Kibum by get both puppies dressed so they wouldn’t feel the cold too much, Garçons was still a bit weak as he was recovering from his previous sickness, and running this way had exhausted him. The poodle was now resting inside Minho’s jacket, while the rapper was rubbing his hair.

 

 

“Fine, we’re going to split.” Jinki said. “Where did you lose sight of him ?”

 

“It happened just over there, near the three trees.” The maknae explained. “We were about to go home and I was adjusting Garçons’ clothes when Comme Des started barking and he ran away. I was holding the leash but it really surprised me so I let it go !”

 

“Alright, it was just an accident, so stop worrying. The square isn’t that big, and I doubt he would leave it if his attention has just been drawn by something here.”

 

“I will stay here with Garçons.” Minho decided. “The poor boy ran enough for today, and someone has to stand still if his brother decides to come back, so he will recognize me.”

 

“Let’s do this way. Taemin, there is no need to run, okay ? Just look in the bushes, next to the river too.”

 

“Oh my God, what if he got caught in some brambles or went on the frozen water ?” The youngest man started panicking.

 

“Breathe, Taemin, listen to me. Nothing will happen to you because we’re going to find him. So you’re going to go to the right, starting from where Minho is, and just walk and call for Comme Des. If you meet people, ask them if they have seen him. I will go left. Let’s call each other on the phone if someone finds him, got it ?”

 

 

The two other men nodded and while Minho went to sit on a bench, keeping the black poodle warm and staring towards both sides of the square, the leader and the maknae split to seek each on their way. It was the first time they lost one of the five dogs they owned, but it was also the first time Kibum had left his to them ; Jinki could understand why Taemin was feeling so worried.

 

It wasn’t like the Almighty would kill him if they wouldn’t find Comme Des, but bitterness would be unavoidable. His puppies were like his children, he loved them so much that loosing one this way, while he’s not there, would sadden him more than anything else at the moment. Furthermore, he would have struggles to trust them again about it, and Jinki couldn’t let this happen.

 

Trust had already been broken once between Kibum and one of the four other members, that couldn’t happen again and even less with Taemin being the one loosing his hyung’s trust. That would destroy both of them and let a scar that would never disappear even if they reconciled.

 

As he was walking in the snow, the leader was calling the puppy with his clear voice when he saw someone waving at him with both arms in a distance. Squinting, he recognized a woman who seemed young, and after checking behind him to see if she wasn’t making a sign towards someone else, he understood it was for him.

 

The young woman was now waving her left arm while pointing at something with her right hand. As he approached her more and more, Jinki finally heard that she was calling him by his stage name and the politeness particle added to it, understanding she was one of their fans. But she didn’t seem to call him for an autograph or whatever, there was worry on her face.

 

 

“Onew-ssi !” She called once again and bowed as he finally reached her. “We heard you were looking for Kibum-ssi’s dog with Minho-ssi and Taemim-ssi !”

 

“That’s right, he escaped and we need to find him.” Jinki confirmed as he bowed in his turn. “Have you seen him by any chance ? It’s Comme Des, the brown one.”

 

“Yes ! We’re trying to reach him but he seems really afraid and can’t move.”

 

“What ? Please lead me to him.”

 

 

The fan nodded and walked back to where she was coming from, following her own foot prints in the snow. The leader followed her until they reached a small group of young women, kneeling on the snow at the river’s edge. As he approached them, Jinki’s eyes widened : just as Taemin had feared it, the small dog had walked on the ice and was like paralyzed in the middle of it, whining.

 

 

“For God’s sake…” The leader mumbled as he caught his phone to call Minho. “Yeah, it’s me. I found him, he’s stuck on the frozen stream. I will need team work. … I’m not alone, I’m with fans right now, they found him for us, they’re amazing. But if I have to go and pick him, I don’t want them to put a single foot on the ice. Please call Taemin and come as fast as possible.”

 

 

As he hung up and put his phone in his pocket, Jinki asked the several fans to step backwards for their own security, what they obeyed without any hesitation. He then asked if one of them could be on the lookout and make his members understand that they had to come this way ; two girls accepted and ran to be noticeable by Minho and Taemin.

 

Slowly, the leader kneeled on the edge of the frozen water, checking with his hand if it was thick enough to walk on it : it wasn’t. The ice slightly cracked when he pushed his hand a bit too strongly against it. It could support a puppy’s weight but definitely not his.

 

 

“What would Kibum do, what would Kibum do…” He was mumbling to himself, knowing that even though it was his puppy, the rapper wouldn’t panic and would think straight to find a way to reach him. “Hey, Comme Des-yah, look who’s there. Yes, it’s uncle Jinki ! Will you come to me ?”

 

 

Jinki stretched his arms towards the dog, but he only got another high-pitched whine and the poodle didn’t move. Studying the area, the leader understood none of them would be able to just kneel and reach him with a hand. The stream wasn’t that wide but Comme Des was almost on its other edge, and there was no other way to reach him than to walk on the ice.

 

The river wasn’t that deep though…

 

 

“Hyung, we’re here !” He heard Minho’s voice and turned his head towards him. “Goodness, why did he go there…”

 

“I don’t know, but we’ll have to walk to him if we want to pick him, he won’t move at all. His paws are sliding.” The leader stated.

 

“It’s my mistake, I’ll go.” Taemin suddenly said, making a step towards the river. “It’s not deep, even if my feet go through the ice, I’ll be in my depths.”

 

“That’s not the problem, Taemin. I think that if you break the ice, it will break under Comme Des too and he’s too afraid to swim right now.”

 

“We don’t have a choice, hyung… We’ll have to be fast.” Minho said. “I will go, sorry Taemin but we know the power of your hands.”

 

 

Despite the situation, fans laughed behind them, what made them smile a bit. The rapper put the black poodle in the maknae’s arms and slowly came close to the river. Jinki stayed at the edge and held his hand : the most far Minho would put his foot, the most close to the puppy he would be. He needed to have his leader holding him so he could control his balance.

 

 

“Ahhh, Comme Des-yah, why did you put us in such an awkward situation in front of our fans, huh ?” The rapper laughed before he raised his leg, breathing out and putting his foot as far as possible but without making it touch the ice, holding onto Jinki’s hand with strength.

 

 

He only grazed the ice and made his foot slide a bit further away ; thanks God he had long legs ! When he knew he couldn’t go further, he warned his leader and put his foot on the ice. Instantly, the ice broke and his shoe dug in the cold water, making him gasp. But he didn’t wait more because just as Jinki had said it, the ice was too thin and so was breaking around Minho’s foot.

 

Letting his elder’s hand go, he caught his balance back as he literally broke the ice himself with his other foot, quickly making a second big step towards Comme Des. Behind him, the fans let a gasp out when the pup fell into water as ice broke under him as expected, but it only lasted a second, the rapper grabbing him and immediately holding him in his coat. 

 

Swearing because of the cold water in his shoes, Minho quickly reached the river’s edge back where he was welcomed by the fans applauding him. He couldn’t help but smile at the situation and started to laugh, soon imitated by Jinki and Taemin. What a story to tell to Kibum ! Well, no, it was better for them not to tell him anything.

 

Before the rapper’s toes would start freezing, the three men warmly thanked the young women and before they went back home, they took the time to take a group picture with them, making them promise not to tell about the issue with Kibum’s puppy if they wanted to post it online.

 

 

 

Minho sighed as he let his head rest on the top of the sofa’s back, his bare feet now immersed in a bucket filled with lukewarm water. Rolled into a ball on his lap, Garçons was recovering from that unusual walk thanks to a good nap, and the rapper was softly petting him.

 

As Jinki came back in the living room after he gave a bath to Comme Des, warming him and making him feel comfortable again, the puppy was following him and he jumped on his knees as soon as the leader sat in the armchair.

 

 

“This was the most interesting emergency I had to face, to be honest.” He said, laughing as he let the poodle lie on him to rest just like his brother. 

 

“Well, it was like an adventure. We better see it that way, the boys are safe and it’s all that matters.” Minho answered, smiling and keeping his eyes closed. “Where’s Taemin ?”

 

“In his room, he feels guilty and he wants a moment alone to think about it.”

 

“I’ll go to him, he must have been afraid to death, thinking he wouldn’t find Key’s son.”

 

“He was really more scared about Kibum’s reaction than about the actual state of Comme Des, you know. He thought he was going to be killed.”

 

“Understandable. You and I perfectly know he would have been.”

 

“Yup.”

 

“But we saved him. We saved Comme Des and Taemin, both Key’s children, we’re true heroes.”

 

“Give me five, mate.”

 

 

Laughing, the leader and the rapper stretched their arms and made a high five before the youngest of them caught a towel to dry his feet. With careful hands, he put the asleep black poodle on the sofa and stood up, going to empty the bucket before knowing at Taemin’s door. 

 

When he entered the room and closed behind him, Minho smiled as he saw his boyfriend, sitting against the headboard with his earphones on. That was something proper to the maknae : locking himself in music and hard thinking about his mistakes, even when those _mistakes_ were only seen by himself.

 

As he sat on the bed next to him, the rapper softly took the devices off of Taemin’s ears and put them aside, looking at him.

 

 

“Baby, the story is done now.” He whispered. “You don’t have to blame yourself anymore.”

 

“I know but… what if we hadn’t find him in time, find him at all ? Key hyung would have hated me so much…” The youngest man said, lowering his eyes.

 

“Maybe, but you can’t go on in life with only some _if_. Everything’s fine now, so please don’t rub it in. You had the best reaction when you called us, and see ? Even our fans helped you. Key won’t know about what happened so you don’t risk anything.”

 

“If you say so…”

 

“I think you need something to perk you up, don’t you ?”

 

“Minho, I don’t really feel like fucking right now.”

 

“You’re disappointing. Am I only a piece of meat to you ? Am I some steak ? Would you rather have me bloody or medium rare ? Maybe raw ?”

 

 

The rapper pretended to be mad by doing a sort of pout, but since his aegyos were so bad, it only made Taemin laugh. His face seemed to brighten a bit as his almond shaped eyes had their tiny glow back in.

 

 

“I wasn’t going to propose that. Not when the sun’s still up.” Minho winked at him. “But I think there is a movie that’s out since yesterday, a movie you wanted to watch with me.”

 

“Do you really mean it ? Don’t play with me, I know you don’t like that kind of movies.” His boyfriend said, gently hitting him. “You’re not into Marvel.”

 

“Well, you know, I can make some efforts when you’re feeling down.”

 

“You’re serious ? You will come to watch _Black Panther_ with me ?”

 

“If it can make you smile, I will even twice. And Jinki hyung will have a moment alone, he will appreciate it. Should we check the hours ?”

 

 

Minho smiled as he took his phone out to do what he had just said, Taemin coming closer to him to choose too. His eyes weren’t moody anymore, his boyfriend knew exactly how to motivate him and it was something he was really thankful for. Of course the rapper was like that with absolutely everyone he knew, but it was slightly different with him.

 

It was only because it was him that he was accepting to watch some movie he wouldn’t usually watch. Was that the well known _power of love_ Kibum was always ranting about ? Because if it was that, Taemin was ready to sign for it. Twice.

 

 

 

____________________

 

 

 

Jonghyun raised his eyebrows, his eyes leaving the words on his book to look at the bleached haired man’s head on his lap. He wasn’t sure he had heard right… but if he had, it had been so sudden that his brain was having a dysfunction.

 

 

“Excuse me… can you please repeat what you just said ?” He asked, his voice low and calm.

 

“I… I wanted to know if you would like to move in with me.” Kibum repeated, still avoiding his eyes by staring at the flames dancing in the hearth. 

 

 

The singer allowed himself a short moment to say the words once again in his mind and to think about them. He had heard right, his lover had in a way asked him to come back in his life. He would have liked to yell that he deeply wanted to, yes, but it was like no word could escape his lips right now. His heartbeat was increasing and his silence ended up making Kibum feel awkward.

 

The latter cleared his throat and straightened up to sit, then he moved on the sofa to kneel, sitting on his own feet and putting his clenched fists on his thighs. Jonghyun put his open book on his lap and turned his head towards him, his lips half-open as if he was trying to say something that wasn’t coming.

 

 

“I know it’s a bit sudden but… I actually have this question in mind for days now, even weeks.” The rapper said as he adjusted his headscarf. “And today just confirmed what I want for a long time now…”

 

“What is it…?” The now black haired man asked, immediately wanting to slap himself for asking such a stupid question.

 

“Before everything happened between us, last year, I was thinking about you to move in my apartment, to leave the dorm and live with me. Of course I didn’t want that anymore after the incident.”

 

“The incident… Baby, it wasn’t just an incident, it—”

 

“Let me speak, please. It was an incident, and I mean it.”

 

 

Kibum clenched his fists even more on his thighs, staring at them before looking up. The singer tilt his head to the side, inviting him to go on. He knew the youngest male by heart, enough to know that he was trying to express the depths of his feelings, something he had always had difficulties to.

 

But when he decided to express them, it was better to let him speak everything he wanted to even if it took an entire hour. It was necessary to give him the time he needed, and Jonghyun was a patient and in love man.

 

 

“I… I was really surprised when you took me here, I wasn’t expecting that much.” Kibum continued, trying to find his courage in his lover’s eyes. “Since we arrived, it has been as if I was being confirmed about something I realized myself : I want to have a house life with you.”

 

“Do you ?” The singer asked.

 

“Yes, I do. I just enjoyed so much the way we ate together, did the dishes… it was funny and I felt happier than ever only by playing with you like that. I was feeling our bond again and it was so enough for me to wish it would last forever. Then we went upstairs, we made love… we slept together… I found my little spoon back and it was so relieving. And this morning, I was so happy to cook breakfast for just the two of us, waiting for you to come back.”

 

“So I’m the little spoon. My masculine dignity is hurt.”

 

“This is the only thing you retain ? Don’t be silly, we’re both a big and a little spoon at the same time. There is no role between us and that’s what I love the most about our couple.”

 

“You… Kibum-ah, did you just say the word _couple_ ?”

 

“I did. Yes I did. Because… Because that’s what we are or… what I want us to be again. I want to be your boyfriend and I want you to be mine… I want you back, I want _us_ back.”

 

 

Jonghyun kept speechless a few seconds, and when his lover offered him a shy but so singer smile, he put his book away and caught him into a warm embrace. Their bodies met in an explosion of feelings and they hugged each other so tight, Kibum holding on the singer’s shirt while the latter had a hand on his back and the other one on his nape. 

 

They could feel each other’s heart jumping in their respective ribcage with the same rhythm, just like the real soulmates they were. Their hearts, who had known such a cold winter for months, were now rising again together as spring had come for them. And with it, Jonghyun’s most precious diamond had been repaired from its tiny fissure.

 

 

“Is it a yes…?” The rapper whispered, slowly moving backwards to look at his lover.

 

“My love…” The singer said with the same tone, caressing the other’s cheek. “Will you be my boyfriend again ? Will you be mine just like I’m yours for years and until forever ?”

 

“Will you ?”

 

“I will. My heart is yours, and so is my life.”

 

“Then mine are yours.”

 

“I love you, Kibum, I love you…”

 

“I love you too, Jonghyun… I never stopped loving you. You’re the man of my life and I need you by my side.”

 

“I will always be by your side, you have my word. Even if my body isn’t always there, my soul will always be. I will love you even at times when you won’t love yourself. I will always be the love you need to feel happy. Please always know that I’m here. Always. I’m here always.”

 

“I’m here always.”

 

 

To seal their improvised vows, both lovers approached each other and Kibum was the one who captured Jonghyun’s lips, closing his eyes and making sure to put all the love he was feeling in the depths of his body and soul through that one kiss. 

 

This kiss was the promise, the promise to start again. It was the first gesture of the fresh start they both wanted and were waiting for for too long. 

 

Nothing could separate them again.

 

 

 

 

 

The moon was high in the night sky when Kibum woke up, startled by a too familiar sound. As he opened his eyes and straightened up under the winter blanket, he squinted when he noticed the half open door letting artificial light reach the bed. The noise was becoming clearer second by second, coming from the inside of the bathroom, and the rapper pushed the sheets away as he stood up without taking the time to put his slippers on nor his dressing gown. 

 

With his eyes now wide open, he reached the door and pulled it before he rushed to kneel behind Jonghyun, who was kneeling himself next to the bathtub, holding with both his hands to its edge. His breath was short, his eyes closed and his eyebrows furrowed, as his head and bare upper body were covered with a thin layer of sweat.

 

Kibum put his hand on the trembling shoulder, softly caressing it as he positioned himself on the side so he could pulled his boyfriend towards him. Making him let the bathtub go without hurrying him, he held him with an arm on his back as his free hand moved the wet bangs away from the singer’s forehead.

 

 

“I’m here with you, love…” The rapper whispered, stretching his arm to open the cupboard under the sink and grabbing a washcloth. “Everything’s fine, take your time, you’re not alone.”

 

 

As he kept whispering supporting and comforting words, Kibum slid on his own butt to reach the bathtub’s tap without letting Jonghyun fall from his arm. Opening it, he humidified the cloth with cold water and wrung it with one hand before putting it on and tenderly moping the singer’s forehead.

 

It had become an automatic reflex, so much that the bleached hair man’s gestures were precise and gentle, his hands weren’t trembling at all nor did he sweat because of worry. His lover was subjected to anxiety attacks for so many years now that he knew exactly how to handle the situation ; but this time was one of the worst, since Jonghyun had certainly been woken up by the attack itself.

 

It wasn’t like the _usual_ ones he could kind of feel coming, it was the ones that would come when he was the most vulnerable. Waking up with the feeling that everything around you is oppressing, with the impression your lungs are emptying themselves and your trachea is stuck by something, was only adding fear to the already fixed anxiety. The black haired man would always take more time to recover, because he had to literally wake up before trying to calm down.

 

It was indeed as if he hadn’t the time to properly wake up, and it could often be felt as if he was still asleep but doing a nightmare. That was what he had explained to Kibum after the latter had witnessed his first night attack : it was difficult for him to become aware that it wasn’t a nightmare, that he was awake and it was real. Once he would realize it, it would take him the usual time to slowly calm down, with the help of his boyfriend’s presence.

 

Given that his breath wasn’t coming back to normal nor lowering at all, it was exactly what was happening : Jonghyun was thinking he was still asleep, although he had stood up and walked to the bathroom. 

 

 

“Honey, honey.” Kibum said, raising a bit his voice as he kept moping the sweating torso. “Please open your eyes, look at me. You can do it, just look at me, see I’m really here in front of you.”

 

 

Between his short and painful exhalations, the singer frowned more for a second, before his hand moved to catch his boyfriend’s arm. The latter let him do and put his hand on his, caressing it.

 

 

“See ? You can feel I’m touching you. Please open your eyes, it’s not a nightmare, love… I’m here with you, I’m not a dream, I’m your reality.”

 

 

The sound of Kibum’s voice added to his gentle touches started to make Jonghyun realize everything was real, and as he slowly opened his eyes, a sudden cough made his body jump forwards and bump into the other male’s chest. But his breath still wasn’t stabilizing and the rapper tenderly pushed him backwards to put both his hands on his cheeks.

 

 

“Look at me, baby look at me.” He said, caressing the raven haired male’s cheekbones as the latter was opening his eyes again. “It’s me, it’s Kibummie. You’re doing well, you’re doing just fine. Let it out, it’s okay, I’m here.”

 

 

As he made sure not to lose the eye contact with Jonghyun, Kibum smiled to him and supported him through his words and thumb’s gestures on his cheeks. The singer’s hands were holding onto the rapper’s arms, and after a few minutes of whispered words and caresses, his grasp started loosening.

 

His inhalations slowly went longer, reaching his exhalations’ rhythm as both were starting to be deeper. Kibum stared at his eyes and breathed in and out himself, beginning a relaxed rhythm for Jonghyun to follow him. It took a few minutes more but the singer ended up synchronizing his breath with the bleached hair man’s, until he was able to breathe alone. 

 

Closing his eyes and his dry lips, he inhaled with his nose instead while his heartbeat was coming back to normal with time.

 

 

 

“There… Take it easy, my love.” Kibum whispered. “I’m proud of you, now breathe at your rhythm.”

 

 

As he let Jonghyun leaned against the sink furniture, the rapper kissed his forehead and stood up to close the bathtub’s plughole before letting warm water flow out of the tap. This wasn’t something he was doing for a long time, it had been a wild idea he had had one of those nights his boyfriend had an anxiety attack. 

 

Even though the singer would have calmed down, it would still remain difficult for him to go back to sleep right after. But Kibum hated to let him wandering in the dorm or sit somewhere, staring into space until he would feel like sleeping. It was’t good for him with his mental troubles, and the rapper had had the idea to make his body relax before going back to sleep.

 

He was the kind of man who was believing in some maxims, and there was a Latin one that said “mens sana in corpore sano”, a healthy soul in a healthy body. So he had believed that helping Jonghyun’s body to relax would also make his mind relax, enough to be able to sleep again before the sun would rise.

 

After a few minutes, the bathtub was fulfilled, and the Almighty opened several cupboards until he found his treasure : bubble bath. It could sound childish, but he wasn’t using it for its good scent or benefits ; he was using it for the bubbles. Because Kim Jonghyun was crazy over bubbles. He found them beautifully poetic with their usual perfect round shape but still so fragile. It was like he found himself in a bubble : showing something perfect from the outside but remaining sensitive and breakable.

 

And to be honest, the singer was often in his own little bubble… so it was just _him_.

 

Once the water was covered with foam, Kibum took his boyfriend’s hands and helped him to stand up, then to get rid of his pajamas pants. Taking his own pajamas off, he entered first in the hot bath without letting the thick hands go, and supported Jonghyun until he also had his legs immersed under water. 

 

They slowly sat together, the Almighty leaning against the bottom of the tube as he made the singer lean against his torso, spreading his legs on either side of his. Jonghyun closed his eyes and let his head fall backwards, resting on his boyfriend’s shoulder ; as an answer, Kibum slightly tilt his head to the side so his temple would touch the other’s forehead.

 

They kept quiet for a moment, holding hands on the singer’s stomach as the rapper’s free hand was raised to caress the other male’s hair. Both their breath were calm, slow, and when Jonghyun moved his fingers to caress his lover’s, the latter turned his head to look at him.

 

 

“Thank you…” The raven haired man whispered.

 

“What for ?” Kibum asked, smiling as he put a soft kiss on Jonghyun’s eyebrow.

 

“For being there even in the worst moments…”

 

“It wouldn’t be right if I was there only during good times, love. Did you already forget what I told you earlier ? I’m here always.”

 

“I don’t deserve you.”

 

“Do you want me to slap the shit out of you ? Then just repeat that.”

 

 

Jonghyun couldn’t help but let a small laugh out, his deep yet sweet voice making his lover smile and hug him.

 

 

“Please never say things like that. You deserve so much things I wished I could give them all to you myself.” He said. “You deserve me, of course you do. Why would you have worked so hard to get me back if you didn’t ?”

 

“It’s true that I worked really hard, you’re not an easy man.” The singer teased him, receiving a hiss and a threatening hand in front of his face.

 

“Say that to Taemin. That brat always says I’m easy.”

 

“Because you are when it’s him. Should I feel jealous ?”

 

“Not at all, you’re the only one to me.”

 

 

Jonghyun smiled and turned his head to steal a kiss to the other male, who slowly pushed him forwards to make them sit properly. Then the rapper put his hands on his lover’s shoulders and started massaging them with soft yet precise gestures. The singer let a small sigh out as he lowered his head to offer his nape.

 

He could shout it from the rooftops, Kibum’s massages were the best he had ever received. He could beg on his knees for them — and he actually did once, when the Almighty was playing the guy who wasn’t feeling like it. He had ended up doing it so.

 

 

“I didn’t know you would be so stressed by the idea of moving in with me.” The rapper said, smiling.

 

“Me neither.” Jonghyun smiled in his turn. “My subconscious must know the trap I just accepted to fall in.”

 

“What trap ? I’m such a good house man ! But of course you’ll have chores to do too.”

 

“Here we are. The trap.”

 

“You stupid head.” Kibum laughed and pressed his lips against the other’s nape. “Tell me… you’re sure you’re ready to live alone ? Well, with me, but you know…”

 

“Don’t worry about that. It will be strange not to see four faces every morning, but it will be just fine to see _you_. The boys will understand.”

 

“And we will invite them often, right ? Your mom and sister too.”

 

“Will we ?”

 

“Of course. Like family dinners. But it can turn into some drinking spree if we let the boys come at the same time, so let just do intimate parties with them. Your mom doesn’t have to see us drunk.”

 

“Hell no.”

 

 

Both lovers spoke about the proposal and its consequences for a long time, until the water cooled down enough for them to crave the warmth of their bed. Even there, they kept talking and organizing everything in their head… they couldn’t even say if they were still talking when they fell asleep.

 

 

 

_____________________

 

 

 

“Happy housewarming ~”

 

 

Both Taemin and Minho shouted as the latter opened the bottle of champagne above the flutes, its cork bouncing against the ceiling before falling on the floor. Laughing and applauding, the five men waited until they all had their own glass in hand, clinking them.

 

 

“You took your time to organise that ! Jonghyun moved in a month ago already.” Taemin stated after he quickly counted on his fingers.

 

“Well, a housewarming is something that has to be precisely prepared.” Kibum retorted, drinking and adjusting his pastel pink bangs. “We wanted to do the first one with our family, then a second one with the three of you.”

 

“Oh, your parents came already ? I thought we were waiting for them.”

 

“Please, babe.” Minho laughed. “We’ll certainly end this evening drunk on the floor, do you really think they want their mothers to see that ?”

 

“Anyway, let’s celebrate ! I hope your moving him will be the beginning of a long couple life for you !” Jinki said. “It’s really touching, you know. It feels as if I just let my own children leave me.”

 

“Will you cry, old man ?!”

 

 

The leader pretended to burst into tears and to drown his sorrows, making everyone laugh before inflamed talks began.

 

It had been a month, indeed, since Jonghyun had moved in with Kibum. He had first been afraid of only one thing : that Roo wouldn’t get used to the new home. But everything had gone just fine, and even though she was often coming to her dad for rescue when the Almighty’s puppies were playing to hard next to her… she seemed happy.

 

They actually all seemed happy, Kibum was shining every single day and was enjoying the couple house life so much it also made Jonghyun shine. It was like they were each other’s light, and this new situation was suiting them, so much than their close friends had noticed it and pointed it out to them.

 

But it was only the beginning, right ?

 

 

 

***

 


	17. Epilogue

_**Epilogue** _

 

 

 

When the hosts of the show pronounced their group’s name, three men came out of the backstage area, waving at the audience applauding him in rhythm with their debut song playing in the background. They stood before the rows of seats, each one in front of the cushion that would be their seat for the time of the show.

 

 

“One, two three… Hello, we’re shining SHINee !” The men said together as they bowed and did their feature fist gesture.

 

“Hello everyone, I am leader Onew, thank you for welcoming us on _Hello Counselor_.”

 

“Hello, I’m SHINee’s Minho, please welcome us well.”

 

“I’m SHINee’s maknae, Taemin ! Oh, and hello.”

 

 

The maknae’s mistake made the entire audience laugh, along with the hosts and two other guests. When they were invited to, the three members sat cross-legged each on his cushion, before the main host started speaking with them to introduce them to everyone.

 

 

“It’s not the first time SHINee members come here to give their wise advices to our participants.” He said. “But today, we could only have three of them with us !”

 

“We used to meet Jonghyun and Key on other episodes, I think Jonghyun came twice ?” A woman asked, looking at her colleagues and the members.

 

“Ahh yes, Jonghyun came with Minho and me once.” Jinki said. “He also came with Key and Taemin on another episode.”

 

“Didn’t he come with you the day you fell when you went to give the cheque to our winner ?”

 

 

The leader laughed and lowered his head at the memory, while everyone laughed around him.

 

 

“I hope you didn’t get hurt too much that time though !” The woman continued, smiling at him but Jinki wasn’t the type to get mad about it. “Well, do we know why we couldn’t have the two other members with us today ?”

 

“Maybe they don’t like us.” The other host laughed.

 

“No, it really isn’t that.” Minho said, smiling. “They had personal schedules overseas this week so they couldn’t attend this show with us.”

 

“Ah, I see, I see. Let’s send them a lot of support with their own things then. Before we introduce our other guests, maybe you can tell us some words about SHINee’s last comeback ?”

 

“Yes !”

 

 

Jinki cleared his throat and started introducing their sixth Korean mini-album they had released a few days ago after two entire months of preparation, on the day of their anniversary. This was the first time all five members had personally put their own composing and producing skills in an album : with a total six songs written and composed by Jonghyun, there was one song per member and one song for the whole group.

 

Each member had participated with the singer in the lyrics writing of the song that was dedicated to him. They had chosen to create an album that would represent SHINee and each one of his members through a song whose genre would be chosen by them. The album itself hadn’t a single genre, it was like a collection of them, with the goal of representing each member’s personality.

 

The title track was of course the song about SHINee as a group, with a music video that was showing them sitting in a living room and looking at old pictures and videos together, smiling, laughing and playing with each other.

 

The live promotions had just ended with a lot of winnings on musical show, and now it was time for the members to participate in some variety shows to promote their album. The first show was _Hello Counselor_ , and it would be the only one with only three members, since both Jonghyun and Kibum would come back home two days after.

 

It had actually been like a miracle for us to be able to do that trip in the middle of their promotions…

 

 

 

___________________

 

 

 

 

Thousands kilometers away from Korea, Kibum was changing his clothes in the locker room of a small photography studio that had welcomed him and the staff of Grazia Korea Magazine for two days of shooting for the magazine’s upcoming July issue. The last day was now over with the last pictures, and the Almighty left the photographers and other staff members, thanking them countless time before going out of the place.

 

He stared at his watch ; he wasn’t late, he had time to join his lover without rushing himself. Smiling, he turned his map application on his phone and typed the address where he was supposed to meet Jonghyun.

 

_Rialto bridge, Venice._

 

Yes, Kibum had had the opportunity to make a shooting in one of the places he wanted to visit the most : Venice, Italia. And as if it wasn’t a good enough chance, their manager had had to stay in Korea for the promotions of their album, so he had to be replaced… by a member. None of them knew it was even possible, but it happened : Jonghyun went to Venice with the Almighty to replace their manager. 

 

Now that his official work was over, he had one day left before he would go back home… and he wanted to spend this day with his boyfriend, wandering in the streets under the spring sun. After all, wasn’t Venice the city of lovers ?

 

As soon as he arrived at the meeting place, he stopped a moment to look for Jonghyun among the people there. How would he be able to find such a tiny person when there were so much tourists everywhere ?! Kibum was about to rant when an arm embraced his waist from behind.

 

 

“I think you were looking for me.” The singer said, appearing next to his love. “Here I am.”

 

“You scared me ! I was ready to hit you !” The other man whined.

 

“Thanks God you didn’t ! Hit your boyfriend in Venice, that would be such a shame. How was you shooting ?”

 

“Very good. We went in some streets where absolutely no one goes, and it’s even more beautiful than the touristic places… It’s colorful, it calm and the architecture is sublime.”

 

“Really ? Then what do you think about going there again but with me ? We’ll be hidden from the entire world, it does sound interesting.”

 

“Hmm… I’m in, but I have a condition.”

 

“Oh, please tell me.”

 

 

Kibum smiled and opened his luxurious handbag, taking his pearl aqua Polaroid out of it.

 

 

“We’ll take a lot of pictures !” He said with a huge smile.

 

“Sweet Jesus ! Kim Kibum, taking pictures ?! Who could have imagined such a th—”

 

 

Jonghyun was interrupted by his lover hitting his shoulder, making him laugh before he just grabbed his hand and pulled him with him through the crowd. Both men did their best to escape the touristic places, following their GPS until they arrived in a distant part of the famous city, made of small streets bordered by water. 

 

It was wonderful, and wilderness. While hundreds of people, not to say thousands, were suffocating between each other to visit the most famous places, these lovely streets were empty and it was exactly what both men loved. Once there wasn’t a lot of persons around them, Jonghyun interlaced their fingers as they walked along the houses and flats, along the old ports’ pontoons.

 

Kibum was taking a lot of pictures with his phone, but he was always taking his Polaroid to make the special ones, the ones he wanted to keep in his hands. A lot of them were pictures go Jonghyun, and not only when he was looking at him. The singer was actually enjoying every little thing he found, from this date engraved on a wall to that superb statue made of bronze. 

 

Seeing his eyes sparkling was enough to make the rapper happy : fact was that when himself had some opportunities to go overseas, like shootings or fashion weeks, Jonghyun didn’t. He would leave South Korea only for their schedules as a group, but he wasn’t having a lot of vacations. 

 

Kibum could clearly remember when they had done this show that had sent them overseas for single-handed holiday. He had been so surprised that his boyfriend had chosen to go to Japan when they had gone a lot of times already. But his reason was so pure he had in the end found it lovely : the singer wanted to discover their second work-country, in another way than for work. 

 

Even when they would have gone overseas for concerts, like in America, Jonghyun hadn’t often left the hotel to wander around with Kibum. But the rapper could understand it : the unknown could be terrified, especially for a person like his boyfriend. Thus, he had never forced him, and it had been a truly good surprise when he had proposed himself to go with him to Venice.

 

It was like a romantic trip, in a romantic city… he loved that.

 

It felt like a honeymoon.

 

 

 

 

 

After hours wandering in the old streets and some shops, both men had come back to their hotel where they had a delicious Italian dinner. Jonghyun had made his boyfriend blush when he had told him his Alfredo pasta tasted better, while Kibum had asked in English for the recipe of the dish he had ordered. 

 

The rapper had always been like that : he loved to discover foreign gastronomy and then try the recipes once he would go back home. And it was for his members and friends’ great pleasure, since he would always cook for them, not only for himself. 

 

The night had fallen on Venice for a few hours already, and Kibum had fallen asleep on the bed. The weather was so nice during spring that they didn’t need any sheet, and the man was lying on his side, only wearing a oversized T-shirt and his boxers. Jonghyun loved to look at him sleeping, especially when he had his legs without any clothes.

 

He adored Kibum’s legs, and he had no idea why. They were just beautiful and inspiring. But at the moment, what was inspiring him in the middle of the night was the Italian sky. 

 

Staring at the window as he was sitting on the end of the bed, the singer wasn’t moving at all, only looking at this huge dark sheet with so much white points on it. It was fascinating. Stars were fascinating him so much, but the thing he was literally in love with was the moon.

 

And she — he would never use _it_ to talk about the moon — was actually beautiful. White, shining, not full yet but her shape seemed perfect whatever her phase was to Jonghyun. Succumbing to the tentation, he stood up and walked to the window, opening it and resting his elbows on its rim.

 

Looking up, he stared at her for a long time, letting his mind open and travel.

 

 

“You can’t sleep…?” Kibum’s voice suddenly called him, making him turn over.

 

“Hmm ? I couldn’t. Did I wake you ?” The singer said as he closed the window before he went to sit on the bed next to his boyfriend, caressing his cheek.

 

“Not you, the wind… It’s late, honey, everything’s alright…?”

 

“Yes, I promise. You don’t have to worry, I’m feeling well tonight. I was just looking at the sky.”

 

“Is it different from home…?”

 

 

Smiling, Jonghyun turned his head towards the window for some seconds before looking at the half asleep man under him.

 

 

“It’s strange but yes. It feels like it’s not the same sky, not the same stars… but it’s the same moon.” He said. “She’s still the moon I love.”

 

“You could feel at home anywhere in the world as long as she’s above you, right ?” The rapper smiled in his turn, taking the other man’s hand in his.

 

“I think so. But I would feel lost if I was alone in some foreign country with a cloudy sky. And… I’m a home lover.”

 

“Yes you are. Yet you came here with me.”

 

“Because it was you. You’re my second moon, or maybe she’s my second Kibum ? Wherever I am, as long as you’re with me, I will feel at home.”

 

“Really…?”

 

“Yes. You’re my home.”

 

“Just come here…”

 

 

Kibum stretched his arm and his lover smiled, removing his glasses before joining him on the bed. Just in case, he caught the sheet and covered their legs with it as he lied on his back, letting the rapper approach him and cuddle on his torso. He embraced him with his arm, holding him against him as he put his free hand behind his own head, staring at the ceiling.

 

 

“It will be our anniversary soon…” The youngest male whispered, closing his eyes as he was slowly falling asleep again.

 

“Yes, June 17th…” Jonghyun said with the same tone.

 

“We’re getting so old…”

 

“You’re tired, sweetheart. Sleep, I’ll stay with you.”

 

“Hmm…”

 

 

The room became silent, and the singer kept looking at the ceiling as he caressed his boyfriend’s back, rocking him to sleep. After some minutes, he smiled and closed his eyes, a small laugh escaping his throat.

 

 

“Why are you laughing…?” The rapper asked, still not sleeping.

 

 

Jonghyun laughed once again and as he tighten his embrace around his love’s waist, slightly moving on the mattress to nestle his nose in the pink hair, he pronounced the most beautiful words Kibum could hear from him.

 

 

**“I’m happy.” Kim Jonghyun said, smiling.**

 

 

 

 

 

_The End_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this story, please tell me what you thought about it. <3


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